New, confused and alone.

[BLoved]

Just a short word of advice:

Meeting people is a lot like reading a profile that has no words ... people can say anything and those who seek to use you will tailor their words to win your trust.

Better to nail them down regarding their beliefs, philosophy with respect to bdsm, etc, to be sure their point of view reflects your own.

And keep in mind, you don't need to physically meet anyone to obtain advice and insight.

Keep yourself safe while you are conducting your research. Save the risk-taking for later, once you know what to expect and how to protect yourself from those who would use you.

 

[intothewoods]

I can't agree more. I personally find that seeing the whites of their eyes is critical when it comes to figuring out if you are being bullshat.

It's nice, too.

But FFS, I'm unsure if "finding a partner" is really what this post is about so much as "I want a sounding board for the stuff in my head"

Which sounds like a healthy first things first kind of step.

Yeah, she actually said she was looking for friends.

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

But FFS, I'm unsure if "finding a partner" is really what this post is about so much as "I want a sounding board for the stuff in my head"

Which sounds like a healthy first things first kind of step.

I know, we seem to be running to that theme at the moment.

I know that people can find a life partner at any age, but honestly, at the OP's age, I'd be all for encouraging finding as many friends as you can, and gleaning as much knowledge you can, and actually experiencing life a bit, before settling on what it is that will make you happiest.

 

[Cattypuss]

Better to nail them down regarding their beliefs, philosophy with respect to bdsm, etc, to be sure their point of view reflects your own.

Yeah, cos, ya know, nobody ever lies on the internet - and they especially don't lie when they're trying to get into someone's knickers.

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

Yeah, cos, ya know, nobody ever lies on the internet - and they especially don't lie when they're trying to get into someone's knickers.

Excuse moi, but there is proof that everything on the internet is true.

Proof in the form of A PROOF!

/end hijack


In other news Lorraine, I also found bdsm via porn. It was one of those 'you know, I don't feel like I'm like the other girls, and I'm not quite sure why' times.. and then a lightbulb.

 

[Etoile]

Sigh...beginning to suspect this is another one that won't come back.

 

[LunaticLorraine]

Damn.
Sorry i didn't reply for so long!
I really wanted to read everyones replys, but my internet router broke, so i was stuck without the internet, until today when I got a new one. (Then had hell loads of trouble setting it up.)
And thanks for the advice.
I think someone said this, but right now I am just looking for friends. Plus infomation, which is what people have been giving me.
I'd never go into something without knowing more about it.
All I really know about BDSM is from stories on here, and naturally their fiction. So I wanted to know what the real life stuff actually was. I don't want to have this idea of it in my head, and then find out it's completely false.
I spend too much of my time in a make-believe world (Don't ask), I dont want this to be the same.
And.... I'm gunna sound dumb.... how do I turn PM's on? This whole thing is confusing me.. and I cant find where I can do it....

(Never mind, I figured it out. Sorry lol, didn't know I had to turn it on)

 

[Etoile]

Yay, welcome back!

 

[Netzach]

Awesome, welcome back.

I think for me, the biggest thing I noticed was that the online world of BDSM was much more mystical and hyped and when I got into reality it was very - real. Very mundane. The same women you meet every day are the same women who are kinky, just a small subset of them. Whatever lesbian subculture you're part of, you'll find it represented in kink. Stories vary - some of them are way way out there and some of them are completely realistic in their depiction of what goes on, so if your fantasy and reality will line up satisfactorily depends on what kinds of stories you are reading. Sadly there is no underground wealthy lesbian slave market that I know of. However, yes, people play with harsh toys like canes - if they want to.

 

[unfairplay]

It's good to see all the squabbling did not run you off. I've been trolling the boards for awhile and overall, this really is a great group. Plenty of good advice for sure.

If you go to the Control Panel and click on Edit Options, you can just check the
'Enable Private Messaging' option. Happy learning and a safe journey. I hope you find everything you're looking for!

 

[LunaticLorraine]

Thanks guys
Naw the bickering wouldn't chase me away.
I go on another forum site, and usuallly theres quite a few people who tend to bicker, so I just ignore them.
Naturally the real life of its going to feel more real lol.
I just want to know the facts of it. Like whats real and whats fiction and fantasy.
Some of my favourite stories are... (Sorry I dont know the authors)
Culture Shock, The ones about Michelle, theres a lesbian story called Lee, that involved BDSM, Pet in Heat.
I like the ones where theres more emotion, not just sex, you know? Where the two people love each other as well.
Can it really be like that?

 

[Netzach]

Thanks guys
Naw the bickering wouldn't chase me away.
I go on another forum site, and usuallly theres quite a few people who tend to bicker, so I just ignore them.
Naturally the real life of its going to feel more real lol.
I just want to know the facts of it. Like whats real and whats fiction and fantasy.
Some of my favourite stories are... (Sorry I dont know the authors)
Culture Shock, The ones about Michelle, theres a lesbian story called Lee, that involved BDSM, Pet in Heat.
I like the ones where theres more emotion, not just sex, you know? Where the two people love each other as well.
Can it really be like that?

I haven't read them but absolutely people can love each other and be into this, in fact you'll find a wide variety of couples and relationships and most people are looking for or in relationships of varying levels of commitment. If you want to have SM be part of your relationship, you're dealing with dating and all its pitfalls, fun, disappointments and whatnot, and then SM as a kind of add-on to that.

 

[shamegirl]

I like the ones where theres more emotion, not just sex, you know? Where the two people love each other as well.
Can it really be like that?

Yep. Got together with my Dom when I was about your age*. Still together many years later.
When all's said and done sex is sex is sex. There is no normal, not really.
You're doing the right thing, get out there and meet other lesbians and BDSM types, don't just look online. You just need to find them. Are you at work or uni?

*When I was your age... sound like a grandmother!

 

[LunaticLorraine]

Its good to hear that you can love the person your with, and its not just about sex. (Sorry, I cant really say what I mean much better than that)
With the BDSM its mainly the D/s I like. I don't like being in control, and feel much happier when it's taken away from me. Its hard to explain without explaining more about myself.
With pain... yet again, I cant really explain without going into more about me. But the line between pain and pleasure has been very blurred for me for a while.
Which leads me to another question.
Can people who have suffered from mental illess do... this kinda stuff?
I really don't want to go into details. My mental health has been unstable in the past, but never bad enough that I was hospitalized. I am (More or less) recovered now. Except from some social anxiety which I am working on.
Like Ive said Im not currently out for a relationship, and by the time I am I'l probably be completely over this.
But has anyone else ever had mental illness but then got into this?
I hope you guys don't think less of me for saying that.
My past isn't something I'm proud of :/

 

[Primalex]

I think for me, the biggest thing I noticed was that the online world of BDSM was much more mystical and hyped and when I got into reality it was very - real. Very mundane. The same women you meet every day are the same women who are kinky, just a small subset of them.

. QFT .

 

[DVS]

Its good to hear that you can love the person your with, and its not just about sex. (Sorry, I cant really say what I mean much better than that)
With the BDSM its mainly the D/s I like. I don't like being in control, and feel much happier when it's taken away from me. Its hard to explain without explaining more about myself.
With pain... yet again, I cant really explain without going into more about me. But the line between pain and pleasure has been very blurred for me for a while.
Which leads me to another question.
Can people who have suffered from mental illess do... this kinda stuff?
I really don't want to go into details. My mental health has been unstable in the past, but never bad enough that I was hospitalized. I am (More or less) recovered now. Except from some social anxiety which I am working on.
Like Ive said Im not currently out for a relationship, and by the time I am I'l probably be completely over this.
But has anyone else ever had mental illness but then got into this?
I hope you guys don't think less of me for saying that.
My past isn't something I'm proud of :/

I'm not a doctor but I don't see an issue with mental illness, as long as your partner knows any restrictions you may have to deal with. Not knowing anything about your particular situation, I can't say much about it. But, I respect your desire for privacy in that area, so don't worry about that.

What I can say is everything revolves around communication...finding a partner that fits into what you want out of the relationship as well as being what she wants. Of course that is key in any relationship. But, if you have other issues that need to be understood and dealt with, your partner would need to be aware of them.

I once dated a woman who had been in an auto accident and as a result of that accident she sometimes has seizures. She had a trained alert dog who could alert her before the seizures happened, so if she was doing something like driving, she could pull of the road, take medication, or whatever she needed to do.

She made sure that I was aware of this, when we were in a scene. She said I was her alert dog, when we were together and if she was bound, it was up to me to be able to untie her before a seizure, if she thought it was necessary. It was just something that was added to our scenes. It didn't change what we did, but it did add a slightly different twist to my job as Dom.

Your situation might be similar, but of course there would be differences. You need to find someone you can trust, if you will ever allow them to be in any degree of control. Any issues or concerns you might have will need to be shared with your partner, if they will ever be in charge of your safety. And that's true in any relationship. BDSM couples are no different.

 

[LunaticLorraine]

Yeah, I just wasn't sure how mental illness would be took considering what BDSM is. I just thought that maybe people would think that this kinda stuff could cause me to have a relapse.
I dont think it would though, I'm stable now.
I'd have to have someone who was very understanding tbh. Cause even though I'm mentaly stable I can still have wild mood swings, and sudden depression. I can cope with it, it's just that usually when that happens I tend to stay away from people. Those mood swings dont come often anymore though. I'd also have to have someone who weren't repulsed, and understands scars. I have quite a lot.
I'd have to trust my partner no matter what. Even if It wasnt anything to do with BDSM. It just takes me a while to trust someone.

 

[BLoved]

I like the ones where theres more emotion, not just sex, you know? Where the two people love each other as well.
Can it really be like that?

Yes it can:

The cancer wasn't diagnosed until it had spread throughout her body. All the months of fatigue finally made sense.

She was dying.

Neither was willing to admit it to the other, but they both knew it was only a matter of time.

If not for their son there would be no reason for this operation. Without the operation death would come sooner, but the operation itself came with risks of its own.

But there was the chance the operation could buy her more time to spend with their son, and that was worth any risk.

Such a young child, mildly autistic and unaware of what was happening to his mother. He only knew of her absences, and his joy when she'd return.

The surgeon had been in to discuss the operation once more, to be sure they understood what was to occur. The nurses had finished preparing her, and for the moment the three of them had been granted some time alone.

They looked upon their son as he played with his blocks on the end of the bed. Aware of their gaze he looked up and smiled, like a cherub.

His mother closed her eyes, squeezing out the tears. His father's arm around her shoulder pulled her in gently, reassuring her.

"You're a good man, a good father. You'll take good care of him while I'm gone. I know."

Filled with emotion, his throat tightened and he found no words for her.

He nodded.

"It's okay." she whispered. "Everything is going to be okay."

He nodded again.

"Remember your promise." he whispered to her.

She smiled, despite her fear.

"I'll remember, master."

They were both silent, holding each other, looking upon their son as he played with his blocks.

They both recalled a time very early in their life together.

They'd been talking about the life they wished to live.

"Do you have any rules?" she'd asked.

"Yes ... one." he replied, a twinkle in his eye.

"And that would be ...?"

"No dying."

She laughed at this unexpected response.

"That sounds reasonable" she giggled. "I promise not to die."

He smiled, his blue eyes upon her that made her melt.

"I'll hold you to that promise." he'd said.

And like an echo of their shared memory, he found himself saying those words again ...

"I'll hold you to that promise."

She smiled up at him and felt such love, seeing his face etched with worry for her.

That was when they came for her.

His last words: "I love you."

Her last words: "I will always love you."

And she was gone.

He led their son back to the car, and drove them home. The dogs were waiting for them, boisterous as ever. The boy was quickly distracted with their antics, and his laughter filled the clearing, bouncing off the trees.

It wasn't for several hours before he got a call. The operation had gone well with few complications and she was resting comfortably in post-op. She wasn't expected to awaken again until the morning.

That night the usual goodnight ceremony wasn't the same. Mommy wasn't there to help their son find Daddy hiding behind the curtains.

But he did read his son a bedtime story, and cuddled with him before tucking him in for the night.

"Night night, sleep tight my little man." and with a kiss on the forehead his father turned out the light and left the room.

It was almost four in the morning when he found himself standing by the desk, the telephone in hand. He didn't really recall hearing it ring, or getting up to answer it.

It was the hospital.

During the night things had taken a turn for the worse.

She wasn't coming home again.

He fell in a heap, like a puppet whose strings are cut. Somewhere there was a voice saying "Hello? ... Hello?"

He didn't answer.

Only one word came to mind

"No."

He looked up the stairs towards the room of his son.

"No."

He thought back to the day when he was ten and his mother had received the call that his father had died from injuries sustained in a car accident. He thought of her frightening, painful cry as she had learned the news.

He knew exactly how she'd felt.

He did not weep. Didn't trust himself to weep. He was afraid if he started, he'd never stop. Afraid he'd scare his son if he should wake up.

He recalled that he was still holding the phone. He looked at it, said a few words and hung up.

When his son woke up in the morning he came out of his room. Upon seeing his father he smiled, blissfully unaware of what had transpired.

He hopped down the stairs, throwing himself into his father's lap with a big hug.

His father just held him. There was no way to explain what had happened. The son was mildly autistic, with difficulties learning language.

How does one explain death to a child so challenged?

It wasn't possible, and day after day of looking out the window for his mother showed how much he missed her, how little he understood of what had occurred.

And yet a day came when he stopped looking. When he finally accepted his mother wasn't coming home.

What he thought of her leaving and not returning his father would never know, for it wasn't many months later that the son suffered a fatal accident.

And the man's world came crashing down around him.

He felt his life ending, and he felt no need to struggle to keep it.

Epilogue

It was no lofty ideal or memory that rekindled the spark.

It was those pesky dogs and cats.

They wouldn't leave him alone.

They wanted in, they wanted out, they wanted food, they wanted water ... mostly what they wanted was to ease the pain, his and theirs.

As much as he wanted to die, he knew he couldn't. They needed him. They were the last survivors of his family, and they needed him to live.

And so he set about rebuilding his life.

-- "Endings: A True Story"

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

A simple yes or no, without the obligatory spam, would be nice.

If you're going to wander into other threads, at least discuss something, rather than blind c+p your stories. It gets old really quick.

Meh.


To the OP: Mr and I love each other very much. It adds so much depth to everything we do. While I definitely think you can indeed have a whole lot of emotions, even if they aren't love, they're equally powerful and valid.

 

[BLoved]

A simple yes or no, without the obligatory spam, would be nice.

If you're going to wander into other threads, at least discuss something, rather than blind c+p your stories. It gets old really quick.

Meh.


To the OP: Mr and I love each other very much. It adds so much depth to everything we do. While I definitely think you can indeed have a whole lot of emotions, even if they aren't love, they're equally powerful and valid.

Such as a selfish disregard for the well-being of others?

 

[Etoile]

A simple yes or no, without the obligatory spam, would be nice.

If you're going to wander into other threads, at least discuss something, rather than blind c+p your stories. It gets old really quick.

Seconded.

How about you get a blog, turn off comments, and post them there? Then you can link to them without copying and pasting into every thread. Wordpress.com is a good place to start.

 

[BLoved]

Seconded.

How about you get a blog, turn off comments, and post them there? Then you can link to them without copying and pasting into every thread. Wordpress.com is a good place to start.

Lorraine asked a direct question, I provided a direct answer.

Why are you trying to hijack this thread to continue stalking me?

 

[intothewoods]

Lorraine asked a direct question, I provided a direct answer.

Why are you trying to hijack this thread to continue stalking me?

A blog really is a great way to share your ideas with the world! I think you'd quite like it.

 

[Etoile]

Lorraine asked a direct question, I provided a direct answer.

Why are you trying to hijack this thread to continue stalking me?

Direct answer? DIRECT?! AHAHAHAHAHAHA

 

[BLoved]

Direct answer? DIRECT?! AHAHAHAHAHAHA

In other words, you would like us to judge each other's answers for relevancy to the topic.

I am sure you and your fellow stalkers could fill this thread quite quickly with your judgment regarding me and anything I say.

Yet another "We Hate BLoved" hijack.