On-line D/s relationships???

[the captians wench]

Some guys will do just about anything to jerk off.
What is there to understand? Why even waste any mental effort on understanding them?
I put them in the same category as online "subs" who tell me exactly what I should do to them, (possibly NOW).... trash bin.
/shrug

Ain't that the truth!

It's not just the personals here, I find it on all of the free dating sites. They want to "chat" and the want to text, a few will even want to phone, but all they are really after is wank fodder.

I had a guy tell me once that whether it was his hand or one of my holes, the end result is the same. (and this was some one who had fucked me!) But the point was, guys just want to get off, sure some ways are more fun than others, but getting off is the point. (yes that was a huge generalzation, and yes I know there are exceptions)

Hell, today I went into our restroom at work (we are currently under construction and so only have one restroom for the employees and construction workers to use), I walk in and see it is a bit ickier than I'm used to a women's room being, look down and some jackass construction dipshit spuged right next to the toilet! Jerk could have at least thrown some paper over it.

 

[FurryFury]

The thing about online is that you will never "get" it unless you ever do it. Not that you need to do it if you have D/s in your skin to skin life but yeah, before I tried it, I would NEVER have understood it. It can be very D/s and the emotions can be very real which is nearly impossible to understand or believe if you've never done it.

 

[FurryFury]

Y'all have been together for a long time. In terms of online relationships, one year equals about seven right? Seriously you two have stuck together a long time and I'm willing to bet you knew him pretty well before you sent the first photo?

FF

There are actually quite a few. Some that don't post as often here anymore have moved countries and married. The Distance Domination thread that Bandit sited is a very good resourse for that aspect. Most posters there have been at it for a while, and have met in fleshie world.



This is so true. While I do share a lot of photos with Jounar, because it's really our main form of comunication, he rarely if ever asks for photos of a task he gives me. He trusts that I will do what I'm told, because he said to do it, and that is his expectation. And I follow because it's what is expected of me.

 

[nowgirl]

The internet was a great place for me to start. My feelings for my first online guy were pretty real.

In hindsight, I'm a little mortified that I took a wooden spoon to smack my own ass just to have that experience. (I was watching "Secretary" for the first time last week and the scene where she tries to recreate that feeling by spanking herself with a hairbrush... priceless) I remember one guy asked if I were kneeling as I typed back to him and my answer, in all sincerity, was, "it might be hard to reach the keyboard." Jeez. But you have to start somewhere.

I learned a lot online. I took the leap in to real life when I realized I wanted more and I'm not sure I would've done that without monkeying around online first.

 

[StrayKat]

The thing about online is that you will never "get" it unless you ever do it. Not that you need to do it if you have D/s in your skin to skin life but yeah, before I tried it, I would NEVER have understood it. It can be very D/s and the emotions can be very real which is nearly impossible to understand or believe if you've never done it.

The way I see it the biggest problem in such online relationship is that it is awfully easy to deceive someone. Especially if they are not exactly very emphatic and insightful person.
It takes someone sincere and with great self control to make it work. Unless, of course, all you want is a few naughty fantasies and fast jerking off.

Even if I am involved on the most superficial level, I never lie. I never pretend. If I am bored or uncomfortable I say so. I feel if I slip and type/say something that is not exactly true just to make someone happy, I would go down the slippery slope very fast.
And in the end I feel that would be lying to myself in first place.

So yeah, maybe I am shooting myself in the foot now stating this publicly, but I am never anything but completely honest in any kind of online intimate situations. I think that is what most people dont "get". How to maintain something like that when its so easy to do only what pleases you and lie about the rest.

 

[kimuk]

Its the most real thing in my life

 

[Mz_Cunningham]

The way I see it the biggest problem in such online relationship is that it is awfully easy to deceive someone. Especially if they are not exactly very emphatic and insightful person.
It takes someone sincere and with great self control to make it work. Unless, of course, all you want is a few naughty fantasies and fast jerking off.

Even if I am involved on the most superficial level, I never lie. I never pretend. If I am bored or uncomfortable I say so. I feel if I slip and type/say something that is not exactly true just to make someone happy, I would go down the slippery slope very fast.
And in the end I feel that would be lying to myself in first place.

So yeah, maybe I am shooting myself in the foot now stating this publicly, but I am never anything but completely honest in any kind of online intimate situations. I think that is what most people dont "get". How to maintain something like that when its so easy to do only what pleases you and lie about the rest.

I've got to say, how is any of that any different from what an in-person relationship is like?

Do you feel people don't deceive each other in quicky relationships in person? It's people looking to get off.

 

[StrayKat]

I've got to say, how is any of that any different from what an in-person relationship is like?

Do you feel people don't deceive each other in quicky relationships in person? It's people looking to get off.

People who are set on deceiving somebody can probably do it just as good irl. But not that easy.
Face-to-face everyday lying and pretending takes a tiny bit more than through e-mail, chat and occasional cam/voice.

 

[the captians wench]

Y'all have been together for a long time. In terms of online relationships, one year equals about seven right? Seriously you two have stuck together a long time and I'm willing to bet you knew him pretty well before you sent the first photo?

FF

Actually we met because he was a regular poster on my AM Pic thread.

But yeah, we chatted for a few months, like every day for a few months, before I turned my cam on for him or sent pictures he requested.

And yes, quite a while, 6 years in fact.

 

[Mz_Cunningham]

People who are set on deceiving somebody can probably do it just as good irl. But not that easy.
Face-to-face everyday lying and pretending takes a tiny bit more than through e-mail, chat and occasional cam/voice.

So you're completely dismissive of online relationships because it's a tiny bit easier to lie through email than it is to lie in person? Even though people lie just as much in person as they do online?

You're equating online relationships with everybody lies and that finding real people is very rare, this is the exact same way in person.

The problem with online relationship is that people's attitudes (generalised) are still stuck in pre-internet era, that anything involving technology is wrong, so if you're talking to someone online they are the spawn of satan, but in person they're ok. Which is why we end up with this attitude of meeting someone you've known over the internet for a while, better meet in a public place, with friends at your side and make safe calls; meeting a random person in a bar, while drunk to go home and have sex with them? That's fine and dandy, oh just wear a condom.

No matter if you're online or in person, if you're with someone who is looking to get their rocks off or is lying to you, that is a bad relationship, just as you can be with someone online just as easily as in person who is good for you and is who they say you are.

So yes, we get all pissed off at the people who have known each for 2 days coming on and telling us they know everything, yada yada yada, but those people are idiots, and they do the same thing in person too, the only difference is we don't hear about it, but we do from online relationships because...we're online to hear about it directly from the idiots. The problem is not online relationships, the problem is idiocy.

And for anyone who thinks that there are more idotic or deceiving relationships online than in person, I would have to shake my head in despair at how naive they were.

I've also got to ask, the OP where does the d/s part come into your question about online relationships?

 

[Loverskitten]

So you're completely dismissive of online relationships because it's a tiny bit easier to lie through email than it is to lie in person? Even though people lie just as much in person as they do online?

You're equating online relationships with everybody lies and that finding real people is very rare, this is the exact same way in person.

The problem with online relationship is that people's attitudes (generalised) are still stuck in pre-internet era, that anything involving technology is wrong, so if you're talking to someone online they are the spawn of satan, but in person they're ok. Which is why we end up with this attitude of meeting someone you've known over the internet for a while, better meet in a public place, with friends at your side and make safe calls; meeting a random person in a bar, while drunk to go home and have sex with them? That's fine and dandy, oh just wear a condom.

No matter if you're online or in person, if you're with someone who is looking to get their rocks off or is lying to you, that is a bad relationship, just as you can be with someone online just as easily as in person who is good for you and is who they say you are.

So yes, we get all pissed off at the people who have known each for 2 days coming on and telling us they know everything, yada yada yada, but those people are idiots, and they do the same thing in person too, the only difference is we don't hear about it, but we do from online relationships because...we're online to hear about it directly from the idiots. The problem is not online relationships, the problem is idiocy.

And for anyone who thinks that there are more idotic or deceiving relationships online than in person, I would have to shake my head in despair at how naive they were.

I've also got to ask, the OP where does the d/s part come into your question about online relationships?

Ok FIRST OF ALL, TO REPEAT, I'm not talking about friendships that grow into REAL LIFE relationships here! Or LDR (you HAVE BEEN WITH THAT PERSON AND WILL AGAIN)
To answer your question to me (the OP) a D/s relationship seems so silly on-line only. Maybe I need to FEEL the sting, look into caring eyes, be pet, held, kissed, restrained, loved... IN REAL LIFE. Someone mentioned spanking themselves... sounds pathetic to me (I believe that person agreed it was sad and took steps to get what she needed IRL) Maybe it's just me but cyber sex is unfullfilling to me too. To kiss a man, smell him, touch him, feel his strength, his weight, his power... Sigh

I HAVE to add that I am not some anti technology fuddy-duddy. I've been on other forums, met friends IRL I've known on-line for years. I've been at the Internet dating thing for a bit, infact I met my "Lover" As in Loverskitten(now ex) through an iPhone app. So I think that argument is moot. Plus, 90% of the people I have met as friends and potential partners HAVE been different (personality wise and sometimes looks too) in person as they are online.

Like I've said many times in this thread, I just don't understand ONLINE ONLY Doms... I suppose I should pull some BDSM personals ads... Or just give up trying to understand the whole bit. I also don't understand alts. Meh

 

[ravi64]

Ok FIRST OF ALL, TO REPEAT, I'm not talking about friendships that grow into REAL LIFE relationships here! Or LDR (you HAVE BEEN WITH THAT PERSON AND WILL AGAIN)
To answer your question to me (the OP) a D/s relationship seems so silly on-line only. Maybe I need to FEEL the sting, look into caring eyes, be pet, held, kissed, restrained, loved... IN REAL LIFE. Someone mentioned spanking themselves... sounds pathetic to me. Maybe it's just me but cyber sex is unfullfilling to me too. To kiss a man, smell him, touch him, feel his strength, his weight, his power... Sigh

I HAVE to add that I am not some anti technology fuddy-duddy. I've been on other forums, met friends IRK I've known on-line for years. I've been at the Internet dating thing for a bit, infact I met my "Lover" As in Loverskitten(now ex) through an iPhone app. So I think that argument is moot. Plus, 90% of the people I have met as friends and potential partners HAVE been different (personality wise and sometimes looks too) in person as they are online.

Like I've said many times in this thread, I just don't understand ONLINE ONLY Doms... I suppose I should pull some BDSM personals ads... Or just give up trying to understand the whole bit. I also don't understand alts. Meh

That is well said

 

[Loverskitten]

I'd also like to add that as far as lying goes, I wish I had a nickel for every PM I've gotten on here in which the guy says he's in his 20's, 6' or 6'2 dark hair blue or green eyes. Ok I may only have a couple bucks but still
Wow apparently lit has a bunch of fucking handsome men who won't send a pic of their face.
If I meet a guy at a bar, at least I know I'm attracted to him and he's not some teenage tard or older than my Dad, yep put a condom on and let's go
Blah blah blah looks aren't everything but I know 95% of these guys are full of shit. Of course it's easier to lie while you're hiding behind a laptop in your parents basement. Double meh!

 

[ravi64]

I'd also like to add that as far as lying goes, I wish I had a nickel for every PM I've gotten on here in which the guy says he's in his 20's, 6' or 6'2 dark hair blue or green eyes. Ok I may only have a couple bucks but still
Wow apparently lit has a bunch of fucking handsome men who won't send a pic of their face.
Blah blah blah looks aren't everything but I know 95% of these guys are full of shit. Of course it's easier to lie while you're hiding behind a laptop in your parents basement. Double meh!

I would like to add that very few of the ladies here are less then DD size with gorgeous butt cleavage permanently on display

 

[Loverskitten]

I would like to add that very few of the ladies here are less then DD size with gorgeous butt cleavage permanently on display

I'm one of the very few, yay!

 

[ravi64]

I'm one of the very few, yay!

You could add that to your handle /signature

 

[StrayKat]

So you're completely dismissive of online relationships because it's a tiny bit easier to lie through email than it is to lie in person? Even though people lie just as much in person as they do online?

Please, read what I said.
I said its easier to pretend and deceive not just the other person but oneself in online relationships. Unless you are the kind of very honest and insightful person really keen on making things work.
Now tell me, how many people do you know that take anything online as shallow, instant fun. And how much easier is to find such fun in typing around versus face-to-face conversation?

Please, dont give me that "its just as easy to fuck up with someone irl", because it is not. One look in your eyes and I know you are pulling my leg. About a week of chatting/mailing and I *might* notice something is not exactly right, if I am experienced in noticing bullshit online.
It is not the same.

And to say I am completely dismissive of online relationships is laughable.
Because I already posted I had them

 

[ravi64]

Please, read what I said.
I said its easier to pretend and deceive not just the other person but oneself in online relationships. Unless you are the kind of very honest and insightful person really keen on making things work.
Now tell me, how many people do you know that take anything online as shallow, instant fun. And how much easier is to find such fun in typing around versus face-to-face conversation?

Please, dont give me that "its just as easy to fuck up with someone irl", because it is not. One look in your eyes and I know you are pulling my leg. About a week of chatting/mailing and I *might* notice something is not exactly right, if I am experienced in noticing bullshit online.
It is not the same.

And to say I am completely dismissive of online relationships is laughable.
Because I already posted I had them

Deceiving oneself is the beginning of deceiving others

 

[StrayKat]

Of course it's easier to lie while you're hiding behind a laptop in your parents basement. Double meh!

Well, some dont seem to think so

 

[ecstaticsub]

Ok FIRST OF ALL, TO REPEAT, I'm not talking about friendships that grow into REAL LIFE relationships here! Or LDR (you HAVE BEEN WITH THAT PERSON AND WILL AGAIN)
To answer your question to me (the OP) a D/s relationship seems so silly on-line only. Maybe I need to FEEL the sting, look into caring eyes, be pet, held, kissed, restrained, loved... IN REAL LIFE. Someone mentioned spanking themselves... sounds pathetic to me (I believe that person agreed it was sad and took steps to get what she needed IRL) Maybe it's just me but cyber sex is unfullfilling to me too. To kiss a man, smell him, touch him, feel his strength, his weight, his power... Sigh

I HAVE to add that I am not some anti technology fuddy-duddy. I've been on other forums, met friends IRL I've known on-line for years. I've been at the Internet dating thing for a bit, infact I met my "Lover" As in Loverskitten(now ex) through an iPhone app. So I think that argument is moot. Plus, 90% of the people I have met as friends and potential partners HAVE been different (personality wise and sometimes looks too) in person as they are online.

Like I've said many times in this thread, I just don't understand ONLINE ONLY Doms... I suppose I should pull some BDSM personals ads... Or just give up trying to understand the whole bit. I also don't understand alts. Meh

I don't understand why someone not in a on-line relationship, who is unable to understand an on-line relationship and has no interest in ever pursuing an on-line relationship would spend so much time criticizing on-line only D/s.

What does it matter to you?

The thing about online is that you will never "get" it unless you ever do it. Not that you need to do it if you have D/s in your skin to skin life but yeah, before I tried it, I would NEVER have understood it. It can be very D/s and the emotions can be very real which is nearly impossible to understand or believe if you've never done it.

Exactly! It is just like kinks, unless you are into it, you will never be into it.

Ok I've been here a few months and still can't wrap my brain around the on-line only D/s relationships.
What do you get out of them? Is it pretty much role playing? Does it ever go real life?

Sure I have close friends I've only known on-line but a relationship? I don't get it?

I have been trying Internet dating and it seems people often chat you up but won't meet IRL. A couple guys finally admitted to "using a friends photo" SO FRUSTRATING! I can only come to the conclusion that there are lies involved in on-line only stuff. Am I way off base?

I'm quoting your first comment because I'm a little late to the discussion. I'm in a LDR that has gone on for close to 7 years. We have met many times but there have been periods of up to 6 months where we have not seen each other.

You are way off base just assuming that just because something is on-line only that it must be full of lies. You are completely deluding yourself if you think real-life has a better chance of equally honesty then on-line.

But I won't waste my time trying to convince you because you simply won't get it.

 

[StrayKat]

I'm quoting your first comment because I'm a little late to the discussion. I'm in a LDR that has gone on for close to 7 years. We have met many times but there have been periods of up to 6 months where we have not seen each other.

I dont think the question was about LDR, but about online only relationships.

Let me try make a hypothetical corny story. A girl is looking for Prince Charming and failing to find him irl turns to exploring online (already a potential for self-deceiving and mind now I am not saying its you or anyone else but such people do exist).
She meets The Man and he is everything she dreamed about. She falls for him as bad as she can (and people can develop some pretty strong feelings for someone they just know or think they know in virtual space). They cant wait to meet for real, but something always seems to come up. Its his job, or his sister getting sick, or <insert whatever excuse here>. Still she believes him long enough to get hooked badly.

In the end, the tall blond single 25 yo turns out to be a balding married 45 yo just looking for some online fun. Now maybe he didnt really intend to hurt her, maybe he just assumed she was bullshitting the same way he was. Or maybe he feeds on screwing up somebody emotionally. Maybe she neglected a few big red warning signs because she was so eager to find a Mr. Prince.

The end is the same, the girl is hurt.

Now can you tell me something alike can happen with someone she met in the bar? Just as easily and often? Even after a few weeks dating she would swallow everything she is told and not notice something is wrong?
I know it can and does happen in real life, does it happen just as frequent?
There are predators of every kind willing to do anything to get their prey out there, be it online or irl, yes. But dont you think it at least takes less effort for them online?

You are way off base just assuming that just because something is on-line only that it must be full of lies. You are completely deluding yourself if you think real-life has a better chance of equally honesty then on-line.

I dont think anyone assumed that every online, even online-only relationship is full of lies. I for one know more than one that is wonderful and true and full of love and trust.
I personally met my husband online and kept it online only for 5 months before I could meet him in real life. We are married 10 years now, doesnt that say how I feel about online relationships?

But I still believe you have a better chance of recognizing honesty when you actually see someone in real-life than with someone you are just typing with.

 

[ecstaticsub]

I dont think the question was about LDR, but about online only relationships.

I know, but some LDRs start out as on-line only. Mine was on-line and phone for about 4-5 months before our first meeting and we were really long distance for the first 2 years.

Let me try make a hypothetical corny story. A girl is looking for Prince Charming and failing to find him irl turns to exploring online (already a potential for self-deceiving and mind now I am not saying its you or anyone else but such people do exist).
She meets The Man and he is everything she dreamed about. She falls for him as bad as she can (and people can develop some pretty strong feelings for someone they just know or think they know in virtual space). They cant wait to meet for real, but something always seems to come up. Its his job, or his sister getting sick, or <insert whatever excuse here>. Still she believes him long enough to get hooked badly.

In the end, the tall blond single 25 yo turns out to be a balding married 45 yo just looking for some online fun. Now maybe he didnt really intend to hurt her, maybe he just assumed she was bullshitting the same way he was. Or maybe he feeds on screwing up somebody emotionally. Maybe she neglected a few big red warning signs because she was so eager to find a Mr. Prince.

The end is the same, the girl is hurt.

Now can you tell me something alike can happen with someone she met in the bar? Just as easily and often? Even after a few weeks dating she would swallow everything she is told and not notice something is wrong?
I know it can and does happen in real life, does it happen just as frequent?
There are predators of every kind willing to do anything to get their prey out there, be it online or irl, yes. But dont you think it at least takes less effort for them online?

I don't have statistics showing one is more frequent then the other. But I have a real story for you and I have heard similar stories unfortunately.

A woman in her late 30's, smart, street smart and moderately experienced in the BDSM local community meets Mr Y at a munch. They have a few vanilla type dates getting to know each other. He is very charismatic and says just the right things. Plus he physically very attractive. Red flags come up..(they never go to his house) but he is very open sharing real info--where he works, where he lives and of course she met him at a munch and not <<shudder>> just on-line. He is so well known in the "community"

She starts to fall in lust and can't wait for their first play date. She trusts him completely. He brings her to a very nice hotel. Tell her to have a safe call, says all the right things. He ties her up, beats her ignoring her safe word and fucks her ass dry without a condom. At the end of the night he drops her off at her car as if everything was fine.

Come to find out he has done this to other women but no one wanted to out him and ruin his reputation.

So...the on-line sub gets her heart broken because of deceit, the in person submissive gets physically beaten and perhaps an STD...along with getting her heart broken.

This kind of situation is NOT rare !!!

On-line has some advantages especially if the person is very active in discussions. On-line you can watch how a person interacts with others in a group. You can track their stories in different areas to see how they measure up. You can email one of their "friends" to chat to see how well they really know them before meeting. People will often say confess something in email that they wouldn't in person, especially at a munch.

Either way a person can be deceived. You just have to be as careful as possible and be aware that it can happen to even the smartest and most aware amongst us.

I dont think anyone assumed that every online, even online-only relationship is full of lies. I for one know more than one that is wonderful and true and full of love and trust.
I personally met my husband online and kept it online only for 5 months before I could meet him in real life. We are married 10 years now, doesnt that say how I feel about online relationships?

But I still believe you have a better chance of recognizing honesty when you actually see someone in real-life than with someone you are just typing with.

 

[StrayKat]

I know, but some LDRs start out as on-line only. Mine was on-line and phone for about 4-5 months before our first meeting and we were really long distance for the first 2 years.

I already said, my very classic marriage started 10 years ago the same way. That is how much I am dismissive about online relationships.

On-line has some advantages especially if the person is very active in discussions. On-line you can watch how a person interacts with others in a group. You can track their stories in different areas to see how they measure up. You can email one of their "friends" to chat to see how well they really know them before meeting. People will often say confess something in email that they wouldn't in person, especially at a munch.

Now you sound like meeting people online is safer than meeting them irl. While it may be true in some cases, I dont think it is general rule.
I still believe I can read someone much better face-to-face than keyboard-to-keyboard; if nothing else the body language tells me more than typed words.

Either way a person can be deceived. You just have to be as careful as possible and be aware that it can happen to even the smartest and most aware amongst us.

Definitely agree.

Look. I know things like your story happen. I am not saying anyone is risk free no matter how they meet. I am not saying there are no lying deceiving jerks on the streets just as in the chatrooms.

I simply believe online is easier level for those who want to play such games. My personal opinion.

 

[FurryFury]

Yay! 6 years is great! Good for you two!

And if you met because of your AM pic thread you were clearly already comfortable with sharing pictures. Some are not and should not when it's "demanded" by a "Dom". I just want people to know that in case anyone is buying into the, "it's normal and okay so you HAVE to do it" lines that some have spun on here recently.

Actually we met because he was a regular poster on my AM Pic thread.

But yeah, we chatted for a few months, like every day for a few months, before I turned my cam on for him or sent pictures he requested.

And yes, quite a while, 6 years in fact.

 

[the captians wench]

Yay! 6 years is great! Good for you two!

And if you met because of your AM pic thread you were clearly already comfortable with sharing pictures. Some are not and should not when it's "demanded" by a "Dom". I just want people to know that in case anyone is buying into the, "it's normal and okay so you HAVE to do it" lines that some have spun on here recently.

Yes, at the time I was perfectly comfortable sharing my pictures, but I agree with you 100%.

My point was more to the trust issue, than -having- to share pictures or web cam. Even though the majority of how we share time together is through pictures and web cam, there have been many a time when Jounar has told me to do something, with out requiring any sort of proof. We've been in the middle of a chat and he's told me to go stand in the cornor, or go stand infront of the mirror for x-minutes, with out requiring me to turn on the cam so he could watch me do it. He trusts that I will do it, simply because he expects me to, and he trusts that I won't lie to him, just as I trust that he is honest with me. He doesn't need proof of his power over me; he is secure in the knowledge that he has it.