My fiancé is boring! I dont know what to do! What do you men like?

[alexanna]

Look, let's be frank about this. A woman's purpose is to please a man, sexually.

If she isn't doing this she is failing at life.

What more is there to it?

And if said man can't be insanely pleased by ANY woman who's fault is it then I wonder?

I assume you are being witty but for the sake of having a stupid argument sometimes the guy can't have great sex until you tell\show\persuade him he's all fucked up and INSIST he fix it. Is that really MY resonsibility? I've done exactly this in our relationship and I guess I can entertain the idea it was my responsibility to do so but it sure didn't feel very submissive, however it was sure better than living any more years with the "Frigid" label hanging over my head.

 

[BiBunny]

Look, let's be frank about this. A woman's purpose is to please a man, sexually.

If she isn't doing this she is failing at life.

What more is there to it?

The converse can also be true. Many men fail at life. *Nods sagely*

 

[Netzach]

I think people who are asking porn boards these questions rather than the people they are actually fucking are failing at life. I personally may fuck casually, but honestly I don't think I could fuck someone I could not come to a consensus with on what's sexy. Whether it means it has to be talked about or it does just magically animalistically click, which does happen. Why not expect that out of life one way or another?

 

[Marquis]

And if said man can't be insanely pleased by ANY woman who's fault is it then I wonder?

God?

I assume you are being witty but for the sake of having a stupid argument sometimes the guy can't have great sex until you tell\show\persuade him he's all fucked up and INSIST he fix it. Is that really MY resonsibility?

Honestly, it's hard for me to relate to this entire topic, but why exactly is this guy all fucked up?

 

[Netzach]

God?



Honestly, it's hard for me to relate to this entire topic, but why exactly is this guy all fucked up?

Fucked up, no. Sounds like my ex. The sex was good, but the wrong sex for me. Seriously, can you imagine me having talented vanilla egalitarian hump me I hump you 69 wow honey that was great sex and never having skin under my fingernails again? Nooooooot I said the fox.

 

[alexanna]

He and I were both raised in an oppressive religion except I was at least raised in the US and went to highschool. I had access to Cosmopolitan magazine and at least knew what a clitoris was although I felt very very very guilty and dirty for knowing.

So yes WE were all fucked up only he is much more a victim of inertia than I happen to be.

 

[Marquis]

So yes WE were all fucked up only he is much more a victim of inertia than I happen to be.

He's probably happy as a clam.

 

[alexanna]

He's probably happy as a clam.

I was called frigid numerous times over several years of our marriage so no that label wouldn't really fit. It doesn't really matter now, I'm getting "raped' in the ass for my birthday and that's what counts.

He just bought into the whole mutual respect thing, we both did, its easy enough to undo and now we have something to do for the second decade of our marriage.

 

[Marquis]

I was called frigid numerous times over several years of our marriage so no that label wouldn't really fit. It doesn't really matter now, I'm getting "raped' in the ass for my birthday and that's what counts.

He just bought into the whole mutual respect thing, we both did, its easy enough to undo and now we have something to do for the second decade of our marriage.

Oh, so you guys are still together?

Woah, you don't hear about this every day.

 

[alexanna]

Oh, so you guys are still together?

Woah, you don't hear about this every day.

yup 10 years and I knew I was submissive before I married him but had these crazy relgious beliefs that made me think it was wrong to have those desires fulfilled. We were mormon the first 8 years of our marriage have spent the last 2 years trying to figure the world out without that filter.

I tend to make things happen though rather than just call it hopeless and walk away. He would say I'm incessant.

I just had to get over my own feelings of guilt and fear first before I was able to do anything about it. He is also the type of guy that will do whatever it takes to fix a problem once a solution is found but for all those years he didn't believe there was one and just got to the point where he was content with me frigid. It has been interesting rekindling the desire he has worked so hard to repress.

 

[Dreamliner]

alexanna, sounds like you are quickly transitioning and moving on. Congratulations. I hope your partner is close behind and in touch with you.

 

[Marquis]

yup 10 years and I knew I was submissive before I married him but had these crazy relgious beliefs that made me think it was wrong to have those desires fulfilled. We were mormon the first 8 years of our marriage have spent the last 2 years trying to figure the world out without that filter.

I tend to make things happen though rather than just call it hopeless and walk away. He would say I'm incessant.

I just had to get over my own feelings of guilt and fear first before I was able to do anything about it. He is also the type of guy that will do whatever it takes to fix a problem once a solution is found but for all those years he didn't believe there was one and just got to the point where he was content with me frigid. It has been interesting rekindling the desire he has worked so hard to repress.

This is a really inspiring story alexanna, and one we don't hear nearly often enough around here.

What made the two of you decide not to be mormon?

 

[alexanna]

This is a really inspiring story alexanna, and one we don't hear nearly often enough around here.

What made the two of you decide not to be mormon?

We had a daughter and I just couldn't raise her that way. Even though I was raised in it and believed in it in a sort of sick fatalistic way I did all the mormon stuff for my husband and loathed it in varying degrees. We were the real deal. BYU, married in the temple, special underwear. After I had my daughter I just had sort of meltdown and I got on the net and started reading and found out what I had always suspected but was afraid to confront. It's a crock of shit. Plain and simple. It took me 6 months to convince my husband, hardest 6 months of my life. I cannot tell you how it feels to find out your always loving and stalwart spouse might choose a cult over you.

The other day he told me to just tell the kids that God is pretend like Santa Clause (we have a lot of Veggie Tales inspired theological discussions in our house between our 6 and 4 year old). I was so proud. He's harder on the mormons that come visiting now than I am.

We are both logical professionals but he tends to have more tact than I do and although he takes risks they are very calculated risks.

 

[BiBunny]

We had a daughter and I just couldn't raise her that way. Even though I was raised in it and believed in it in a sort of sick fatalistic way I did all the mormon stuff for my husband and loathed it in varying degrees. We were the real deal. BYU, married in the temple, special underwear. After I had my daughter I just had sort of meltdown and I got on the net and started reading and found out what I had always suspected but was afraid to confront. It's a crock of shit. Plain and simple. It took me 6 months to convince my husband, hardest 6 months of my life. I cannot tell you how it feels to find out your always loving and stalwart spouse might choose a cult over you.

The other day he told me to just tell the kids that God is pretend like Santa Clause (we have a lot of Veggie Tales inspired theological discussions in our house between our 6 and 4 year old). I was so proud. He's harder on the mormons that come visiting now than I am.

We are both logical professionals but he tends to have more tact than I do and although he takes risks they are very calculated risks.

Special underwear? Do I even want to ask?

Seriously, though, alexanna, it's really awesome that you and your husband have worked through these things. It's not something you hear of often. I'm happy for you and he both.

 

[alexanna]

Special underwear? Do I even want to ask?

Think very ugly poyester bloomers

 

[alexanna]

alexanna, sounds like you are quickly transitioning and moving on. Congratulations. I hope your partner is close behind and in touch with you.

Thank you. He seems to be. He surprises me everyday.

 

[Xantu]

I don't want to be the only one treading water?

I'm sitting here wondering again, why do people go through with marriages when they already know there are serious problems before they walk down the aisle.

Is it just that the cake, flowers, dress and church are already paid for?

Is it so you can say you at least got married once?

WTF?

Seriously.

I know why I made my mistakes. I hate to see people rushing headlong like lemmings to jump off cliffs.

Misery loves company?

Xantu

 

[Beach Boy]

He has no fetishes. No interests, nothing that seriously makes him sit up and take notice. He's straight, he likes women, and sex, and he claims he likes everything. He's COMPLETELY open minded, will try anything I ask him about but he's almost neutral in the fact that he likes everything on the same exact horizontal line.

I try dressing up in all sorts of outfits, completely naked, completely clothed, I let him spank me and be rough and do all sorts of things, I do it all back to him, blow jobs, I've offered anal, on both ends. Plenty of vanilla sex, he doesn't seem to prefer anything!

I get off on him enjoying things, I like it when the person is enjoying them self. He always cums, is always smiling and hot and sweaty for ten minutes afterwards. He just never starts things, never asks me to do anything, or not to, I've never caught him looking at porn, he can't/wont tell me any interests he has, he doesn't seem to care about sex at all, as long as have have it at least once a week.

I am ranting cause I don't know how to explain this exactly. He just doesn't care what I do, or if I do anything at all. I can't do anything special for him, 'cause it doesn't seem to matter.

Is there something I am missing? Something else I could try? I've mentioned this to him and he just says he likes everything, in this neutral, disconnected way. Thing is, when you like everything, nothing is special or means anything. I can't get him hot and bothered at all.

What do you men, and skilled women, suggest?

I'll let you in on a secret. The guy you're describing sounds like a totally normal guy to me -- who honestly hasn't had a lot of experience. In other words the guys who are more aggressive, and have stronger likes and dislikes, have just had more practice.

Hey, on the positive side your guy probably doesn't come with any extra baggage (Many old girlfriends, children?, etc) right?

So what I would recommend in determining sexual favorites is practice, practice, practice! Practice makes perfect!

 

[princesset]

I tend to agree with Rida and others...

As someone else said already, maybe he feel selfconscious about sharing his most secret fantasies with you (I know both Hubby & I were and it took almost 10 years to open up completely).

Your current situation reminds me of the one I was in last year and still am in, to be honest. My then boyfriend said he had no fantasies and that nothing turned him on in particular (except me, which made me feel special but still seemed odd). I like being dominated but he had issues with the whole concept and only liked sex with me on top...

Meanwhile, here we are married and then he finally tells me that he has a thing for golden showers! While this particular fantasy doesn't do much for me, it's good to know he does, in fact, have them. Still, I can't help but feel that I'm wasting my 20s away with this guy.

I also agree with Marquis at least in the fact that not all guys are alike. Definately talk to your fiance.

Good luck!

Eliza

 

[alexanna]

I'll let you in on a secret. The guy you're describing sounds like a totally normal guy to me -- who honestly hasn't had a lot of experience. In other words the guys who are more aggressive, and have stronger likes and dislikes, have just had more practice.

Hey, on the positive side your guy probably doesn't come with any extra baggage (Many old girlfriends, children?, etc) right?

So what I would recommend in determining sexual favorites is practice, practice, practice! Practice makes perfect!

Sounds like my man. I had to throw an awful lot at him before he started to get it and find he liked it for himself. There was a period where he would engage in whatever activity I wanted to try but he was just doing it for me.

The trigger for him seems to be finding out there is hardware and engineering involved. I called and caught him at the hardware store today but he wouldn't tell me what he was buying. Things are going to start getting interesting around here.

Its also starting to sink in for him that I really will do whatever he asks and most probably like it. He just couldn't believe it for awhile but now that he does he's getting alot more creative.

 

[Beach Boy]

Meanwhile, here we are married and then he finally tells me that he has a thing for golden showers! While this particular fantasy doesn't do much for me, it's good to know he does, in fact, have them. Still, I can't help but feel that I'm wasting my 20s away with this guy.

I also agree with Marquis at least in the fact that not all guys are alike. Definately talk to your fiance.

Good luck!

Eliza

I think that your example shows a reason that many guys, and girls, are a little reluctant to share their fetishes. They don't want to turn the other person off and make them say "Oh gross!"

 

[smotherman]

"Shaking head" Looking for aspirins!

There's a saying and it goes something like this: "people that claim someone else is boring is usually boring themselves"

He sounds like he's willing to try anything with you, so what is the problem? go pick something you want to try and I'm sure he'll be all for it.

I wish your fiancee all the best lol

 

[FurryFury]

"Shaking head" Looking for aspirins!

There's a saying and it goes something like this: "people that claim someone else is boring is usually boring themselves"

He sounds like he's willing to try anything with you, so what is the problem? go pick something you want to try and I'm sure he'll be all for it.

I wish your fiancee all the best lol

I've often said that!

 

[unfoundiamond]

Wow... this board got wild...

I don't blame you jibizi (I guessed and I hope I spelled it right...)

I know what boring sex is like, and forget all the other crap, its not any ones fault.

My bf is a same sex, every day... every time... "don't ya wanna get on top" and all kind of guy... and its not my fault he likes boring sex,
(in-out-in-out, poundpoundpound, boring!!!)

he'd have missionary position everytime and be completely fine... I however, want hairpulling/spanking/biting, pain, denial... ect... I understand completely...

I just wonder if you two are just both wanting the other to take control. This happened to me with my ex fiance... (that's a coinsedence... I swear) and I had to choose to make the sex what I wanted it to be...

And that gets tiring if you don't like to be the one "leading"

I think you should GET INTO his head. Ask him a million questions... find out if he has baggage attached to sex... or if you just haven't figured out how to "turn him out" meaning found what makes him so hot he becomes uninhibited... and maybe he doesn't even know... that could be it...

I used to wonder why I didn't really like/see the big deal about sex...

I didn't know why people where so crazy about it... Then I found what gets ME into devious pornstar mode... I understand why people are so into sex now...

The pleasure chase...
Good Luck on him, Lady!

 

[unfoundiamond]

The converse can also be true. Many men fail at life. *Nods sagely*

AGREED

*takes notes* (good one)