Moths - Tell us about your flame and why...

[Kajira Callista]

Re: Re: Re: WHY...

It depends on how you manage "keeping the flame".

I know for some people, continual longing for someone you cannot have can lead to extreme depression and extended grief. Okay, for a masochist that might be a good thing, but I suspect not.

It's not about the metaphor of moth and flame -- it's about the reality of having your heart and desires constanty torn in two and aching.

Unless you are recommending that people turn into stalkers, the best advice I have still found is to move on. However difficult that may be.

i guess i wasnt clear on thar eh? I dont see anything wrong with admiring and respecting the flame and what it can or has done to you from afar. there is no reason to continually fly into it to only get burned again. that is why i said you need to learn not to be the moth.

 

[Caitlynne]

And on topic... I am the flame, not the moth....
AAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHHA!!!!

Do we need to start a list or somthing? Moths on one list and flames on anther? It might be interesting..

 

[A Desert Rose]

Do we need to start a list or somthing? Moths on one list and flames on anther? It might be interesting..

Yes... we can call it Legends in their own minds

ahahahahhaha

 

[Caitlynne]

Yes... we can call it Legends in their own minds

ahahahahhaha

ROTFLMAO!!!!!!!! Yep, we can!!!!!!!!

 

[catalina_francisco]

Re: Re: Re: WHY...

Unless you are recommending that people turn into stalkers, the best advice I have still found is to move on. However difficult that may be.

Which was my point Fungi....just because someone falls head over heels for another, beit Dom/sub/ switch/pyl/PYL/vanilla.... does not mean they (moth) then can expect that flame/person to return the feeling and if not feel slighted. I have been on the receiving end of this type sentiment where I have been abused because I could not return the feelings another wanted, and it is not pretty, and often does become a form of stalking. Problem is some people do not recognize electronic means as stalking but several places in the world (Queensland in Oz for one) legally recognize it as illegal and grounds for restraining orders. Infatuation can be flattering but can also cross that line to become disturbing....reality is we are not moths and flames, we are supposed to be human adults who have self control. The conversation here in places seemed to reflect a responsibility on the part of the flame for the hurt or frustration incurred by the moth....a helplessness, no responsibility on the moth for their situation....I was just pointing out there are other ways to view it other than victim/martyr and deliberate temptor.

Catalina

 

[Caitlynne]

The conversation here in places seemed to reflect a responsibility on the part of the flame for the hurt or frustration incurred by the moth....a helplessness, no responsibility on the moth for their situation....I was just pointing out there are other ways to view it other than victim/matyr and deliberate temptor.

I agree with this ^^^.

We are responsible for our own actions. A moth may be driven to the flame, but a s/he is driven by his or her own passion, NOT necessarily by the act or actions of the flame.

My points were really centered around learning this very thing. If we are passionate we need to know and understand our own behavior and nature, or we may turn into a victim; blaming others for our own inability to manage our emotions.

I'm not saying it is easy to manage one's passions, because it's not, but it is the task at hand under the circumstances we're discussing.

~ Cait

 

[catalina_francisco]

I agree with this ^^^.

We are responsible for our own actions. A moth may be driven to the flame, but a s/he is driven my his or her own passion, NOT necessarily by the act or actions of the flame.

My points were really centered around learning this very thing. If we are passionate we need to know and understand our own behavior and nature, or we may turn into a victim; blaming others for our own inability to manage our emotions.

I'm not saying it is easy to manage one's passions, because it's not, but it is the task at hand under the circumstances we're discussing.

~ Cait

So true....it has been said life was not meant to be easy.

Catalina

 

[bridgeburner]

I've tried to write this post about half a dozen times now and not had much luck so I'm taking off the OCD cap now and just spilling. I'll try not to get anyone's feet wet or bare my ass too badly.

I'm a crushy person by nature. There is nothing more thrilling than that rush of feeling engendered by the slightest interaction with the object of my affection. Mulling it over endlessly, dissecting it, worrying about what it might or might not have meant and looking forward with great anticipation to the next meeting.

However thrilling all of that is, though, there is a very definite downside. Unending unrequited passions can be truly destructive. I understand that they're inspiring to some, but I'm just not wired that way.

I've determined that my attraction to flames has less to do with them than it does with me. At root it's not these other people or even necessarily their common traits which attract me but the essence of my own search which really should be inward. There is a need for acceptance that I'm consciously aware can only come from inside me but which I seem unable to actively seek except from others.

Essentially this means I'm my own flame. And a cold, hard, unrelenting bitch of a flame, at that. As I get older I note that my moth has grown some muscles and a backbone and is getting better with flame retardation, but this is a rather organic change and not something that I've been able to actively work on for most of my life.

One of the major crossroads for me took place about 8 years ago. I'd like to be able to say that I managed to consciously turn myself away from the fire but the truth is that I was somewhat magically released through an incident involving psychedelic mushrooms. After 5 years of a truly devastating and hopeless affair I tapped into some slippery and elusive part of myself that knew I was worth more than I'd been selling myself for.

Before that incident I had consciously, actively and I'm embarassed to say rather melodramatically tried to sever all contact with my flame. Not an easy thing to do when we knew all the same people, hung out at all the same places and were cooped up in the same building nearly 7 days a week. I also managed to keep it fairly private. He knew. I knew and my best friend knew and that was pretty much it.

It was awful and relentless but it did help some little bit to reduce my contact. In the end, though, I just had to "get over it" and you can't really force something like that. Humans pretty much feel how they feel until they don't feel that way anymore.

Oddly, after my chemically induced revelation, I was able to let go and even to be glad I'd never gotten what it was I thought I'd wanted. Some six months later it was even offered to me on a platter and I was able to turn it down with no regrets. It was extremely healing and now I have a good friend that I wouldn't in my wildest dreams want to be partnered with ---- but he still has the ability to inspire and challenge me to my best.

The only lingering shadow is that I get the impression sometimes that he still doesn't believe I'm truly "over" him. We talk frequently unless he's dating someone and then I know his romance is over because he calls me again. He told me a few weeks ago that I'm his "vice". Whatever that means. It's flattering and I won't deny that it gives me some satisfaction now to know that he'd miss me more in his life if I were gone than I'd miss him, but I don't bear him any malice and the only embarassment I suffer now is in reflecting on my own inabilty to get out sooner.

Nowadays I'm much quicker to notice the signs of a dangerous crush and cowardly though it may be I avoid them. I don't feel like a coward though. I feel like I learned something about myself. Something I have to guard against and something that I need to find another route to pursue.


-B

 

[bridgeburner]

So true....it has been said life was not meant to be easy.

Catalina

Which is a fucked up principal rule of the universe as far as I'm concerned.

What's wrong with ease and leisure?????

The Supreme Being is a crankypants.


-B

 

[catalina_francisco]

Which is a fucked up principal rule of the universe as far as I'm concerned.

What's wrong with ease and leisure?????

The Supreme Being is a crankypants.


-B

LOL, breeds contempt and encourages us to neglect to reach our full potential!!

Catalina

 

[Kajira Callista]

Esclava

Ok i've been thinking...everyone be afraid now lol
Moth... has wings the ability to fly where it wants and the ability to fly away also.
Flame... kinda just sits there looking pretty giving off heat...not to attract the moth but just because thats what fire does. One of the flames traits (the brightness) attracts the moth, the flame can not reach out and bring the moth to it.

If the flame has no interest in the moth, the moth has the ability to fly away... there is a choice, continue flying towards the flame and perish or fly away and be content that you got to see its brightness.
Through this whole thread i have not seen being attracted to this "flame" as the problem... i have seen the problem as being rejected by the flame.
What i am trying to tactfully say is that you need to stop doing what you are doing to yourself, it will get you no where. Rejection sucks but its a really big part of the life we live. If the attraction doesnt go both ways it isnt a match, even if you try to make it one. Without a match it doesnt work in all this. I'm sure there are plenty here who have been through the same thing, I being one of them. and all we can do is tell you what we know and help you through but it is you, darling that has to make the choice to fly. away.

 

[bridgeburner]

KC,

That's exactly the head of the nail.

-B

 

[Kajira Callista]

KC,

That's exactly the head of the nail.

-B

YAY! someone understood meeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[sincerely_helene]

Re: Esclava

Through this whole thread i have not seen being attracted to this "flame" as the problem... i have seen the problem as being rejected by the flame.
What i am trying to tactfully say is that you need to stop doing what you are doing to yourself, it will get you no where. Rejection sucks but its a really big part of the life we live. If the attraction doesnt go both ways it isnt a match, even if you try to make it one. Without a match it doesnt work in all this. I'm sure there are plenty here who have been through the same thing, I being one of them. and all we can do is tell you what we know and help you through but it is you, darling that has to make the choice to fly. away.

First Page, my response! (but no one listened to the wise old owl, as per usual.)
https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=286546&perpage=25&pagenumber=1

 

[Esclava]

I have read and re-read, gone away for a few days, come back and re-read this entire thread again. I am convinced the point of my original post was missed completely by many – if not most - who have been gracious enough to reply. I've had one person respond who communicated to me they understood what I said - so, the message was not lost on everyone.

Nowhere in any of my posts does it relay an unrequited emotion. I am in awe (as many others are) of his character, zest for life and ability to live on the edge. Awe and admiration are not intended to be reciprocated. If they are, then you have another issue altogether.

I am also certain that my original post, and all those that succeeded it, were read with a stereotype in mind. As this is a porn site, such awe and esteem could only mean that I must be harboring unrequited love/lust/whatever label you want to apply toward said flame. I have tried to tell you that it is not – and never was – the case; but to no avail.

I also never denied any responsibility for making the choice to fly “away from” and not “into” the flame. I asked a question (which I have no experience with) of a group of people (in whom I’m sure someone has some experience) to solicit their advice on the best way to do it (if such a way exists) – if they desired to share. And share you did…

So, I will accept all your criticisms in defense of your friend. I have accepted responsibility for using his name and apologize for that only. I have paid homage to one who sets a high-bar example for living life to the fullest – on the edge – with no apologies or regrets for doing so. THAT was something I needed to learn…but the most important thing I have learned from all of this is: Do not offer words of encouragement and reverence to anyone if there exists the smallest possibility that it could be misconstrued. Better to let them die never knowing the profound effect they had on another’s life – than to live knowing their life was an example worth imitating.

Esclava

 

[catalina_francisco]

I am sorry you are going through this Esclava and empathise with you. I'm not sure everyone missed the point of what you were saying and asking and as many said, it is one of those things you will have to find your own particular method of dealing with as there is no set rule which covers everyone.

As for admiring others and giving them compliments, credit, etc., I see nothing wrong with that and it is usually appreciated. I got the feeling though from his previous post, in this case AA had felt pushed beyond the limit of appreciating admiration and was feeling in some way as if he had been placed in a position he had no wish to be, which was not of his making or intent, and which drew unwanted attention to him and his privacy. I would encourage you to not take this too personally and continue to be part of the community in the way you always have been through sharing your experience and being there when needed.

Catalina