More opinions needed

[champagne1982]

I do understand, yknow.

THE LAKE ISLE OF INNISFREE
By William Butler Yeats

I will arise and go now, and go to Innisfree,
And a small cabin build there, of clay and wattles made;
Nine bean rows will I have there, a hive for the honeybee,
And live alone in the bee-loud glade.
And I shall have some peace there, for peace comes dropping slow,
Dropping from the veils of the morning to where the cricket sings;
There midnight's all a-glimmer, and noon a purple glow,
And evening full of the linnet's wings.

I will arise and go now, for always night and day
I hear the water lapping with low sounds by the shore;
While I stand on the roadway, or on the pavements gray,
I hear it in the deep heart's core.

1892

I'm gonna get me an Irish poet some day.

... or a Scottish one, but sometimes Scots sound a little harsh --

"Ach, wee lassie! Tha's nae bein' cheap, I'm jus' frrrugal."

 

[BooMerengue]

I do understand, yknow.

THE LAKE ISLE OF INNISFREE
By William Butler Yeats

I will arise and go now, and go to Innisfree,
And a small cabin build there, of clay and wattles made;
Nine bean rows will I have there, a hive for the honeybee,
And live alone in the bee-loud glade.
And I shall have some peace there, for peace comes dropping slow,
Dropping from the veils of the morning to where the cricket sings;
There midnight's all a-glimmer, and noon a purple glow,
And evening full of the linnet's wings.

I will arise and go now, for always night and day
I hear the water lapping with low sounds by the shore;
While I stand on the roadway, or on the pavements gray,
I hear it in the deep heart's core.

1892

Ack! That brought tears to me eyes, Babygirl! Thats just what I want! TY.

Champ? When they look bad in a kilt they look awful, but when they look good? They're scrumptious...

 

[eagleyez]

Calling BOO...

Well Im warming up my choppers on the 12- belly full of dinner and the box is sounding exquisite on my lap. (the guitar, that is.)

Im going to write the melody to your sing song poem now.

I have a nice guitar part mostly chosen.

So there.

 

[Angeline]

Well Im warming up my choppers on the 12- belly full of dinner and the box is sounding exquisite on my lap. (the guitar, that is.)

Im going to write the melody to your sing song poem now.

I have a nice guitar part mostly chosen.

So there.

He just wrote it Boo! It sounds fantastic--beautiful lyric and a 12 string melody (and he has a lovely voice).

I'm gonna go listen again.

 

[Guest]

*jealous*

 

[eagleyez]

*jealous*

You can play Bass.

I dig sassy girl Bass players.

 

[CharleyH]

I've been toying with this one for awhile. I know some don't like sing songy rhyming things, so no need to mention that.

But other than that, what do y'all think?

I'll give birth to you at midnight
tween the winter and the spring
on a bed of piny needles
while the owls and eagles sing

I will suckle you at dawning
fill you full of my desires
we will dance sky clad at midnight
'round the roaring Beltane fires!

I will keep you as my soulmate
teach you ancient secret things
You will guard me and anoint me
You will be my pulse, my wings

And when time is finished with me
you will lie down by my side
I will slay you with my dagger
in your blood I will reside.​

Well Not all lines match syllibically (if such a word), and immediate thought is incest. So... I enjoy the rhymey thing, what are your other questions about it Boo?

 

[eagleyez]

Well Not all lines match syllibically (if such a word), and immediate thought is incest. So... I enjoy the rhymey thing, what are your other questions about it Boo?

They match and meld just fine when phrased vocally.

And my reading contains no impression of incest, but thats just my reading.

Hey, Ive been in love with my cousin since I was 11, so its all good.

She "resides in my blood," whether I like it or not.

 

[CharleyH]

They match and meld just fine when phrased vocally.

And my reading contains no impression of incest, but thats just my reading.

Hey, Ive been in love with my cousin since I was 11, so its all good.

She "resides in my blood," whether I like it or not.

Its my reading not yours, EE, and no - it did not count. My ask is what does Boo want to know about it? One posts only because one is not happy, completely .

 

[eagleyez]

Its my reading not yours, EE, and no - it did not count. My ask is what does Boo want to know about it? One posts only because one is not happy, completely .

Yes Ma'am.

*bows*

 

[BooMerengue]

*jealous*

Me too! I wanna hear it! How are we gonna do that?

This is the coolest thing... laughing and laughing!

 

[BooMerengue]

Well Not all lines match syllibically (if such a word), and immediate thought is incest. So... I enjoy the rhymey thing, what are your other questions about it Boo?

oh nooo, Charley! Not incest!!

This is the song of a woman who has not been lucky in love, so instead she creates her 'imaginary friend/phantom lover' and when she goes, she takes him w/ her- never to be shared.

My questions are the same w/ all my work. Theres a certain person here who has much more faith in my work than I do, and she keeps browbeating me to write. So I do, just to keep her at bay. (lol) But I doubt that what sounds good to me does to others. So I crave critique- I never shy away from it.

 

[eagleyez]

Me too! I wanna hear it! How are we gonna do that?

This is the coolest thing... laughing and laughing!

We will call you in a couple of days and I will play it over a land line. My long distance plan is ridiculously inexpensive in the US only, so its no problemo. I wish I could call Canada at the same rate.

I just want to make sure I have the break in the middle verse nailed and a short instrumental interlude memorized.

Fun as hell doing this.

 

[Angeline]

Me too! I wanna hear it! How are we gonna do that?

This is the coolest thing... laughing and laughing!

We decided we want to call you and he'll sing and play it. Maybe later in the weekend if he's interested in um performing.

Ok?

I'll pm you lol.

It really sounds great--the lyric (and it is a lyric!) really works well with the melody imo.

 

[Angeline]

We will call you in a couple of days and I will play it over a land line.

I just want to make sure I have the break in the middle verse nailed and a short instrumental interlude memorized.

Fun as hell.

Are you reading my mind again?

 

[BooMerengue]

Oh that would be so awesome!!

But... (theres always a butt, isn't there?) I'm leaving here, Monday I hope. I've been putting this retreat off and I have to go now or end up living in a loony bin. Forever.

It's a private thing. No phones. No computers. No fattening food. (diabetic diet.) No visitors. No saying no to one-on-one and group therapy.

Its a total ripping open of the soul and the psyche. And I will die by my own hand if I don't do this. Not to sound dramatic, but it's just the plain truth. I have lived a life jam packed with adventures both healthy and not, and I wouldn't change it, but it has left it's mark.

I have been so many 'me's' to so many people I have lost ME. So now I go on a hunt. I've been a little more open here than I intended but I guess thats good. Too much hidden, bottled for too many years. I'm ready to blow.

Watching Ange and ee work with this song has already worked it's magic. A tiny light at the end of the tunnel.

ee?? Could you sing and play this and post it here as an audio? I'll PM Ange w/ my number, and I'll be here most of the time til Mon. am.

You guys are great!

 

[Angeline]

Oh that would be so awesome!!

But... (theres always a butt, isn't there?) I'm leaving here, Monday I hope. I've been putting this retreat off and I have to go now or end up living in a loony bin. Forever.

It's a private thing. No phones. No computers. No fattening food. (diabetic diet.) No visitors. No saying no to one-on-one and group therapy.

Its a total ripping open of the soul and the psyche. And I will die by my own hand if I don't do this. Not to sound dramatic, but it's just the plain truth. I have lived a life jam packed with adventures both healthy and not, and I wouldn't change it, but it has left it's mark.

I have been so many 'me's' to so many people I have lost ME. So now I go on a hunt. I've been a little more open here than I intended but I guess thats good. Too much hidden, bottled for too many years. I'm ready to blow.

Watching Ange and ee work with this song has already worked it's magic. A tiny light at the end of the tunnel.

ee?? Could you sing and play this and post it here as an audio? I'll PM Ange w/ my number, and I'll be here most of the time til Mon. am.

You guys are great!

It was ee, my dear. I just sat there and listened. Then I put Lester Young on the cd player.

We'll be in touch.

 

[CharleyH]

Yes Ma'am.

*bows*

ROFLOL

 

[CharleyH]

oh nooo, Charley! Not incest!!

This is the song of a woman who has not been lucky in love, so instead she creates her 'imaginary friend/phantom lover' and when she goes, she takes him w/ her- never to be shared.

My questions are the same w/ all my work. Theres a certain person here who has much more faith in my work than I do, and she keeps browbeating me to write. So I do, just to keep her at bay. (lol) But I doubt that what sounds good to me does to others. So I crave critique- I never shy away from it.

And yet I NEVER THINK OF INCEST, so ... first two stanzas I DO We have faith in your work Boo, its good, but if you post a poem, so listen. This is what I see in metaphor, although I am preoccupied by friendlies on the AH. But, why post here? Instead of just submitting straight to lit?

A friendly ask

 

[CharleyH]

bump

 

[BooMerengue]

I just reread the piece 3 times and I can't see the incest. Giving birth and suckling. Wheres the incest in that?

I quit posting here at Lit for a long time. I recently put a few up on the advice of a friend, but she was wrong and I was right. They got very little response. The help is better here when folks are paying attention. I am waiting on an illustrated one I just did to show up, though. Maybe it'll do better. Who knows?

 

[CharleyH]

I just reread the piece 3 times and I can't see the incest. Giving birth and suckling. Wheres the incest in that?

I quit posting here at Lit for a long time. I recently put a few up on the advice of a friend, but she was wrong and I was right. They got very little response. The help is better here when folks are paying attention. I am waiting on an illustrated one I just did to show up, though. Maybe it'll do better. Who knows?

As said I am suckling friendlies on the AH, and dare I say? Dipping into the GB?

I'll give birth to you at midnight
tween the winter and the spring
on a bed of piny needles
while the owls and eagles sing

I will suckle you at dawning
fill you full of my desires
we will dance sky clad at midnight
'round the roaring Beltane fires!

I will keep you as my soulmate
teach you ancient secret things
You will guard me and anoint me
You will be my pulse, my wings

And when time is finished with me
you will lie down by my side
I will slay you with my dagger
in your blood I will reside.

Bolded things ... it is like a mother to a child giving birth, and breast feeding, but then, the soul mate thing. It is not bad Boo, I love it ... yet this - in these three lines, I see it as incest -no offence if it offends you

 

[BooMerengue]

As said I am suckling friendlies on the AH, and dare I say? Dipping into the GB?

I'll give birth to you at midnight
tween the winter and the spring
on a bed of piny needles
while the owls and eagles sing

I will suckle you at dawning
fill you full of my desires
we will dance sky clad at midnight
'round the roaring Beltane fires!

I will keep you as my soulmate
teach you ancient secret things
You will guard me and anoint me
You will be my pulse, my wings

And when time is finished with me
you will lie down by my side
I will slay you with my dagger
in your blood I will reside.

Bolded things ... it is like a mother to a child giving birth, and breast feeding, but then, the soul mate thing. It is not bad Boo, I love it ... yet this - in these three lines, I see it as incest -no offence if it offends you

An intelligent opinion would never offend me. Incest does, tho. Now I see what you mean. I had to go smoke and ponder. I guess my only response is that a soulmate doesn't have to be a sexual partner.

I could change it but A) ee would kill me and B) its kind of a succubus thing. She created this person w/o benefit of a man. For her own desires, tho not sexual, but I don't know how to explain that. Does that help? Cuz now I'm confused myself.

 

[CharleyH]

An intelligent opinion would never offend me. Incest does, tho. Now I see what you mean. I had to go smoke and ponder. I guess my only response is that a soulmate doesn't have to be a sexual partner.

I could change it but A) ee would kill me and B) its kind of a succubus thing. She created this person w/o benefit of a man. For her own desires, tho not sexual, but I don't know how to explain that. Does that help? Cuz now I'm confused myself.

I never said I did not like it. I never said you had to change it. 80% of the world will read it differently than I do, and that's great. This is what I read, thats all - take it or leave it. I still think it is lovely (is that a good word? ) Really, who cares if I do, if you do ... how amazing (but I do!)

 

[BooMerengue]

Do we both need some sleep?? lol

I know you weren't suggesting; that was my thought. I'm glad you like it and I'm glad it provoked thought. Thats what its supposed to do, right? Most times I feel like if I have to explain either the person isn't getting it or I wrote it badly. If the latter is the case,then I should change it. But in this case I'm not going to. I'm afraid I'll fuck it up. lol