Is this REALLY how a female led relationshp works?

[Thumpingrug]

Get out of this relationship as soon as possible.

 

[infinity706]

I just meant it about how demanding he's being. With a pro, the bottom still runs the show and requests certain kinks/fantasies fulfilled. In a relationship, you're supposed to consider the other person's needs; with a pro, you're paying to not have to. (As I understand it anyway.)

Yeah, that's true. Of course, pros only put up with so much as well.

 

[Kikori]

Are you even a Domme in real life or is it just a role you play to cater to his fantasies?

My husband had suggested that we try male chastity and entering a female led relationship last year because of my complaints about how infrequently we had sex. This has been a complete failure. I thought I had done enough research on this but I don't think we were on the same page. I agreed to do this because my libido exceeds his by quite a bit. Maybe we could keep him in the mood so he'd be ready more than just once every other six weeks or so.

Now that that's answered, to neophyte. Read this post. Then read it again. Then read it once more. If it still hasn't sunk in for whatever reason, read this post, then read this one again. If you still can't grasp it, you're masochistic.

 

[YourCaptor]

Man, I feel like there should be some punishment for this. Like, not just making things better for neophyte, but making him suffer for being an insensitive prick.

He's basically getting free pro-Domme services, it sounds like. I wouldn't keep it up.

I agree

Note to board:

if someone is going out of his way to make a woman fuck him in the ass and driving her batshit insane rather than just going out and sucking some cock or getting it up the ass from guys he's not "gay."

Also agree

 

[Betticus]

It was actually this that made me lean toward the tendency to be attracted to sex with other men.

Actually, no. He wants me to force him to be with a man.

 

[Netzach]

It was actually this that made me lean toward the tendency to be attracted to sex with other men.

I missed that. Could be. Also sounds just par for the control course - wanting someone to force you to do something they don't want or give a rat's ass about.

 

[Adakgirl]

He's a closet gay, 86 his ass out the door, he will never be attracted to you sexually, you will never have a satisfying sexual relationship with him. Stop expecting that of him because he can't give it to you. He is simply manipulating you and using you to get his sissified ass fucked.

 

[ZRT]

Y'know, I've been reluctant to join in what I knew would be the inevitable chorus of 'ditch the bitch' because there's two sides to every story.

But honestly, barring complete and total dishonesty by the OP, I can't see a rational 'good side' to the other end of this one.

So, yeah, ditch the bitch.

 

[Netzach]

Y'know, I've been reluctant to join in what I knew would be the inevitable chorus of 'ditch the bitch' because there's two sides to every story.

But honestly, barring complete and total dishonesty by the OP, I can't see a rational 'good side' to the other end of this one.

So, yeah, ditch the bitch.

I know, It's really not my style at all to come off like that. It's just a personality that had such a familiar ring to it as described.

 

[Mansa Musa]

No, you are incorrect in picking up sarcasm.

I really fully support that kind of thing. Got a bull, got a humiliated sexually deprived slave. It's good stuff.

I see. Well, I'm going to send a PM to a Litizen... In North Carolina.

 

[Adakgirl]

if someone is going out of his way to make a woman fuck him in the ass and driving her batshit insane rather than just going out and sucking some cock or getting it up the ass from guys he's not "gay

."

I disagree, if he is a closet gay who is in denial, who refuses to admit it to himself and recognize that fact or he has realized it and is angry about it, then he will to do anything he can to avoid living a gay lifestyle and he will do that by manipulating his wife to into meeting his his sexual needs in whatever way works for him, rather than go out and pick up a man.

It's very obvious to me by the OP's description that this man has no heterosexual sexual desire whatsoever. But the real point here is she is living a very unhappy, unsatisfying, unrewarding life and has done everything she can to make it better. None of her effort has paid off, it just hasn't worked. So my advice is to get out of it now so she can start working towards her own peace of mind, comfort and happiness.

 

[Betticus]

I view it from a slightly different angle. If he is in denial of homosexual feelings then by using the psychological trick of passing on the "responsibility" and "blame" to her for forcing him to do it then he gets to rationalize away his own closeted sexual preferences. In essence, he's not gay for something he was forced to do even if it brought him sexual satisfaction.

 

[Etoile]

Gay as a noun just makes me twitchy. Anyone else? It's like saying deaf as a noun.

 

[satindesire]

I just want to know one thing:

Why on EARTH are you still putting up with this? After so long being so unhappy, what makes you think sticking around is doing you any good at all?!

Aren't you worth more than this?

It takes more than love to be in a relationship sweetie, and right now, you being in love with him is all you got.

And I'm even doubting that too.

Just go. Pack your shit and get the hell out while you still have some of your self esteem and sanity left.

 

[Adakgirl]

I view it from a slightly different angle. If he is in denial of homosexual feelings then by using the psychological trick of passing on the "responsibility" and "blame" to her for forcing him to do it then he gets to rationalize away his own closeted sexual preferences. In essence, he's not gay for something he was forced to do even if it brought him sexual satisfaction.

Exactly my point.

 

[southernsky]

Be prepared for the fact that if he's this controlling in your sexual life, he may be over the top if you decide to leave. I would not tell him if you plan to leave, I would pack the most important things and leave them with a close trusted friend, and maybe not even tell him face-to-face that you're not going to be there. Give him a week or two to really show his stuff, is he going to turn stalker on you, violent, etc., and don't tell him where you're staying. I don't trust men in breakup situations even when they act "normal", I certainly would not trust this guy to act anything remotely close to sane if you were to leave him or even start talking or acting like it. Remember, stay safe, overestimate what someone may do when threatened rather than underestimate. Do you have money of your own that's separate? I wouldn't trust him not to pull a lot of strings to try to get you back.

 

[neophyte4ever]

I wanted to thank everyone who responded. It was not easy to present this, even in an anonymous forum. I'm sure there are plenty of fun things to talk about and this isn't one of them.

I have been seeing a sex therapist/marriage counselor for three years alone. My husband had agreed to go, I even made the appointments on his days off, but he refused and never attended a single one. His reasons varied including he didn't have the time to my now favorite, he didn't want to hurt my feelings. The therapist would always be siding with him and he didn't think I could handle that.

At my job, I am demanding, in control, and pretty dynamic. It doesn't matter who has the title of "the boss", no matter where I work, within a few weeks, everyone defers to me. I know all about behavior modification as I train dogs and horses. Horses and dogs defer to me because of my body language and intent and nothing more. I don't beg a horse to do anything, I ask, tell, and then promise.

Get me naked and I'm the exact opposite of how I appear in public. As a lover, I am submissive. My fantasies all involve me being tied up, not the other way around and have been since I was seven years old. I have never had a fantasy of dominating someone.

I am trying to remove myself from the situation and taken in all the pieces and see what is really going on. He may have a fantasy of who he thinks I am that doesn't correspond to who I really am. That doesn't excuse his behavior nor negate my emotions and feelings of rejection, but it could explain why no matter what I say doesn't register. This situation is wrong and toxic. His spoiled behavior is just that, spoiled. If he were a dog and acted this way, I'd immediately start him on a "Nothing in life is free" program and extinguish those behaviors.

 

[Etoile]

I wanted to thank everyone who responded. It was not easy to present this, even in an anonymous forum. I'm sure there are plenty of fun things to talk about and this isn't one of them.

I have been seeing a sex therapist/marriage counselor for three years alone. My husband had agreed to go, I even made the appointments on his days off, but he refused and never attended a single one. His reasons varied including he didn't have the time to my now favorite, he didn't want to hurt my feelings. The therapist would always be siding with him and he didn't think I could handle that.

At my job, I am demanding, in control, and pretty dynamic. It doesn't matter who has the title of "the boss", no matter where I work, within a few weeks, everyone defers to me. I know all about behavior modification as I train dogs and horses. Horses and dogs defer to me because of my body language and intent and nothing more. I don't beg a horse to do anything, I ask, tell, and then promise.

Get me naked and I'm the exact opposite of how I appear in public. As a lover, I am submissive. My fantasies all involve me being tied up, not the other way around and have been since I was seven years old. I have never had a fantasy of dominating someone.

I am trying to remove myself from the situation and taken in all the pieces and see what is really going on. He may have a fantasy of who he thinks I am that doesn't correspond to who I really am. That doesn't excuse his behavior nor negate my emotions and feelings of rejection, but it could explain why no matter what I say doesn't register. This situation is wrong and toxic. His spoiled behavior is just that, spoiled. If he were a dog and acted this way, I'd immediately start him on a "Nothing in life is free" program and extinguish those behaviors.

Oh honey...I'm sorry this is so hard on you. It really sounds like he is being abusive to you - withholding sex, demanding you do things you don't enjoy, refusing to seek help with the relationship, etc. I'm sorry you've been putting up with it for so long. Please make plans to get out of there...he is NOT being an equal partner in the relationship. He is not treating you right. I know divorces are messy affairs - I watched my wife go through it with her ex-husband, and that was an amicable split - but you need to be free from this. You're exactly right, it's toxic - I hope you can get out soon, save your sanity, and find happiness.

 

[Netzach]

Get me naked and I'm the exact opposite of how I appear in public. As a lover, I am submissive. My fantasies all involve me being tied up, not the other way around and have been since I was seven years old. I have never had a fantasy of dominating someone.

I have seen my share of disasters that result from submissive men confusing a woman's public life with her private life and desires. This makes sense to me. There's no reason the externals and internals have to line up. I've never inspired deference in the corporate ranks, but prefer it at home anyway, so don't really care.

 

[Mansa Musa]

I wanted to thank everyone who responded. It was not easy to present this, even in an anonymous forum. I'm sure there are plenty of fun things to talk about and this isn't one of them.

I have been seeing a sex therapist/marriage counselor for three years alone. My husband had agreed to go, I even made the appointments on his days off, but he refused and never attended a single one. His reasons varied including he didn't have the time to my now favorite, he didn't want to hurt my feelings. The therapist would always be siding with him and he didn't think I could handle that.

At my job, I am demanding, in control, and pretty dynamic. It doesn't matter who has the title of "the boss", no matter where I work, within a few weeks, everyone defers to me. I know all about behavior modification as I train dogs and horses. Horses and dogs defer to me because of my body language and intent and nothing more. I don't beg a horse to do anything, I ask, tell, and then promise.

Get me naked and I'm the exact opposite of how I appear in public. As a lover, I am submissive. My fantasies all involve me being tied up, not the other way around and have been since I was seven years old. I have never had a fantasy of dominating someone.

I am trying to remove myself from the situation and taken in all the pieces and see what is really going on. He may have a fantasy of who he thinks I am that doesn't correspond to who I really am. That doesn't excuse his behavior nor negate my emotions and feelings of rejection, but it could explain why no matter what I say doesn't register. This situation is wrong and toxic. His spoiled behavior is just that, spoiled. If he were a dog and acted this way, I'd immediately start him on a "Nothing in life is free" program and extinguish those behaviors.

Then do so. If he's causing that much trouble, you sound like you're used to putting people in their place. BTW, you're sounding more and more like a hotwife than ever. Are you sure that you aren't interested in the lifestyle? If you're truly interested in staying together, your submissive streak and his taste for feminization would make the two of you an exemplary hotwife/cuckold duo.

 

[headslave]

It seems like you two just don't have good sexual chemistry and the chastity play is just heightening this fact.