My Little Me Thread

[butters]

I'm leaving it that way for now because that is what those roses look like to me. They are as big as saucers and they are usually blown open by the wind so they look flattish. The Maine coast can be a very windy place. There may be a better choice but it hasn't come to me, so that poem is going on the back burner again for a while.

you've gotta go with your gut feeling the pic link didn't show how flat you know them to look, so i suppose we got a leetle distracted

Invent a number for not quite yet.
When you're ready paste it on a line,
move it forward, back. Don't look away.

Don't keep a thing under changing skies,
nothing fancied nothing damp with smears
of rain, incidents of tears. Don't count
sounds but blur concordant notes, twine
them twice with blaring condemnation.

Make an echo's impression. Ignore
the sum of falling leaves. Conceive what
can't be counted, crumble it to dust--
infinite not by loss but absent
of whim wherein wind totals nothing.

Now stand in the center of zero
and bend to the curve of circumstance.


Thank you, smithpeter for giving me that first line.

i think i love every word of this poem - except one; i keep wanting to read absent as absence. would that alter the meaning you wish to convey?

as for the rest? imesho, wouldn't change a thing.

 

[Angeline]

you've gotta go with your gut feeling the pic link didn't show how flat you know them to look, so i suppose we got a leetle distracted

The other thing that swung "big as saucers" for me was that I was comparing size, not shape. But you know I look at that poem and still feel like it's not where I want it to be. It may have to do with the fact that the underlying structure isn't rhythmic enough and also I want to introduce more of the element of wind into it, just not by being verbally windy.


i think i love every word of this poem - except one; i keep wanting to read absent as absence. would that alter the meaning you wish to convey?

as for the rest? imesho, wouldn't change a thing.

I was on the fence between "absent" and "absence" myself. I am more bothered by "paste" as I think that is too prosaic and once you paste something you can't move it around. So I need to rethink that. But otherwise I'm pretty happy with it. I first wrote it a day or so after I found out smithpeter had died so it was really about losing a friend I love and trying to express what I felt I learned from him.

Thanks for taking the time to comment, dear girl.

 

[butters]

I was on the fence between "absent" and "absence" myself. I am more bothered by "paste" as I think that is too prosaic and once you paste something you can't move it around. So I need to rethink that. But otherwise I'm pretty happy with it. I first wrote it a day or so after I found out smithpeter had died so it was really about losing a friend I love and trying to express what I felt I learned from him.

Thanks for taking the time to comment, dear girl.

i think your unease with 'paste' is more down to some of us bein' a little older than others, and remember all the cutting and pasting for scrapbooks or in the classroom - in other words, it has a more 'fixed' definition for those not brought up with computer as a second language. your 'move it forward, back' shows its flexibility at the whim of mouse and cursor.

yw

 

[Angeline]

i think your unease with 'paste' is more down to some of us bein' a little older than others, and remember all the cutting and pasting for scrapbooks or in the classroom - in other words, it has a more 'fixed' definition for those not brought up with computer as a second language. your 'move it forward, back' shows its flexibility at the whim of mouse and cursor.

yw

Good point. But what about "place"? Then it wouldn't be freighted with either of those meanings???

 

[butters]

Good point. But what about "place"? Then it wouldn't be freighted with either of those meanings???

that works *nods*


also 'incidents of tears'
love love that

 

[GuiltyPleasure]

Good point. But what about "place"? Then it wouldn't be freighted with either of those meanings???

That's what I was thinking - "paste" is a bit too concrete, "place" is less definite.

 

[Angeline]

That's what I was thinking - "paste" is a bit too concrete, "place" is less definite.

 

[Angeline]

This poem was written in 2008 about one of my students. It needs a rewrite, but for now it's a placeholder.

Chance

Chance has blue eyes.
Elongated. He doesn't see
his logic is marginalized, lost
in a barren corner of expectation.

Chance says he can't read.
He piles mismatched syllables
in slurries of dejection. He won't
look up, so I watch his lashes
sweep toward the floor as he sinks
into the haven of his chair.

Chance talks to the table, not me.
He makes me the table
because he needs to be safe,
not touching life that eludes him.
This is why I hold his book
and the hope that someone else
squandered.

Chance won't take risks,
but Fate has thrown us together.
Our fingers almost touch when I
hand him a cerulean crayon.
He might hear me when I
tell him how to spell sky.

 

[Angeline]

Oh Lady be good and jump jam your news
beat em in four four straight up and brassy
huck-a-buck swing shift rhythm and blues
tip me a tap and snap it down classy.
You know the story now sing me the song
strut me some Strayhorn that's beat to the bar
moan saxophone and you'll never go wrong
jazz with me gypsy my jitterbug star.
Synch-psych your shaker look to the sky
Prez wails in heaven he's giggin with wings
blowin with Papa Jo mad magic fly
me to the moon where silver midnight sings
Splank on the downbeat a handful of keys
ooh woppa doo boppa sweet vocalese.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Oh Lady be good and jump jam your news
beat em in four four straight up and brassy
huck-a-buck swing shift rhythm and blues
tip me a tap and snap it down classy.
You know the story now sing me the song
strut me some Strayhorn that's beat to the bar
moan saxophone and you'll never go wrong
jazz with me gypsy my jitterbug star.
Synch-psych your shaker look to the sky
Prez wails in heaven he's giggin with wings
blowin with Papa Jo mad magic fly
me to the moon where silver midnight sings
Splank on the downbeat a handful of keys
ooh woppa doo boppa sweet vocalese.

Do you realise if I'd never met you on here I would never have written a poem about jazz? It wasn't very complementary but all the same it was written because of you

 

[Angeline]

Do you realise if I'd never met you on here I would never have written a poem about jazz? It wasn't very complementary but all the same it was written because of you

 

[Angeline]

Night Tripper (revised draft 9/16/13)

1.
Doctor John croons gris gris
bourbon gumbo growls
yaya chant the key the skull
the drenched piano blue
and rolling stride the font
Professor Longhair soul

of Iko Iko Tipitina
Mama Roo the Queen Marie
in Old St. Louis number 1
rising drifting from the crypt
to creep your spine to spin
you in her foggy bones.

Some old haints came riding west
burning candle incantation
work the beads and call the saints
Papa Legba conjuration
coffee-scented Congo Square.

Ghosts beat rhythm into dust forever making mojo there.

2.
The gift of blues
comes wracked in tears
and hung in trees rebirthed
in rhythm alchemy and spirit
art and magic mix the New World
griot voices ancient lore
received revived reclaimed.

Buddy Jelly Bunk Bechet
Oliver and Louie too.

You know what I mean specka bean.

Such a long and raucous night.
Oh feathers moon and mystery
Oh heat crawdaddy gut bucket
offering.

 

[Angeline]

Dream Street Rose draft one 9/18/13

Dream Street Rose in run down shoes
adds the greens and stirs the soup

her apron faded sagging hose. She smokes
and mutters treats the stove like her best friend

Cissy pretty Lily sweet and sharp tack Belle
the Kaplan Girls no princesses of 14th Street

though Rose was stylish petite blue eyes red hair oh
you beautiful doll the mooks would sing the hootch

would flow till Rose was served up promises
and turned out after compromise a toddler

girl a baby boy two airshaft rooms years
ebb and flow the taking boarders making shirts

the no good brother no one wants sleeps
on the couch doesn't bathe and he the only one

who stays brings his bookie, steals her purse
and still she calls him Sonny, pats his face.

 

[Angeline]

Dream Street Rose draft two 9/19/13

Dream Street Rose in run down shoes
adds the greens and stirs the soup,
apron faded sagging hose,
Camel smoking by the stove.

The stove is her best friend.

Cissy pretty Lily sweet
sharp tack Belle the Kaplan Girls
mishpacha on 14th street.
Rose was stylish petite
blue eyes red hair tiny feet.

Oh You Beautiful Doll

those mooks would sing the hootch would
flow in song and cheer till Rose
was served up promises then
turned out after compromise,

a toddler girl baby boy

two airshaft rooms years ebb flow
Rose taking boarders making
shirts the no good brother no
one wants sleeps on the couch he

doesn't bathe, the only

man who stays steals from her purse
to pay the bookie still she
calls him Sonny, pats his face.
Dream Street Rose this bottle holds

the last of your perfume.

 

[champagne1982]

2.
The gift of blues
comes wracked in tears
and hung in trees rebirthed
in rhythm alchemy and spirit
art and magic mix the New World
griot voices ancient lore
received revived reclaimed.

In 2. S1 - I can almost sense the moss/lichen hanging from the trees in the bayou. Is there a way to invoke this a little more, or are you happy with a subtle suggestion of "hanging from the trees"? So, much hangs from the trees though, bodies, moss, vines... LOL never mind. I may need to write a glossa.

 

[Angeline]

In 2. S1 - I can almost sense the moss/lichen hanging from the trees in the bayou. Is there a way to invoke this a little more, or are you happy with a subtle suggestion of "hanging from the trees"? So, much hangs from the trees though, bodies, moss, vines... LOL never mind. I may need to write a glossa.

Good question. I was thinking of Strange Fruit when I wrote it but there is a lot of Spanish Moss there and they look like cobwebs (and often have ginormous spider webs in them) and that fits back with the graveyard stuff earlier in the poem. But yeah I want to leave it open for now because it can suggest different things. But you know me--maybe I'll change my mind lol.

 

[Angeline]

Leaning revised 9/25/13

Leaning quiet
I will mark my sway
my hush match breath
to heartbeat arcing
slow deliberate
falling back.

Which is it
hearing silence
or the wind
or the sigh
of giving in?

 

[Angeline]

Pyewacket Girl Original, 2002

Pyewacket girl
you can be her familiar
just don’t you get too close

she winds her way
in furry limber slink through
alleyways & cityscapes

to soft October nights that
linger winding round the house
once like yellow smoke

then cool then chill and rush
to pumpkin McCoun apple
crisp blue days of skyless

clouds till moon comes full
rising on the sap of your
desire for her witchy business

back again in peeping
feline eye she shifts the
stars the night sky twirls

she stretches lean and softs
one paw in delicate extention
tips past metal pails and finds

you rubs ankle licks your
chest now tell me you’re not
charmed? Hoo possesses hoo?

 

[champagne1982]

Whatever happened to that wonderfully witchy story featuring your Pywacket girl?

 

[Angeline]

Whatever happened to that wonderfully witchy story featuring your Pywacket girl?

It's on a cd somewhere around here.

 

[greenmountaineer]

Leaning quiet
I will mark my sway
my hush match breath
to heartbeat arcing
slow deliberate
falling back.

Which is it
hearing silence
or the wind
or the sigh
of giving in?

I enjoyed thinking about this, Angie, and inasmuch as your first post in the thread encourages comment, I'd like to do so.

The title and first stanza seem to imply intention. The whole poem suggested an experience of contemplation and meditation, observing and accepting what is. I was surprised by the choice of "sigh" which for me suggests disappointment and resignation, although that may be my confusion.

I may be projecting my own bias here, but I thought of the gentle movement in yoga or tai chi. I also thought about how these disciplines focus on adapting to the rhythm of the universe, and in the second stanza "silence/of the wind," has always had a spiritual connotation for me.

The poem says a lot with few words as do oneiria's poems. I'd be curious what his take on this would be, but I don't think he visits these threads.

 

[Angeline]

I enjoyed thinking about this, Angie, and inasmuch as your first post in the thread encourages comment, I'd like to do so.

The title and first stanza seem to imply intention. The whole poem suggested an experience of contemplation and meditation, observing and accepting what is. I was surprised by the choice of "sigh" which for me suggests disappointment and resignation, although that may be my confusion.

I may be projecting my own bias here, but I thought of the gentle movement in yoga or tai chi. I also thought about how these disciplines focus on adapting to the rhythm of the universe, and in the second stanza "silence/of the wind," has always had a spiritual connotation for me.

The poem says a lot with few words as do oneiria's poems. I'd be curious what his take on this would be, but I don't think he visits these threads.

Hi GM and thanks for the comment. I really do appreciate it.

Leaning is an old poem (originally written in 2002). I've always liked it and felt if I could just figure out what's wrong with it--it has never sounded quite right or "done" to me--it could be a better poem.

It's an erotic poem. That was the intent. It's about wanting to get closer to someone and experiencing that moment of capitulation when you just allow yourself to be vulnerable. In that context, I think the "sigh" makes more sense. Of course, I was being cryptic when I wrote it because I wanted to say it but was trying to be subtle about it.

So the part about intention and about gently moving closer came across. And it is meditative because it's more about a decision than an action; although I think it anticipates an action and that, to me, is what made it erotic. It must need something else to clarify what the "sigh" means. I want to add as little to it as possible, probably just one word to clarify that sigh as feminine. I think that may do it. Maybe...

Your comment really helps!

 

[Angeline]

Ezekiel (draft 1 unfinished 9/26/13)

Coulda been a prophet
endowed with probability
planted in the sand dreaming manna
sucking for moist potential yet dry
as a wind-battered stick empty
but resolute.

Coulda been believed
lifted by a breeze Behold
they come Behold their need
succor them and bring forth wine
multiply divine the Cloths
of Heaven for their carnal eyes
describe resplendent golden robes
the beetling jewels the linen
woven thin as mist raiment
to animate the shroud
and vanquish fire
and from its bones reincarnate
the flesh call Spiritus into limb.


Ezekiel was not to be. I am
instead a daughter of Jerusalem
bound loosely to the Covenant
bearer of oil, bowed annointer
chattel sacred as a vessel
for a son I witnessed law
but never took a vow.

 

[champagne1982]

<snip> In that context, I think the "sigh" makes more sense. Of course, I was being cryptic when I wrote it because I wanted to say it but was trying to be subtle about it. <snip>
It must need something else to clarify what the "sigh" means. I want to add as little to it as possible, probably just one word to clarify that sigh as feminine. I think that may do it. Maybe...

I think the sigh can also signify relief, satisfaction or contentment... It's a fine ambiguous word, better than exhale or gasp. Release is not a good word but I feel the poem taking me there. Maybe instead of modifying "sigh", you could find a different title?

 

[Angeline]

I think the sigh can also signify relief, satisfaction or contentment... It's a fine ambiguous word, better than exhale or gasp. Release is not a good word but I feel the poem taking me there. Maybe instead of modifying "sigh", you could find a different title?

Maybe, but it's a little poem so I want to keep the title small. And the word "leaning" is important to me so I want to keep it though it doesn't need to be in both the title and the first line. That's a weak point right there.

These suggestions, yours and GM's are helping me see this in a fresh way. That is big for me!