New Poem Recommendations

[butters]

This is a really intriguing read Kinshasa by Desejo

Desejo delivers sounds, imagery and weaves all here elements together interlocking the themes before they appear later in the poem, the words are brilliant and there is more joy to be found when you Google some key words. Looks a little comment starved to me

went to read it but getting a 'not found' message

 

[todski28]

http://www.literotica.com/p/the-muses-poem

Damn is all I can say.

 

[Tzara]

http://www.literotica.com/p/the-muses-poem

Damn is all I can say.

Thanks for pointing this one out, todski. Very good poem.

 

[todski28]

I always enjoy sprinbreezes poems, she has two there today
Early to me is just beautiful writing,

http://www.literotica.com/p/early-1

 

[twelveoone]

perennial
bybutters©

two words:
metaphor depth

I've often said, one mark of a good writer is how close they come to the line of disaster, here butters mines an area that could easily have fallen into mawkishness. It doesn't. Instead of an extended metaphor, she does a bit of layering and contrast. She is painting.


White Noise
byMagnetron©

Here is another guy that pushes it to the line and flirts with disaster. (flirts? he french kisses it)
First two lines:
I scream
Larynx tearing at the seam

Ouch. Bad. Or is it? Check the rhyme scheme in the first six lines. He is warning you, everything will be a little off, everything is:

Where pretty unicorns with glued on horns
Prance upon artificial turf never growing
Playground grass always greener

Yep, gotta love it.

Recommend both. Highly. I admit did not read all submissions. Apologies for the shortness of comments on my part. The place is WHAT YOU MAKE IT.

 

[greenmountaineer]

"Muzzleflash from a BFG" by Harry H. is well worth a visit to read in New Poems. It's still ringing in my ears.

 

[pelegrino]

I strongly second above recommendation.

 

[twelveoone]

4 by 2
strong writers

Shoot the Moon
last two lines set up and then totally destroy the cliche
very nice elsewhere, first two lines
Wild berries and grain alcohol
Dust in clouds on rediscovered tracks

Misogyny's Morning Wood
fucking brutal...what is interesting is trix takes shit like
Questing for release
and totally turns it on its head, almost makes me ashamed to be a man...
both by Trixareforkids



Not An Elizabethan Sonnet
any tool in poetry can turn against you, often cleverness kills...
this is textbook on how to be clever by time release...Elizabeth
catch it, he even tells you he is playing...
OK one more. Here is the second stanza...
Elizabeth's lost in thought about men
next to the concrete green meridian
painted to look like grass in Patterson
yep, out of place, and?
Anyway, high kudos

Magic Carpet
this is also fucking brutal...
and not to missed, first stanza:
Mary recalls the vacuuming
of bedroom cabernet sauvignon
and chocolate biscotti with Frank,

follow the trail

both by greenmountaineer

It is nice to go to NP and have your eyes pop. ALL FOUR CERTIFIED POETICISM FREE, (i.e. REAL POETRY)

 

[todski28]

http://www.literotica.com/p/disguise by Dr_maubeuse strong strong write.

 

[greenmountaineer]

http://www.literotica.com/p/disguise by Dr_maubeuse strong strong write.

I agree, although I was surprised to see it listed as "non-erotic." I hope others who frequent PF&D read and comment. I don't recall seeing Dr_maubeuse before; I'd like to see more by him(her?), and comments by serious poets, I think, encourage that.

 

[Angeline]

I agree, although I was surprised to see it listed as "non-erotic." I hope others who frequent PF&D read and comment. I don't recall seeing Dr_maubeuse before; I'd like to see more by him(her?), and comments by serious poets, I think, encourage that.

I'll third that recommend. Dr_mabeuse is one of Lit's most successful writers ever though he is best known for his stories. He has a rare gift for writing and a secret jones for poetry.

If you check out his page you will see he has been around a long time and won a ton of awards. His fiction is some of the best on this site and I love it when he drops a poem on us. That doesn't happen too often, but mebbe he's feeling inspired to write more poetry!

 

[twelveoone]

I agree, although I was surprised to see it listed as "non-erotic." I hope others who frequent PF&D read and comment. I don't recall seeing Dr_maubeuse before; I'd like to see more by him(her?), and comments by serious poets, I think, encourage that.

wtf. let's make it a fouth. Interesting comment you left, I followed up with a train on yours.
So let's see, btw todski mabeuse plays tricks, gimcracks, er uses simple techniques. And has sense to rein 'em in. What is the magic number?
And adding, to that thar train, sometimes, you might learn somethin', god forbid.
Well that's five - shoot me.

reason for edit - linkage

 

[ishtat]

I agree, although I was surprised to see it listed as "non-erotic." I hope others who frequent PF&D read and comment. I don't recall seeing Dr_maubeuse before; I'd like to see more by him(her?), and comments by serious poets, I think, encourage that.

I thought it was a fine piece of writing with some perceptive comment from yourself and 1201 especially. However, I also had a lot of issues with Dr M's piece and saw it as a dramatic declamation rather than a poem(which needed a fair bit more work)

I'm prolly talking from my nether end, but GMT, follow Angeline's recommendation and read some of the Doc's prose. He's one of Lit's best.

 

[twelveoone]

I'm sure if I had posted this, it would be read as a cynical sarcastic commentary on the pitiful state of affairs of new poems.

I doubt it is.

One of the desired effects of poetry is Mimesis *maybe it is. Never mind, it does it well.
Broken Villanelle
Note the unpleasantness of the repeated sounds.
Excerpt:
Boss said I don't have to know any Spanish,
just had to drive them to Allentown.
María finished her tunafish sandwich.

Anyway, this is not banal expression of trite sentiment, this is what real poets do.
Needless to say
bygreenmountaineer©

almost sounds like shit in a diaper, which in this case is called for, poetically. A...sheesh.

Recommended on Poetic Merit alone.

 

[todski28]

I'm sure if I had posted this, it would be read as a cynical sarcastic commentary on the pitiful state of affairs of new poems.

I doubt it is.

One of the desired effects of poetry is Mimesis *maybe it is. Never mind, it does it well.
Broken Villanelle
Note the unpleasantness of the repeated sounds.
Excerpt:
Boss said I don't have to know any Spanish,
just had to drive them to Allentown.
María finished her tunafish sandwich.

Anyway, this is not banal expression of trite sentiment, this is what real poets do.
Needless to say
bygreenmountaineer©

almost sounds like shit in a diaper, which in this case is called for, poetically. A...sheesh.

Recommended on Poetic Merit alone.

second this one. as someone that has worked in a mental institution and has a brother that has severe psychosis this really touched on the end of the line emotions without even mentioning them. the interlocking sounds and obscure rhyme scheme adds to the overall tone of the piece, and is a back drop for a disability, as in slightly off kilter.

brilliant write,

 

[ishtat]

Forgiveness

You should read Forgiveness 31st July by Greenmountaineer. I have, several times and as one would expect, it is very well crafted.

But, it went flying straight over my head, so I need some help to make a connection with a guy who is usually a particularly accessible poet.

Help!

 

[twelveoone]

You should read Forgiveness 31st July by Greenmountaineer. I have, several times and as one would expect, it is very well crafted.

But, it went flying straight over my head, so I need some help to make a connection with a guy who is usually a particularly accessible poet.

Help!

second
Forgiveness
here is the link
It is not in Black and White, he takes a tired troupe and gives it another life, it is...
not at all expected, it is a vastly superior work in that regard. Go another level deeper.
He has an explanation in his comment.
this recommend suffices as a comment

 

[HarryHill]

second
Forgiveness
here is the link
It is not in Black and White, he takes a tired troupe and gives it another life, it is...
not at all expected, it is a vastly superior work in that regard. Go another level deeper.
He has an explanation in his comment.
this recommend suffices as a comment

And another from me. what tired troupe? the gunmetal sky?

 

[twelveoone]

And another from me. what tired troupe? the gunmetal sky?

Do I fucking get paid for this? And I was composing A Poet I Know...

This took me all of two seconds, he has three colours, he has painted or showing you a photograph of frozen horror and the resolution does not resolve.
There is another level to this, and then a little further.
My guess is that it should have hit ishtat in a day or two, that is the way the good stuff works, but yes it ends on a cliche, however the cliche is never said, thereforth technically not a cliche at all.
It is not all black or white but shades of gray, which means there is no easy answer.
Now go back and see what he is doing, because what I just gave is the short version.
There is the shadow thread I described a different way of reading.
I don't feel comfortable parsing this, for a variety of reasons.

 

[ishtat]

Thanks 1201 for your comments above and to GMT within the comments section of the poem. Whilst obviously it's better for the poem to speak for itself I have a rather literal mind and this problem is not that uncommon for me.

However, tho' I may have asked 1201 for an 'uncomfortable' parsing and GMT is more directly sensitive to the particular circumstances, you have both given me a much better appreciation of the poem. I guess that I'll generally admit to being a little confused, even dumb, if through you guys, I can get better access to work of this quality.

 

[twelveoone]

Thanks 1201 for your comments above and to GMT within the comments section of the poem. Whilst obviously it's better for the poem to speak for itself I have a rather literal mind and this problem is not that uncommon for me.

However, tho' I may have asked 1201 for an 'uncomfortable' parsing and GMT is more directly sensitive to the particular circumstances, you have both given me a much better appreciation of the poem. I guess that I'll generally admit to being a little confused, even dumb, if through you guys, I can get better access to work of this quality.

OK, in the meantime look up the fourth wall, it goes the other direction also. There is a distinction between the writer and the protagonist, in short literally some things don't fit, he the writer is drawing a protagonist that is also drawing a picture of a mental process. Already, by encasement 1st and last line he has step up a stage. His word choice is odd in the first line "gunmetal" combine that with "pockmarked moon" unlikely in a literal sense, more likely he would used blued steel. So he the writer is cluing, right up front. Either that or he got very lucky.
But there are other things also...but in short, don't read it, view it as a movie scene. I can write about the "Problems" and by problems I don't mean faults, that this particular poem poses. But what will it get me?
The horror.

 

[greenmountaineer]

Saturday

By Curahee_Gent is worth your time to read.

 

[Trixareforkids]

A new (to me) form

I like the blending of prose and poetry in Haibun X 3 by jayce1066
The black, grey, white bringing the three together though they're separate vignettes. The haikus could be smoother, IMO, but still nice work and worth a look.

 

[todski28]

Another piece that is brilliantly written in my opinion, well worth your time, there are some great reads in new poems, so go, read comment be merry


http://www.literotica.com/p/a-submissive-confession

 

[ishtat]

greenmountaineer's recommendation of Saturday by Currahee_ Gent is seconded. This poet has put up about six poems in the last couple of days. One or two are, well, a bit ho hum, but there's some good stuff too, and I suspect this poet is going to get better. Worth reading them all.