Learn to be a Dom

[subkit]

But what quality of Dominant are you looking to have after you've "trained" one?

I could be very good at drawing. But if I lack a passion for it. The innder drive for it, I won't be a very good one. By good I mean the feeling in my art would be lacking as much as a photocopied image from your HP printer.


Just my two.

Exactly my thought. And the only differing opinion perhaps.

 

[subkit]

This is an experimental thought. There may be a suppressed dom deep inside, if there is you can dig him out.

1. Boost his ego like there is no tomorrow, make him feel like he entitled to anything he wants, even go past that basically worship him, dot the 50’s housewife thing. It will take a lot of effort, but after a few weeks he may feel so good about himself he will disregard his inhibitions.
2. Once he’s feeling like king of the world deny him any kind of sex, keep sucking up to him but just don’t have sex. I give it 3 days max before he jumps you

However there may be no dom in their, in that case all this will probably just confuse him then. Could be worth a try.

That's an interesting idea. But I do treat him in a sense like a "50s housewife" where I cater to his every whim. I do this willingly and thankfully he is fine with accepting pleasure unlike my ex.

I dress up almost every day to greet him at the door after work - plus other things Just over the weekend, I dressed up in a Lil Miss Muffet costume (with stockings and pigtails with ribbons) and walked about the house in between bedroom sessions. I dress up when we go out just to please him.

He of course 'jumps' me at every available opportunity. So that's not the point. It's just .. something .. is missing. It's difficult to explain.

Do admit that I am not very experienced with relationships and this is only my 2nd one. He is my 1st lover and it's only been couple of months. The vanilla sex is fine although he is a little older than me and so I am ready to go every hour and he is not

Anyway just to clarify I am ruling out the strap-on or other activities. I am questioning the 'strap-on' thing - especially whether how I see him may change after (and I do not want that because I AM marrying this man in a couple of months). I know it's just a mindset thing and presumably after more research - and giving it a shot - it should be fine.

 

[intothewoods]

That's an interesting idea. But I do treat him in a sense like a "50s housewife" where I cater to his every whim. I do this willingly and thankfully he is fine with accepting pleasure unlike my ex.

I dress up almost every day to greet him at the door after work - plus other things Just over the weekend, I dressed up in a Lil Miss Muffet costume (with stockings and pigtails with ribbons) and walked about the house in between bedroom sessions. I dress up when we go out just to please him.

He of course 'jumps' me at every available opportunity. So that's not the point. It's just .. something .. is missing. It's difficult to explain.

Do admit that I am not very experienced with relationships and this is only my 2nd one. He is my 1st lover and it's only been couple of months. The vanilla sex is fine although he is a little older than me and so I am ready to go every hour and he is not

Anyway just to clarify I am ruling out the strap-on or other activities. I am questioning the 'strap-on' thing - especially whether how I see him may change after (and I do not want that because I AM marrying this man in a couple of months). I know it's just a mindset thing and presumably after more research - and giving it a shot - it should be fine.

He is your first lover, and you've been together a few months, and you are getting married in a few months? Did I get that right?

Are you two getting any kind of premarital counseling?

 

[YourCaptor]

That's an interesting idea. But I do treat him in a sense like a "50s housewife" where I cater to his every whim. I do this willingly and thankfully he is fine with accepting pleasure unlike my ex.

I dress up almost every day to greet him at the door after work - plus other things Just over the weekend, I dressed up in a Lil Miss Muffet costume (with stockings and pigtails with ribbons) and walked about the house in between bedroom sessions. I dress up when we go out just to please him.

He of course 'jumps' me at every available opportunity. So that's not the point. It's just .. something .. is missing. It's difficult to explain.

Do admit that I am not very experienced with relationships and this is only my 2nd one. He is my 1st lover and it's only been couple of months. The vanilla sex is fine although he is a little older than me and so I am ready to go every hour and he is not

Anyway just to clarify I am ruling out the strap-on or other activities. I am questioning the 'strap-on' thing - especially whether how I see him may change after (and I do not want that because I AM marrying this man in a couple of months). I know it's just a mindset thing and presumably after more research - and giving it a shot - it should be fine.

Hmm, first off I must say that you should seriously slow down. But I doubt you will take that advice anyway.

However, if you fear he wont be their in 2-3 years if you don't marry him, then you really shouldn't.

As for your sex, implement step 2, maybe put a chastity belt on yourself until he turns all green and hulk and rips it off.

 

[faeriefire]

I recently had a guy friend explain what he wants. Where this came from I couldn't say b/c with friends who aren't openly kinky I do not tend to be seen in a sexual light. Maybe something has been realized of late, but anyhoo. He explained how he wants to be held down. Controlled. Teased. At this point I'm blushing and stammering wondering why me? And also why he chose to bring this up in the middle of watching Juno... And of course the next thing is being told he likes me a lot and wants to know if I like him *le sigh*

By this point I'm thinking 'do I tell him I'm submissive?' with a teeny bit of switch? Well, no. I'm leaving soon to live 3,000 miles away but it did make me wonder. I know with a great deal of certainty that nothing will happen between us because he needs something else, just as I need something else. And trying to change him doesn't make any sense. The thought of dating someone who doesn't have it in them to pin me down and take me to that place where everything breaks down to the basics...well, it just wouldn't be enough. And I could play at controlling him, but having to do that all the time would take the fun out of it.

The thing is for myself I can't imagine being with someone who wasn't a Dom. Really doesn't matter if they were trained to be one or born to it. But I've met the real deal. Knowing what is within me I can't imagine tying myself to someone who couldn't understand and meet what is within myself. I'd rather not date anyone than be in an unfulfilling relationship. The scenario reminded me of this thread b/c there was that question of people finding what is right in each other. And the question of settling for something less or perhaps changing either oneself or another to meet needs. If two people don't meet each other's needs why on earth enter a relationship? Let alone a marriage? That seems to me like shooting yourself in the foot. Because there's probably someone out there who is right, the missing puzzle piece.

Yet people jump again and again with the surety that their partner will change for them or they will change for their partner. Am I just blowing smoke in thinking that's not a wise route to head down? In any case Juno was good. And X wasn't overly traumatized by my explanation of why I can't Domme him lol. Now I just know he's subbmissive too tho not at all in a place where he'd admit it in those terms...

 

[twysted73]

I retract my earlier statement.

Simply put, "A rose by any other name still smells as sweet."

Either it's in you or it's not, depending on what you, the recipient of said Dominant's attention, describe as quality domination.


As always faeire, thought provoking perspective. You are a joy.

*winks and smiles*

 

[Primalex]

I wish that he'll (safely) throw me around in bed sometimes and REALLY manhandle me the way a woman and a sub should.

So far I can only see that you are into kinky sex. This doesn't make you a sub.

 

[rosco rathbone]

The last thing I'd ever want a woman to say to me is "I'm submissive". Blech.

"Oh, you like old Woody Allen movies?? Me too!!! And by the way, I'm submissive!".

"Oh, you are? Excellent. I'm a dom. Here, fill out this checklist".

 

[the_jawbreaker]

Personally, i think you should be glad you're not a domme...convincing someone to be a sub if they're not inclined to it is much harder.

 

[mdiaz451]

I'll teach ya

Clearly, one can be taught to ski, write, paint... or be a Dom or sub.... but for some, as in your case, it is mostly role play without the spontaneous control you want.

Give him time, at least he dresses you as he wants and spanks you. Tell him that you want him to really be strict and rough - many men rightly consider such things as abuse and overcoming that is not easy. Try withholding his climax from him, manipulate him a bit and see if he acts the way you want...

or maybe you can tell him that you met a Dom online that is as strict as you want and you want to have him monitor the scene so he learns exactly what a submissive slut you are. best wishes

 

[Stella_Omega]

Primalex is right. Being into kinky sex doesn't make you submissive.

This is a great example of someone knowing what and how they want to be done unto-- and thinking that makes them submissive. Thinking they need a Dominant to do unto them. They really want someone who can read their minds. Since that can't happen either, people like this lady will have to pull their Big Girl Panties up and be explicit, verbal, demanding-- coomunicative. Being meek and cute isn't always enough.

This thread is four years old. I doubt she's going to be looking for advice any longer.