is it wrong to miss Sir so much you cry?

[princesssuzanne]

.......

 

[Stella_Omega]

i'm aware that this is not going to last forever but He is a wonderful person who doesn't get off on treating me like crap.

That's a very good start.

Ask him what the collar of consideration means to him, please.

Maybe he is also aware that it won't last forever, maybe he expects to take actual possession of you.

 

[CutieMouse]

i'm aware that this is not going to last forever but He is a wonderful person who doesn't get off on treating me like crap.

*feels the need to point out there are plenty of people in the world who won't treat you like crap, but will give you fun BDSM type experiences, without the silly "collar of consideration" BS.*

 

[princesssuzanne]

.......

 

[Stella_Omega]

He has already told me what it means to Him.
i am well aware of what i have gotten myself into. i chose it after all and He makes sure everyday that i am aware of it.

And that would be?

 

[princesssuzanne]

.......

 

[Stella_Omega]

i would prefer not to post it here since this is something private between Him and i. If you would really like to know Stella then by all means, PM me and i will tell you.

All of a sudden it's private, huh princess?


I'm thinking its useless to try to tell a young woman anything she doesn't want to hear. But know everyone who's commented here mean well, and we care more about your happiness than we care about your hurt feelings.

 

[chy_girl]

i would prefer not to post it here since this is something private between Him and i. If you would really like to know Stella then by all means, PM me and i will tell you.

I couldn't imagine taking the collar - even a collar of consideration - of someone when the part that made the collaring worthwhile couldn't be shouted from the rafters on a BDSM board.

Then again, I tend to favor transparency. The lack of that tends to create a very hot inferno that can quickly burn to the bone. Not such a fun lesson to learn for anyone, let alone a newer sub-type.

All of a sudden it's private, huh princess?


I'm thinking its useless to try to tell a young woman anything she doesn't want to hear. But know everyone who's commented here mean well, and we care more about your happiness than we care about your hurt feelings.

The cumulative experience on the board is amazing. And Stella's right. We do care about your happiness and, for some of us, that includes emotional safety.

 

[JMohegan]

The double standard in these discussions always amuses me.

Here we have a tale of two people who have: A) been in a relationship the exact same short period time, and B) seen & spoken to each other the exact same number of times, and C) mutually engaged in the collar of consideration exchange thing, and yet... nearly everyone rushes to assume that the D is the big bad wolf and the s is a tender & delicate, errr... princess in this story. A princess in need of warning and saving and omg honey watch out.

Hmm.

True, it's unlikely that the D in the tale is weeping after every phone call, or even after the occasional phone call, or whatever the OP has decided we're talking about now. But isn't it worth at least considering the possibility that the emotional instability of the princess is brought on by whatever issues she brought to the table, rather than by the guy with the collar-stage fetish?

Personally I find this a cautionary tale for D-types, not the other way around.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Yes, but he isn't here asking for sympathy and advice, and she is.

But that thought totally occurred to me too. If he were here, I think we'd be advising him that the young lady needs to do some growing up before he takes her on full time -- counselling her to date instead of marry, so to speak, works both ways.

 

[princesssuzanne]

......

 

[chy_girl]

The double standard in these discussions always amuses me.
*snip*

What Stella said. And if you've noticed, the encouragement of transperancy and discussing things with the PYL will also offer him the oportunity to further evaluate the situation in which he is entering.

Besides, the suggestion of a noobie to guard their heart a bit isn't because of the Big Bad Dom - it's because they are a noobie sub who should be cautious of handing someone that much of their self on a platter. I imagine that there would be something similar for noobie Doms, but that I don't have any practical experience with so I try to leave that part to you and the rest of the Dom-types.

WHOA! Marriage is not a part of this. That is not what the collar of consideration means to Him. W/we both know that this will not last forever but W/we also know that W/we are going to care about one another and have fun during our time together.

Granted, it may not mean that to him but it does mean that in the BDSM world. And in the BDSM world a collar is very much like an engagement ring. And you'll find that, with those who practice such things, it's a very serious matter tends not to take lightly. Now that I think about about it, collars have to be the one thing I have never heard joked about in my local community. Ever.

Point being, people will take the meaning of a collar by community standards. Just like the 'nilla side of life would take a ring worn on the ring finger of your left hand by community standards.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Maybe he just wants her to wear a collar because collars are so fetching? Personally, I'm totally on board with that. I love to put collars on my bottoms for the night we play. But that's a collar of cuteness or something.

 

[chy_girl]

Maybe he just wants her to wear a collar because collars are so fetching? Personally, I'm totally on board with that. I love to put collars on my bottoms for the night we play. But that's a collar of cuteness or something.

LOL - collars of cuteness are a bit different than the other sorts of collars. You can damned well bet that people who don't know the exact situation straight from the pyl's mouth take a collar around the neck as a collar and not a fashion accessory, though.

There are some very pretty play collars out there. Enough that I do wish I could pull a few of them off in everyday life as a fashion accessory.

 

[sweepthefloor]

I might be happy to experience crying from missing someone so much, a few times.
I think I would like a collar of cuteness too.

 

[Cattypuss]

WHOA! Marriage is not a part of this. That is not what the collar of consideration means to Him. W/we both know that this will not last forever but W/we also know that W/we are going to care about one another and have fun during our time together.

Careful with the W/w malarkey. Wouldn't want you getting RSI at your age.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Careful with the W/w malarkey. Wouldn't want you getting RSI at your age.

I love that word; "Malarkey"


I know exactly one person who is currently wearing a collar of consideration, and my local community (Los Angeles after all,) is HUGE.

And when it was announced, lemme tell you -- people were congratulating him, and he was blushing like a bride-to-be.

 

[chy_girl]

I love that word; "Malarkey"


I know exactly one person who is currently wearing a collar of consideration, and my local community (Los Angeles after all,) is HUGE.

And when it was announced, lemme tell you -- people were congratulating him, and he was blushing like a bride-to-be.

LOL - As it should be!

The more commitment oriented collars (for lack of a better term) are amazingly special things. That tangible symbolism of something so intimate can quickly become what feels like another body part. There are days when I still miss my collar so much it makes my heart ache.

He's a very lucky man and I wish him well.

 

[the captians wench]

Maybe he just wants her to wear a collar because collars are so fetching? Personally, I'm totally on board with that. I love to put collars on my bottoms for the night we play. But that's a collar of cuteness or something.

LOL - collars of cuteness are a bit different than the other sorts of collars. You can damned well bet that people who don't know the exact situation straight from the pyl's mouth take a collar around the neck as a collar and not a fashion accessory, though.

There are some very pretty play collars out there. Enough that I do wish I could pull a few of them off in everyday life as a fashion accessory.

I have a lot of cute collars. I used to wear one every day. I have a patent leather one with matching leash (from petsmart) that I wear when ever I go to something gothy. They have rhinestone hearts.

 

[Etoile]

Oh my.

 

[Stella_Omega]

I have a lot of cute collars. I used to wear one every day. I have a patent leather one with matching leash (from petsmart) that I wear when ever I go to something gothy. They have rhinestone hearts.

I have one, which is black leather with steel plates, a few spiked studs, and a lockable hasp closure. I earned it on the weekend that formed the basis for "The Baroness's Boy" and I don't share it with anyone.

I have a patent leather rhinestoned collar and one in brown latigo plus brass fittings, to put on playmates if they don't have one of their own already.

But my problem with collars is that they cover up exactly the place I want to bite!

 

[chy_girl]

I have one, which is black leather with steel plates, a few spiked studs, and a lockable hasp closure. I earned it on the weekend that formed the basis for "The Baroness's Boy" and I don't share it with anyone.

I have a patent leather rhinestoned collar and one in brown latigo plus brass fittings, to put on playmates if they don't have one of their own already.

But my problem with collars is that they cover up exactly the place I want to bite!

My favorite collar of all time was a simple choke chain from the pet section. The first time I wore it was when we were going out and it was held together with the clip on the matching leash. Which worked great till the leash came off so we could play. As the People were rummaging around to find something that would hold it together one of the regulars pulled a small padlock with keys out of his pocket and handed it to her. That became my play collar till a few weeks after we'd moved into the training collar.

I still haven't figured out exactly what part made something so simple the most favored, but that was it. And it had the added bonus of enclosing the neck in such a way as to free up those delightful places to bite.

 

[fuckmeat]

I think it's more a Fetlife thing than anything else. They have check boxes over there for things like 'under consideration' and doms have a lot of fun devising probationary periods and encouraging cybersubs to vie for their collar. Stands to reason in a way that people who start their dynamic within Fet and then move it elsewhere take their props and protocols with them.

If she did consider it to be engagement ring-esque at this stage, then I'd be bothered. Seems to me they both realise it's early days and all in the name of fun.

Basically, what Stella_Omega said. She's smart, that one. You sound young-ish. When I was younger, I flipped really hard for my first submissive partner, who happened to be an older woman. When we find the things we crave, it's like a total shock to the system, and we get swept up in illusory tides. I don't regret it much, save for the time I should have spent getting to know myself better. Good luck with everything.

Good insight here.

 

[Stella_Omega]

I think it's more a Fetlife thing than anything else. They have check boxes over there for things like 'under consideration' and doms have a lot of fun devising probationary periods and encouraging cybersubs to vie for their collar. Stands to reason in a way that people who start their dynamic within Fet and then move it elsewhere take their props and protocols with them.

If she did consider it to be engagement ring-esque at this stage, then I'd be bothered. Seems to me they both realise it's early days and all in the name of fun.



Good insight here.

Ah, that makes sense then.

 

[where]

But that's a collar of cuteness or something.

I should totally get on the ball with that one!