Loony Limericks

[RhymeFairy]

once knew a boy named art
all tha lad could do was fart
till one day he met mrs means
she took away all his beans
and now don't wouldn't ya know
he no longer has any more flow ...




I tried,
not ever done a limerick b4 ...
pats SELF on back ~

 

[Jennifer C]

once knew a boy named art
all tha lad could do was fart
till one day he met mrs means
she took away all his beans
and now don't wouldn't ya know
he no longer has any more flow ...




I tried,
not ever done a limerick b4 ...
pats SELF on back ~

Pat away my friend
I hope you come back
and try some more

 

[Rev_Lovejoy]

The horny old maid on her bike
Met a troop of boy scouts on a hike.
Ever eager to please,
She dropped to her knees,
"I'll take out my teeth if you like!"

 

[Jennifer C]

Young Gertie the frog was away
With her mom for an overnight stay
Which left Bertie the frog
All alone with his log
Viewing frog's porn and tossing all day.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Across from my house is young Mabel
When her curtains are open I'm able
To watch her caressing
Herself while undressing
As long as I stand on this table.

 

[My Erotic Tale]

once knew a boy named art
all tha lad could do was fart
till one day he met mrs means
she took away all his beans
and now don't wouldn't ya know
he no longer has any more flow ...




I tried,
not ever done a limerick b4 ...
pats SELF on back ~

hehehe....that's funny <grin>


RF>>>> limerick

1 line <>rymes with two
2 line <> rymes with one
3 line <> can rymes with 4 but not manditory in all limericks
4 line <> can rymes with 3 or not
5 line rymes with 1 and 2




I knew a girl name feather
her fingers made her wetter
she wiggled and wiggled
then she giggled
sayin, "Ahhh, now I feel better!"

 

[Jennifer C]

hehehe....that's funny <grin>


RF>>>> limerick

1 line <>rymes with two
2 line <> rymes with one
3 line <> can rymes with 4 but not manditory in all limericks
4 line <> can rymes with 3 or not
5 line rymes with 1 and 2

Thanks Art, was gonna post this myself ~
You saved me the job

 

[Jennifer C]

"How could you", said Joe to his mother,
"Cavorting in bed with another?"
"Oh promise me lad
That you won't tell your dad
If I screw you as good as your brother."

Uncle Pervey would Love this! lol
I hope he's doing ok...

 

[My Erotic Tale]

"How could you", said Joe to his mother,
"Cavorting in bed with another?"
"Oh promise me lad
That you won't tell your dad
If I screw you as good as your brother."

Uncle Pervey would Love this! lol
I hope he's doing ok...

then came the halloween
when we dress in scarey things
collecting candy
trick or treats calamity
what monster will spring

 

[Jennifer C]

This Playboy is mine I can tell
'Cause it has a peculiar smell.
Page twenty is rude
And appears to be glued
To another ten pages as well.

 

[My Erotic Tale]

This Playboy is mine I can tell
'Cause it has a peculiar smell.
Page twenty is rude
And appears to be glued
To another ten pages as well.

laughing....


shall I lay her by the sea
or under the shade of a tree
or at night under the stars
perhaps in the sun with sun burned arms
never mind she had to leave

 

[Jennifer C]

My penis, dear girl, is so small;
It's the size of an atom, that's all.
But an atom's main mission
Is fusion and fission
And BANG!! I shall leave you in thrall.

 

[Salvor-Hardon]

My penis, dear girl, is so small;
It's the size of an atom, that's all.
But an atom's main mission
Is fusion and fission
And BANG!! I shall leave you in thrall.

Not original but one of my favorite math limericks

A mathematician named Hall
Had hexahedronical ball
the cube of its weight
times it width minus eight
is his number, give him a call.

 

[Jennifer C]

Young Jack was a laddie whose balls
Were so large they filled lavatory stalls;
So a Dutch firm of builders
Said, "Here's fifty guilders;
Now swing 'em and knock down these walls."

"OK", he said, swinging his sack
Of enormous great bollocks; "Stand back."
And with that he let go
Of his scrotum, but woe;
For those walls tumbled down upon Jack.

 

[Salvor-Hardon]

I once knew a girl Jenny Crocker
Who had a great set of knockers
They were round and up high
With tips toward the sky
But they were from her door, the shocker!

 

[My Erotic Tale]

there once was a guy named steve
his penis slightly weaved
a lil curl
put smiles on girls
a trick and a treat on halloween

 

[My Erotic Tale]

Strawberry Wine

We stopped the truck five times,
to release our passion's fire
the night of
our sultry love
stirred by strawberry wine.

Finally we got there
everyone was drinking beer
except us
whom was
laughing ourselves to tears.

We went to the bathroom
and you wanted to try the broom
I looked at the washer
you turned into a gusher
in wet swirls around the room.

We made it with motions sublime
I had never felt before this time
spin cycle extravaganza
multiple orgasms
making love...

the night of...

strawberry wine!

 

[Jennifer C]

There was an old spinster called Maude
At whom everyone laughed and guffawed;
Until handsome young Bert
Caused a tent in her skirt
Which revealed she was really a Claude.

 

[Jennifer C]

My Looney friends

I have a friend name of Art
At Lit he plays a big part
he can always be heard
with inspirational words
and a smile just as big as his heart.



I have a friend name of RhymeFairy
who writes poems erotic and scary
she's addicted to coffee
and sweet as smooth toffee
but be warned she is no virgin mary.



I have a friend name of Leon
whos name should be up there in neon
with wandering hands
and mischevious plans
but his logic is something to learn from.



As for me well I'm Jennifer C
naughty? A little maybe
Just enjoying the ride
with my friends by my side
we're all just as mad as can be.



Love you all...

I have so many others I want to do but for now
I am all rhymed out lol...

I will be back with more...

 

[LeBroz]

I have a friend name of Leon
whos name should be up there in neon
with wandering hands
and mischevious plans
but his logic is something to learn from.

OMG - my hands been found out!
Thanks Jenn
Never thought I'd see me in a limerick!
Now I'll have to go to on-line poetry references to learn the structure and give you something in return!

 

[My Erotic Tale]

I have a friend name of Art
At Lit he plays a big part
he can always be heard
with inspirational words
and a smile just as big as his heart.

woohooo...that is very nice of you JC
bows humble (~_~)

your inspirational Jenn


leon...here's a guide


how to write a Limerick

1 line <>rymes with two
2 line <> rymes with one
3 line <> can rymes with 4 but not manditory in all limericks
4 line <> can rymes with 3 or not
5 line rymes with 1 and 2

 

[oggbashan]

Thursday's Limericks

1.
There was a young lady from Kent
Whose poems were crooked and bent.
After one quick look
Inside her black book,
Her boyfriend shuddered and went.

2.
There was a young lady of Cologne
Who made love with a loud moan.
Her lovers protested,
Their action arrested.
Now she has to survive on her own.

3.
There was a young lady from Devon
Her thighs hid aspects of Heaven
But to cream she's a martyr
It's impossible to part her
Until her legs look more like eleven.

4.
There was an old man from Dover
He wanted a lay in the clover
But the lady he chose
Had hay-fever in de nose
Sneezing him out 'fore he's over.

5.
There was a young lady from Berlin
Who thought two at once was no sin.
She'd take both inside
But could never decide
Who fathered both or which twin.

6A.
There was a young man from Deal
Who didn't know his girl how to feel
Said she "That's not the way
I'll show you, if I may."
She taught just how to make her squeal.

6B.
Remember that young man from Deal
His girl who taught him to feel
She gives him such pleasure
He's no time for leisure
He'd clean her whole house for a squeal.

7.
A young man was such a poor lover
He'd lie on his girl and just shove 'er
She'd writhe and she'd squirm
While she waited her turn -
He's much better below than above her.

8.
There was a young lady of Genoa
For her skill the gardener did owe her
She wishes he'd pay
For their rolls in the hay
Instead of just mending her mower.

9.
There is a member called Og
He lies in the club like a log
But attack his friends
Like a lion he defends
Then returns to sleep in his bog.

10.
In her corset so trim and pretty,
Her figure slim, showing some titty,
While walking her home
She makes her beaus moan
Till of love they've sung her a ditty.

11A.
She wears her full-skirted gown,
Gold velvet, fur-trimmed in brown
He wants her to dance
He hasn't a chance
'Cos she knows of his sexual renown.

11B.
Still wearing her full-skirted gown
She promenades throughout the town
He follows in her train
Her love for to gain
She dismisses his suit with a frown

11C.
Still followed by the persistent one
She knows he's the notorious Don Juan.
He thinks he may
She says "Not today,
Or any day, not even for gifts by the ton."

11D.
"Why, lady, my suit do you reject?"
Asked he, unused to lack of respect
"Your name is Don Juan
You've had plenty of fun
But I'd rather have some less suspect."

11E.
She added "I don't want to have to
Disinfect my snatch and lips too.
You've had too many women,
And done too much sinnin'
I'd rather not join with your zoo."

11F.
Don Juan was quite crest-fallen
With her he'd fancied some ballin'
He went off in a huff
Some other to stuff
She hoped some river he'd fall in.

11G.
From under her full-skirted dress
She withdrew her dildo "I confess
You're harder and stronger
And probably longer
Than Don Juan. That's my guess!"

11H.
Don Juan, his mien and demeanour,
His style and address, - but he's meaner
I'd rather just crap
Than risk getting clap
There's no doubt my dildo is cleaner.

11I.
Over Don Juan I could mope
But I'm not such a dope
With just one poke from him
I'd infect my whole quim
With a schoolboy I'd rather elope.

11J.
From Don Juan I've made my escape
I thought he might resort to rape
But on my dildo so slick
He'd have damaged his prick
And have to have wrapped it in tape.

11K.
My dildo is such a kind friend
Always ready with never a bend
I'll treat it with care
Other lovers must share
Or else them away I would send

11L.
Now this series it really must end
My honour I'll gladly defend
In my full-skirted gown
I'll walk through this town
My dildo inside - it's the trend!

12.
The limerick's so easy to do
Just find a rhyme, one or two
Then fill in the rest
Your poem's the best
Till the next one. That's true!

Addendum

1.
Leda, even at this late date
With that swan she wanted to mate
"I'm full of love-juice
But I'm still not Zeus
And most women want swans on a plate."

2.
There was a young lady from France
Who wanted to mount her man's lance
He wouldn't oblige her
He was bucking the tiger
And he wanted just one more chance.

NOTE: "bucking the tiger" = gambling for money

 

[Jennifer C]

Thursday's Limericks

1.
There was a young lady from Kent
Whose poems were crooked and bent.
After one quick look
Inside her black book,
Her boyfriend shuddered and went.

2.
There was a young lady of Cologne
Who made love with a loud moan.
Her lovers protested,
Their action arrested.
Now she has to survive on her own.

3.
There was a young lady from Devon
Her thighs hid aspects of Heaven
But to cream she's a martyr
It's impossible to part her
Until her legs look more like eleven.

4.
There was an old man from Dover
He wanted a lay in the clover
But the lady he chose
Had hay-fever in de nose
Sneezing him out 'fore he's over.

5.
There was a young lady from Berlin
Who thought two at once was no sin.
She'd take both inside
But could never decide
Who fathered both or which twin.

6A.
There was a young man from Deal
Who didn't know his girl how to feel
Said she "That's not the way
I'll show you, if I may."
She taught just how to make her squeal.

6B.
Remember that young man from Deal
His girl who taught him to feel
She gives him such pleasure
He's no time for leisure
He'd clean her whole house for a squeal.

7.
A young man was such a poor lover
He'd lie on his girl and just shove 'er
She'd writhe and she'd squirm
While she waited her turn -
He's much better below than above her.

8.
There was a young lady of Genoa
For her skill the gardener did owe her
She wishes he'd pay
For their rolls in the hay
Instead of just mending her mower.

9.
There is a member called Og
He lies in the club like a log
But attack his friends
Like a lion he defends
Then returns to sleep in his bog.

10.
In her corset so trim and pretty,
Her figure slim, showing some titty,
While walking her home
She makes her beaus moan
Till of love they've sung her a ditty.

11A.
She wears her full-skirted gown,
Gold velvet, fur-trimmed in brown
He wants her to dance
He hasn't a chance
'Cos she knows of his sexual renown.

11B.
Still wearing her full-skirted gown
She promenades throughout the town
He follows in her train
Her love for to gain
She dismisses his suit with a frown

11C.
Still followed by the persistent one
She knows he's the notorious Don Juan.
He thinks he may
She says "Not today,
Or any day, not even for gifts by the ton."

11D.
"Why, lady, my suit do you reject?"
Asked he, unused to lack of respect
"Your name is Don Juan
You've had plenty of fun
But I'd rather have some less suspect."

11E.
She added "I don't want to have to
Disinfect my snatch and lips too.
You've had too many women,
And done too much sinnin'
I'd rather not join with your zoo."

11F.
Don Juan was quite crest-fallen
With her he'd fancied some ballin'
He went off in a huff
Some other to stuff
She hoped some river he'd fall in.

11G.
From under her full-skirted dress
She withdrew her dildo "I confess
You're harder and stronger
And probably longer
Than Don Juan. That's my guess!"

11H.
Don Juan, his mien and demeanour,
His style and address, - but he's meaner
I'd rather just crap
Than risk getting clap
There's no doubt my dildo is cleaner.

11I.
Over Don Juan I could mope
But I'm not such a dope
With just one poke from him
I'd infect my whole quim
With a schoolboy I'd rather elope.

11J.
From Don Juan I've made my escape
I thought he might resort to rape
But on my dildo so slick
He'd have damaged his prick
And have to have wrapped it in tape.

11K.
My dildo is such a kind friend
Always ready with never a bend
I'll treat it with care
Other lovers must share
Or else them away I would send

11L.
Now this series it really must end
My honour I'll gladly defend
In my full-skirted gown
I'll walk through this town
My dildo inside - it's the trend!

12.
The limerick's so easy to do
Just find a rhyme, one or two
Then fill in the rest
Your poem's the best
Till the next one. That's true!

Addendum

1.
Leda, even at this late date
With that swan she wanted to mate
"I'm full of love-juice
But I'm still not Zeus
And most women want swans on a plate."

2.
There was a young lady from France
Who wanted to mount her man's lance
He wouldn't oblige her
He was bucking the tiger
And he wanted just one more chance.

NOTE: "bucking the tiger" = gambling for money

wow ~ Thanks for those ogg

As Goldilocks hid 'neath the stair
Mother Bear shouted out, "I declare;
Father Bear, please explain
This irregular stain
And these fair pubic hairs on your chair."

 

[Jennifer C]

Perchance I went visiting Molly's
And found her engrossed in her jollies
With various veg,
An old neighbour, called Reg,
And a couple of randy young collies.

 

[Jennifer C]

There once was a man from Bombay.
who molded a cunt out of clay.
The heat from his dick
Made it turn into brick,
And it chafed all his foreskin away.

 

[Salvor-Hardon]

Masochist lady named Jenn
Had a rather unique yen
She liked to be hit
on her breast ass and clit
By strapping muscular men