More "Medicine"

[Rybka]

"Who Am I?"

One Monday morning a mailman is walking the neighborhood on his usual route.

As he approaches one of the homes he notices that both cars were in the driveway. His wonder was cut short by Bob, the homeowner, coming out with a load of empty beer and liquor bottles. "Wow Bob, looks like you guys had one hell of a party last night." the mailman comments.

Bob, in obvious pain replies, "Actually we had it Saturday night. This is the first I have felt like moving since 4:00 am Sunday morning. We had about fifteen couples from around the neighborhood over for some weekend fun and it got a bit wild. Hell, we got so drunk around midnight that we started playing 'WHO AM I?'"

The mailman thinks a moment and says, "How do you play that?"

"Well all the guys go in the bedroom and we come out one at a time with a sheet covering us and only our "privates" showing through a hole in the sheet. Then the women try to guess who it is."

The mailman laughs and says, "Damn! I'm sorry I missed that.

"Probably a good thing you did," Bob responds. "Your name came up seven times!"

 

[Rybka]

Winter Classes

WINTER CLASSES FOR MEN AT

THE LEARNING CENTER FOR ADULTS ​

REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED BY Monday, Jan . 9 ,2005

NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL
OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM.


Class 1
How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays --- Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.
Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Class 2
The Toilet Paper Roll --- Does It Change Itself?
Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.

Class 3
Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and
Avoid ing The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub? --- Group Practice.
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.


Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor ---
Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.

Class 5
After Dinner Dishes --- Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink?
Examples on Video.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning
at 7:00 PM

Class 6
Loss Of Identity --- Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other.
Help Line Support and Support Groups.
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM

Class 7
Learning How To Find Things --- Starting With Looking In The Right Places
And Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming.
Open Forum .
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.

Class 8
Health Watch --- Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health.
Graphics and Audio Tapes.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 9
Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost --- Real Life Testimonials.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.

Class 10
Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks?
Driving Simulations.
4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.

Class 11
Learning to Live --- Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife.
Online Classes and role-playing .
Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined

Class 12
How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion
Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Class 13
How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy --- Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Important Dates and Calling When You're Going To Be Late.
Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.


Class 14
The Stove/Oven --- What It Is and How It Is Used.
Live Demonstration.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.


Upon completion of any of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors.

 

[Rybka]

A Mother's Dictionary

AMNESIA: A condition that enables a woman who has gone through labor to have sex again.

BOTTLE FEEDING: An opportunity for Daddy to get up at 2am too.

DEFENSE: What you'd better have around de yard if you're going to let de children play outside.

DROOLING: How teething babies wash their chins.

DUMBWAITER: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.

FAMILY PLANNING: The art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster

FEEDBACK: The inevitable result when the baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots.

FULL NAME: What you call your child when you're mad at him.

GRANDPARENTS: The people who think your children are wonderful even though they're sure you're not raising them right.

HEARSAY: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.

IMPREGNABLE: A woman whose memory of labor is still vivid.

INDEPENDENT: How we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.

LOOK OUT!: What it's too late for your child to do by the time you scream it

PRENATAL: When your life was still somewhat your own.

PREPARED CHILDBIRTH: A contradiction in terms.

PUDDLE: A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.

SHOW OFF: A child who is more talented than yours.

STERILIZE: What you do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby's pacifier by blowing on it

STOREROOM: The distance required between the supermarket aisles so that children in shopping carts can't quite reach anything.

TEMPER TANTRUMS: What you should keep to a minimum so as to not upset the children.

TOP BUNK: Where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies.

TWO-MINUTE WARNING: When the baby's face turns red and she begins to make those familiar grunting noises.

VERBAL: Able to whine in words

WEAKER SEX: The kind you have after the kids have worn you out.

WHODUNIT: None of the kids that live in your house.

WHOOPS: An exclamation that translates roughly into "get a sponge."

 

[wildsweetone]

PUDDLE: A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.

generation after generation. puddles are fascinating.

i can't wait for rain!

 

[Rybka]

The New Pastor

The new minister was visiting the homes of his congregation. When he came to one house it was apparent that someone was home, however no one came to the door even after repeated doorbell rings, several loud knocks on the front door, and even calling out, "HELLO! Is anybody home?"

Consequently he took out a business card and wrote on the back, "Revelation 3:20".

While counting the offerings after the next Sunday's service, he found that his card had been returned, and below his message he read, "Genesis 3:10 !"

Opening his bible to find the cited passage, he broke up in laughter.

Revelation 3:20 begins, "Behold, I stand at the door and knock."

Genesis 3:10 reads, "I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid for I was naked,"

Remember when the best jokes were clean? They still are! "A cheerful heart is good medicine." - Proverbs 17:22

 

[Rybka]

Politically Correct Speech

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1. She is not a "BABE" or a "CHICK" - She is a "BREASTED AMERICAN."

2. She is not a "SCREAMER" or a "MOANER" - She is "VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE."

3. She is not "EASY" - She is "HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE."

4. She is not a "DUMB BLONDE" - She is a "LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY."

5. She has not "BEEN AROUND" - She is A "PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION."

6. She is not an "AIRHEAD" - She is "REALITY IMPAIRED."

7. She does not get "DRUNK" or "TIPSY" - She gets "CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED."

8. She does not have "BREAST IMPLANTS" - She is "SURGICALLY ENHANCED."

9. She does not "NAG" you - She becomes "VERBALLY REPETITIVE."

10. She is not a "TRAMP" - She is "SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED."

11. She does not have "MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS" - She is "PECTORALLY SUPERIOR."

12. She is not a "TWO-BIT HOOKER" - She is a "LOW COST PROVIDER."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1. He does not have a "BEER GUT" - He has developed a "LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY."

2. He is not a "BAD DANCER" - He is "OVERLY CAUCASIAN."

3. He does not "GET LOST ALL THE TIME" - He "CONSTANTLY INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS."

4. He is not "BALDING" - He is in "FOLLICLE REGRESSION."

5. He is not a "CRADLE ROBBER" - He prefers "GENERATIONAL DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS."

6. He does not get "FALLING-DOWN DRUNK" - He becomes "ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL

7. He does not act like a "TOTAL ASS" - He develops a case of "RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION."

8. He is not a "MALE CHAUVINIST PIG" - He has "SWINE EMPATHY."

9. He is not afraid of "COMMITMENT" - He is "RELATIONSHIP CHALLENGED."

10. He is not "HORNY" - He is "SEXUALLY FOCUSED."

11. It's not his "CRACK" you see hanging out of his pants - It's "REAR CLEAVAGE."

 

[Rybka]

Sniffer Dog

A Lit. poet had just settled into his seat next to the window on the plane when another man sat down in the aisle seat and put his black Labrador Retriever in the middle seat next to the man.

The poet looks very quizzically at the dog and asks why the dog is allowed on the plane. The second man explained that he is a DEA agent and that the dog is a "sniffing dog". His name is Sniffer and he's the best there is. I'll show you once we get airborne, when I put him to work."

The plane takes off, and once it has leveled out, the agent says, "Watch this." He tells Sniffer to "search".

Sniffer jumps down, walks along the aisle, and finally sits very purposefully next to a woman for several seconds. Sniffer then returns to the seat and puts one paw on the agent's arm.

The agent says, "Good boy", and he turns to the poet and says: "That woman is in possession of marijuana, so I'm making a note of her seat number and the authorities will apprehend her when we land.

"Say, that's pretty neat!" repies our Lit. friend.

Once again, the agent sends Sniffer to search the aisles. The Lab sniffs about, sits down beside a man for a few seconds, returns to the seat, and this time, he places TWO paws on the agent's arm. The agent says, "That man is carrying cocaine, so again, I'm making a note of his seat number for the police."

"I like it!" says his seat mate.

The agent then told Sniffer to "search" again.

Sniffer walked up and down the aisles for a little while, sat down for a moment, and then came racing back to the agent, jumped into the middle seat and proceeded to poop all over the place.

Of course our genteel poet is really grossed out by this behavior and can't figure out how or why a well-trained dog would act like that, so he asks the agent, "What's going on?"

The agent nervously replied, "He just found a bomb!"

 

[My Erotic Trail]

A bear walks into a bar in Billings, Montana and sits down. He bangs on the bar with his paw and demands a beer.


The bartender approaches and says, "We don't serve beer to bears in bars in Billings."

The bear, becoming angry, demands again that he be served a beer.

The bartender tells him again, more forcefully, "We don't serve beer to belligerent bears in bars in Billings."

The bear, very angry now, says, "If you don't serve me a beer, I'm going to eat that lady sitting at the end of the bar."

The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings"

The bear goes to the end of the bar, and, as promised, eats the woman. He comes back to his seat and again demands a beer.

The bartender states, "Sorry, we don't serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings who are on drugs."

The bear says, "I'm NOT on drugs.


The bartender says, "You are now. That was a
barbitchyouate

 

[Rybka]

Memorial Stone

A Lit. poet's husband died. He had $30,000 to his name. After everything is
done at the funeral home and cemetery, she tells her closest friend that
there is none of the $30,000 left.

The friend says, "How can that be?"

The widowed poetess says, "Well, the funeral cost me $6,500 . . . and of course I made a donation to the church. That was $500, and I spent another $500 for the wake, food and drinks, you know. The rest went for the memorial stone."

The friend says, "$22,500 for the memorial stone? My Gosh, how big is it?"

Our Lit. poetess says, "Three carats."

 

[Rybka]

Storks

Once upon a time there was a stork family - papa stork, mama stork and baby stork. One evening papa stork didn't show up for dinner. Mama stork and baby stork left the food out for him but he didn't come home at all that night. When papa stork finally did come home the next day, baby stork asked, "Papa stork, where were you last night?"

"Out making a young couple very happy." replied papa stork.

Several weeks later, mama stork was late for dinner. Baby stork and papa stork waited a while, and then gave up and ordered pizza. Mama stork didn't come home until late the next morning. When mama stork did come in, baby stork asked, "Mama stork, where were you last night?"

"Out making a young couple very happy." replied mama stork.

Later in the fall, baby stork was late for dinner. Papa stork and mama stork were worried. Their anxiety increased when baby stork still wasn't home by sunset. They both waited up late for baby stork but he didn't come in until early in the morning. His feathers were rumpled and unkempt. Papa stork barked, "Where the heck were you baby stork?" as his tired son dragged himself over the threshold.

"Out scaring the heck out of some teenagers." replied baby stork.

 

[wildsweetone]

blimey, as if drink and drugs weren't enough.

 

[Rybka]

Perks for those over 60


1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.

2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.

3. No one expects you to run--anywhere.

4. People call at 9 pm and ask, "Did I wake you?"

5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.

6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.

7. Things you buy now won't wear out.

8. You can eat dinner at 4 pm.

9. You can live without sex but not your glasses.

10. You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.

11. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.

12. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

13. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.

14. You sing along with elevator music.

15. Your eyes won't get much worse.

16. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.

17. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.

18. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.

19. Your supply of brain cells are finally down to manageable size.

20. You can't remember who sent you this list.


Big Print for old eyes

 

[wildsweetone]

i have to say, that was so much easier to read!

 

[Rybka]

The Wedding Night

At 75 years of age, the world famous and respected author married Beth Anna, a lovely 25 year old Lit. poetess.

Since her new husband was so old, Beth Anna decided that after their wedding she and Rybka should have separate bedrooms because she was concerned that her new but aged husband might overexert himself if they spent the entire night together.

After the wedding festivities the young and beautiful Lit. poetess prepares herself for bed and the expected "knock" on the door. Sure enough the knock comes, the door opens and there is Rybka, her 75 year old groom, ready for action.

They unite as one. All goes well, Rybka takes leave of his bride, and she prepares to go to sleep.

After a few minutes, Beth Anna hears another knock on her bedroom door, and it's Rybka again, and he is ready for more "action".

Somewhat surprised, the young Lit. poetess consents for more coupling. When the newlyweds are done, the aged author kisses his bride, bids her a fond goodnight and leaves.

She is set to go to sleep again, but, Aha! You guessed it. - Old Rybka is back again, rapping on the door, and he is as fresh as an 18-year-old, ready for more "action". And, once again they enjoy each other.

But as Rybka gets set to leave again, his young bride says to him, "I am thoroughly impressed that at your age you can perform so well and so often. I have been with guys less than a third of your age who were only good once. You are truly a great lover, dear, sweet fishykins."

Rybka, somewhat embarrassed, turns to Beth Anna and says:


. . . "You mean I was here already?"



The moral of the story:

Senior moments have their advantages!

 

[Rybka]

1955 ?

A crusty old Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event, hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of extremely young, idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation.





She said, "Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Something bothering you?"





"Negative, ma'am," the Sergeant Major said, "Just serious by nature."





"The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, "It looks like you have seen a lot of action."





The Sergeant Major's short reply was, "Yes, ma'am, a lot of action."





The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, "You know, you should lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself."





The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner.





Finally the young lady said, "You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?"





The Sergeant Major looked at her and replied, "1955."





She said, "Well, there you are. You really need to chill out and quit taking everything so seriously! I mean, no sex since 1955! She took his hand and led him to a private room where she proceeded to "relax" him several times.





Afterwards, and panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest and said, "Wow, you sure didn't forget much since 1955!"





The Sergeant Major, glancing at his watch, said in his matter-of-fact voice, "I hope not, it's only 2130 now."

 

[Rybka]

. . . just a few years into the future . . .

Just when you have lost faith in human kindness. Someone who teaches at a Middle School in Safety Harbor, Florida forwarded the following letter. The letter was sent to the principal's office after the school had sponsored a luncheon for the elderly. An old lady received a new radio at the lunch as a door prize and was writing to say thank you. This story is a credit to all human kind. Forward to anyone you know who might need a lift today!

Dear Safety Harbor Middle School:
God bless you for the beautiful radio won at your recent senior citizens luncheon. I am 84 years old and live at the Safety Harbor Assisted Home for the Aged. All of my family has passed away. I am all alone now and it's nice to know that someone is thinking of me. God bless you for your kindness to an old forgotten lady. My roommate, Shara, is 90 and always had her own radio, but before I received this one, she would never let me listen to hers, even when she was napping. The other day her radio fell off the night stand and broke into a lot of pieces. It was awful and she was in tears. She asked if she could listen to mine, and I told her to kiss my ass.

Thank you for that opportunity.

Sincerely,
Ms. D. Dixon

 

[Rybka]

Why God made moms

Why God made moms
Answers given by 2nd grade school children

Why did God make mothers?
1. She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.
2. Mostly to clean the house.
3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.

How did God make mothers?
1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.
3. God made my Mom just the same like he made me. He Just used bigger parts.

What ingredients are mothers made of?
1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.
2. They had to get their start from men's bones. Then they mostly use string, I think.

Why did God give you your mother and not some other mom?
1. We're related.
2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's moms like me.

What kind of little girl was your mom?
1. My mom has always been my mom and none of that other stuff.
2. I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.
3. They say she used to be nice.

What did mom need to know about dad before she married him?
1. His last name.
2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer?
3. Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?

Why did your Mom marry your dad?
1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my Mom eats a lot.
2. She got too old to do anything else with him.
3. My grandma says that Mom didn't have her thinking cap on.

Who's the boss at your house?
1. Mom doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because dad's such a goof ball.
2. Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.
3. I guess Mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than dad.

What's the difference between moms and dads?
1. Moms work at work and work at home, & dads just go to work at work.
2. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
3. Dads are taller & stronger, but moms have all the real power 'cause that's who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friend's.
4. Moms have magic, they make you feel better without medicine.

What does your Mom do in her spare time?
1. Mothers don't do spare time.
2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.

What would it take to make your Mom perfect?
1. On the inside she's already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.
2. Diet. You know, her hair. I'd diet, maybe blue.

If you could change one thing about your Mom, what would it be?
1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clesn. I'd get rid of that.
2. I'd make my Mom smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it and not me.
3. I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on her back of her head.

 

[Rybka]

Three Chords

Three chords, C, Em and G, walked into a bar one evening. The bartender said "We don't serve minors, here", so Em left and C and G had a fifth between them.

Later on, the Key of F walked in. The two chords said, "Why are you late?"
He responded, "I had a flat." After giving it some thought, he added, "But I'm thankful that I'm not the Key of Fm."

 

[Rybka]

Ain't This The Truth?

Ain't This The Truth ?

There was an elderly gentleman who feared his wife was getting hard of hearing. So one day he called her doctor to make an appointment to have her hearing checked.

The doctor made an appointment for a hearing test in two weeks, and told him of a simple informal test that he could give her so that he (the doctor) would have an idea of the severity of her problem.

Here's what you do," said the doctor, "start out about 40 feet away from her and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response.."

That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he's in the living room.
He says to himself, "I'm about 40 feet away, let's see what happens."

Then in a normal tone he asks, 'Honey, what's for supper?"
No response.

So the husband moved to the other end of the room, about 30 feet from his wife and repeats, "Honey, what's for supper?"
Still no response.

Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his wife and asks, "Honey, what's for supper?" Again he gets no response.

So he walks up to the kitchen door, only 10 feet away "Honey, what's for supper?"

Again there is no response.

So he walks right up behind her. "Honey, what's for supper?"


(I just love this!)





"Dang it, Jack, for the fifth time, CHICKEN!

 

[Angeline]

But I let her watch my tv!

Just when you have lost faith in human kindness. Someone who teaches at a Middle School in Safety Harbor, Florida forwarded the following letter. The letter was sent to the principal's office after the school had sponsored a luncheon for the elderly. An old lady received a new radio at the lunch as a door prize and was writing to say thank you. This story is a credit to all human kind. Forward to anyone you know who might need a lift today!

Dear Safety Harbor Middle School:
God bless you for the beautiful radio won at your recent senior citizens luncheon. I am 84 years old and live at the Safety Harbor Assisted Home for the Aged. All of my family has passed away. I am all alone now and it's nice to know that someone is thinking of me. God bless you for your kindness to an old forgotten lady. My roommate, Shara, is 90 and always had her own radio, but before I received this one, she would never let me listen to hers, even when she was napping. The other day her radio fell off the night stand and broke into a lot of pieces. It was awful and she was in tears. She asked if she could listen to mine, and I told her to kiss my ass.

Thank you for that opportunity.

Sincerely,
Ms. D. Dixon

Just for that fishy, here's one for you. I found it on the general board and it's too good just to leave there.

Fine Wines?

Wal-Mart announced that they will soon be offering
customers a new discount item. Wal-Mart's own brand
of wine. The world's largest retail chain is
teaming up with E&J Gallo Winery of California, to
produce the spirits at an affordable price, in the
$1-3 range. Wine connoisseurs may not be inclined to
throw a bottle of Wal-Mart brand into their shopping
carts, but "there is a market for cheap wine," said
Kathy Micken, professor of marketing. She said:
"But the right name is important."

Customer survey s were conducted to determine the
most attractive name for the Wal-Mart brand. The
top surveyed names in order of popularity are:

10.Chateau Traileur Parc

9. White Trashfindel

8. Big Red Gulp

7. Wo! rld Championship Riesling

6. NASCARbernet

5. Chef Boyardeaux

4. Peanut Noir

3. I Can't Believe It's Not Vinegar!

2. Grape Expectations

And the number 1 name for Wal-Mart Wine:

1. Nasti Spumante

The beauty of Wal-Mart wine is that it can be served
with either white meat (Possum) or dark meat (squirrel).

 

[Rybka]

Thank you for posting in this thread, Angie. All humor, no matter how old, is always respected. - If you search this thread you will find that "Wal-Mart's Fine Wines was posted sometime last year. But please don't let that discourage you. It is still funny!

Just for that fishy, here's one for you. I found it on the general board and it's too good just to leave there.

Fine Wines?

Wal-Mart announced that they will soon be offering
customers a new discount item. Wal-Mart's own brand
of wine. The world's largest retail chain is
teaming up with E&J Gallo Winery of California, to
produce the spirits at an affordable price, in the
$1-3 range. Wine connoisseurs may not be inclined to
throw a bottle of Wal-Mart brand into their shopping
carts, but "there is a market for cheap wine," said
Kathy Micken, professor of marketing. She said:
"But the right name is important."

Customer survey s were conducted to determine the
most attractive name for the Wal-Mart brand. The
top surveyed names in order of popularity are:

10.Chateau Traileur Parc

9. White Trashfindel

8. Big Red Gulp

7. Wo! rld Championship Riesling

6. NASCARbernet

5. Chef Boyardeaux

4. Peanut Noir

3. I Can't Believe It's Not Vinegar!

2. Grape Expectations

And the number 1 name for Wal-Mart Wine:

1. Nasti Spumante

The beauty of Wal-Mart wine is that it can be served
with either white meat (Possum) or dark meat (squirrel).

 

[Angeline]

Thank you for posting in this thread, Angie. All humor, no matter how old, is always respected. - If you search this thread you will find that "Wal-Mart's Fine Wines was posted sometime last year. But please don't let that discourage you. It is still funny!

I won't Rybby. It was new to me and it cracked me up.

 

[Rybka]

Women - 5 paces behind the man

Barbara Walters of 20/20 did a story on gender roles in Kabul, Afghanistan, several years before the Afghan conflict. She noted that the women customarily walked 5 paces behind their husbands.

She recently returned to Kabul and observed that women still walk behind their husbands. From Ms. Walters vantage point, despite the overthrow of the oppressive Taliban regime, the women now seem to walk even further back behind their husbands and are happy to maintain the old custom.

Ms Walters approached one of the Afghani women and asked "Why do you now seem happy with the old custom that you once tried so desperately to change?"

The women looked Ms. Walters straight in the eyes and without hesitation, said "Land mines."

Moral of the story: Behind every man is a smart woman

 

[Rybka]

Kindergarten Art

A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.

The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."

The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like."

Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, "They will in a minute."

 

[Rybka]

Flood Destroys Bush Library

BUSH PRESIDENTIAL LIBRARY DESTROYED BY FLOOD

Crawford, Texas -- A tragic flood this morning destroyed the personal library of President George W. Bush. The flood began in the presidential bathroom where the books were kept. Both of his books are now lost.

A White House spokesman said the president was devastated as he had almost finished coloring the second one. The White House tried to call FEMA, but there was no answer.