More "Medicine"

[Rybka]

Getting It Hard!

Two old poets, one 80 and one 87, were sitting on their usual park bench one morning.

The 87 year old had just finished his morning jog and wasn't even short of breath.

The 80 year old was amazed at his friend's stamina and asked him what he did to have so much energy.

The 87 year old said "Well, I eat rye bread every day. It keeps your energy level high and you'll have great stamina with the ladies."

So, on the way home, the 80 year old stops at the bakery. As he was looking around, the lady asked if he needed any help. He said, "Do you have any rye bread?"

She said, "Yes, there's a whole shelf of it. Would you like some?"

He said, "I want 5 loaves.

She said, "My goodness, 5 loaves...by the time you get to the 5th loaf, it'll be hard"

He replied, "I can't believe it, everybody in the world knows about this shit but me."



note: This is the 1000th post in this thread; and so I pronounce it finished and hereby retire it. I hope it has given you a smile or two along the way. ~ Rybka

 

[bluerains]

Happy Holidays R...

Three men died partying on Christmas Eve after drinking a bottle of bad tequila. Dead drunk, they were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.

"You can still get into heaven on Christmas Eve," Saint Peter said, "but only if you each possess something that symbolizes Christmas." The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. "Thish ish ah-h Christmas candle," he said. "All righty then," said Saint Peter. "You may pass through the pearly gates."

The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them animatedly and said, "They're bells! Jingle Bells, Jingle (burp)!" Saint Peter rolled his eyes and said, "Very well. You may pass through the pearly gates".

The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties. Saint Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And just *what* do those symbolize?" The man leered and replied, "These are Carol's."

 

[LeBroz]

Reverse Rejection

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Job hunting not going well? Perhaps you need a new approach when receiving a rejection letter. Here's one candidate's unique solution:



Herbert A. Millington
Chair - Search Committee
412A Clarkson Hall, Whitson University
College Hill, MA 34109

Dear Professor Millington,

Thank you for your letter of March 16. After careful consideration, I regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal to offer me an assistant professor position in your department.

This year I have been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually large number of rejection letters. With such a varied and promising field of candidates, it is impossible for me to accept all refusals.

Despite Whitson's outstanding qualifications and previous experience in rejecting applicants, I find that your rejection does not meet my needs at this time. Therefore, I will assume the position of assistant professor in your department this August. I look forward to seeing you then.

Best of luck in rejecting future applicants.

Sincerely,
Chris L. Jensen


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[LeBroz]

This Is For All You Blondes!!

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A guy gets on a plane and finds himself seated next to a cute blonde. He immediately turns to her and makes his move. 'You know,' he says, 'I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger. So let's talk.'

The blonde, who had just opened her book, closes it slowly and says to the guy, 'What would you like to discuss?'

'Oh, I don't know,' says the guy. 'How about nuclear power?'

'OK,' says the blonde. 'That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff--grass. Yet the deer excretes little pellets, the cow turns out a flat patty, and the horse produces muffins of dried poop. Why do you suppose that is?'

The guy is dumbfounded. Finally he replies, 'I haven't the slightest idea.'

'So tell me,' says the blonde, 'How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?'


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[LeBroz]

Got Some of That Old Time Religion?

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An atheist was taking a walk through the woods "What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!" he said to himself. As he continued walking alongside the river he heard a rustling in the bushes. Turning to look, he saw a 7 foot grizzly charging towards him.

He ran as fast as he could up the path. Looking over his shoulder he saw that the bear was closing in on him. His heart was pumping frantically and he tried to run even faster.

He tripped and fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up but saw the bear raising his paw to take a swipe at him. At that instant the atheist cried out: "Oh my God..."

Time stopped.

The bear froze.

The forest was silent.

It was then that a bright light shone down upon the man and a voice came out of the sky saying: "You deny my existence for all of these years, teach others I don't exist, and even credit creation to a cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?"

The atheist looked directly into the light, "It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps, could you make the bear a Christian?"

"Very well," said the voice.

The light went out.

And the sounds of the forest resumed.

Then the bear lowered his paw, bowed his head and spoke: "Lord, bless this food which I am about to receive and for which I am truly thankful. Amen."

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[LeBroz]

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Three buddies decided to take their wives on vacation for a week in Las Vegas. The week flew by and they all had a great time. After they returned home and the men went back to work, they sat around at break and discussed their vacation.

The first guy says "I don't think I'll ever do that again! Ever since we got back, my old lady flings her arms & hollers, "7 come 11" all night & I haven't had a wink of sleep!"

The second guy says "I know what you mean...my old lady played blackjack the whole time we were there and she slaps the bed all night and hollers 'hit me light or hit me hard', and I haven't had a wink of sleep either!"

The third guy says "You guys think you have it bad! My old lady played the slots the whole time we were there... every morning, I wake up with a sore dingy and a butt full of quarters!

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[LeBroz]

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This is a true story from the Japanese Embassy in the United States.

A few years ago, Prime Minister Mori was given some Basic English conversation training before he visited Washington and met President Bill Clinton. The instructor told Mori "Prime Minister, when you shake hands with President Clinton, please say 'How are you?' Then President Clinton should say, 'I am fine, and you?' Now you should say, 'Me too.' Afterwards, translators will do all the work for you."

It looks quite simple, but the truth is....

When Mori met Clinton, he mistakenly said "Who are you?" President Clinton was a bit shocked but still managed to react with humor: "Well, I am Hillary's husband, haha...." Then Mori replied confidently "Me too, hahaha.." Then there was a long silence in the meeting room...


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And here I thought it was Bill who kept "wandering."

Thought for the day: If Senator Hillary Clinton becomes President, the Secret Service would be working for her. How will Bill do what Bill does best when "his" agents are reporting back to President Clinton?

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[LeBroz]

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Anyone who's been in the military knows that even among officers, there's bound to be a few no one can stand {and they don't have to be generals or admirals either}.



The general was confined to the military hospital for treatment of a minor malady.

For almost a week he made a complete nuisance of himself, irritating both staff and the other patients, demanding attention and expecting his every order to be followed immediately.

He was in a six-man ward rather than a private room, his meals were too cold or not served to suit his taste, the light needed to be adjusted to his demands, the nighttime activities interfered with his rest... and on, and on.

One afternoon an orderly entered the room. "Time to take your temperature, General."

After growling at the orderly, the general opened his mouth to accept the thermometer.

"Sorry, General, but for this test we need your temperature from the other end."

A whole new barrage of verbal abuse followed, but the orderly was insistent that a rectal temperature was what the test called for.

The general at last rolled over, bared his rear, and allowed the orderly to proceed. The orderly then told the general, "Stay exactly like that and don't move. I'll be back in five minutes to check up on you" and withdrew.

An hour later, the head nurse entered the room, saw the general with his bare rear in the air and gasped, "What's going on here?"

"Haven't you ever seen someone having their temperature taken?" the general barked.

"Yes I have, General, but with a daffodil?

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[LeBroz]

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Can you think this fast?




TRAFFIC STOP

A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the following exchange:

Officer: May I see your driver's license?
Driver: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI.
Officer: May I see the owner's card for this vehicle?
Driver: It's not my car. I stole it.
Officer: The car is stolen?
Driver: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's card in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.
Officer: There's a gun in the glove box?
Driver: Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk.
Officer: There's a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!?
Driver: Yes, sir.

Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain. The car was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the driver to handle the tense situation:

Captain: Sir, can I see your license?
Driver: Sure. Here it is. (It was valid).
Captain: Who's car is this?
Driver: It's mine, officer. Here's the owner's card. (The driver owned the car).
Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there's a gun in it?
Driver: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it. Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.
Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told you said there's a body in it.
Driver: No problem. (Trunk is opened; no body).
Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glove box, and that there was a dead body in the trunk.
Driver: Oh Yeah, I'll bet the liar told you I was speeding, too!!!!

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[LeBroz]

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A woman went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large beautiful parrot. There was a sign on the cage that said $50.00. "Why so little?," she asked the pet store owner as she went to pay for the bird. The owner looked at her and said, "Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a house of prostitution, and sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff." The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the bird anyway. She took it home and hung the bird's cage up in her living room and waited for it to say something. The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said, "New house, new madam." The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then thought "that's not so bad." When her two teenage daughters returned from school the bird saw them and said, "New house, new madam, new prostitutes." The girls and the woman were a bit offended but then began to laugh about the situation. Moments later, the woman's husband, Bob, came home from work. The bird looked at him and said, "Hi Bob."

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[bluerains]

Bumping..where is Rybka

Mexican Oysters
A big Texan stopped at a local restaurant following a day roaming around in Mexico . While sipping his tequila, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious looking platter being served at the next table. Not only did it look good, the smell was wonderful. He asked the waiter, "What is that you just served?" The waiter replied, "Ah senor, you have excellent taste! Those are called Cojones de Toro, bull's testicles from the bull fight this morning. A delicacy!" The cowboy said, "What the heck, bring me an order." The waiter replied, "I am so sorry senor. There is only one serving > per > day because there is only one bull fight each morning. If you come early and place your order, we will be sure to save you this delicacy." The next morning, the cowboy returned, placed his order, and that > evening > was served the one and only special delicacy of the day. After a few bites, inspecting his platter, he called to the waiter and said,"These are delicious, but they are much, much smaller than the ones I saw you serve yesterday." The waiter shrugged his shoulders and replied, "Si,Senor. Sometimes the bull wins.

 

[LeBroz]

Zen Wisdom?

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01. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone.

02. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire.

03. Its always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

04. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

05. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.

06. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

07. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

08. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

09. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is probably not for you.

10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

11. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably a wise investment.

12. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

13. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

14. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

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[LeBroz]

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In honor of Thanksgiving, here is a classic urban legend about turkey preparation. (The original version takes place at Christmas, but it is equally well suited for Thanksgiving):


Last year, my mom went to my sister's house for the traditional holiday feast. Knowing how gullible my sister is, my mom decided to play a trick.

She told my sister that she needed something from the store and asked if my sister wouldn't mind going out to get it.

When my sister left the house, my mom took the turkey out of the oven, removed the stuffing, stuffed a Cornish hen, and inserted it into the turkey, then re-stuffed the turkey.

She then placed the bird(s) back into the oven.

When it was time for dinner, my sister pulled the turkey out of the oven and proceeded to remove the stuffing. When her serving spoon hit something, she reached in and pulled out the little bird.

With a look of total shock on her face, my mother exclaimed, "Barbara, you've cooked a pregnant bird!"

At the reality of this horrifying news, my sister started to cry hysterically. It took the entire family almost two hours to convince her that turkeys lay eggs!

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[LeBroz]

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My favorite comic strip; my must read everyday, Non Sequitur :

You can find here

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[LeBroz]

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Wish I'd come across this one earlier, like before 15 April {tax day in the U.S.}. Oh well, the message is clear in any case:

The IRS decides to audit Ralph, and summons him to the IRS office. The IRS auditor is not surprised when Ralph shows up with his attorney.

The auditor says, "Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable."

"I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it," says Ralph. "How about a demonstration?" The auditor thinks for a moment and said, "Okay. Go ahead."

Ralph says, "I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye."

The auditor thinks a moment and says, "It's a bet."

Ralph removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor's jaw drops.

Ralph says, "Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye." Now the auditor can tell Ralph isn't blind, so he takes the bet.

Ralph removes his dentures and bites his good eye. The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Ralph's attorney as a witnes s. He starts to get nervous.

"Want to go double or nothing?" Ralph asks "I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between."

The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.

Ralph stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor's desk.

The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win. But Ralph's attorney moans and puts his head in his hands. "Are you okay?" the auditor asks.

"Not really," says the attorney. "This morning, when Ralph told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and piss all over your desk and that you'd be happy about it."​

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[unpredictablebijou]

Bwah!

I read a good one the other day.


A traveling man heads for a pub one afternoon in a small village. As he reaches the front porch, he hears a voice from below, "Good afternoon to ye! Beautiful day, innit?"

He looks around but can see no one, and then sees a large white dog lying next to the door. The dog is looking right at him. He hears the voice again, "I say, beautiful day, don't you think?"

The man is too stunned to respond, and rushes into the bar. "That's an incredible dog you have out there, the big white one. He just spoke to me in a voice clear as yours and mine."

The bartender says, "Naw, that dog's nothing special. He can't talk."

The man says, "But I heard him with my own ears! He said good afternoon to me!"

The bartender's eyes narrow. He says, "Wait a minute, was there a little black terrier layin' down at the end of the porch?"

The man thinks a minute, and says, "Come to think of it, yes there was."

"Aw, well, there you go," says the bartender. "He's a ventriloquist."

 

[LeBroz]

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If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their infamous sketch, "Who's on First?" might have turned out something like this:

COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT

ABBOTT: Super Duper Computer Store. Can I help you?

COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking about buying a computer.

ABBOTT: Mac?

COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou.

ABBOTT: Your computer?

COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.

ABBOTT: Mac?

COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou.

ABBOTT: What about Windows?

COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?

ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?

COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I look at the windows?

ABBOTT: Wallpaper.

COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.

ABBOTT: Software for Windows?

COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business. What do you have?

ABBOTT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?

ABBOTT: I just did.

COSTELLO: You just did what?

ABBOTT: Recommend something.

COSTELLO: You recommended something?

ABBOTT: Yes.

COSTELLO: For my office?

ABBOTT: Yes.

COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?

ABBOTT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!

ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.

COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, let's just say I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?

ABBOTT: Word.

COSTELLO: What word?

ABBOTT: Word in Office.

COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.

ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.

COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?

ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue "W".

COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue "w" if you don't start with some straight answers. What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?

ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.

COSTELLO: What's bundled with my computer?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?

ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.

COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?

ABBOTT: One copy.

COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money?

ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.

COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?

ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!

A few days later:

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?

ABBOTT: Click on "START..."

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[Anschul]

Okay, okay. So this is to be a piece of Rybka's legacy. Cool.


Moishe Rabinowitz in the late 1930s fled his native land of Germany.

He sold all his assets and converted it to gold and then had 5 sets of
solid gold false teeth made.

When he arrived in New York the customs official was perplexed as to why
anybody would have 5 sets of gold teeth. So Moishe explained,

"We Orthodox Jews have two separate sets of dishes for meat products and
dairy products, but I am so kosher and religious I also have sep arate sets of teeth."

The customs official shook his head and said, "Well that accounts for two
sets of teeth. What about the other three?"

Moishe then said "Vell us very religious Orthodox Jews use separate dishes for Passover, but I am so religious I have separate teeth, one fo r meat and one for dairy food."

The customs official slapped his head and then said, "You must be a very religious man with separate teeth for food and dairy products and likewise for Passover. Tha t accounts for four sets of teeth. What about the fifth set?"

"Vell to tell you the truth, once in a while I like a ham sandwich.

 

[LeBroz]

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Economics explained

SOCIALISM: You have 2 cows, and you are required to give one to your neighbour.

COMMUNISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and gives you some milk.

FASCISM/NAZISM: You have 2 cows. The State requires you to feed them, milk them, then takes all the milk and later sells you some milk. If you complain, you're shot.

BUREAUCRATISE: You have 2 cows. The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, then throws the milk away.

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.

SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.

ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM (also known as Bureaucrat Inspired Business Model): You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows is transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Sell one cow to buy a new President of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public buys your bull.

THE ANDERSEN MODEL: You have two cows. You shred them.

A FRENCH CORPORATION: You have two cows. You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.You then create a clever cow cartoon image called ‘cowkimon’ and market it worldwide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You re-engineer them so theylive for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows, but you don’t know where they are. You decide to have lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION: You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.You charge the owners for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported otherwise.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You worship them.

A BRITISH CORPORATION: You have two cows. Both are mad.

IRAQI CORPORATION: Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them that you have none. No-one believes you, so they bomb the **** out ofyou and invade your country. You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a democracy.

AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. Business seems pretty good. You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

WELSH CORPORATION: You have two cows. The one on the left looks very attractive.

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[the Snood]

Cows, et al

The commodities speculative model:

You have two cows, as does everyone else. You sow fears of mad cow disease via a whispering campaign, and many cows are destroyed with the result that your cows triple in value.

the Snood has Spoken.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

EU Directive No. 456179

In order to meet the conditions for joining the Single European currency, all citizens of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland must be made aware that the phrase 'Spending a Penny' is not to be used after 31st December 2009.

From this date, the correct terminology will be: 'Euronating'

 

[unpredictablebijou]

A guy is experiencing some "dysfunction" so he goes to see his doctor. After tests, the doc says, "Well, your disorder is pretty rare and won't be getting better. The conventional treatments won't work, but there's a radical new surgical technique in which we implant the muscles from a baby elephant's trunk into your penis, which gives you full functionality. However, it's rare and pretty untested, so there would be some risk."

Of course the guy is desperate. He consents, gets the surgery, and is told he needs to wait six weeks before engaging in any sexual activity.

When the six weeks pass, he gets the green light from his doctor, and calls his girlfriend with the good news. He decides to make the evening Special, so books a table in a good restaurant and plans a nice romantic evening.

During dinner, he can't help thinking about the rest of the night, and gets a little uncomfortable, so he subtly unzips his trousers under the table, thinking that since no one can see, he can just calm down a bit and then zip back up.

But suddenly, to his embarrassment, his penis comes up onto the table, takes a dinner roll, and disappears back under the table again.

His girlfriend, thankfully, is the only one who sees it happen, but her eyes widen.

"That was amazing," she says, obviously thinking happily of the implications of this new skill. "Can you do that again?"

"Yeah," he says, "I probably could, but I don't think I could fit another dinner roll up my ass."

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[Anschul]

George Carlin

I'm posting this here because I think it's probably the best place to put it.

George Carlin died last night. It makes me very sad. George has been making me (and lots of other folks) laugh for more than forty years. I have been laughing along with him all the way. George also made people very, VERY uncomfortable at times, but I think his comedy struck closer to the truth than anyone I can remember since I first heard Lenny Bruce on a record when I was young. When I was on the radio, I got to interview George once or twice, and he impressed me as a man who was as true to himself both off stage and on, and his truths helped shaped my feelings about the world.

Here's a little bit of George Carlin, just for laughs...

George Carlin, dead today at 71.

P.S. And Leon, your Two Cows entry is one of the funniest things I've ever read. I laughed so hard it hurt. Thanks.

 

[LeBroz]

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Time to find a new hospital?

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[UnderYourSpell]

A man enters a barber shop for a shave. While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problems he has getting a close shave around the cheeks.

"I have just the thing," says the barber taking a small wooden ball from a nearby drawer. "Just place this between your cheek and gum."

The client places the ball in his mouth and the barber proceeds with the closest shave the man has ever experienced. After a few strokes the client asks in garbled speech.

"And what if I swallow it?"

"No problem," says the barber. "Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else does."