I'm just a girl that can't say no

[Primalex]

Anyone can be forced to saw away at a violin, it doesn't make us all into Pinchas Zukerman.

Ever considered developing humour?

 

[Netzach]

People with IQ in the Marquis range realize that is.

 

[Marquis]

In the future, I see informercials along the lines of penis enlargement pills selling capsules guaranteed to increase a female's interest in other females.

"Oh yeah, you know the whole idea used to be such a turn off!"

"And now?"

*couple look at each other in a sly loving way*

"Just the opposite!"

*chuckle and break scene to men in white lab coats playing with beakers full of incandescent liquid, every color of the rainbow, while Dr. so and so gives his [SIZE="tiny"]unevaluated by the FDA[/SIZE] report*

 

[unfoundiamond]

Oooh... Diamonds are a girls best friend!...Marylin, (of course)

You sift through a lot of coal to find a diamond. Once you see that shimmer, you don't mind the coal dust you had to wash off of yourself.

Is the Diamond thing a quote? If I quote it do I quote you?

(Yes, the box is now fixed)

... no more laughing at Daimond... =P

 

[madetotakeit]

You sift through a lot of coal to find a diamond. Once you see that shimmer, you don't mind the coal dust you had to wash off of yourself.

Is the Diamond thing a quote? If I quote it do I quote you?

(Yes, the box is F*ed up)

... stop laughing... =P

LOL

Those were my own words. Quote away!

 

[sempervirens]

Usually you know if you click within five minutes, as someone said before. That's one reason why coffee dates are nice; you can cut out sooner than later if you're not feeling it. Not picking up on (or worse, ignoring) subtlety now doesn't bode well for play.

It's hard to say no, we've all been shot down at some point, but it gets easier with time. One of my exes called it dating with dignity. I think you were very nice, considering.

There are a lot of different ideas on BDSM, but if he was expecting that kind of submission he at least could have clued you in beforehand.

 

[MasterMischief]

Jerk/Asshole/Wannabe

All those who enjoy rejection, raise your hand.

Some guy wanted kinky sex, you shot him down, he got defensive. You can call him names if you want. I will reserve judgement.

That is not to say that I think you were wrong. The only thing I can think of that you could have done was to let him know that just because you were not a match is not an excuse for him to attack you. Once his ego recovered, he may figure that out. Or not.

Telling anyone they are not a 'true' something just screams insecurity to me. But then I am a truth is merely a perception kinda guy. Feel free to point out all of my own demons. I would be happy to name them all for you.

 

[VelvetDarkness]

The only thing I would say to the OP is, further back in the thread when you were thinking of saying "I think we should just be friends...etc" It is important that you only say this if you actually want the person's friendship or it will lead to more dithering and being polite on your part and more attempts to get you to kneel on theirs. Take it from a sub who found that out the hard way in the early stages of her journey.

If the guy is an egomaniac dickhead then you are perfectly within your rights to say so. However you extricate yourself from a RL meet disaster, your next piece of correspondence should be along the lines of:

"I was very disappointed with the way things went yesterday. I do not appreciate being treated as a sub until I have consented to submission. You expressed almost no interest in my personality, my life, my goals whatsoever. I am deleting you from my IM and all further correspondence from you will be deleted unread. I suggest you re-think your approach to people if you don't want them to discover what a vacuous little fucktard you are right away."

For this reason I always shied away from phone conversations. The last thing I want if I have to walk away from someone is a load of abusive calls or texts. Until I want you in my life, you have no access to me except email and IM.

 

[Pleasureableguy]

Well, OK, I can say "no." But I don't do it well.

Related to the thread "the dating game-bdsm style" ... I am starting to get out there myself. I just had a meeting with a potential partner that I found through CollarMe tonight, and within minutes I pretty much figured out that this wasn't going to work. I fairly bubbly; he was very droll. We have totally different interests. His replies seemed shallow. He didn't get my sense of humor. Etc.

Yet I could tell by the questions he was asking and by the way he was looking at me that he was interested in me.

So ... as we were wrapping things up (an hour later or so) he asked, "What do you think?"

My response was, "I dunno. I'm just not feeling it." He then started berating me, thinking of reasons why it wouldn't work for him. (He tried to tell me that I didn't know what the hell I wanted, that wasn't meant for the lifestyle ...) I just nodded in agreement, glad that he could justify it.

How could I have handled that better?

Also, these first meetings ... would you expect them to get into a lot of sexual detail? At one point he asked what kind of underwear I wore, and then said, "Would you go into the bathroom and take them off for me?" Well, I took that as a "would you do it now?" question, and came back with a "no." He claimed that it was just a theoretical question. But ... in first meetings ... would you expect to jump right into "What things have you tried? What do you like? How do you feel about humiliation?"

My expectations is that there would be some light conversation first, and perhaps if things started to click there could be more of those exploratory questions. But we had about 10-15 minutes of the light conversation, and then right into the BDSM discussion.

Where's the BDSM dating etiquette book?! HELP!

BDSM or otherwise, that just seems way out of order, just meeting as people first and seeing how things go would seem to be more natural and decent don't you think.