moods and BDSM

[twysted73]

Hom, you said un-Toppy *snicker*

Emphaticly YES. It's on e of those things that make me wonder how 24/7's do it.
If she's withdrawn, unresponsive, not enthusiastic, etc I would have to stop everything right there and drag her off into the bedroom, curl her up into me, rest her head on my chest and say "Out with it...just babble."

Sooner or later it will rise to the surface. I will listen intently, acknowlaging at points, briefly inquiring about others...but generally allowing her the opportunity to rest, re-center and purge her little heart out at her own speed.
(my next relationship is in for quite a ride as I have so many things I wish to employ)
Perhaps once she's feeling more herself I could entice her better moods out with a little "her" time.
As for myself, bills, car problems & dealing with the generally idiotic and inbred public seem to sap the Dominant urge right out of me.
*looks at made2takeit and say "scumcoast residents" *
If my subbie is good, she will TLC me as I do when the situations are reversed. (without me even asking earns her extra brownies)

One of the reasons I think deep emotional connections to your submissive are so damn important and integral if one wishes to tap into unknown reserves of willingness to give to the other even when it's been sapped from you almost entirely. I feel it's that love that carries you over that extra hurdle. Over that extra mile and a half to that second wind you never knew you had.

 

[Homburg]

Emphaticly YES. It's on e of those things that make me wonder how 24/7's do it.

We do it the same as everyone else. In, out, repeat.

Seriously though, you do 24/7 much in the same way you do any always-on relationship. Have you lived with someone? You've got an idea of how it works. Just up the stakes.

 

[twysted73]

We do it the same as everyone else. In, out, repeat.

Seriously though, you do 24/7 much in the same way you do any always-on relationship. Have you lived with someone? You've got an idea of how it works. Just up the stakes.

Yes...I've lived with someone.
*laffs but not in a nasty, snide way*

I see what you mean. But I suppose to experience it would be to inject more of a "I SEE now" element that I currently lack.

I'll just have to git me one and try 'er out.

 

[Homburg]

Yes...I've lived with someone.
*laffs but not in a nasty, snide way*

I see what you mean. But I suppose to experience it would be to inject more of a "I SEE now" element that I currently lack.

I'll just have to git me me and try 'er out.

I suggest it. It's worth it, even if only for the self-discovery that inevitably occurs =)

 

[madetotakeit]

I haven't been in this long enough to have this be an issue. It makes sense though that there will be times when it would fall into play. There are times when I just don't have the emotional reserve to be up for some things. I'm not sure if I would just put forth my best effort or just open my mouth and say I need x-y-z right now. I'm pretty straight forward so I tend to think I would go for option b.

*..."scumcoast residents" *

Ah "scumcoast"...gotta love 'em *cough.* They have a habit of sapping up all of my ambulances too. In fact, I hear them calling. Must be time for work.

 

[Velvet Bubbles]

I'm a rather, umm ... <blushes> ... opinionated person. Every now & then I have real issues with what he wants me to do. I tell him what my issues are, my suggestion for a different way for me to accomplish what he wants. He thinks about it, and decides from there. He really values my opinion. (That means the world to me.) I also just plain have an out if I'm just not enjoying whatever it is. I try not to use it. Heck, just the day before yesterday he had me do something that was causing the start of a full-blown panic attack. (A couple friends had to remind me I had safewords for a reason. Panic causes reason to retreat at times. ) I adjusted what I was doing for a bit, calmed down & was able to finish what he asked of me.

Hmm, that was a little more than "annoying". But it still counts as an example for ya! But, yes, he asks me to do things I find annoying. I just do them unless they're causing me too much stress. It's part of what I agreed to when I said "yes" to being his sub. I gave him that control. That make any sense? Hope it answers your question some, and I wasn't just rambling.

 

[ecstaticsub]

What is really difficult is when we are both in our "un" moods. He feeling unDomly and me feeling unsubbie. When it is just one of us then the other can as Twysted73 TLC the other. But when it is both of us at the same time I find it is my role to get him out of his mood first and then hopefully he can help me with mine. Being able to take care of his more vulnerable needs I feel strengthens our relationship and helps kick me back to a subbie mood.

 

[graceanne]

I'm a rather, umm ... <blushes> ... opinionated person.

NO! YOU'RE KIDDING! I'd have never guessed.

 

[Velvet Bubbles]

NO! YOU'RE KIDDING! I'd have never guessed.

<laughs> I like you, Gracie. I refuse to belive I'm overly bad about it though.

 

[lk70]

So many helpful answers, thank you. I'm not being bratty or disrespectful, but I'm not enjoying his requests. I'm doing them grudgingly.

Now there are a lot of factors at hand here. He and I have just started our relationship. It is RL and we're able to see each other pretty much whenever. This is my first "real" D/s relationship inasmuch as this is the first Dom to approach me whom I felt even the slightest bit comfortable subbing to. He's kind and he's understanding and he listens to me.

BUT I don't think I'm quite ready to be HIS sub yet. You know what I mean? Someone mentioned the love or high regard for the other person that helps you just suck it up and do it. I don't have that level of feeling for him at this point so that won't help me. I can sure see how it would though.

So I'm wondering if I'm feeling pissy because something inside of me is trying to tell me this isn't working.

OTOH, I am PMSing and that could be it as well So I'm thinking maybe I should wait a few days and see how I feel then.

Homberg- First let me tell you that I wish I were in SE VA because I LOVE your bondage pics. But more importantly, THANKS for bringing up that a dom can feel not as "toppy" some days too. I honestly didn't think of that and that was a really helpful point.

 

[graceanne]

<laughs> I like you, Gracie. I refuse to belive I'm overly bad about it though.

You're not. I actually hadn't noticed, but I couldn't resist.

I know it's hard to believe, but I'm a smart-ass. I couldn't hold it in another minutes, I HAD to tell someone. *sob* I feel so much better now that people know.

 

[Homburg]

So many helpful answers, thank you. I'm not being bratty or disrespectful, but I'm not enjoying his requests. I'm doing them grudgingly.

Now there are a lot of factors at hand here. He and I have just started our relationship. It is RL and we're able to see each other pretty much whenever. This is my first "real" D/s relationship inasmuch as this is the first Dom to approach me whom I felt even the slightest bit comfortable subbing to. He's kind and he's understanding and he listens to me.

BUT I don't think I'm quite ready to be HIS sub yet. You know what I mean? Someone mentioned the love or high regard for the other person that helps you just suck it up and do it. I don't have that level of feeling for him at this point so that won't help me. I can sure see how it would though.

So I'm wondering if I'm feeling pissy because something inside of me is trying to tell me this isn't working.

This may be. I see an acute lack of submissive urge to be normal. You're human, not an android. Chronic lack of submissive urge is a problem though.

OTOH, I am PMSing and that could be it as well So I'm thinking maybe I should wait a few days and see how I feel then.

This could have a wee ickle bit to do with it. Just a hair, y'know? =P

Homberg- First let me tell you that I wish I were in SE VA because I LOVE your bondage pics. But more importantly, THANKS for bringing up that a dom can feel not as "toppy" some days too. I honestly didn't think of that and that was a really helpful point.

Thank you for your compliments on my ropework =)

And, yeah, it's one of those things that some people never seem to wrap their head around, on all sides of the D/s equation. Will to Power fluctuates just like strength to yield does. We're all human.

 

[Netzach]

I love you, you love me . . .

Romper Room?

Oh my God, the generation gap. Or maybe it was regional?

It's as bad as Sinn said.

 

[Netzach]

I'm pretty trumped by moods and mental heath. There are just some things I cannot Domme into line. Honestly I don't want to, either, then they'll just fester into something really awful. I don't think of 24/7 as a constant reality so much as one of a constant *possibility* that you can cultivate when it makes sense. For some people it makes sense all of the time, for me it makes sense most but not all of the time.

 

[madetotakeit]

Oh my God, the generation gap. Or maybe it was regional?

I wasn't regional. It's our ages showing. I grew up in the south. It came on every weekday morning before Captain Kangaroo. I don't remember much from it other than a bee and Romper Stompers.

 

[VelvetDarkness]

I've pretty much settled into TPE now but the gloss of the first few weeks of living together has faded. To start with I skipped downstairs in the morning to run his bath and make his breakfast in a subbed out daze. Now I'm more like 'You mean I have to do this every damn day?'

Like any relationship, some days things are easier than others. Master is quite good at spotting when I'm tired and/or stressed and he usually cuts me a little slack at those times. It does work both ways though. If he's having a pissed off Dom-hate-world day I generally do my chores while endeavouring to keep the fuck out of his way. You have to go with whatever is happening with your partner.

If nothing else, the off days make you really appreciate the days when everything's just dandy. Otherwise those would get boring too.