Loony Limericks

[Jennifer C]

Perhaps its the hunger I'm craving
to be just a bit misbehaving
she said "the special is me
you should try it and see"
Hot damn she'd earlier been shaving!

so come and play with me
you know you are dying to see
under the skirt
of this shameless flirt
oh what fun that would be.

 

[Salvor-Hardon]

so come and play with me
you know you are dying to see
under the skirt
of this shameless flirt
oh what fun that would be.

And so thus let the games begin
some pleasure some fun and some sin
with a bag full of toys
we'll make plenty of noise
perhaps even a right awful din

 

[My Erotic Tale]

so come and play with me
you know you are dying to see
under the skirt
of this shameless flirt
oh what fun that would be.

Deja vu ...I like this too

 

[Zanzibar]

Some vegetable Limericks

There once was a lady quite fickle
who'd sleep every night with a pickle.
"It's hard as a board,
it's never once snored,
and it doesn't have whiskers that tickle!"

A young country lass name of Nancy
Lived alone on a farm south of Clancy
She mainly grew zukes,
Gourds, carrots and cukes
And whatever else tickled her fancy!

 

[My Erotic Tale]

there once cum a hurricane
drove everybody insane
she was a gusher
then come another
and Rita was her name

 

[Nickie Smiles]

I play innocent mommy at home,
but when they're at school, I roam.
I'm a slut on the net.
Many men make me wet.
I don't mind to masturbate alone.


Close rhyme

 

[DennisMenace]

Some more

There was an old fellow from Lyme
who lived with three wives at a time.
When asked "Why the third?"
he replied "One's absurd,
and bigamy, sir, is a crime."

A certain young harlot from Draper
once thought of a quite clever caper.
What made it so nice
was you got it half price
if you brought in her ad from the paper.

There was a young man named Lancelot
who the neighbors looked at askance a lot.
Whenever he'd pass
a lass's fine ass,
the front of his pants would advance a lot.

 

[My Erotic Tale]

There was an old fellow from Lyme
who lived with three wives at a time.
When asked "Why the third?"
he replied "One's absurd,
and bigamy, sir, is a crime."

A certain young harlot from Draper
once thought of a quite clever caper.
What made it so nice
was you got it half price
if you brought in her ad from the paper.

There was a young man named Lancelot
who the neighbors looked at askance a lot.
Whenever he'd pass
a lass's fine ass,
the front of his pants would advance a lot.

there once was a man from the city
he traveled throughout the country
he met a woman
and sex was abundant
so now a farmer he will be

 

[DennisMenace]

they go on and on

I, Caesar, when I learned of the fame
of Cleopatra, I straightway made claim
ahead of my legions
I invaded her regions
I saw, I conquered, I came.

On the chest of a barmaid from Vail,
were tattoed the prices of ale,
and on her behind
for the sake of the blind
was the same information in braille!

ba-boom!

 

[tolyk]

Here's an older one..

There once was a man from Nantukit (SP??)
Who had a dick so long he could suck it.
He said with a grin
as he wiped off his chin
If my ear were a cunt
I could fuck it.

 

[My Erotic Tale]

there once was a woman from Lit
she fingered herself wet
reaching and rubbing
achieving orgasim
when she pinched her tit

 

[My Erotic Tale]

there once was a man from LA
who hunted sex all day
he had a fetish
of an actress in a red dress
so he searched Hollywood all day

 

[My Erotic Tale]

there once was a vixen from another world
lordy she was a horny girl
with x ray eyes
and sexy thighs
she became the galaxy's black hole pearl

 

[Remec]

There once was a girl from New Parkby,
Who didn't stand for mularkey,
On her back at the orgy,
She asked her friend Georgie,
"Tell me, what the hell is bukkake?"

 

[Jennifer C]

There once was a lady from Reno
Who lost all her bucks playing Keno,
So she laid on her back
And opened her crack,
Now she owns all the casinos!!!

 

[Rev_Lovejoy]

There once was a horny old blighter,
A frustrated limerick writer;
His wife got a joke
Instead of a poke,
"It's all I've got left to excite her."

 

[Jennifer C]

"I'm sick of Tchaikovsky", said May,
"And this Handel and Bach that we play."
So she put down her fiddle
And diddled her middle;
"It's time for Depussy I say."

 

[Rev_Lovejoy]

We embarrass ourselves with bad poetry
Full of doggerel and other debris.
But no matter how bad,
There can always be had
A kind word from Miss Jennifer C.

 

[Guest]

There once were two horny old vicars
Who both had a fetish for knickers
The raunchy old couple
were much less than subtle
that caused congegational snickers

 

[Jennifer C]

We embarrass ourselves with bad poetry
Full of doggerel and other debris.
But no matter how bad,
There can always be had
A kind word from Miss Jennifer C.

I love it ~

Thanks Rev

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The housekeeper told old Father Finnigan,
"I think you've been doin' that sin again;
Last night I got rid
Of those tissues, I did,
But I see you have filled up that bin again

 

[Rev_Lovejoy]

There once was a horny old maid
Who would do anything to get laid.
She once dropped her pants,
But drew hardly a glance,
"Go cover your arse, you old jade!"

 

[Jennifer C]

There was a man from Niagra Falls,
Who toured all the music halls,
His greatest trick
Was to stand on his prick,
And roll off the stage on his balls.

 

[Salvor-Hardon]

There once was a werewolf named Larry
Whose fondness for men was quite scary
When the full moon would come
He had fun with his bumm
With every Tom Dick or Harry

 

[Jennifer C]

There once was a fellow named Skinner,
Who took a lady to dinner to winner,
At half-passed nine,
They started to dine,
By half-passed ten he was inner.

 

[My Erotic Tale]

There once was a fellow named Skinner,
Who took a lady to dinner to winner,
At half-passed nine,
They started to dine,
By half-passed ten he was inner.

Gene Gene made a machine
joe joe made it go
mack mack stood erect
when art art let a ****

and blew it all apart <grinin>