On-line D/s relationships???

[ecstaticsub]

Yes, at the time I was perfectly comfortable sharing my pictures, but I agree with you 100%.

My point was more to the trust issue, than -having- to share pictures or web cam. Even though the majority of how we share time together is through pictures and web cam, there have been many a time when Jounar has told me to do something, with out requiring any sort of proof. We've been in the middle of a chat and he's told me to go stand in the cornor, or go stand infront of the mirror for x-minutes, with out requiring me to turn on the cam so he could watch me do it. He trusts that I will do it, simply because he expects me to, and he trusts that I won't lie to him, just as I trust that he is honest with me. He doesn't need proof of his power over me; he is secure in the knowledge that he has it.

Exactly. In seven years I have never been asked to prove my submission with pictures. He has asked me for pictures for things I may do but just because he thinks it's hot not because he needs proof.

 

[ecstaticsub]

Now you sound like meeting people online is safer than meeting them irl. While it may be true in some cases, I dont think it is general rule.
I still believe I can read someone much better face-to-face than keyboard-to-keyboard; if nothing else the body language tells me more than typed words.

I do think that meeting people on-line can be safer then meeting people in a bar, or club or in a coffee shop. I am extremely observant. If the person is talkative in open discussion forums over time I can tell you very much about that person. Sometimes people reveal more when on-line then what they may do in person.

Not in all cases, but often.

I will say that I would have more difficulty trusting someone I met on-line that would only talk to me in email or IM. I learn much more by seeing how they interact with other in a group discussion.

Definitely agree.

Look. I know things like your story happen. I am not saying anyone is risk free no matter how they meet. I am not saying there are no lying deceiving jerks on the streets just as in the chatrooms.

I simply believe online is easier level for those who want to play such games. My personal opinion.

I respect your opinion, I just don't necessarily agree.

 

[the captians wench]

Exactly. In seven years I have never been asked to prove my submission with pictures. He has asked me for pictures for things I may do but just because he thinks it's hot not because he needs proof.

Sending him pictures and videos is really the only way he can share in my day. I send all kinds of pictures now. Everything from me shopping for fabric, to new clothes I bought, to cooking dinner. He wants pictures because he wants to share in my life, be it day to day stuff or something to get the blood pumping, not because I need to prove anything to him, or him to himself or any one else.

I will admit that this is different than "online only" but I have done some of those too, and had the same feelings. Anyone that needs proof of my submission obviously can't apreciate it. And that goes for my flesh life interactions as well. I shouldn't have to prove my submission or love in some grand jesture, if you don't feel it every day in everything I do, then something isn't clicking.

 

[Loverskitten]

I don't understand why someone not in a on-line relationship, who is unable to understand an on-line relationship and has no interest in ever pursuing an on-line relationship would spend so much time criticizing on-line only D/s.

What does it matter to you?


But I won't waste my time trying to convince you because you simply won't get it.

Because I WANT to understand, I'm trying
When my last relationship ended. I had already been a reader on Lit and a member here, to learn. He used to write me erotic stories and poems, I adored this. So while nursing my broken heart, I thought "hey what better place to find a dominant, intelligent man with some kinks who would write to me" so off to the BDSM personals I went....
Between reading the ads and the "SIR/SIRE" trainwreck, I was baffled about these online only relationships.
I would love to meet "the Dom of my Dreams" (one of my favorite stories that was here)
That's why.

 

[Loverskitten]

@ StrayKat
Sometimes it's like you're in my head. Maybe it's a cat thing <3 <3 <3

 

[the captians wench]

Because I WANT to understand, I'm trying
When my last relationship ended. I had already been a reader on Lit and a member here, to learn. He used to write me erotic stories and poems, I adored this. So while nursing my broken heart, I thought "hey what better place to find a dominant, intelligent man with some kinks who would write to me" so off to the BDSM personals I went....
Between reading the ads and the "SIR/SIRE" trainwreck, I was baffled about these online only relationships.
I would love to meet "the Dom of my Dreams" (one of my favorite stories that was here)
That's why.

Maybe I can come at this with a bit of a softer touch since I've become fairly jaded about both worlds lately.

Often there is a reason some one wants online only. There are lots of them, the most common seeming to be cheating on a spouse, but some times is fear. There is a bit of "unrealness" to the internet. Sometimes people feel safer because "you don't have to know who I really am" or "I can always just turn it off" or a vast number of reasons. Think about how much differently you might live your life if you knew that tomorrow you could just shut this one off and become some one else. For online only, it's a chance to live out fantasy in a bubble. Often they have flesh life partners, but something is missing.

I'm not by any means saying this is always the case, and I've found just as many of these fantasy livers in my attempts to find fill ins in the flesh as well. But it's an outlet for something they are not getting in the day to day of "real life"

I kind of have the opposite issue. I love Jounar, I struggle with the idea that it might be best for me to give him up sometimes because I do need flesh contact, and when you have an ocean parting you and neither of you are independantly wealthy, that can be hard. He lets me find compainionship here, and I know if I ever found some one that fit me as perfectly as he does, he'd let me go, because he wants me to be happy, he wants the best for me. It's a lonely life filled with heartbreak, so sometimes I go out and find a way to fill the missing piece for a night, a week, months, years, depends on the relationship and what the person can handle.

In my experience, the guys who disapear after only talking online, hurt less than ones I've met in person. I feel more volnerable out there, he can do more to hurt me out there. Sure, both use me for sex, but both can't break my bones, both can't leave bruses on me, both can't take me away from my family unless I chose to do it. There is a safety net around the interwebs. But I would risk everything to be with him in the flesh. And it took 3 years for that first fleshy meeting.

 

[Mz_Cunningham]

Please, read what I said.
I said its easier to pretend and deceive not just the other person but oneself in online relationships. Unless you are the kind of very honest and insightful person really keen on making things work.
Now tell me, how many people do you know that take anything online as shallow, instant fun. And how much easier is to find such fun in typing around versus face-to-face conversation?

Please, dont give me that "its just as easy to fuck up with someone irl", because it is not. One look in your eyes and I know you are pulling my leg. About a week of chatting/mailing and I *might* notice something is not exactly right, if I am experienced in noticing bullshit online.
It is not the same.

I actually know quite a few people, infact a lot of people right here on lit are quite happy just having online trysts and are very honest about it, the same way you get people having shallow fun in real life.

And yes it is just as easy to "fuck up" with someone in person. You're basing your arguments around what you think you can perceive about people, around your own personal experiences. You think that you can look anyone in the eye and saying you know if they're lying; now maybe you can (I doubt it, but I'm willing to accept it for argument's sake), but you are easily not the majority.

And just because you have had them doesn't mean you can't be completely dismissive of them.

And to say I am completely dismissive of online relationships is laughable.
Because I already posted I had them

I already said, my very classic marriage started 10 years ago the same way. That is how much I am dismissive about online relationships.

Huh what? The idea that you are dismissive of online relationships is laughable but then you ARE dismissive of online relationships?

 

[Jaded_One]

Like I've said many times in this thread, I just don't understand ONLINE ONLY Doms... I suppose I should pull some BDSM personals ads... Or just give up trying to understand the whole bit. I also don't understand alts. Meh

Okay... here's my two cents worth... I can think of a few reasons why a Dom would want an online only relationship. The biggest one is that he is married or already in a relationship where his partner doesn't share his interest in Dominance/submission.

The second is perhaps he is just discovering his dominant side and isn't comfortable/confident with exploring it in real life until he gains a little "experience".

Thirdly, maybe he feels he is too old/young, too fat/skinny, etc. to have much luck just dating IRL... let alone finding a submissive.

One thing the internet has really got going is it's a great equalizer... where you make your first impression based on your brain rather than your looks.

As far as alts go.... I could see making one to ask a question so embarrassing that I wouldn't want people online to know that I was the one who asked it (how silly is that.. lol) or they're made by people with really nothing better to do with their time.

 

[StrayKat]

I respect your opinion, I just don't necessarily agree.

Discussions would be boring if all participants would agree on everything

I am glad if you feel you have safety network you can trust online. I wish some of the girls I know who got their heart broken by virtual Casanovas had that too.

@ StrayKat
Sometimes it's like you're in my head. Maybe it's a cat thing <3 <3 <3

I <3 kittens

Huh what? The idea that you are dismissive of online relationships is laughable but then you ARE dismissive of online relationships?

So if I say I prefer calamari over shrimps, I said shrimps make me puke if I only look at them?
I believe you might have problems in deciphering body talk, but dont underestimate those that dont.

 

[Briana_Rae]

I disagree

One thing the internet has really got going is it's a great equalizer... where you make your first impression based on your brain rather than your looks.

I guess I didnt realize people did this - I certainly dont. JUST because its the internet doesnt mean I dont realize theres not a real person on the other end of that screenname.

I dont even move forward talking to a guy on any sex site unless I can see several face pics frist (so I can determine if I'm physically attracted to him enough to keep talking) & find out if he's single first & find out his real first/last name so I can do research to ensure theyre actually single & not lying to me.

Otherwise, its not worth it - and I certainly could NEVER be sexually aroused by a guy from online whom was taken or whom I wasnt even physically attracted to. So to even think that people think the net equals everyone on a level playing field b/c you dont NEED pics to decide about someone based on their looks but instead simply on chemistry or similar interests (in this case, sexual) completelyl blows my mind. Wow. Had no idea.

I am certainly NOT one of those people at all - like I said, its the net, but its still a real person that I have to be able to imagine in reality.

Guess I'm still an outcast or 'different' even on a site like this....

*sigh*

 

[the captians wench]

I guess I didnt realize people did this - I certainly dont. JUST because its the internet doesnt mean I dont realize theres not a real person on the other end of that screenname.

I dont even move forward talking to a guy on any sex site unless I can see several face pics frist (so I can determine if I'm physically attracted to him enough to keep talking) & find out if he's single first & find out his real first/last name so I can do research to ensure theyre actually single & not lying to me.

Otherwise, its not worth it - and I certainly could NEVER be sexually aroused by a guy from online whom was taken or whom I wasnt even physically attracted to. So to even think that people think the net equals everyone on a level playing field b/c you dont NEED pics to decide about someone based on their looks but instead simply on chemistry or similar interests (in this case, sexual) completelyl blows my mind. Wow. Had no idea.

I am certainly NOT one of those people at all - like I said, its the net, but its still a real person that I have to be able to imagine in reality.

Guess I'm still an outcast or 'different' even on a site like this....

*sigh*

Really?

Now I won't say "looks don't mater" because when I'm looking for a face to face interaction, I am very picky in that I have to be physically attracted to the guy, and I have fairly high standards in that department. But if it's just online, and I'm not going to cam with him, then it doesn't really mater to me what he looks like as long he can keep me stimulated with his words. And being attached to some one else, offline can make a huge difference, online, not so much.

The two guys to give me the best orgasms with no intention of having anything to do with one another in the fleshy world, one was 60+, married, and far from good looking or hell even diecent looking. The other was a good looking Brit who had a live in girlfriend whom he proposed to one weekend after playing online with me. Told me his pitch and everything. *giggles*

If I don't have to see them, I can imagine they are who ever I want them tobe

 

[ecstaticsub]

I guess I didnt realize people did this - I certainly dont. JUST because its the internet doesnt mean I dont realize theres not a real person on the other end of that screenname.

I dont even move forward talking to a guy on any sex site unless I can see several face pics frist (so I can determine if I'm physically attracted to him enough to keep talking) & find out if he's single first & find out his real first/last name so I can do research to ensure theyre actually single & not lying to me.

Otherwise, its not worth it - and I certainly could NEVER be sexually aroused by a guy from online whom was taken or whom I wasnt even physically attracted to. So to even think that people think the net equals everyone on a level playing field b/c you dont NEED pics to decide about someone based on their looks but instead simply on chemistry or similar interests (in this case, sexual) completelyl blows my mind. Wow. Had no idea.

I am certainly NOT one of those people at all - like I said, its the net, but its still a real person that I have to be able to imagine in reality.

Guess I'm still an outcast or 'different' even on a site like this....

*sigh*

I chatted with my Daddy for 5 months before seeing a picture of him. I fell in love with him and then probably a month later became his submissive without ever seeing what he looked like. It made no difference at all.

It wasn't until a couple of weeks before we were to meet in person for the first time that he sent me a picture of himself. He is a very handsome man. However, it didn't alter how I already felt about him. I loved him before and after and now 7 years later and 7 years older I still love him as he is , and he love me as I am.

 

[FurryFury]

Written words are my fetish. I don't care what the person who writes them looks like. But then again, I'm not looking for a relationship in skin to skin time because I'm married.

FF

 

[catalina_francisco]

Anything is possible if you are open to it, use your head, and willing to put in the time and patience. We met online through a kink dating site, met in RL a few months later when he crossed the globe to make it possible, married a couple of weeks after that, and are heading into our 10th year together in the flesh. Prior to that I had an online only relationship which provided me with much more than most in the flesh ones ever had. I had direction, and surprisingly for some, support through some fairly stressful life events as well as sharing of good ones. Yes, there are wankers out there, both D/s and non D/s, but if you are willing to use your head and resources available to you, it is easy to identify the wankers fairly quickly.

Catalina

 

[the captians wench]

I chatted with my Daddy for 5 months before seeing a picture of him. I fell in love with him and then probably a month later became his submissive without ever seeing what he looked like. It made no difference at all.

It wasn't until a couple of weeks before we were to meet in person for the first time that he sent me a picture of himself. He is a very handsome man. However, it didn't alter how I already felt about him. I loved him before and after and now 7 years later and 7 years older I still love him as he is , and he love me as I am.

I talked to this one chap for, oh gosh a year? with no intention to meet. He was a Brit, living 30 mins away from me for work reasons. We were on the phone one afternoon, had some very tantalizing conversation, and he asked if he could come over. After considering it (I'll admit not very above the neck brain thinking involved) I agreed, gave him my address and waited. When I hung up I realized I had no idea what this guy looked like! But man did he know how to turn me on, and the accent added even more.

Turned out he was very presentable, and we had some amazing sex, some of the most amazing sex of my life over the years. It was totally worth the few moments of panic while I pondered what he would turn out to be in flesh.

I fell inlove with Jounar long before ever seeing what he looked like. *giggles* The night I finally did, was the night he asked me to be his. He didn't say "I love you" for a few months after that, when he did, I got a better connection for his voice. Again, he turned out to be a very good looking guy. Guess I'm lucky. *giggles*

 

[ravi64]

I talked to this one chap for, oh gosh a year? with no intention to meet. He was a Brit, living 30 mins away from me for work reasons. We were on the phone one afternoon, had some very tantalizing conversation, and he asked if he could come over. After considering it (I'll admit not very above the neck brain thinking involved) I agreed, gave him my address and waited. When I hung up I realized I had no idea what this guy looked like! But man did he know how to turn me on, and the accent added even more.

Turned out he was very presentable, and we had some amazing sex, some of the most amazing sex of my life over the years. It was totally worth the few moments of panic while I pondered what he would turn out to be in flesh.

I fell inlove with Jounar long before ever seeing what he looked like. *giggles* The night I finally did, was the night he asked me to be his. He didn't say "I love you" for a few months after that, when he did, I got a better connection for his voice. Again, he turned out to be a very good looking guy. Guess I'm lucky. *giggles*

If Jounar is the Captain you are more then lucky

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

I've dabbled in the online only world, purely as fantasy, purely as wank material.

I was only into it for what I could get out of it, but I also made sure my longer term partners got what they wanted out of it as well.

I never wanted to see pics though. Nothing killed really hot cyber for me to realise that physically I wouldn't've been attracted to them. Seeing pics I didn't like definitely took a bit of the shine off their words.

But the thing was, I never even pictured what they might look like. I simply got off on the words said, and focused on the feelings those words bought.

 

[Loverskitten]

I never wanted to see pics though. Nothing killed really hot cyber for me to realise that physically I wouldn't've been attracted to them. Seeing pics I didn't like definitely took a bit of the shine off their words.

But the thing was, I never even pictured what they might look like. I simply got off on the words said, and focused on the feelings those words bought.

I ALWAYS picture what people may look like, even those with cartoon avatars, I can't help it. Same with characters in books and stories. They are rarely as handsome as they were in my head
I wish I could turn it off.
In fact I'm picturing you right now and I'm sure you look like this
http://i1239.photobucket.com/albums/ff512/Loverskitten/d0c2609a.jpg

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

I ALWAYS picture what people may look like, even those with cartoon avatars, I can't help it. Same with characters in books and stories. They are rarely as handsome as they were in my head
I wish I could turn it off.
In fact I'm picturing you right now and I'm sure you look like this
http://i1239.photobucket.com/albums/ff512/Loverskitten/d0c2609a.jpg

lol, close!

I really don't though, it just doesn't occur to me to do so. I guess I'm just not visually oriented.