More "Medicine"

[Rybka]

Forgive Your Enemies - Bogus & SJ Take Note!

Sunday's sermon was---Forgive Your Enemies.

Toward the end of the service, the Minister asked, "How many of you have forgiven your enemies?"

80% held up their hands.

The Minister then repeated his question. All responded this time, except one frail elderly lady.

"Ms. Dixon? Are you not willing to forgive your enemies?"

"I don't have any." She replied, smiling sweetly.

"Ms. Dixon, that is very unusual. How old are you?"

"Ninety-eight." she replied.

"Oh Ms. Dixon, would you please come down in front & tell us all how a person can live ninety-eight years, be a famous poet, & not have an enemy in the world?"

The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle, faced the congregation, and said: "I outlived them all!"

 

[Rybka]

Literotica Poetry Contest

The Literotica Poetry Contest had come down to two, a Yale graduate and a redneck poet from Texas who shall remain nameless. They were given a word, then allowed two minutes to study the word and come up with a poem that contained the word. The word they were given was "Timbuktu."

First to recite his poem was the snooty Ivy League graduate. He stepped to the microphone and said:

"Slowly across the desert sand
trekked a solemn caravan;
Men on camels, two by two
destination Timbuktu."​

The "quality cliché part of the Lit. crowd went crazy! No way could the Texan top that, they thought. Why he can't even spell!

Our Texas redneck poet calmly made his way to the microphone and recited:

"Me and Tim a huntin' went.
Met three whores in a pop-up tent.
They was three, and we was two,
So I bucked one, and Timbuktu."​

Guess who won! - (It WAS a Literotica contest after all.)

 

[Rybka]

New Virus

Just got this in from a reliable source, I think . . . It seems there is a virus called the "Senile Virus", a new variation of the infamous "Oldtimer's virus" that even the most advanced programs of Norton and McAfee cannot take care of it . . . so be warned. The virus appears to affect most severely those of us who were born before 1950!

Symptoms of the Senile Virus:
1. Causes you to send the same e-mail twice.
2. Causes you to send blank e-mail.
3. Causes you to send e-mail to the wrong person.
4. Causes you to send e-mail back to the person who sent it to you.
5. Causes you to forget to attach attachments.
6. Causes you to hit "SEND" before you've finished the e-mail.
Remember???????????

I don't remember if I sent this one out . . .
I don't think I did . . . or did you send it to me??

Funny, I don't remember being absent minded . . .

God grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.


Now that I'm 'older' (but refuse to grow up), here's what I've discovered:

1. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

2. My wild oats have turned into prunes and All Bran.

3. I finally got my head together; now my body is falling apart.

4. Funny, I don't remember being absent minded . . .

5. Funny, I don't remember being absent minded . . .

6. All reports are in; life is now officially unfair.

7. If all is not lost, where is it?

8. It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.

9. Funny, I don't remember being absent minded . . .

10. I wish the buck stopped here; I sure could use a few . . .

11 Funny, I don't remember being absent minded . . .

12. It's hard to make a come back when you haven't been anywhere.

13. The only time the world beats a path to your door is when you're in the bathroom.

14. If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees.

15. When I'm finally holding all the cards, why does everyone decide to play chess?

16. Funny, I don't remember being absent minded...

17. It's not hard to meet expenses . . . they're everywhere.

18. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

19. These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter . . . I go somewhere to get something and then wonder what I'm here after.

20. I AM UNABLE TO REMEMBER IF I HAVE MAILED THIS TO YOU OR NOT!

21 Funny, I don't remember being . . . . . absent minded . . .

Now, I think you're supposed to send this to 5 or 6, maybe 8, maybe 10, oh, heck, just send it to a bunch of your friends if you can remember who they are. Then something is supposed to happen... I think. Maybe you get your memory back or something! I think . . .

 

[bluerains]

btw..r

been meaning to mention...I liked your av.before....reminded me of lindsey buckingham ..my favorite guitarist..he rocks...



Voted Best Joke of the Year in Australia
:

Kris walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm and says:

"Darling, this is the pig I have sex with when you have a headache."



His wife is lying in bed and replies: "I think you'll find that's a sheep, you idiot."

The man says: "I think you'll find I wasn't talking to you

 

[Rybka]

A biker stops by the local Harley Shop to have his bike fixed. They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live that far and would just walk home.

On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and an anvil. He stopped by the feed store/livestock dealer and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. However, struggling outside the store he now had a problem: how to carry all of his purchases home.

While he was scratching his head he was approached by a little old lady poet who told him she was lost. Ms. Dixon asked, "Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane?"

The biker said, "Well, as a matter of fact, I live at 1616 Mockingbird Lane. I would walk you home but I can't carry this lot "

The Lit. lady poet suggested, "Why don't you put the anvil in the bucket, carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?"

"Why thank you very much," he said and proceeded to walk the old girl home. On the way he says "Let's take my short cut and go down this alley. We'll be there in no time."

The little old lady poet looked him over cautiously then said, "I am a lonely divorced lady without a man to defend me. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and fuck the shit out of me?"

The biker said, "Holy smokes lady! I am carrying a bucket, an anvil, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?"

The little old Lit. lady poet replied, "Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the anvil on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens.

 

[Rybka]

At the Airport

I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice from the other
stall saying: "Hi, how are you?"

I'm not the type to start a conversation in the restroom
but I don't know what got into me, so I answered, somewhat embarrassed, "Doin' just fine!"

And the other person says: "So what are you up to?"

What kind of question is that? At that point, I'm thinking this
is too bizarre so I say: "Uhhh, I'm like you, just traveling!"

At this point I am just trying to get out as fast as I can when I
hear another question. "Can I come over?"

Ok, this question is just too weird for me but I figured I could
just be polite and end the conversation. I say, "No..I'm a little busy right now!!!"

Then I hear the person say nervously . . .

"Listen, I'll have to call you back. There's an idiot in the other
stall who keeps answering all my questions!!!"

 

[Rybka]

Job Test

A Scandinavian poet is taking a job test.

"Here's your first question," the New York editor said.
"Without using numbers, represent the number 9."

"Widout numbers?" the Swede says, "Dat is
easy." And he proceeds to draw three trees.

"What's this?" the editor asks.

"Ave you got no brain? Tree and tree and tree
make nine," says the Swede.

"Fair enough," says the editor. "Here's your second
question. Use the same rules, but this time the
number is 99."

The Swede stares into space for a while, then
picks up the picture that he has just drawn and
makes a smudge on each tree. "Ere you go."

The anti-immigrant New Yorker scratches his head
and says, "How on earth do you get that to represent
99?"

"Each of da trees is dirty now. So, it's dirty tree,
and dirty tree, and dirty tree. Dat is 99."

The editor is getting worried that he's going to
actually have to hire this Swede, so he says,
"All right, last question. Same rules again, but
represent the number 100."

The Swede stares into space some more,
then he picks up the picture again and makes a
little mark at the base of each tree and says,
"Ere you go. One hundred."

The editor looks at the attempt. "You're a Liar!
You must be nuts if you think that represents a
hundred!"

The Swede leans forward and points to the marks
at the base of each tree and says, "A little dog
come along and shit by each tree. So now you got
dirty tree and a turd, dirty tree and a turd, and
dirty tree and a turd, dat make one hundred.
So, ven I start?"

 

[Rybka]

An ugly Lit. poetess walks into a shop with her two kids.
The shopkeeper asks, "Are they twins?"

The poetess says, "No, he's 9 and she's 7. Why? Do you think they look
alike?"

"No," he replies. "I just can't believe you got laid twice!"

 

[Rybka]

I'm not that old!

Have you ever been guilty of looking at others your own age and thinking, "surely I can't look that old?" Well, you'll love this one!

I was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new dentist.

I noticed his diploma, which bore his full name. Suddenly, I remembered a tall, handsome, dark-haired boy with the same name had been in my high school class some 40-odd years ago.

Could he be the same guy that I had a secret crush on, way back then?

Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought. This balding gray-haired man with the deeply lined face was way too old to have been my classmate.

Hmmm. . . or could he???

After he had examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended Morgan Park High School.

"Yes. Yes, I did. I'm a mustang," he gleamed with pride.

"When did you graduate?" I asked.

He answered! "In 1959. Why do you ask?"

"You were in my class!" I exclaimed.

He looked at me closely.

Then, that ugly, old, wrinkled S.O.B. asked, "What did you teach?"

 

[Rybka]

Fluctuations

I had a bunch of Canadian dollars that needed to be exchanged, so I
went to the currency exchange window at the local bank. I chose the
shortest line; just one guy in front of me. He was an Asian guy who was
trying to exchange yen for dollars and he was a little agitated.

He asked the teller, "Why it change? Yestoday I get two hunat dolla for
500 yen. Today I get hunat an eighty?"

The teller says, "Fluctuations."

The Asian guy says, "Fluc you white guys too!"

 

[Rybka]

Devine Techies

Jesus and Satan were having an ongoing argument about who was better on
the computer. They had been going at it for days, and frankly God was
tired of hearing all the bickering. Finally fed up, God said, "THAT'S
IT! I have had enough. I am going to set up a test that will run for two
hours, and from those results, I will judge who does the better job." So
Satan and Jesus sat down at the keyboards and typed away.

They moused.

They faxed.

They E-mailed .

They E-mailed with attachments.

They downloaded.

They did spreadsheets.

They wrote reports.

They created labels and cards.

They created charts and graphs.

They did some genealogy reports.

They did every job known to man. Jesus worked with heavenly efficiency
and Satan was faster than hell. Then, ten minutes before
their time was up, lightning suddenly flashed across the sky, thunder
rolled, rain poured, and, of course, the power went off. Satan stared at
his blank screen and screamed every curse word known in the underworld!
Jesus just sighed. Finally the electricity came back on, and each of
them restarted their computers.
Satan started searching frantically, screaming:
"It's gone! It's all GONE! "I lost everything when the power went out!"

Meanwhile, Jesus quietly started printing out all of his files from the
past two hours of work.

Satan observed this and became irate. "Wait!" he screamed.
"That's not fair! He cheated! How come he has all his work and I don't
have any?"

God just shrugged and said, "Jesus saves."

 

[BooMerengue]

This isn't really a joke but I thought it was interesting...



Typoglycemia


Don't delete this because it looks weird. Believe it or not you can read it (and fast too).

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid. Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch taem at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Such a cdonition is arppoiately cllaed Typoglycemia -
Amzanig huh? Yaeh and yuo awlyas thought slpeling was ipmorantt.

 

[Rybka]

To My Pets

Dear Dogs and Cats,

The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note that placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not mean it becomes your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king-sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep.

It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm and disrespect.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or stick your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. I have been using the bathroom for years--canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt,

NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND. I cannot stress this enough!

To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:

Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and Always Complain About Our Pets:
1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.
(That's why they call it "fur"niture )
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and does not speak clearly.

Remember: Dogs and cats are better than kids because: they eat less, don't ask for money all the time, are easier to train, usually come when called, never drive your car, don't hang out with drug-using friends, don't smoke or drink, don't worry about having to buy the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes, don't need a gazillion dollars for college and, if they get pregnant, you can sell their children.

 

[Rybka]

The Used Car

It was a small town and the patrolman was making his evening rounds.

As he was checking a used car lot, he came upon two little old Lit lady poets sitting in a used car.

He stopped and asked them why they were sitting there in the car. Were they trying to steal it?

"Heavens no, we bought it."

"Then why don't you drive it away."

"We can't drive."

"Then why did you buy it?"!

"We were told that if we bought a used car here we'd get screwed . . . so we're just waiting.

 

[Rybka]

Breakfast

A Lit. poet was making a breakfast of fried eggs for herself and her partner.

Suddenly he burst into the kitchen.

"You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW!"

"We need more butter. Oh NO! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful."

"CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them."

"Use the salt. USE FUCKING THE SALT! THE SALT!""

The Lit. poetess just stared at him.

"What the fuck is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"

Her partner calmly replied,

"I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving."

 

[Rybka]

HR Lingo for Job Seekers

"COMPETITIVE SALARY" - We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.

"JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY" - We have no time to train you.

"CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE" - We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up.

"MUST BE DEADLINE-ORIENTED" - You'll be six months behind the project schedule on your first day.

"SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED" - Some time each night and some time each weekend.

"DUTIES WILL VARY" - Anyone in the office can boss you around.

"MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL" - We have no quality control.

"CAREER-MINDED" - Female Applicants must be childless (and remain that way).

"APPLY IN PERSON" - If you're old, fat or ugly you'll be told the position has been filled.

"NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE" - We've filled the job; our call for resumes is just a legal formality.

"SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE" - You'll need it to replace three people who just left.

"PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST" - You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos.

"REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS" - You'll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.

"GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS" - Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want and do it.

 

[Rybka]

Operator . . . Can you help me place this call?

Lit. poetess: "Operator, can you give me the telephone number for Jack?"



Operator: "I'm sorry, I don't understand who you are talking about".



Lit. poetess: "On page 1 section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone jack before cleaning.

Now, can you give me the number for Jack?"

 

[Rybka]

Brokeback Mountain Weekly Grocery Lists

WEEK ONE
. Beans
. Bacon
. Coffee
. Whiskey

WEEK TWO
. Beans
. Ham
. Coffee
. Whiskey

WEEK THREE
. Beans al fresca
. Thin-sliced Bacon
. Hazelnut Coffee
. Sky vodka & Tanqueray gin
. K-Y gel

WEEK FOUR
. Beans en salade
. Pancetta
. Coffee (espresso grind)
. 5-6 bottles best Chardonnay
. 2 tubes K-Y gel

WEEK FIVE
. Fresh Fava beans
. Jasmine rice
. Prosciutto, approx. 8 ounces, thinly sliced
. Medallions of veal
. Porcini mushrooms
. 1/2 pint of heavy whipping cream
. 1 Cub Scout uniform, size 42 long
. 5-6 bottles French Bordeaux (Estate Reserve)
. 1 extra large bottle Astro-glide

WEEK SIX

. Yukon Gold potatoes
. Heavy whipping cream
. Asparagus (very thin)
. Organic Eggs
. Spanish Lemons
. Gruyere cheese (well aged)
. Crushed Walnuts
. Arugula
. Clarified Butter
. Extra Virgin Olive oil
. Pure Balsamic vinegar
. 6 yards white silk organdy
. 6 yards pale ivory taffeta
. 3 Cases of Dom Perignon Masters Reserve
. Large tin Crisco

 

[Rybka]

The Half-Wit

Art owned a small spread in Texas. The State Wage and Hour Department claimed he was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent out to interview him.

"I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them." demanded the agent.

"Well, there are my hired hands. Pedro has been with me for four years and Raul for three. I pay them each $500 a week, plus free room and board. Maria, the cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $400 a week plus free room and board.

Then there's the half-wit that works here about 18 hours a day. He takes home $10 a week and I buy him a bottle of bourbon every now and then to keep him going," replied Art.

"That's the guy I want to talk to . . . the half-wit!" said the agent.

Art replied, "That would be me."

 

[bluerains]

on a thread this big

tis hard to know what has been and not...so here is a few..hope they are not repeats..

TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US!!!!

911 call
An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report that her car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher: "They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!" she cried. The dispatcher said, "Stay calm. An officer is on the way." A few minutes later, the officer radios in. "Disregard." He says. "She got in the back-seat by mistake."
______________________________________

Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine March day. One remarked to the other, "Windy, isn't it?" "No," the second man replied, "it's Thursday." And the third man chimed in, "So am I. Let's have a beer."
______________________________________
SUPERSEX

A little old lady was running up and down the halls in a nursing home. As she walked, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and say "Supersex." She walked up to an elderly man in a wheelchair Flipping her gown at him, she said, "Supersex." He sat silently for a moment or two and finally answered, "I'll take the soup."
_____________________________________
ROMANCE

An older couple were lying in bed one night. The husband was falling asleep but the wife was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk. She said: "You used to hold my hand when we were courting." Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second and tried to get back to sleep. A few moments later she said: "Then you used to kiss me. "Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep. Thirty seconds later she said: "Then you used to bite my neck." Angrily, he threw back the bed clothes and got out of bed. "Where are you going?" she asked. "To get my teeth!"
______________________________________
DOWN AT THE RETIREMENT CENTER

80-year old Bessie bursts into the rec room at the retirement home. She holds her clenched fist in the air and announces, "Anyone who can guess what's in my hand can have sex with me tonight!!" An elderly gentleman in the rear shouts out, "An elephant?" Bessie thinks a minute and says, "Close enough."
______________________________________
OLD FRIENDS

Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years, they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards. One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, "Now don't get mad at me .. I know we've been friends for a long time ..but I just can't think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is." Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her. Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?"
______________________________________

DRIVING

Two elderly women were out driving in a large car - both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself "I must be losing it. I could have sworn we just went through a red light." After a few more minutes, they came to another intersection and the light was red again. Again, they went right through The woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous. At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was red and they went on through. So, she turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred, did you know that we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us both!" Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh! Am I driving?"

 

[Rybka]

Brother-in-law

A poet was brought to Mercy Hospital, and went in for coronary surgery. The operation went well, and as the groggy man regained consciousness, he was reassured by a Sister of Mercy waiting by his bed.

"Sir, you're going to be just fine." the nun said while patting his hand. "We do have to know, however, how you intend to pay for your stay here. Are you covered by insurance?"

"No, I'm not," the poet whispered hoarsely.

"Can you pay in cash?"

"I'm afraid I can't, Sister."

"Do you have any close relatives, then?"

"Just my sister in New Mexico," he replied, "but she's a spinster nun."

"Nuns are not spinsters, Mr. Smith," the nun replied. "They are married to God."

"Okay," the poet said with a smile, "then bill my brother-in-law."

 

[Rybka]

A man goes to see the Rabbi. "Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I have to talk to you about it."

The Rabbi asked, "What's wrong?"

The man replied, "My wife is poisoning me."

The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, "How can that be?"

The man then pleads, "I'm telling you, I'm certain she's poisoning me. What should I do?"

The Rabbi then offers, "Tell you what. Let me talk to her. I'll see what I can find out and I'll let you know."

A week later the Rabbi calls the man and says. "I spoke to your wife . . . spoke to her on the phone for over three hours. You want my advice?"

"Yes." said the man . . . and the Rabbi replied, "Take the poison!"

 

[Inni Em]

Funny thread. I hope you don't mind I add a funny.

Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties. She was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all. One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea.

As he sat facing her old Hammond organ, the young minister noticed a cut-glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled with water, and in the water floated, of all things, a condom! When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat.

The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist. "Miss Beatrice," he said, "I wonder if you would tell me about this?" pointing to the bowl.

"Oh, yes," she replied, "Isn't it wonderful? I was walking through the Park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground.

The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and that it would prevent the spread of disease. Do you know I haven't had the flu all winter?"

 

[Rybka]

Sex Drive

A 97-year-old Lit. poet goes into his doctor's office and says, "Doc, I want my sex drive lowered."

"Sir," replied the doctor, "you're 97 Don't you think your sex drive is all in your head?"

"You're damned right it is!" replied the old poet. "That's why I want it lowered!"

 

[Rybka]

Fruits of Love

A young poet couple got married and they were on their way to their honeymoon. It was late, when their car broke down in front of a farm house.

They went up to the farm house and asked the farmer if they could stay the night.

"Sure you can," said the farmer. "But I have no room in my house. You two can have the hayloft if you don't mind!"

"Why thanks Mr. Farmer. That will be just fine. It will be kinda romantic and a honeymoon that we won't ever forget!" said the husband.

The farmer grabbed a lantern and let the newlyweds to the hayloft and said goodnight.

Early the next morning, the farmer went and knocked on the barn door. He shouted up at the newlyweds, "You folks alright up there?"

"Yes we are!" shouted down the couple.

"Would you like some breakfast?" the farmer asked.

"No thank you Mr. Farmer . . . We are living on the fruits of love!" they replied.

The farmer shouted back, "Well would mind not throwing down the skins . . . they are choking my ducks!"