Jump for a Joke!

[sallythescorpian]

Oh god, Sally you've officially prompted my recitation of what I call my ULTIMATE BLONDE JOKE

4 blondes walk into a bar, order a round of coke & rum for the entire place, sit down at the large conference table in the middle and clink their glasses together in celebration cheering "61 days! We did it girls!"

3 more blondes walk into the bar, join the other 4 at the table, order another round and when it arrives they clink thier glasses together, hug, cheer and start chanting "61 days, 61 days, 61 days! Woo Hoo!"

2 more blondes walk in, join the other 7 at the table and engage in a big, rowdy, cheering and crying group-hug. They order another round of coke & rum and raise their voices high with jubilation chanting "61 days hah! 61 days hoo! 61 Days HAH!"

A 10th blonde walks in carrying something in a picture frame and as she lays it down in the middle of the table full of blondes a great cheer goes up from the multitude. Tears are running down their cheeks as they embrace eahother and celebrate all the while screaming "61 days, we did it girls! Once and for all, 61 days!"

At this point the bartender is getting pretty confused, as I'm sure you are as well, and so he goes over to the table of blondes and asks what all the fuss is about.

Bartender: Ladies, I'm glad to see you having a good time, but I've got to know, what are we celebrating? What's this 61 days all about?

10th Blonde: Well, everyone always says blondes are stupid, right?

Bartender: Yyyyeeeeeeeeaaaaah...

10th Blonde: Well, we set out to prove them wrong once and for all! You see this?

She motions to the picture frame, inside is a child's puzzle of the cookie monster, neatly assembled and framed. Not understanding the relevance, the bartender looks blankly at the Blondes for an explanation.

10th Blonde: You see, on the box it said 2-4 years, but WE put it together in just 61 days!!!

hats off!! That's the best I've heard!!!!

 

[WhiteQueensKnight]

This is a real Bad one.

Statistics have shown that 9 out of 10 people enjoy Gangrape

 

[sallythescorpian]

A young businessman had just started his own firm. He rented a beautiful office and had it furnished with antiques. Sitting there, he saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear the hot shot, the businessman picked up the phone and started to pretend he had a big deal working.

He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments. Finally he hung up and asked the visitor, "Can I help you?"

The man said, "Yeah, I've come to activate your phone lines."

******************************************************************************* A young executive was leaving the office late one evening when he found the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand.

"Listen," said the CEO, "this is a very sensitive and important document here, and my secretary has gone for the night. Can you make this thing work?"

"Certainly," said the young executive. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.

"Excellent, excellent!" said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the machine. "I just need one copy."

********************************************************************************
Resolving to surprise her husband, an executive's wife stopped by his office. She found him with his secretary sitting in his lap.

Without hesitating, he dictated, "...and in conclusion, gentlemen, shortage or no shortage, I cannot continue to operate this office with just one chair.

 

[monique_minx]

I gotta ask - how does everyone know what we're saying seriously?
We've made our own language out of stuff like rofl and lol
I can just imagine court scribes 20 years from now...

"Defendant looked at prosecuter with a wtf look and prosecuter lol'd at the witness"

"Meanwhile judge was rofl and I was lmfao while the jury said l8r"

"The plaintiff said omg r u gonna let him get away with this?! While the judge shrugged n said 'yea well he txtd me a bribe offer"

~ Written by the Minx today out of pure boredem! ~

 

[monsterrdude]

How do you get a witch pregnant? You fuck her.

What did the redneck do with his first 50 cent piece? He married her.

Fifty-thousand battered women in America, and I gotta eat mine plain.

How do you sell a deaf man a chicken? YOU WANT TO BUY A CHICKEN?

What's a lesbian's favorite TV show? The Dyke Van Dick Show.

A group of gays are sitting in a hot tub when a glob of jizz floats to the surface. One says: "Ok, who farted?"

 

[monique_minx]

Okay so my dad goes up to the cigarette counter at Woolworths and there's about a dozen people standing there so he yells out to one of the ladies, Christine cause he knows her (we've lived here for 20 years).

He yells, "Carton Chris!"

And she calls back to him, "You know smoking sends you blind!" as she reaches for the cigarettes and stands up with them.

The crowd goes quiet halfway through my dad's reply, "So does MASTURBATION!"

EPIC WIN DAD!