JUDO's Gunfight Thread, the 4th

[Eumenides]

Why'd I decide to judge? *shoots both contestants with cherry kool-aid*

*grumbles*

 

[Guest]

I'd forgotten the judges are supposed to understand the rules too.

*swallows the whole flask in one gulp.*

 

[Eumenides]

I'd forgotten the judges are supposed to understand the rules too.

*swallows the whole flask in one gulp.*

Hey! You were supposed to share! *growls*

 

[Liar]

Ok, this was fun. Perks, don't sell yourself short, that was some razor sharp stuff. It's in the hands of the formidable three now, I guess.

Now, if y'all excuse me, I'll just stagger off and bleed for a while.



#L

 

[Lauren Hynde]

Very well done. You haven't disappointed me*.

It's up to the three judges now. Please PM me your rulings within the next 24 hours.

* except Liar, who completely misunderstood the NO RHYMING clause. lol

 

[Guest]

Very well done. You haven't disappointed me*.

It's up to the three judges now. Please PM me your rulings within the next 24 hours.

* except Liar, who completely misunderstood the NO RHYMING clause. lol

Sheesh! Thanks a bunch, lauren - that was the only comment I had so far.

 

[Liar]

Very well done. You haven't disappointed me*.

It's up to the three judges now. Please PM me your rulings within the next 24 hours.

* except Liar, who completely misunderstood the NO RHYMING clause. lol

Whaaat? But u zed...

 

[Lauren Hynde]

Whaaat? But u zed...

"The only limitation is you cannot use any pre-defined rhyme scheme whatsoever, other than eye rhymes (i.e. words that are written in a similar way but that are pronounced differently and, hence, do not make an auditory rhyme, like slaughter and laughter)"

In Perks' first poem, for example:
- cough / though / through

 

[tungtied2u]

Great gunfight!

Everyone else left town! And for good reason. Them's bullets was flying. I may be the only townsperson who lived to tell the tale.
Well done gunslingers. Now empty out those extra bullets and let's have a drink or 3.



(originally posted in another part of town)

 

[Liar]

"The only limitation is you cannot use any pre-defined rhyme scheme whatsoever, other than eye rhymes (i.e. words that are written in a similar way but that are pronounced differently and, hence, do not make an auditory rhyme, like slaughter and laughter)"

In Perks' first poem, for example:
- cough / though / through

Huh. I read that all the wrong ways then.

"Rhyme scheme" in my vocabulary means something more than the odd rhyming word. Scheme implies structure and regularity to it.

I tried to thow in a bunches of eye rhymes though. Ain't they there? Don't tell me I shmessed up what that is too. Wait...are eye rhymes about spelling? Must they "rhyme" letter-wise in the end?

Well, bugger. Hand me the wooden suit.

 

[tungtied2u]

"The only limitation is you cannot use any pre-defined rhyme scheme whatsoever, other than eye rhymes (i.e. words that are written in a similar way but that are pronounced differently and, hence, do not make an auditory rhyme, like slaughter and laughter)"

In Perks' first poem, for example:
- cough / though / through

But I thought cough/ though / through do rhyme.
And are you saying laughter isn't pronounced law-ter?
This IS a very eddicational site.

 

[Guest]

*stubs out another pencil* Damn weak moments! Pass the bottle Eummie.......



Eummie?






Uh-oh.

 

[Eumenides]

*stubs out another pencil* Damn weak moments! Pass the bottle Eummie.......



Eummie?






Uh-oh.

I went to the store. *hands Tess a fifth* There ya go, sweetie.

 

[Guest]

I went to the store. *hands Tess a fifth* There ya go, sweetie.

Thanks sugah. I needed that. Sorry you're not feeling so good - this can't be helping any


How's it coming? I'm having to waffle.

 

[Eumenides]

Thanks sugah. I needed that. Sorry you're not feeling so good - this can't be helping any


How's it coming? I'm having to waffle.

I submitted mine. I don't think I'll ever be a judge again. *laughing*

I'm feeling better, but yeah, drinking doesn't help much. LOL

 

[Lauren Hynde]

The Judges Speaketh:



champagne1982:

Thematically, you both have filled the envious emotional requirement of the contest, Perks gives us two, I'll judge the second effort.

I don't really feel your envy for the people you both are describing but I feel theirs reflected back at me, so as for theme development, this is a draw. Perks would have won if I'd been judging her first effort .

*******

In meeting the guidelines as to form and rhyme scheme I think you both avoided the structured rhyme and valiantly attempted to meet the eye rhyme count. I wish Liar would have understood this and then his poem would have been the mould we could all use as a standard. Instead, I'll point out the ones I found in Perks' poems.

Poem 1 - cough/through, through/though, laughter/slaughter and after diligent searching I stumbled upon so/do.

Poem 2 - grown/frown, four/sour, moot/foot and though/through.

Perks' wins this round but only because, I think, English is her native tongue . There's an awful lot said about tongues on this thread...

*******

I hate to decide which poem wins. I can mention which left a stronger impression with me. While both of Perks are good looks at how a person experiences that gut wrench of envy, Liar's poem best caught the trait on more levels. It moved me to think that the waitress almost hated the bar patrons. Their freedom to stumble off and continue the "good time" they'd started rather than behaving responsibly really seems to get to her.

Liar wins the artistic impression point.

*******

I love being this evil. I have to declare the 4th shootout a draw.

Thank you Perks and Liar. I enjoyed reading and thinking about your poetry. I am awed. You're both excellent writers and I stepped up to the judging bench excited at this chance to take a close look at your skills. I'm not disappointed. These poems are fantastic and full of passion worthy of editing and submitting. <champagne bubbles>Excellent fight</bubbles>.

P.S. - Liar, it's Debauchery


Winner: draw


* * *


Tristesse:

Thoughts

This seemed to be a confusing challenge to our worthy gun totin’ poets
Both slingers did terrific fast draws – simultaneously, but perks pulled off two shots so I have had to pick one, not my favourite of the two.

Handling the restraints

Restraint = no auditory rhyming allowed.

Perks

One couplet snuck in, the first two lines of the last verse

“when I asked her if she
still wanted to be me”


Liar

Rhymes pop up all through Liar’s poem

Abiding by the rules

Rules = Your poem must consist of at least four eye rhymes.

= Isolate a person from your everyday life, someone who you would otherwise not notice and using him/her as a hook on which to hang a theme of jealousy. What is it about these secondary characters in your life that you envy?

Perks

Perks got all four eye rhymes and wove them seamlessly into her poem. However the theme of jealousy wasn’t present. It wasn’t clear what part this “silly, little girl” plays in perks’ life, which, if I understand the rules, was one of the stipulations. Also the rules wanted the poet to be jealous of the character not the reverse

Liar

I think Liar misunderstood the instructions.

Closing words

Perks

I chose this of the two – TWO – poems perks produced in the given time to critique, but only because she followed the rules more faithfully with this one. To be honest, I preferred perks’ other poem but it was less true to the stipulations.

Liar

I love this poem which is brilliant given the time constraints but it ain’t what we’re looking for here. In which thread were your rules posted Liar? This is a so good given the time allowed but you broke all the rules!



Winner: All three poems are worthy but Perks wins


* * *


Eumenides:

Thoughts

Before analyzing the requirements of the poetry challenge, I’d like to share my thoughts on these poems as a whole. I think that neither of the poets were at their very best, but showed us their delicious flair for wordplay, especially considering the constraints. In Perks’ first poem, I could feel the underlying anger, the jealousy. I could picture myself there. It has an attitude that makes it easy to read aloud and play with, in an emotional sense. (Hey, I’m an actor, what more can you ask than to find something so easy to interpret vocally?). Her second didn’t really say jealousy to me as much as I would have liked. It was more like fickle admiration, in my eyes. But the poem reads very directly and shows the fickleness of four year olds so well. I found myself chuckling at the little girl. Liar’s poem showed a great deal of poetic tools (assonance, alliteration, etc.), and was fun to read, but I found myself dissecting it to really read the emotion in it until the last few stanzas when it became clearer to me. The wordplay is fun, but some of it clouds the meaning for me in places. Going on just which poem I felt was better before the dissection, I would say Liar.

Now to dissect. (argh…why’d I decide to judge?)

Details

Theme

I think that both Perks’ first poem and Liar’s poem fit the theme of jealousy well.

Language

Liar’s use of language drew me in more than Perks’, but the two styles are very different. Perks’ language conveyed emotion, while Liar’s conveyed images that touched on emotion.

Rhyme

As for the eye-rhymes, Perks more successfully filled the requirements. Her eye rhymes were not sound rhymes. Liar’s, however, were. Table and unable, scattered shattered and matter, etc. Therefore, there was far too much actual rhyme to fit the requirements of the challenge.

So, it comes down to the decision. *grumbles* While I want to vote Liar, I just can’t see how he could win the fight without fulfilling the requirements. It’d be like him turning around before the count was over, right? (Yes, I’m looking for validation).


Winner: Perks


* * *


So, by a 2.5 to 0.5 ruling, the victory tonight goes to Perks.

Congratulations to both of you for a great fight!

 

[tungtied2u]

Thanks Perks and Liar

for a great gunfight, as well as preamble to it. Congratulations on both your works.
Wish I had half your talent, and a quarter of your courage.

And thanks to all the judges- Champers, Eumneides and Tristesse. Talk about courage!
I think it may be more valiant tobe a juge than a contestant. Your analysis was worthy equal to the effort of the contestants.
I appreciate the time and thought all of you put forth.
Totally enjoyable! Thanks all!

 

[Liar]

Good job judges. Insightful analysis and very good motivations for your rulings. I agree completely with the honorable three. Misreading the rules as well as the definition of the core point of one of them no challenge victory makes. 's even a lil embarrassing you gave it such effort to explain yourself.

Besides, perks poems, especially the first one, rocked my socks.

#L

 

[Honey123]

Good job judges. Insightful analysis and very good motivations for your rulings. I agree completely with the honorable three. Misreading the rules as well as the definition of the core point of one of them no challenge victory makes. 's even a lil embarrassing you gave it such effort to explain yourself.

Besides, perks poems, especially the first one, rocked my socks.

#L

Come here, Liar....you can rest your head on my shoulder and I'll think of something to make you feel better!

 

[Lauren Hynde]

Next up, who's gonna take on Eumenides for the next shootout? Tess?

 

[Liar]

Come here, Liar....you can rest your head on my shoulder and I'll think of something to make you feel better!

See? I'm already a winner.

 

[perks]

Liar, you are a worthy opponent, it was my honor to duel with you. If we were just looking at poems, for poems sake, I would have gone with yours. I won on a technicality. I'm with champagne and call it a draw. Next time, let's be on the same team, I bet we'd be more productive.<oh how I wanted to assonance and alliterate and rhyme, it was killing me, I'm almost glad you flaunted the rules, just so I could feel it, heh, not to mention get the win>

To the judges...
the eye-rhymes in my first poem are:
cough/through, through/though, laughter/slaughter, paid/said.
in the second:
grown/frown, four/sour, moot/foot, though/through.

as for the jealousy in the second poem, I agree it was subtle, and it wasn't the little girl towards me, it was me towards the little girl, when I said...
"no blond haired girl
wants to be
a thick brunette in high school"
I should have pumped that up a bit for clarity, I'm always saying, if you have to explain it, then you didn't write it well enough. I'd have to agree with that.

Anyway, thanks everyone for taking the time to participate, I had a great time.
And next time, I'll be in for judging.

PS. Lauren, special thanks to you, I'd never even heard of eye-rhymes before, I'm such a spoken word kind of girl. Thanks for the new "skill" to learn.

 

[Guest]

To the judges...
the eye-rhymes in my first poem are:
cough/through, through/though, laughter/slaughter, paid/said.
in the second:
grown/frown, four/sour, moot/foot, though/through.

as for the jealousy in the second poem, I agree it was subtle, and it wasn't the little girl towards me, it was me towards the little girl, when I said...
"no blond haired girl
wants to be
a thick brunette in high school"
I should have pumped that up a bit for clarity, I'm always saying, if you have to explain it, then you didn't write it well enough. I'd have to agree with that.

I stand corrected. I totally missed the e-rhymes in your 1st work - which, as I said, I prefer.

I would never identify you as a "thick" anything - that's what threw me.

And next time, I'll be in for judging.

You read it here folks! Perks is a mosochist.

PS. Lauren, special thanks to you, I'd never even heard of eye-rhymes before, I'm such a spoken word kind of girl. Thanks for the new "skill" to learn.

I second that. Thanks Lauren.

Thanks and congrats to both perks and Liar now that the dust's settled.