Is this a form of Domination?

[catalina_francisco]

I get caught off guard from time to time. He find the soft spot no matter how much armour i have on....i just need to get better at the armour part i suppose. I actually posted the thread to see if others have ever gotten themselves in a similar position because they are sub, and i have learned that some do. So that helps me not feel like the biggest horses ass in the world...and then he doesn't win I guess this thread was a way for me to regain my strength. Sorry i sounded like a crybaby.

LOL, you a crybaby?!! No way, just in a tough position that needs lots of positive support to get you through....and that is natural. I guess my words came from knowing it is wonderful to have people offer a soft place to fall and get the empathy and understanding you need, but it won't get you past this on it's own and I know you have the smarts to know that. The KC I have seen on this board is gutsy, human, caring, and not about to be pushed into a corner where she doesn't belong. Men like this one know instinctively how to find the chinks in the armour but you will find ways over time to block those gaps so he falls flat on his cowardly butt.

I'm also not sure this happens to women 'because' they are submissives or even submissive in nature....I have worked with too many women to believe that. It does happen to women who are submissives, but also happens to women who are vanilla and very strong in all ways. I think it is important to not look to your submissiveness as a reason or excuse for it otherwise you are in danger of beginning to acccept it has to be this way and you have no control over it, which is a recipe for disaster and more of the same as long as he wishes to inflict it. It also begins over time in many cases to attach negative feelings to your submissiveness. Don't let him rob you of your pride and strength in who you are.

Catalina

 

[YinandYang]

When a man repeatedly tries to make you feel small.
When he digs deep into your self esteem looking for a hole.
When the words from his mouth are like venom.
When he tells you how much he despises you but won't go.
When he knocks your sexual self down by telling you he can not perform because you are unattractive in every way to him.

In a D/s sense...it might be hot for some. Yes? or No?

This describes a person who actually is dealing with those issues themself. Kind of like making someone else feel bad to hide or cover their own insecurities. Its not dominance, it selfish, cowardly and very weak....I would run a mile

 

[Cherrysweetdeal]

bad memories...

That is not domination it is abuse and anyone who has problems with that should get help, either talk to a friend or talk to the police, even the womens center up here at the University is worth going to for that. Although I have talked to people who choose to act like that, and when I was younger dealt with it as a child, it is not a proper way to treat people.

As I am still fixing and learning how to deal with bullying such as that I had in highschool it was not at all pleasurable, personally it made me want to wretch and there are still days that I berate myself. Thank god for family and friends who will spend their time and help you laugh and feel better.

As I have no advice that anyone else has given, I would just like to share my opinion.

Find something that makes you happy and you feel comfortable doing, it will help you feel better and give you confidence in life to do what you want.

You could always give him the number to a psychiatrist....

cherry

 

[bd85dmc]

I've read that BDSM is truly the most intellectual sexual pursuit there is, and I think that is true -- but it is also very visceral, very primal.

For me, the point of having a sub is to strip away all of the crap that our society puts onto girls and women (and beleive you me, I have my work cut out) and to allow them to relinquish responsibility. Then and only then do they feel most comfortable exploring the highly sexual parts of their nature without fear of repurcussion...

There are many layers going on here. Just my initial thoughts.

From what it seems to me, this guy is just adding on to those layers, not working to strip them away. And that, in my opinion, is self-defeating: for you, for the relationship, for him.

 

[LunarKitten]

Unless you've chosen to submit to him, this is VERY MUCH verbal abuse.

I will go out on a limb and say that even if you've submitted to him, unless this was part of your relationship negotation - humiliation can be a big turn on to a lot of people out there - it is still very much abuse, verbal and emotional.

He is not a Dom at all, but a domineering asshole who needs to be taken down a few pegs!

*gets out a hammer and nail, something she learned from watching her favorite Fem Dom*

 

[LunarKitten]

G iggling at the last line. You and i see things very much alike at times.






As some know, this is a description of someone who is very much a part of my life unfortunately. Although we live in separate places we are still legally bound in marriage. Often i wonder where the attraction came from, and where i got fooled and why he wont just leave me alone. I think a lot has to do with my being a submissive woman. Because you see....all those things if done the way a dominant would....would be a mind fuck i would prolly love. So from time to time i ponder things such as...how many other bright strong submissive females fall prey to this type of person.
I know my self esteem is seriously damaged and one sentence from him can send me spiraling into the deepest darkest hole. If a person has no choice but to be around the other... how do you avoid that from happening?

Unfortunately, a lot of submissives fall into this trap. They don't feel like they are "real" submissives unless they are in a relationship, so they jump into the first offer of a relationship they receive without thought as to whether the relationship is a good fit. (Not to say that this is what happened you )

It's hard to keep away from them, if you have no other choice than to stay. But you have us around to let you know you are millions of times better than he makes you feel.

 

[heckle]

If this is done during play or a scene or your into humiliation, then it is fine. If it is done all the time, then it is wrong.