I write detailed graphic gay erotica but I don’t want to fuck men. What’s with that?

[Bill_Doubleu]

"I like your intention on this post of using it as a form of self therapy." I feel that these forums are very therapeutic. One way to describe therapy is 'getting located in reality', learning the ropes, and how to navigate our feelings - Hopefully to live a happy life. 12-step programs can be very useful to this end. Simply confessing where you're at and receiving other perspectives, and "this is what I see", or"this is what happened to me" is helpful.

 

[eroticbum]

When it comes to transgender people, one thing is for sure. Each one of them has his or her own path. Some transition completely, others like my girlfriend don’t. She is happy with her body and loves being a top (even though she keeps it a secret from everyone).

My girl.
View attachment 2225570

OMG - Lucky man. She looks amazing, you are living my deepest wish

 

[Escierto]

OMG - Lucky man. She looks amazing, you are living my deepest wish

Thanks. She is a sweetheart. Seek and ye shall find, no?

 

[eroticbum]

Woke up at 3am next to my wife, went P, but then i last awake for half hour. Nothing on my mind but then i began to fantasize my head is on a trans smooth tummy and i start to duck her cock. I can feel the head edge sliding over my tongue and her cock gets harder. I was actually getting aroused and had to stop that thought.

 

[Nekidinaz]

This is a very cool thread ...
I can personally relate to so much of what so many of you have said here, it's fun to read what ya'll have to say.
I'm not attracted to men either however I do enjoy bottoming and masturbating other guys and sucking their cocks although I've only sucked cock a couple of times, I'd really like to do it more...and learn how to deep throat too ...
I do share the trans girl attraction as well...I think trans females are so sensuous and erotic ...
I simply try to not overthink my sexuality and whatever works best is what I want...as long as nobody is hurt or embarrassed then it's all good ...

 

[Mike130]

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve fantasized about it a lot too. Not really turned on by men, but a cock is a very sexy thing. A hot trans girl would be ideal.

Embracing her, feeling her nipples harden against my chest, her big cock stiffen as she strokes mine, her balls hard and full with the thick hot sperm she will soon shoot down my throat.

My tongue tentatively tasting the pre-cum from the slit in the head of her big cock, as I feel her heavy balls in my hand. I pull her cock deeper into my mouth. Feel it throbbing, pumping her hot cream into my hungry mouth as I grip her smooth ass and pull her in tight. Hot ropes of thick seed shooting into me. My finger finds her asshole as I try to coax a few extra spurts of jizz…

 

[Escierto]

So many guys fantasize about trans women yet few trans women have the boyfriends they would love to pamper. The Philippines has about 200,000 transgender women, many of them very attractive.

 

[Melody_Lightdraft2]

Sorry, this may be wordy as I feel some background is needed. The goal is to get peoples input on why writing graphic, detailed gay erotica turns me on so much but I’m not attracted to men. I am a very oversexed person and I would say all of my fantasies and fetishes are quite far from vanilla. I would think one would wodely group them as ‘submissive’, and I write in other categories. That said, here’s some background…

I’m a very happily married 47 year old white guy. I’m quite alpha and extroverted, outwardly the typical ‘man’s man’ and would fit a lot of the New Yorker stereotypes. I work in finance, do well, like sports, comfortable in groups and can get a whole room laughing. One thing I am that may not be obvious to people right away is that I’m an Uber-liberal.

My wife and I are best friends and have mainly the same common interests. Every aspect of our relationship is a 10 except sex, which Id say is a 7-ish. I’m very attracted to her and I get very hard, the sex is just a little vanilla. I love my wife so much and like I said, sex feels good and she knows I watch a lot of porn and gives me that space. My other outlet os writing erotica - she doesn’t know that because the content would be so embarrassing! Although I don’t think she’d mind. I also have to say that I’m so happy in my marriage, I don’t feel sexual attraction towards others very much at all, if that makes sense. I jerk off a lot to porn, love a chat room, erotica, but not only would I not cheat, I’m really only interested in fucking my wife.

So with that background, my question is, what are people’s thoughts on my sexuality and fantasies/fetishes? Face to face, to this day, I never felt a sexual attraction to a man. When I was about 21 though, I discovered transsexuals and was obsessed for about 10 years. I primarily had sex with women and girlfriends, but I had a ton of closet encounters with transsexuals, mainly from the web or the NYC street walking areas (always safe by the way). Right from the start, I loved fondling and sucking their cocks, and I loved grinding our dicks together. Within a year, I got fucked and from that point on, I much preferred to bottom when I was with a special girl. All told, I would say about 12 girls fucked me 20 or so times (the number of transsexuals that bottomed for me is about the same). I sucked numerous cocks, well over 50 girls. I did love getting sucked as much as sucking, but oddly I would say with an only few exceptions, I much preferred to get anal than give. This was also the rise of internet porn and transsexual porn was my go to. So that establishes I love dicks. Very much, bigger the better, but I like them on women.

During this time I remained really attracted to women and their pussies. I love to eat and finger and please. I had girlfriends and more straight sex than transsexual encounters. When I was really horny, and couldn’t find a woman or transsexual, I did hook up with a guy or two. The thought was hot, but when they’d get there, I really wasn’t into it. I definitely didn’t want to kiss and certainly didn’t want anal either way. As I recall, we would grind and cum and maybe they would suck me. I would look for feminine looking guys, particularly Asian (Asian was my preference for cross-dressers to as they struck me as more feminine looking).

If a different fetish came into play, it was a little hotter. I remember in the mid-2000’s, I specifically looked for an Asian man to shave my genitals. He began to suck me in the shower while he groomed me and I remember us grinding to orgasm in bed afterwards. It was a little hot, but again no kissing, I was into the shaving, but not totally into the guy. I also went to a massage parlor to get massaged and shaved by an Asian man. I played with his dick through his pants, but again, I wasn’t excited like when I was with a woman or transsexual, and when I came, in all of the situations with men I just discussed, I was really done. No attraction at all and I wanted to get out of there.

This fetish morphed. I met a woman in-line through an ad where I told her I wanted to be submissive and was open to going really far. She pegged me and we found two guys for threesomes. One guy had a huge dick, and the situation was hot, but I had no desire to suck it when given the opportunity, even though in my head I yearned for forced-bi and for a woman to know (and even hotter) watch me suck a dick. This is the only person that was in my life for more than a hook up (let’s say who met my family) that knew my sub tendencies.

My main obsession today is black man- white female porn. When I fuck my wife, I picture me readying her for a black man with a huge cock and then him fucking her. Cuckolding and small penis humiliation excites me to no end. My published stories mostly revolve around these topics. Another funny thing is I have a big dick. Very thick and nearly seven inches, but when it is soft it can be pretty small and I love taking pictures of it when it is really shriveled. I’m basically into everything submissive except pain. I love big cock (especially black)/ small comparisons. Many of my gay stories involve bbc, closet cases, etc. and the protagonist is always the bottom. I also haven’t published them yet, but work in incest stories as well. Cosplay is another big fetish - hot cosplay chicks. I like curvy women and milky white skin and light hair. I don’t know, maybe I’m rambling, but it all seems like important info to get to the bottom of why I like what I like.

So that’s a good start on the background if people would be so kind to give their thoughts and input. I guess I’m asking for a free shrink. I have my own theories, but I don’t want to taint Frye responses, if I get any. But I think it’s an interesting conversation. Let me end by expressing just how fucking turned on and hard I get when I get my gay story ideas. When I’m writing them, outlining them in my head in bed or the car. I’m so fucking turned on! But I really have no attraction to men in real life. What is up with that! I hope this isn’t too rambling…but very open to constructive feedback and answering questions.

I think in many respects people tend to like to tick boxes, as regards sexual identity. Personally I'm getting more to the line of thinking is is more flexible, more on a sliding scale.
For what you have described, I would say that you have experimented. Possibly bi-curious, or bi-sexual tendencies. Cosplay I can understand, after all my characters are centaurs or centaurides.
While reading about incest in private is not a criminal offence in the UK, viewing images of, or writing about it and publishing is a criminal offense.

 

[CuriousinPennsylvania]

You say: "I write detailed graphic gay erotica but I don’t want to fuck men. What’s with that?"

While practicing gay men do want to fuck men, and actually do fuck men, and get fucked by men, I say: 'what's with that' is that you enjoy what you view as kink.

I haven't read the entire thread, but I read your initial post, so I say that you are obsessed with cock. Me too.

It started with me at a very young age (my own cock), masturbating very frequently, and continued when, in my late teens, I had a personal cocksucker. After a while, as I saw how much he enjoyed sucking my cock, I wanted to "return the favor" and experience the same enjoyment. I tried, but he had ED and so it never happened with him. I think that he wanted more too, but he was satisfied with swallowing my copious supply of cum. Then I got married and the desire waned and/or was repressed.

When I admitted to myself that I was obsessed with cock - and not just mine - I was ready, and working up the nerve to "return the favor" in the Adult Book Stores I frequented, but AIDS reared its ugly head - until sex with my wife became less frequent - and I returned to the ABSs.

I have always been a "feeder" and really didn't worry about contracting HIV. Then, as the fear of contracting HIV became less worrisome, I convinced myself that I was ready to experience the "Joy of Sucking Cock". Then, as if the gods of chastity conspired against me - COVID. Then, along with other businesses, the ABSs shut down. My foray into the world of cocksucking was again thwarted.

No, I don't want to fuck men, or be fucked by them, or kiss them (except below the waist), either. But, I too, have written a couple of detailed "gay erotica" stories. And, I know that it's about my obsession with cock - whether it's attached to a man, woman (pegging me), or a tranny (passable as a woman, until s/he has her pants down).

 

[Ekolawd]

Sorry, this may be wordy as I feel some background is needed. The goal is to get peoples input on why writing graphic, detailed gay erotica turns me on so much but I’m not attracted to men. I am a very oversexed person and I would say all of my fantasies and fetishes are quite far from vanilla. I would think one would wodely group them as ‘submissive’, and I write in other categories. That said, here’s some background…

I’m a very happily married 47 year old white guy. I’m quite alpha and extroverted, outwardly the typical ‘man’s man’ and would fit a lot of the New Yorker stereotypes. I work in finance, do well, like sports, comfortable in groups and can get a whole room laughing. One thing I am that may not be obvious to people right away is that I’m an Uber-liberal.

My wife and I are best friends and have mainly the same common interests. Every aspect of our relationship is a 10 except sex, which Id say is a 7-ish. I’m very attracted to her and I get very hard, the sex is just a little vanilla. I love my wife so much and like I said, sex feels good and she knows I watch a lot of porn and gives me that space. My other outlet os writing erotica - she doesn’t know that because the content would be so embarrassing! Although I don’t think she’d mind. I also have to say that I’m so happy in my marriage, I don’t feel sexual attraction towards others very much at all, if that makes sense. I jerk off a lot to porn, love a chat room, erotica, but not only would I not cheat, I’m really only interested in fucking my wife.

So with that background, my question is, what are people’s thoughts on my sexuality and fantasies/fetishes? Face to face, to this day, I never felt a sexual attraction to a man. When I was about 21 though, I discovered transsexuals and was obsessed for about 10 years. I primarily had sex with women and girlfriends, but I had a ton of closet encounters with transsexuals, mainly from the web or the NYC street walking areas (always safe by the way). Right from the start, I loved fondling and sucking their cocks, and I loved grinding our dicks together. Within a year, I got fucked and from that point on, I much preferred to bottom when I was with a special girl. All told, I would say about 12 girls fucked me 20 or so times (the number of transsexuals that bottomed for me is about the same). I sucked numerous cocks, well over 50 girls. I did love getting sucked as much as sucking, but oddly I would say with an only few exceptions, I much preferred to get anal than give. This was also the rise of internet porn and transsexual porn was my go to. So that establishes I love dicks. Very much, bigger the better, but I like them on women.

During this time I remained really attracted to women and their pussies. I love to eat and finger and please. I had girlfriends and more straight sex than transsexual encounters. When I was really horny, and couldn’t find a woman or transsexual, I did hook up with a guy or two. The thought was hot, but when they’d get there, I really wasn’t into it. I definitely didn’t want to kiss and certainly didn’t want anal either way. As I recall, we would grind and cum and maybe they would suck me. I would look for feminine looking guys, particularly Asian (Asian was my preference for cross-dressers to as they struck me as more feminine looking).

If a different fetish came into play, it was a little hotter. I remember in the mid-2000’s, I specifically looked for an Asian man to shave my genitals. He began to suck me in the shower while he groomed me and I remember us grinding to orgasm in bed afterwards. It was a little hot, but again no kissing, I was into the shaving, but not totally into the guy. I also went to a massage parlor to get massaged and shaved by an Asian man. I played with his dick through his pants, but again, I wasn’t excited like when I was with a woman or transsexual, and when I came, in all of the situations with men I just discussed, I was really done. No attraction at all and I wanted to get out of there.

This fetish morphed. I met a woman in-line through an ad where I told her I wanted to be submissive and was open to going really far. She pegged me and we found two guys for threesomes. One guy had a huge dick, and the situation was hot, but I had no desire to suck it when given the opportunity, even though in my head I yearned for forced-bi and for a woman to know (and even hotter) watch me suck a dick. This is the only person that was in my life for more than a hook up (let’s say who met my family) that knew my sub tendencies.

My main obsession today is black man- white female porn. When I fuck my wife, I picture me readying her for a black man with a huge cock and then him fucking her. Cuckolding and small penis humiliation excites me to no end. My published stories mostly revolve around these topics. Another funny thing is I have a big dick. Very thick and nearly seven inches, but when it is soft it can be pretty small and I love taking pictures of it when it is really shriveled. I’m basically into everything submissive except pain. I love big cock (especially black)/ small comparisons. Many of my gay stories involve bbc, closet cases, etc. and the protagonist is always the bottom. I also haven’t published them yet, but work in incest stories as well. Cosplay is another big fetish - hot cosplay chicks. I like curvy women and milky white skin and light hair. I don’t know, maybe I’m rambling, but it all seems like important info to get to the bottom of why I like what I like.

So that’s a good start on the background if people would be so kind to give their thoughts and input. I guess I’m asking for a free shrink. I have my own theories, but I don’t want to taint Frye responses, if I get any. But I think it’s an interesting conversation. Let me end by expressing just how fucking turned on and hard I get when I get my gay story ideas. When I’m writing them, outlining them in my head in bed or the car. I’m so fucking turned on! But I really have no attraction to men in real life. What is up with that! I hope this isn’t too rambling…but very open to constructive feedback and answering questions.

Far as I'm concerned, if you sucked a tranny dick, or you get sucked by a tranny, or a cross dresser, or feminine looking men as you put it, you're gay. Your senses just don't want to accept it yet. So it's a war.
Most gay people are usually with someone of same sex who exhibits (whether naturally or deliberately) the attributes of the opposite sex.
And just wait... Soon, when the war is over and your senses finally accepts what it wants and stopped been in denial, this feeling will morphe as it once did. And you'll find being with unaltered men just as appealing as you thought it up your head.

 

[ThatIrishGirl]

In my opinion there's a huge gulf between watching something or reading/writing about it and actully wanting to do it in real life. It makes you bi curious I would think. I mean I watch super rough porn, daddy porn etc but I would never practice most of the genre's I choose to get off on.

 

[CuckedbyBBC]

Far as I'm concerned, if you sucked a tranny dick, or you get sucked by a tranny, or a cross dresser, or feminine looking men as you put it, you're gay. Your senses just don't want to accept it yet. So it's a war.
Most gay people are usually with someone of same sex who exhibits (whether naturally or deliberately) the attributes of the opposite sex.
And just wait... Soon, when the war is over and your senses finally accepts what it wants and stopped been in denial, this feeling will morphe as it once did. And you'll find being with unaltered men just as appealing as you thought it up your head.

This is what I love about Lit and the posters. It’s an incredible community, mature, thoughtful, considerate, supportive and non-aggressive. On any other platform this thread would be inundated with meatheads saying ur just gay, ur a fag, you like cock, blah, blah! But here, it took over a year to get such an imbecilic response.

Your wrong. It’s not an opinion, it’s a fact. I am 48, well adjusted, open with my wife about everything. Have an accepting group of people surrounding me. Not that I would want to cheat on my wife, but our relationship is so close and open, she probably let me fuck/get fucked by a guy. She jokes that she needs to get me a transexual - or girl- because I want to fuck her about twice as much as she wants to get fucked. I get turned irl by transsexuals. I get turned on by gay erotica and I think I d get turned on by a cock in a glory hole. But I have no attraction to men, straight or gay acting/looking if they look masculine. I don’t want to kiss them, I don’t want to embrace them, I don’t want to cuddle and foreplay and I don’t want to fuck them. I want to want to, I’m have Avery comfortable life and could give a fuck what other people say. But I just don’t. It’s how I feel. It’s how about a third of the posters on this mature until now chain feel. I am so alpha and dominant and masculine irl, a big shot at my company, life of the party, mayor of my NJ very wealthy street, whatever you name it. So my sexual outlet is submissive - but is also dominant.

I also think the theories in your second and third paragraphs fall in on themselves. I agree that gay people are often attracted to those who have characteristics of the opposite sex. But if they like to fuck men (or a woman wants to fuck a woman) why not just be straight?? Why go through the hassle. It’s because it is what it is.

In any event, I assure you there is no war going on inside me. I like to explore on this board what turns me on and why. And 90% of the time I get great insights, another 9% fine comments that either miss the point or are a bit inane but well intended, and 1% of the time a response like this - that I’d find on Reddit or CL. I will say I am accumulating Reddit stock though, because the masses prefer drivel to the thoughtful responses on Lit.

 

[CuckedbyBBC]

In my opinion there's a huge gulf between watching something or reading/writing about it and actully wanting to do it in real life. It makes you bi curious I would think. I mean I watch super rough porn, daddy porn etc but I would never practice most of the genre's I choose to get off on.

I think this a fact. Someone on this thread discussed sexuality as a spectrum, and it’s helpful (which is an opinion) to name things. I’ve been fucked, I’ve sucked cock - of transsexuals- not all “straight” guys desire that. So bi- curious seems totally accurate. My wife is still the one that makes my large cock hard on a regular basis!

 

[3isOK]

I have kind of read through most of this thread and can only comment from my perspective. We all have desires that are sometimes hidden because of society’s norms that have been forced on us. Hopefully people can feel free to act on their feelings without judgement. I have been fortunate to have been able to do this with a very supportive partner.

 

[Ekolawd]

This is what I love about Lit and the posters. It’s an incredible community, mature, thoughtful, considerate, supportive and non-aggressive. On any other platform this thread would be inundated with meatheads saying ur just gay, ur a fag, you like cock, blah, blah! But here, it took over a year to get such an imbecilic response.

Your wrong. It’s not an opinion, it’s a fact. I am 48, well adjusted, open with my wife about everything. Have an accepting group of people surrounding me. Not that I would want to cheat on my wife, but our relationship is so close and open, she probably let me fuck/get fucked by a guy. She jokes that she needs to get me a transexual - or girl- because I want to fuck her about twice as much as she wants to get fucked. I get turned irl by transsexuals. I get turned on by gay erotica and I think I d get turned on by a cock in a glory hole. But I have no attraction to men, straight or gay acting/looking if they look masculine. I don’t want to kiss them, I don’t want to embrace them, I don’t want to cuddle and foreplay and I don’t want to fuck them. I want to want to, I’m have Avery comfortable life and could give a fuck what other people say. But I just don’t. It’s how I feel. It’s how about a third of the posters on this mature until now chain feel. I am so alpha and dominant and masculine irl, a big shot at my company, life of the party, mayor of my NJ very wealthy street, whatever you name it. So my sexual outlet is submissive - but is also dominant.

I also think the theories in your second and third paragraphs fall in on themselves. I agree that gay people are often attracted to those who have characteristics of the opposite sex. But if they like to fuck men (or a woman wants to fuck a woman) why not just be straight?? Why go through the hassle. It’s because it is what it is.

In any event, I assure you there is no war going on inside me. I like to explore on this board what turns me on and why. And 90% of the time I get great insights, another 9% fine comments that either miss the point or are a bit inane but well intended, and 1% of the time a response like this - that I’d find on Reddit or CL. I will say I am accumulating Reddit stock though, because the masses prefer drivel to the thoughtful responses on Lit.

It's okay if you don't agree with my response. But insulting me is totally wrong. Saying you're gay isn't an insult (except you think it is!) I have only spoken from my own perspective. I'm straight. And as I put it, so long you're sucking a dick, whether it be a tranny dick or not, you're it!
The insult is totally unnecessary!

 

[Eshu]

I would make a difference between erotic literature and porn (sex fantasies), role play in the bedroom (trying to perform some of such fantasies in a consensual and safe setting) and real sex. Many women enjoy with rape fantasies but it doesn't mean they want to be raped. Sex arousal often comes from transgression, the feeling you are making something 'wrong'.

According to my experience, some straight white men who enjoy with BBC cuckoldry and want some interaction with the 'bull' are not really gay. They suck or stroke your cock because it’s humiliating and a form of emotional masochism. And those guys are usually 'normal' in their daily lives.

I personally enjoy gay erotica if it’s well written although I consider myself hetero... with some homosexual experiences always as a top.