If BDSM wasn't taboo

[Softouch911]

If it weren't taboo, it wouldn't be so popular. Or so much of an escape.

Imagine the neighborhood barbecue cookout. The grills are set up, the volleyball nets, someone's pool is open, the sun goes down and, with it, the swing on the oak tree transforms into a suspension device and the tether ball pole becomes a whipping post. I can imagine Tom, my neighbor, mowing the lawn in his leathers, and it's not a pretty sight. The woman on the other side sounds like a cow in heat now when her kids do something wrong ... we'd need a gag, not sure if they make one that large. For punishment discipline, some poor sub would have to wash Bernice's minivan with his tongue.

Hmmm, count me out in this utopia.

ST

 

[VelvetDarkness]

If it weren't taboo, it wouldn't be so popular. Or so much of an escape.

Imagine the neighborhood barbecue cookout. The grills are set up, the volleyball nets, someone's pool is open, the sun goes down and, with it, the swing on the oak tree transforms into a suspension device and the tether ball pole becomes a whipping post. I can imagine Tom, my neighbor, mowing the lawn in his leathers, and it's not a pretty sight. The woman on the other side sounds like a cow in heat now when her kids do something wrong ... we'd need a gag, not sure if they make one that large. For punishment discipline, some poor sub would have to wash Bernice's minivan with his tongue.

Hmmm, count me out in this utopia.

ST

Love that post. I said in another thread somewhere that these days I would no more date a nilla man with no interest in exploring BDSM than I would a gay man. We would have needs that were too incompatible to even go there, no matter what other qualities the guy possessed. In this respect BDSM is almost a separate niche sexuality to me. A couple of people who I regularly pm have said that the nature of the PYL/pyl dynamic they have with a partner is more important than the partner's gender.

If this niche sexuality suddenly became mainstream and accepted by most of society it would be a very surreal parallel universe indeed. Like graceanne, I have no wish to discuss sessions with Master over the garden fence while hanging my favourite fetishwear out to dry. I also think that there are issues of consent whether a subject is kinky or not. If my friends were all in BDSM relationships I still would not want to hear all about it and if it were acceptable for me to follow Master to the shops on a collar and leash I would not do so. I have no wish to inflict Master and I's dynamic on anybody else.

Professionally I think it could be damaging to be openly viewed as a slave because even if it were an acceptable relationship dynamic it still wouldn't be understood by those who don't practice any form of power play. I would hate to walk around with a virtual label around my neck stating 'owned slave - please treat as doormat.' I'd need to take off my shoes and socks to add up the people I personally know who have serious misconceptions about homosexuality and BDSM would be no different if it were an openly debated topic.

I do wish that I could tell a couple of close friends more about Master and I. To have a couple of RL confidentes rather than just this forum would be wonderful. As it is, I accept that if I did tell them it would damage their view of me as a person and also our friendship. Things like that can't be taken back or forgotten. It's like saying 'I'm now a Jehovah's Witness' you will always be seen as different and everything you say and do will be viewed through the 'Jehovah Witness' looking glass rather than taken on its own merit.

Ok I'm waffling. I'll stop now.

 

[Homburg]

Meh, I wouldn't change. Vanilla sex isn't all that taboo, but I still have no desire to discuss the vanilla things we engage in. Why would I want to discuss the D/s things we do?

I'd be happier if Poly were more widely accepted. Then my current situation would not exist. If wishes were fishes...

 

[TheBlackDahlia]

If this wasn't taboo, I wouldn't be afraid to tell my step sister about this. Not that she wouldn't accept it, but, knowing her, the first thing she'd do after I told her would be to tell my step mother, who'd then tell my father. And as open as I am with my parents, there are still some things that I'd rather not let them know.

 

[EmpressFi]

If this wasn't taboo, I wouldn't be afraid to tell my step sister about this. Not that she wouldn't accept it, but, knowing her, the first thing she'd do after I told her would be to tell my step mother, who'd then tell my father. And as open as I am with my parents, there are still some things that I'd rather not let them know.

If this werent taboo, I could talk about it at work. I could tell people where I've been on my vacations. I could explain to my in-laws the real reason why my husband and I have been taking separate vacations (to see our Dom/me's).

 

[sister76]

I really wonder why people who are into D/s or BDSM feel a need to tell other people about their relationship. Is there a need to let other people in on what goes on in your bedroom? Or even a need to tell other people what goes on in the intimate relationship between you and your partner regardless of what you like to do?

I'm not trying to put anyone down, but am just sincerely wondering why there is such a strong need for some people to tell others about it.

 

[Ishmael]

I really wonder why people who are into D/s or BDSM feel a need to tell other people about their relationship. Is there a need to let other people in on what goes on in your bedroom? Or even a need to tell other people what goes on in the intimate relationship between you and your partner regardless of what you like to do?

I'm not trying to put anyone down, but am just sincerely wondering why there is such a strong need for some people to tell others about it.

"I'm in with the 'in' crowd." syndrome.

I had a sub delete several posts because of that shit.

Ishmael

 

[EmpressFi]

I'd be happier if Poly were more widely accepted. ..

I can completely relate to this part. When the husband and I first went poly, we told only a couple of our closest friends... and honestly, the only reason they were told was because we didnt want them thinking I was cheating on him when I met the first person I "dated". Even being told, they didnt believe we were serious... but those who do know now, are very supportive.

And, at least for me, I dont want to share all the secrets of my BDSM lifestyle.. like Homburg, I dont share the vanilla aspects of my husband and I's bedroom... so why would I share that side of my BDSM relationship with Master.. I wouldnt.. however, having someone... someplace..other than here to talk to when I'm feeling like a sad panda after coming back from a visit with Master... To be able to say, "I miss Master" (well his name), the way someone would say, I miss my husband or I miss my bf/gf, to be able to talk about the joy I feel in being his.. now that would be a refreshing change

 

[sister76]

"I'm in with the 'in' crowd." syndrome.

I had a sub delete several posts because of that shit.

Ishmael

What do you mean by that?

 

[Ishmael]

What do you mean by that?

I 'mean' exactly what I said. I had her delete the posts detailing what occured.

Ishmael

 

[sister76]

I can completely relate to this part. When the husband and I first went poly, we told only a couple of our closest friends... and honestly, the only reason they were told was because we didnt want them thinking I was cheating on him when I met the first person I "dated". Even being told, they didnt believe we were serious... but those who do know now, are very supportive.

And, at least for me, I dont want to share all the secrets of my BDSM lifestyle.. like Homburg, I dont share the vanilla aspects of my husband and I's bedroom... so why would I share that side of my BDSM relationship with Master.. I wouldnt.. however, having someone... someplace..other than here to talk to when I'm feeling like a sad panda after coming back from a visit with Master... To be able to say, "I miss Master" (well his name), the way someone would say, I miss my husband or I miss my bf/gf, to be able to talk about the joy I feel in being his.. now that would be a refreshing change

I can see feeling the need to tell people about being poly because they will see it, but I just wonder why people need to know about other aspects of it if a person doesn't want to share that.

I don't know. Maybe I just wonder because I would not care if anyone knew about me doing BDSM stuff. I guess it's not really an issue for me if anyone found out, but I just wonder why people feel a need to tell people if they think it would be harmful to their family/friend relationships.

 

[sister76]

I 'mean' exactly what I said. I had her delete the posts detailing what occured.

Ishmael

Well, that still doesn't tell why you had to delete them. Was someone offended or something?

 

[EmpressFi]

I can see feeling the need to tell people about being poly because they will see it, but I just wonder why people need to know about other aspects of it if a person doesn't want to share that.

I don't know. Maybe I just wonder because I would not care if anyone knew about me doing BDSM stuff. I guess it's not really an issue for me if anyone found out, but I just wonder why people feel a need to tell people if they think it would be harmful to their family/friend relationships.

Ohh I think I misunderstood what you meant or I wasnt clear ..

I was responding to the whole, "if it werent taboo..."

thinking that some of the things that I try and cover up to keep people who wouldnt approve from finding out.. would be easier.. if it were as accepted as just plain sex...

 

[Ishmael]

Well, that still doesn't tell why you had to delete them. Was someone offended or something?

Nobodys business. Go back to your own post.

Tell you what. Do a search on 'deleted posts' in this forum and you'll know as much as you're entitled to know.

Ishmael

 

[sister76]

Nobodys business. Go back to your own post.

Tell you what. Do a search on 'deleted posts' in this forum and you'll know as much as you're entitled to know.

Ishmael

If it's nobody's business, then you might not want to bring it up on a public forum. And you also might not want to keep talking about it if you don't want people to ask questions, hmmm?

 

[Ishmael]

If it's nobody's business, then you might not want to bring it up on a public forum. And you also might not want to keep talking about it if you don't want people to ask questions, hmmm?

Do the 'deleted post' search and get back to me. :avery: And when you find it, you can tell us all what the posts were and who posted them. Being as smart as you are that shouldn't be a problem for you. And if you can't do that, then exactly what have I made public?

Oh, nice trick having a 'join' date of 1969. Not too many can pull that off.

Ishmael

 

[sister76]

Do the 'deleted post' search and get back to me. :avery: And when you find it, you can tell us all what the posts were and who posted them. Being as smart as you are that shouldn't be a problem for you. And if you can't do that, then exactly what have I made public?

Oh, nice trick having a 'join' date of 1969. Not too many can pull that off.

Ishmael

That's okay. I don't care about anyone's deleted posts. So look at them yourself...?

 

[Ishmael]

That's okay. I don't care about anyone's deleted posts. So look at them yourself...?

Please tell me you aren't KillerMuffin in drag.

Ishmael

 

[sister76]

Please tell me you aren't KillerMuffin in drag.

Ishmael

Please tell me you won't keep posting here even though you have nothing worthy to say.

 

[Homburg]

I can completely relate to this part. When the husband and I first went poly, we told only a couple of our closest friends... and honestly, the only reason they were told was because we didnt want them thinking I was cheating on him when I met the first person I "dated". Even being told, they didnt believe we were serious... but those who do know now, are very supportive.

Yup, that response was what happened. Someone saw a little, heard a bit more, and speculated a whole lot, and then, for no reason I can fathom, took her inklings and speculations to my mother. It was a magical moment...

--

As to why people want to share, to an extent, it is human nature. when you expreience something truly incredible, you want to talk about. Partially to experess your own pleasure at having been a part of it, and partly to organise your own thoughts about it internally through the mechanism of giving voice to it externally.

In short, by sharing what happened, you increase your own understanding and realisation of what has occurred.

Additionally, when you are involved in any activity, there is a tendency to want to congregate with those what share your interests. Again, human nature, as we are social animals. And when social animals get together, they chat. Nature.

NOTE: "you" and "your" are used generically. These urges may not apply to you. You may be one of those people whoe brain works via image processing vs linguistic processing. *shrug* If that's the case, then talking about it does nothing for you.

 

[Ishmael]

Please tell me you won't keep posting here even though you have nothing worthy to say.

All depends on the point of view. Doesn't it?

Ishmael

 

[EmpressFi]

Yup, that response was what happened. Someone saw a little, heard a bit more, and speculated a whole lot, and then, for no reason I can fathom, took her inklings and speculations to my mother. It was a magical moment...

--

As to why people want to share, to an extent, it is human nature. when you expreience something truly incredible, you want to talk about. Partially to experess your own pleasure at having been a part of it, and partly to organise your own thoughts about it internally through the mechanism of giving voice to it externally.

In short, by sharing what happened, you increase your own understanding and realisation of what has occurred.

Additionally, when you are involved in any activity, there is a tendency to want to congregate with those what share your interests. Again, human nature, as we are social animals. And when social animals get together, they chat. Nature.

NOTE: "you" and "your" are used generically. These urges may not apply to you. You may be one of those people whoe brain works via image processing vs linguistic processing. *shrug* If that's the case, then talking about it does nothing for you.

thank you for putting into words what I could not...

and yes.. that was a similar response. We'd told our best friend that we were each allowed to be with other people. She and I went to England to visit friends.. one of which I'd planned on spending a little "private" time visiting with while there. Things settled down for the night, he and I started to get to know each other *wink wink*.. and then there's a knock on my door. It was my friend. She interrupted us twice more that night... even after being reminded each time that it was ok. He ended up sleeping on the floor because he couldnt take her interruptions anymore. The next day, we had yet another talk... she still didnt get it..even nearly a year later .. now she does.. and while she doesnt understand how we can allow other relationships, she's understanding and supportive because she sees that we're happy.

 

[malinborn]

For me, any of this, all of this, being taboo... BDSM, Poly, whatever... it's not difficult, but I have to agree with EmpressFi in that i wouldn't mind being able to say to my brother (who would likely understand but I still do not dare tell him) who the girl on my cell phone is... why sometimes I am not around.. so I would not lie to my family and tell them i am working the most obscure hours or that my wife has the laptop on a specific weekend

It's very very rare that my wife and i make family appearances together anymore, which is sad. Now, she DOES have a laptop every 6 weeks-ish, and I Do work a shit schedule.. but still. LOL

Reading back.. i don't feel the need to really share my lifestyle.. i just don't really like the idea of having to hide it either. Sometimes.. I just cannot help but talk you know? It's in my nature to sometimes just Want to say.. "Oh my God this great thing happened" and i cannot. Anyway...

 

[ecstaticsub]

Meh, I wouldn't change. Vanilla sex isn't all that taboo, but I still have no desire to discuss the vanilla things we engage in. Why would I want to discuss the D/s things we do?

I'd be happier if Poly were more widely accepted. Then my current situation would not exist. If wishes were fishes...

I fully agree with this. The D/s part of my relationship I like being hidden, I wouldn't want it to be widely accepted. And to be honest I don't want to know the details if my neighbors or co-workers are into it. But I absolutely hate to lie and I am very poor at it. I detest having to make up excuses to my mother or friends why I am going away for a few days and leaving my kids and husband behind.

I ran into huge problems with this after the last visit to my Dom. Storms canceled all flights and I couldn't get another flight out for 3 days. I ended up doing a sort of Planes, trains and automobiles to get home. It would have been so much easier if I could have just said I am going to see my X and not be grilled about it and lectured on how could I do that to hubby, the effect on my children, his marriage, I'm going to go to hell, etc etc that Iknow I would get from my mother and my best friend. Not to mention having to keep the whole deal quiet because hubby is active duty military...

Oh well, such is life..

 

[Soulfiregirl]

I would revel in the freedom, if we were "allowed" to live more openly.

Personally, over the past year of dating someone who was into the scene, I realized that I'm not a switch after all. I am much more dominant then I realized.

If I could walk around wearing six inch heels and leather all day with a whip in my hand, I would. I'd even go to the grocery store dressed that way.

I suppose BDSM will always hold an attraction for some of us because of it's "taboo" nature, but that doesn't keep us interested. Staying interested is a true love of the lifestyle.

It does bug me sometimes that I can't talk about it openly with friends. (I don't have any friends or family into the lifestyle themselves) No one knows I have this "secret" side to my love life. I only talk about it openly with lovers.

I'm just glad to know there are other "freaks" out there like me. I don't feel so alone. I can be a feminist and want to be dominated at the same time. That's the beauty of BDSM.