Inability to get off for Top

[Netzach]

Male yes. Female no.

That's interesting, I guess there is a way for a chick to pull off having an O face with a certain "that's hot" suaveness, where a guy doesn't have that at his disposal, but....I dunno, I find a lot of women charmingly embarrassed to be that out-of-control.

 

[Kailey_86]

Yep, I find sensory deprivation helps ie earplugs and a blindfold, blocking out the rest of the world means I can get lost in my own little fantasy.

Sometimes though I have wondered if hes gone off to make a cup of tea

i haven't masturbated in front of anyone and i think i would have a really hard time with it if Sir asked me to. Using a blindfold and earplugs would probably be the the only way i could manage to do it. Even then, i don't know if i could though. Time limits seem to help. The added pressure pushes me past the fear. i would start to only think about the time and not the fact that someone is watching. Ahhh! i'm scared to think about it though. i would feel VERY vulnerable. Still, it's another boundary to work past and another way to grow.

 

[snowy ciara]

It's very hard for me to come, with or without another person. It's getting easier, but the last persons I tried with weren't hung up on the big O. The last time, I really wanted to come, and I couldn't, so he sat behind me and I leaned on him and we sorta did the masturbation thing together. Um, that was masturbating me, not him. I still didn't come, but came a lot closer than I had before. He was cool that I didn't come because he knew I had fun. And he had LOTS of fun.

 

[ammre]

my situation personally. I talked to him and he asked me what i'd like to do differently and i said, "me and the orgasm thing, yeah, not so much"
He's still intrested whoo! He' still sorta learning too. He's got a good mind and dep intrest for it, but his last relationship which was quite long term and was vanilla, so we're learning together in a way. He didn't want to be too hard so he was being very nice last time, and i know he's very much a sadist, so i told him, "I know you were ebing gentle with me, and while that's good to start out, you can get harder, trust me i'll let you know if i can't take it."
His ropework he did with me was awesome. Just form that one time. He really thought it out and even though i could feel the end of the rope under my fingers, i still couldn't get it undone, but he could in seconds if he wanted. Whoo.


I'm excited about the possibilities.
(part of the reason i was scared i might have scared him off)

 

[Netzach]

my situation personally. I talked to him and he asked me what i'd like to do differently and i said, "me and the orgasm thing, yeah, not so much"
He's still intrested whoo! He' still sorta learning too. He's got a good mind and dep intrest for it, but his last relationship which was quite long term and was vanilla, so we're learning together in a way. He didn't want to be too hard so he was being very nice last time, and i know he's very much a sadist, so i told him, "I know you were ebing gentle with me, and while that's good to start out, you can get harder, trust me i'll let you know if i can't take it."
His ropework he did with me was awesome. Just form that one time. He really thought it out and even though i could feel the end of the rope under my fingers, i still couldn't get it undone, but he could in seconds if he wanted. Whoo.


I'm excited about the possibilities.
(part of the reason i was scared i might have scared him off)

Cool, being able to take some criticism is a really good thing in a play partner. It's sometimes really hard to do as a top - sounds like you may have some really good fun together!

 

[lil_slave_rose]

i haven't masturbated in front of anyone and i think i would have a really hard time with it if Sir asked me to. Using a blindfold and earplugs would probably be the the only way i could manage to do it. Even then, i don't know if i could though. Time limits seem to help. The added pressure pushes me past the fear. i would start to only think about the time and not the fact that someone is watching. Ahhh! i'm scared to think about it though. i would feel VERY vulnerable. Still, it's another boundary to work past and another way to grow.

the vulnerability of it is what excites me. i love masturbating for Master while He's giving me orders or talking 'dirty' to me, calling me names or whatever, it's a huge turn on but i can see where for others it might be the oppisite. and as with every boundry or limit that is being pushed the Dom needs to be patient and realize it may not work on the first attempt, that's what i don't get about the Dom in this situation. many limits are not overcome the first try, some take time to break that barrier down. if at first you don't suceed, try, try again and again and again...just my two cents of course

 

[ShyGuy68]

It's very hard for me to come, with or without another person. It's getting easier, but the last persons I tried with weren't hung up on the big O. The last time, I really wanted to come, and I couldn't, so he sat behind me and I leaned on him and we sorta did the masturbation thing together. Um, that was masturbating me, not him. I still didn't come, but came a lot closer than I had before. He was cool that I didn't come because he knew I had fun. And he had LOTS of fun.

I wish it had been me

 

[Shankara20]

ive never had that problem, but i havenoticed that it takes me longer when im being watched then when im by myself.

i'm wondering.. would some people rather fake it then admit they cant make themselves cum to a play partner? not a boyfried/girlfriend/PYL, but someone who you play with and dont have a serious emotional connection to.

I was never able to cum when directed by Ma'am - never. Whenever she directed that I cum I always ended up in tears so we just took that out of our sessions. The shame I was raised with created real problems for me and I have been working for years to resolve.

And "faking it" is not an option of a guy.

 

[ammre]

Cool, being able to take some criticism is a really good thing in a play partner. It's sometimes really hard to do as a top - sounds like you may have some really good fun together!

well he's learning too. He's got the nature and a lot of the knowlage but not the expierence. So this is nearly perfect, well, except for our badly aligned schedules.

 

[A Desert Rose]

I was never able to cum when directed by Ma'am - never. Whenever she directed that I cum I always ended up in tears so we just took that out of our sessions. The shame I was raised with created real problems for me and I have been working for years to resolve.

And "faking it" is not an option of a guy.

It's hard for me to cum when commanded to do so. The real reason for me is simply pressure. If I feel pressured, hurried or distracted at all, (all those things can be real or imagined by me) it's almost impossible for me to orgasm. When I can't orgasm, I feel like I've disappointed the other. It doesn't usually disappoint me because it's all good and all fun, regardless.

And it's a shame that faking it isn't an option for men. When I was younger, I did fake it. I don't anymore because like I said, it's still good and fun. Cumming is no longer the end-all-be-all for me. What really matters now is the interaction, closeness, intimacy with the other and I can get that while sitting across from him at dinner. ;-)

 

[serijules]

It's hard for me to cum when commanded to do so. The real reason for me is simply pressure. If I feel pressured, hurried or distracted at all, (all those things can be real or imagined by me) it's almost impossible for me to orgasm. When I can't orgasm, I feel like I've disappointed the other. It doesn't usually disappoint me because it's all good and all fun, regardless.

And it's a shame that faking it isn't an option for men. When I was younger, I did fake it. I don't anymore because like I said, it's still good and fun. Cumming is no longer the end-all-be-all for me. What really matters now is the interaction, closeness, intimacy with the other and I can get that while sitting across from him at dinner. ;-)

Well said, and exactly how I feel as well.

I can play for hours, be teased and touched....and not orgasm and be fine with that. In fact, the extra frustration from either not being allowed or not being able to is just all that more fun for me. I've had partners that were very focused on my orgasms and it got to the point where it was just easier to fake it than deal with their "I don't turn you on, you are not into me" woebegones afterwards. I'm so thankful I don't feel that way with Ma'am.

I have to ask permission to orgasm when Ma'am is playing with me and while I like the control aspect of being made to ask, it adds pressure and makes it harder for me to come because I feel like I HAVE to right after I ask, even if it takes more play and time to get me there. So I end up feeling hurried and frustrated. I need to talk to her about this because I think if I know it's ok that I don't come immediately, I'll feel better about it as I really DO like having to ask.

 

[FurryFury]

Wait, men can't fake it???

Fury

 

[Netzach]

Unrelated, kind of, but I've been trying to figure out how to decide it's a good stopping point when pegging a guy's ass.

The guys I do this with tend to get hard for fucking and be unable to get hard and stay hard, let alone ejaculate, when in the "I'm getting fucked" headspace....

Other than just starting in and stopping when I feel like it, I ask now the "I don't have to come, it just feels good" section of this thread - what kind of denouement or peak do you aim at? How do you and your top decide the "ok that was great, let's get waffles" point has been reached? I feel like I'm locked into the "orgasm is the point" thing or "catharsis and supspace is the point" thing with corporal (I'm kind of wired like a guy in some ways) that I don't have adequate sensitivity to how to "read" a person who's in it for other reasons, sexually. Any clues to make me less clueless?

 

[Shankara20]

Wait, men can't fake it???

Fury

well, I have once or twice while having below-the-waist orifice sex, but have not be able to fake it when a hand was involves...

or mouth for that matter....

 

[Shankara20]

....
I can play for hours, be teased and touched....and not orgasm and be fine with that. In fact, the extra frustration from either not being allowed or not being able to is just all that more fun for me. I've had partners that were very focused on my orgasms and it got to the point where it was just easier to fake it than deal with their "I don't turn you on, you are not into me" woebegones afterwards. I'm so thankful I don't feel that way with Ma'am.

I feel the same way. In addition - if I don't have a hard pecker right away I have gotten the same " I don't turn you on, you are not into me" thing.

I have removed the need to orgasm from my DBSM play and am much happier for it.

 

[A Desert Rose]

Unrelated, kind of, but I've been trying to figure out how to decide it's a good stopping point when pegging a guy's ass.

The guys I do this with tend to get hard for fucking and be unable to get hard and stay hard, let alone ejaculate, when in the "I'm getting fucked" headspace....

Other than just starting in and stopping when I feel like it, I ask now the "I don't have to come, it just feels good" section of this thread - what kind of denouement or peak do you aim at? How do you and your top decide the "ok that was great, let's get waffles" point has been reached? I feel like I'm locked into the "orgasm is the point" thing or "catharsis and supspace is the point" thing with corporal (I'm kind of wired like a guy in some ways) that I don't have adequate sensitivity to how to "read" a person who's in it for other reasons, sexually. Any clues to make me less clueless?

Well, I don't know. I can't answer this, I'm not a guy. I usually just say "this is probably not going to happen for me, but that doesn't mean we have to stop." ;-) I'd rather not stop, because as I said, the big O is not always going to be an ultimate goal for me.

You said the magic word, though... Waffles. Belgian, to be exact. I'm all over that.

 

[Netzach]

I feel the same way. In addition - if I don't have a hard pecker right away I have gotten the same " I don't turn you on, you are not into me" thing.

I have traveled well enough to know that often the BEST sexual moments for dudes happen without a hard pecker. See my inquiry above -- I'm talking moaning, clutching the sheets, gasping good times with a flaccid winkie.

Do I just pull the plug when my glutes get tired? Or what? One of my guys drops so deep that if I stop too soon it's seriously distressing/abandonment-like and if I just keep going as long as he can take it, I'd probably pass out on his back.

So when someone says "you don't have to stop" at what point would that change to "God, I wish she'd stop" and would you just say so?

 

[Shankara20]

Unrelated, kind of, but I've been trying to figure out how to decide it's a good stopping point when pegging a guy's ass.

The guys I do this with tend to get hard for fucking and be unable to get hard and stay hard, let alone ejaculate, when in the "I'm getting fucked" headspace....

Other than just starting in and stopping when I feel like it, I ask now the "I don't have to come, it just feels good" section of this thread - what kind of denouement or peak do you aim at? How do you and your top decide the "ok that was great, let's get waffles" point has been reached? I feel like I'm locked into the "orgasm is the point" thing or "catharsis and supspace is the point" thing with corporal (I'm kind of wired like a guy in some ways) that I don't have adequate sensitivity to how to "read" a person who's in it for other reasons, sexually. Any clues to make me less clueless?

Interesting question. I love being taken from behind for all the sensations involved. I seldom get hard or hold the need to orgasm. When playing at home as often as not getting off is not a part of the play.

I suppose a combination of observing the way his body is responding and direct communication (“want more you slut?”) would be as good a guide as any. I guess if he were bent over and you were hard at it and he said “there is that button in the corner I lost last week” would be a great indicator.

The orgasm is often used as an “its over” indicator for all genders, but it ain't necessarily so. But there is also a point where the energy is just gone, it has run out, it is over. No puddle on the floor/wall/ceiling, no need for aftercare, no cathartic release. Just a warm feeling.

I had one ProDomme that I really had to train that I was fine, felt great, and would return with future business, she just could not trust that I was happy without something for her to clean up.

PS- I had professional relationships with others where the expressed purpose of making a puddle was the reason for the visit and other play was not included.

 

[Shankara20]

I have traveled well enough to know that often the BEST sexual moments for dudes happen without a hard pecker. See my inquiry above -- I'm talking moaning, clutching the sheets, gasping good times with a flaccid winkie.

Do I just pull the plug when my glutes get tired? Or what? One of my guys drops so deep that if I stop too soon it's seriously distressing/abandonment-like and if I just keep going as long as he can take it, I'd probably pass out on his back. ?!?!

well - damn, that is a difficult call....

and you can just skip my last post - I know you had that area covered and now I feel a little silly saying what I did.

Oh well....

 

[Netzach]

I suppose a combination of observing the way his body is responding and direct communication (“want more you slut?”) would be as good a guide as any. I guess if he were bent over and you were hard at it and he said “there is that button in the corner I lost last week” would be a great indicator.

LOL you verbalized my question and concern better than I did. Thanks- I guess it's just a check-in thing with this one, he goes so non-verbal.

 

[Netzach]

and you can just skip my last post - I know you had that area covered and now I feel a little silly saying what I did.

Oh well....

No way, it was really helpful, and well stated!

 

[A Desert Rose]

I have traveled well enough to know that often the BEST sexual moments for dudes happen without a hard pecker. See my inquiry above -- I'm talking moaning, clutching the sheets, gasping good times with a flaccid winkie.

Do I just pull the plug when my glutes get tired? Or what? One of my guys drops so deep that if I stop too soon it's seriously distressing/abandonment-like and if I just keep going as long as he can take it, I'd probably pass out on his back.

So when someone says "you don't have to stop" at what point would that change to "God, I wish she'd stop" and would you just say so?

I know you're not asking me and I apologize for continuing to butt in here, but I would never just tell my Dom to stop. I would tell him if I didn't feel like an orgasm would be a happenin' event, though.

And then I'd be asking to go to IHOP.

 

[Shankara20]

So when someone says "you don't have to stop" at what point would that change to "God, I wish she'd stop" and would you just say so?

For me there is like a switch inside that goes off and what was grand a moment ago is a "pain in the ass" now.

And yes, I would say something like "wow, that was great, do you need a break now?"

That is one differance between being taken by a dildo and taken be a real live dick. If the dick gets going toward it's own big O and drive past body fatigue the ass and it's owner are just there for the ride, where the dildo driver will run out of energy sooner.

 

[Netzach]

I know you're not asking me and I apologize for continuing to butt in here, but I would never just tell my Dom to stop. I would tell him if I didn't feel like an orgasm would be a happenin' event, though.

And then I'd be asking to go to IHOP.

No this is helpful - it's really not a dick/pussy thing at all, I'm making the assumption that a woman who's getting off without having an orgasm and a guy who's getting off without having an orgasm are not really all that different necessarily and your thoughts are sought here. And this is, I'm thinking, some of my concern - I'm dealing with someone who wants to give me positive feedback on this SO BAD that I don't think it's in his capabilities to turn around and say "Ok, that was great" - if something hurts, he'll let me know, I can tell, but other than that it's very clear that he'd like to go on, and on and on.

 

[Netzach]

For me there is like a switch inside that goes off and what was grand a moment ago is a "pain in the ass" now.

And yes, I would say something like "wow, that was great, do you need a break now?"

That is one differance between being taken by a dildo and taken be a real live dick. If the dick gets going toward it's own big O and drive past body fatigue the ass and it's owner are just there for the ride, where the dildo driver will run out of energy sooner.

Double

ended

Nexus.

but yes, my attention span is finite, indeed. And this one's so totally bottomless once you get him going. Or if he's getting tired of it, he's not letting me know...hm.