Mental Health of subs and the Rights of Doms

[Guest]

Just an update... I decided to go, but under the condition that Tyler stays in the room with me. I know you're generally supposed to go in alone, but I really do have a phobia. Honestly, shrinks just freak the shit out of me. I don't trust them at all, not in the slightest.

I had a pretty nice revelation in the shower though. I tend to lose my mind when things are changing, which isn't necessarily a bad thing. My all-time mental low was when I FINALLY realized that my ex was abusing me. God, you didn't want to be near me during those two weeks.

But anyway... it might be considered counter productive, but basically, I am going for him. Well, no, not really for him. I'm going because I trust his judgement (even more than my own) and if he thinks this'll help then who knows, mabe it will. Besides, maybe I'll get a prescription for Valium and make a killing on sales (joke... no anti-drug trafiking lectures please).

dolf- you're the best. I too had to set a broken finger myself but that's because my mom told me to stop whining, it was fine. It doesn't really move right anymore...

EKVITKAR- you don't mean like the alcoholic self-medication, do you? Because I like my wine.

Yeah, actually I do..
I know at least one person ...Lessee, Diagnosed Bipolar with mild (relatively) paranoid tendancies... Also has a tendancy to lose their shit in a big way..
"Self Medicates"
Which is "I'm a dumbass and fooling myself" shorthand for...Has a bottle of Jim Beam in her desk drawer and smokes more ganja than Jamaica...
At the end of which, you know what you got????
A STONED Diagnosed Bipolar with paranoid tendancies...
Who still loses their shit..But by this time they are a tad less coherent, easier to ignore, and they don't remember why later.
Most all the "self medicators" (and yeah, I have knowna bunch) that I know started off with a couple of tokes, or a glass or two, because it made their problem "better".
Nope I'm not saying this is you...
What I am saying is drink all you want (well within reason), but don't do it because of your problem...That way just lies a bigger problem.

 

[dolf]

Yeah, actually I do..
I know at least one person ...Lessee, Diagnosed Bipolar with mild (relatively) paranoid tendancies... Also has a tendancy to lose their shit in a big way..
"Self Medicates"
Which is "I'm a dumbass and fooling myself" shorthand for...Has a bottle of Jim Beam in her desk drawer and smokes more ganja than Jamaica...
At the end of which, you know what you got????
A STONED Diagnosed Bipolar with paranoid tendancies...

oh! that kind of self medication

drugs & booze are the worst thing for mental health...i totally agree with you on that one!
xx

 

[witcha]

I agree it's the best if you do it for yourself.....I tried seeing a schrink a month ago or so coz my friend (not Dom of any kind) persuaded me into that...and when we got into a fight I just stopped going....If it's hormonal imbalance they can really helpyou,but you gotta be honest and open ( I know- advice from someone who chickened out, go figure)

and as for self-medicating.....dunno if you can call pain killers and SI the good ways of self-medicating but working for me so far ....


And if I was 'ordered' therapy again I'd prolly do it..but with small chances of succeeding..can be very stubborn too

If you wanna talk more in private or sth..my pm box is always open for you



witcha

 

[Guest]

I agree it's the best if you do it for yourself.....I tried seeing a schrink a month ago or so coz my friend (not Dom of any kind) persuaded me into that...and when we got into a fight I just stopped going....If it's hormonal imbalance they can really helpyou,but you gotta be honest and open ( I know- advice from someone who chickened out, go figure)

and as for self-medicating.....dunno if you can call pain killers and SI the good ways of self-medicating but working for me so far ....


And if I was 'ordered' therapy again I'd prolly do it..but with small chances of succeeding..can be very stubborn too

If you wanna talk more in private or sth..my pm box is always open for you



witcha

*Grin*
So, I'll complicate matters ....
By saying that the only way I would "order" someone to go seek help....
Would be AFTER, I waited till they got themselves together again, and we sat down and had a nice (hopefully), reasonable, discussion about what was going on.

 

[shaymless]

I'm glad you've decided to go.

For what it's worth - shrinks generally just do the meds and will kinda send you on your way and you see them for adjusting, check ups, etc. CBT usually is with a licensed therapist rather than the MD and in my opinion, meds are fine if that's what you need, but a combination of meds and CBT will make a bigger difference in your life. If you want there to be one, anyway.

Personally - I love therapy. At the very least, it's an hour that belongs to just me...at it's best, I gain insight into myself and can change behaviors I dislike about myself much more easily.

Neither will work if you don't want it to...ordered to go or not.

Best of luck to you

shay

 

[CutieMouse]

*****

 

[Liana26]

Medication's a bit of a touchy topic for me. See, I have a tendency to go a bit overboard with some things. Like what started out as a simple diet about a year and a half ago evolved into a 200-500 calorie per day eating disorder. So I'm just afraid that if I start medication I'll turn into a pill popper. But I dunno if whoever it is I'm going to (Tyler knows him personally so I'll ask when he gets here) is a psychiatrist or a psychologist. Correct me if I'm wrong but a psychiatrist prescribes medication while a psychologist listens to your bitching for an hour. So depending on which he is, meds might not even be an issue. Besides, I don't think it's a chemical imbalance. My outbursts aren't too consistent. But what do I know. I got a D in high school psychology.

As for self-medication... I used to drink a lot but that was years ago. My parents always took a European view on children and alcohol so by now I have a high tolerance and the ability to control my booze intake. Granted I still crave red wine whenever something goes wrong. I've never really had a drug problem either. SI is something I've been dealing with for years. But I think it's getting better.

Okay so my final decision is, I'll go, but Tyler has to be in the room, no meds, and hypnosis or anything like that.


Two minutes later.... the Dom just came home. He's angry because I ate his Doritos. I have to go feed him now.

 

[catalina_francisco]

But I dunno if whoever it is I'm going to (Tyler knows him personally so I'll ask when he gets here) is a psychiatrist or a psychologist. Correct me if I'm wrong but a psychiatrist prescribes medication while a psychologist listens to your bitching for an hour.

That is the right differentiation, though hopefully a psychologist or therapist will do more than just let you vent. I am not a big fan of medication unless absolutely necessary......I think the western world is over medicated which is adding an unbearable weight to the health costs of the community through secondary issues resulting from the over medication. Hope it all works out for you.

Catalina

 

[CutieMouse]

*****

 

[FungiUg]

I've never understood what the issue is about going to counselling, either with a psychologist or trained counsellor or even a psychiatrist.

I've done it a couple of times, and it's fun! I mean, you get to talk about yourself in as much detail as you like, how can you beat that? I totally understand people who have regular appointments just to have someone to unburden themselves to.

Sure, it can be scary and hard at times, but scary in the same way that a roller coaster is scary. Woo hoo!

My advice is that if someone you love and trust is recommending you seek help, then why the hell would you ignore that advice? Go find someone you like and who you can trust and get help from -- don't be afraid to "shop around" and find someone who best suits you.

 

[Liana26]

Okay... there's now a new addition to the problem. He says if I'm prescribed meds, I'm taking them. Now, one of my limits is no forced drug taking. It's written down in our little notebook and everything. When I brought this to his attention, he said fine if you don't wanna take them then no more alcohol or cigarettes. I'm not a drunk or a chain smoker but damn it I like my alcohol and cigarettes.

I'm sorry to ramble on about myself like this but I just don't know what to do. I mean, I believe him when he says he's doing this for my best interest. I don't think he wants to turn me into a pill-popping zombie so he can control me better, I'm just not sure if he knows the full extent of what he might be doing if he makes me take medication. First of all, I'd lose trust in him for breaking a limit of mine (it's not even like the limit's "implied" or anything it says word for word "no forced drug taking"), second I might become dependent as it's been known to happen to me with simple sleeping pills, and third I've always been sooo against throwing medication at people to fix their problems.

Maybe he just doesn't know how strongly I feel about this and I just need to tell him. Or maybe I should compromise and take them for a month to see what happens. I'm sure we'll work something out. Both being middle children we're good at compromising.

 

[CutieMouse]

*****

 

[FungiUg]

I agree with Cutie.

You have a problem. You KNOW you have a problem. You know how to begin dealing with the problem. Why are you so adamently refusing to do so?

You need someone who is trained to examine your condition to advise drugs and therapy. And then you need to follow that advice. Or your condition will likely worsen, rather than improve.

I think you partner is doing a good job of making you realise just how serious an issue this is. Do you want to lose him? Because if you refuse to work on getting yourself right, then you will likely drive him away.

You know what to do. Go do it.

 

[graceanne]

L-
I know how you feel about taking pills. Believe me I do. I was raised by a couple of drug adicts. I get cranky about taking tylenol. I prefer to take care of things myself. But now I'm sick. I have to take tons of pills, or I'm going to die. While you might not die, you need to look at taking these pills like that. Give it a chance. If they dont' work, tlel your dr, and they will work with you to find somethng that won't turn you into a zombie. There is no shame in taking necessary meds. I still, when i take my meds feel like a drug adict, even though they aren't mood altering. It's just one of those weird things. But if you remind yourself that you are not an adict, and just keep it in the front ofyour mind how unreasonable that is to think that, you can take them.

 

[incubus'_sub]

Liana you are becoming very frustrating. I can understand your Dom being unmoved by by your reluctance to help yourself.

Don't talk about silly limits when you may (or may not) need meds for your wellbeing. It is nowhere near the same as forced recreational drugs & you know it. You smoke & drink so you are creating a problem in your relationship through pure, mindless stubborness.

Time to grow up. Time to realise that everything in & about your life is not related to the BDSM lifestyle.

It sounds as if your Dom really does care about you. He's prepared to stick with you while you deal with your problems. Wake up to yourself before you lose a good guy.

 

[Liana26]

We came to an agreement. I'm going to the shrink and if he prescribes me pills, I'm taking them for 3 months. If I don't like them, I can stop. I was aiming for one month but oh well. Compromise is key.

 

[lilyfeet]

Dear Liana-
I am glad you are going to talk with someone. Having your Dom in the room for support is totally 'within the rules' esp. if it gets you in the door.
Regarding prescribed medication: Glad you agreed to 3 months, because it can often take 3 weeks to get to a theraputic dose of a helpful medicine. Please note, that if you are prescribed something (like prozac, etc.) you will not feel 'doped up' at all. If it is needed and prescribed well, it will be more like coming out of a cloud bank and wondering why the hell you stood for being in a fog for so long. You will welcome back a you that has been hiding, because in mental illness, one of the first things you lose is your perspective on yourself. (The old 'settled for a half glass of life 'cause I forgot what a full measure was like')
Sweetie - this may be the best thing that has ever happened to you, esp since you've recognized that you have acted out in the past in ways you didn't like/regretted.
Power, strengths & hugs, to you and your Dom.
Lilyfeet

 

[Desdemona]

Liana, going to the doctor may be the best gift you ever give yourself. Just take deep breaths and trust that this is for your health. Many of us have been down that road and it truly can make a huge difference (for the better) in your life.

 

[TigerClaw]

I admire your seeking help

I would caution you in making sure you find someone capable in the profession.

I went as a couple for counseling. I had bad vibes near the end of the session and before I knew it she was saying good bye see you in two weeks. Her advice caused a lot of turmoil rather then fixing things.

You also have to want to make this be a success.

I am not sure how you can find a capable counselor. I would say bring Tyler along. See what his opinion is. The final decision should be yours because if you are not comfortable or have faith in them it will not work. You will doubt everything.

( OBTW I say Bullshit to your supposed be alone. No, if you feel better and safer with Tyler and the counselor disagrees, find another counselor. Once you feel secure then you can be alone.)

 

[Marquis]

That is the right differentiation, though hopefully a psychologist or therapist will do more than just let you vent.
Catalina

Like what exactly?

 

[CutieMouse]

*****

 

[TigerClaw]

Thats how you find a goot therapist. You get a referal like that near you act on it.

 

[FungiUg]

She does bioenergetic work, phsychodrama, and we talk.

I think next time I feel I need some counselling, I'll try doing psychodrama! It sounds like heaps of fun... but then I've always been interested in theatre.

 

[redelicious]

Liana, I'm going to ramble a bit in the hopes that something I say helps you somehow.

This past fall my husband had an episode that caused me to INSIST that he get immediate professional help - and by insist, I mean that I took the kids and refused to come home until he took care of himself. This is the third psychologist he's been to and the first to recommend medication. A visit to our doctor confirmed the diagnosis, so now hubby is on two types of meds.

So, was I within my right to insist on the therapy? I know that I can't make hubby get better if he doesn't want to. I can't even make mental stability something that he wants. But at the same time *I* don't have to, and should not, put myself in a situation where my emotional wellbeing (and that of my children) is threatened. At the same time I love my husband. I want our relationship to work. And I want to see him healthy. So I did what I had to do for *me,* but also gave him a way to make things better.

Now as far as medication goes, I personally don't have the expertise to decide what kind of treatment my husband needs and for how long. Neither does he. We were concerned when meds were prescribed and we did question it. Our therapist explained exactly what the meds were for, how they worked, and why hubby needed them. If meds are prescribed for you then by all means ask questions, ask about alternatives, whatever. If you don't get good explanations find a new therapist. But once a treatment is decided upon if you want to get better you have to stick with it. Not for a month, or three months, but for as long treatment is needed. In my husband's case he may need therapy, drugs, or both for years. Frankly I believe his sanity (and therefore mine as well) may be a lifelong persuit.

(and just to piggyback on what lily said, not only does it take some time for many meds to build up in your system, but stopping them abruptly can actually cause more problems. If you do decide to stop meds at some point it needs to be done under medical supervision.)

The good news is that you are part of your treatment team and should have input. A good therapist will take your concerns into account when developing your treatment plan. So, I agree a very important part of this process is finding the right therapist. Afterall, you are trusting this person with your mind. We skipped this step the first two times my husband sought help which is a big reason why the therapy didn't *take.*

Getting a decent professional involved and having the support of someone who obviously cares about you is very important, but in the end it's up to you. Once treatment is decided upon you can either reject it and change nothing or embrace it and make a change. That is your right, just as it is your Dom's right to leave a realtionship that isn't healthy for him.

 

[CutieMouse]

*****