Online dating...what am I not doing right?

^^^ This. She nailed it.
Confidence (not to be confused with arrogance) is very attractive. Other qualities (kindness, sense of humour and so on) come in second place unfortunately.

Actually, a sense of humour is crucial for me too, but doesn't seem to matter to everyone.

The ability to not take oneself too seriously is the perfect combination of a sense of humour and lack of arrogance (and weirdly, also confidence) for me.
 
He's got to be able to carry on a good conversation. I know how to please myself. Just like the company. And for him to engage my intellect.
 
Online dating

Becareful on POF and craigslist alot of inmates use those sites and meet up.com. To be honest most females on there are looking only for sugar daddys or are just plain crazy.
Women are a dime a dozen on those sites and get bombarded by men. Ok cupid is a better site but alot of fake profiles. Just my experiance as a women.

Make your email different to peak her interest or intellectual level. Just my 2 cents and good luck!
 
God I'm sure glad they didn't have online dating back in the late 70s when I got divorced. I would have never gotten a date, not because of my looks but I fit the bill of too good to be true. I'm an educated, detail orientated, organized person who was given survival training when I was twelve by my mother. She taught me how to cook, wash clothes, iron clothes, clean the house properly and how to grocery shop, in short how to survive without a woman.

I found my soulmate but dumped her because of my pride got in the way. It took me six years to find someone I could trust and love. My soulmate I found at a club that had a dance floor. I asked her to dance, learned a lot about her, then asked her for a date. We dated for over a year and live with her was never dull.
 
I've had a 50/50 scammer-to-real-guy rate on OK Cupid, and the real guys.... Let's just say that the last one, when I dropped him off, the smell of the half-eaten burrito that had been in my car in the California sun for two days had a *far* better scent than his. -shudder-

As far as women not replying, don't take it personally. I'm both picky and fickle on any online forum. If the guy rings some scammer bells, no reply. If his message is too generic ("hi"), no reply. If he has the same first name as my ex, no reply. If for some reason I am not horny that moment, no reply. I've decided to not feel bad about not replying, because it's so rarely personal to the guy writing to me. (Same thing goes here on Lit; sometimes real life starts to go fast, and I ghost on someone)

And while I have lovely eyes and a good face, I'm overweight, and don't pull in the number of messages some women do. So you're not going to get the response rate you would, if your writing is any indication, if these women knew you. :(
 
I like to thank everyone for taking the time to respond. Everyone has offered excellent information and life experiences and now I'm tailoring it to work for me.

I've deleted my POF account and trying again with okcupid. The first problem I've run into though is coming up with a decent username. Different sources say you should have a funny/creative/playful/strong and desirable/dont sound desperate or cringy name that all the women will swoon over and say "how can this guy possibly be a loser with such an awesome name". In the past I've used a wide range of names most of them playing off of my geeky/nerdy/pop culture and old school video game loving personality. As you can tell it's not working.

Some sources say try using word play or rhyming with your name. Not to get into too much personal detail but my real name is Seth and well the only things that rhyme with that are Death and Breath. Not a good start when meeting new people.

I know it's rather difficult to suggest something without knowing the true essence of me, but if anyone has suggestions or pointers to help me along it would be greatly appreciated.
 
The first time I stuck my nose in poster SUSIE-ROTTEN-CROTCH's business I regretted it.
 
I like to thank everyone for taking the time to respond. Everyone has offered excellent information and life experiences and now I'm tailoring it to work for me.

I've deleted my POF account and trying again with okcupid. The first problem I've run into though is coming up with a decent username. Different sources say you should have a funny/creative/playful/strong and desirable/dont sound desperate or cringy name that all the women will swoon over and say "how can this guy possibly be a loser with such an awesome name". In the past I've used a wide range of names most of them playing off of my geeky/nerdy/pop culture and old school video game loving personality. As you can tell it's not working.

Some sources say try using word play or rhyming with your name. Not to get into too much personal detail but my real name is Seth and well the only things that rhyme with that are Death and Breath. Not a good start when meeting new people.

I know it's rather difficult to suggest something without knowing the true essence of me, but if anyone has suggestions or pointers to help me along it would be greatly appreciated.


Actually, I'd go with your first instinct. My user-name is the bassist of a 90s post-punk NYC band. Knowing that is a good indication that I probably want to talk to someone, and it has indeed attracted a good cross-section of guys who have similar interests to me (and are also usually around my age).
 
Dood you're overthinking things. Stop living in your head and let your primal animal OUT!
If I can get laid with a handle like "Porkwarrior" you're good.

JUST STOP OVER THINKING EVERYTHING WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX!

If a girl PM's you. talks to you, asks you anywhere...yeah she's already though about being naked with you. It's just up to you not to screw it up!
Eventually you'll find a woman that fits YOU!

There is no trick, women are not math equations where the right answer gets you a gold star.

Women are people, and you're a man, and eventually the man inside you will find a woman that adores you. Yeah, she's out there. Dicking around with advice tips,, "should my profile say this or that", will she recognize me when she sees me,..ugh, useless claptrap. Be a man, be yourself, it works or it doesn't.
 
It's all about impression management and marketing strategies in a sense, isn't it?

My perspective: I'm not looking for a relationship, but I often check posters' profile out of curiosity and I can't help myself from rating them in terms of attractivenness.

Most profiles are well written and give a list of attributes which by themselves are quite attractive.
But the ones that stand out for me have some sort of catch phrase that conveys an attitude which I found attractive: self-confidence coupled with a capacity for self-reflection and an ability to be interested in a person of the opposite sex (in a less self-absorbed way, that is).
They don't have to state things in a direct way (for me, that would be a bit off-putting). It's more about describing their perspective on certain things, in the line of "When I was younger, I used to do or think this and that … Now I find myself enjoying this and that." or so on.

So coming back to atari's comment re the manner in which he tried to describe one of his positive attributes: his sense of humour.
Perhaps I would be less attracted to someone who said "People tell me that I have a great sense of humour and make them laugh". As opposed to someone who frames it as a coping strategy.



I wish that KimGordon would comment on or rephrase what I said. She seems to have the ability to hit the mark in terms of the more subtle aspects of interpersonal attraction & to label things that I feel intuitively, but am less able to put into words.
 
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It's all about impression management and marketing strategies in a sense, isn't it?

My perspective: I'm not looking for a relationship, but I often check posters' profile out of curiosity and I can't help myself from rating them in terms of attractivenness.

Most profiles are well written and give a list of attributes which by themselves are quite attractive.
But the ones that stand out for me have some sort of catch phrase that conveys an attitude which I found attractive: self-confidence coupled with a capacity for self-reflection and an ability to be interested in a person of the opposite sex (in a less self-absorbed way, that is).
They don't have to state things in a direct way (for me, that would be a bit off-putting). It's more about describing their perspective on certain things, in the line of "When I was younger, I used to do or think this and that … Now I find myself enjoying this and that." or so on.

So coming back to atari's comment re the manner in which he tried to describe one of his positive attributes: his sense of humour.
Perhaps I would be less attracted to someone who said "People tell me that I have a great sense of humour and make them laugh". As opposed to someone who frames it as a coping strategy.



I wish that KimGordon would comment on or rephrase what I said. She seems to have the ability to hit the mark in terms of the more subtle aspects of interpersonal attraction & to label things that I feel intuitively, but am less able to put into words.

Well, now I'm just blushing.
 
It's all about impression management and marketing strategies in a sense, isn't it?

My perspective: I'm not looking for a relationship, but I often check posters' profile out of curiosity and I can't help myself from rating them in terms of attractivenness.

Most profiles are well written and give a list of attributes which by themselves are quite attractive.
But the ones that stand out for me have some sort of catch phrase that conveys an attitude which I found attractive: self-confidence coupled with a capacity for self-reflection and an ability to be interested in a person of the opposite sex (in a less self-absorbed way, that is).
They don't have to state things in a direct way (for me, that would be a bit off-putting). It's more about describing their perspective on certain things, in the line of "When I was younger, I used to do or think this and that … Now I find myself enjoying this and that." or so on.

So coming back to atari's comment re the manner in which he tried to describe one of his positive attributes: his sense of humour.
Perhaps I would be less attracted to someone who said "People tell me that I have a great sense of humour and make them laugh". As opposed to someone who frames it as a coping strategy.



I wish that KimGordon would comment on or rephrase what I said. She seems to have the ability to hit the mark in terms of the more subtle aspects of interpersonal attraction & to label things that I feel intuitively, but am less able to put into words.

You're a dood that talks in the past tense too much.
Let Atari get laid, he'll find someone.
 
You're a dood that talks in the past tense too much.
Let Atari get laid, he'll find someone.

Dude, I'm as much of a "dood" as you are sophisticated.

And atari isn't looking for a cheap lay, as you seem to be.
 
Sorry Porkwarrior, I said some rude things.

But this hunting of "female impersonators'" who are trying to catfish our lovely GB men, that some of you guys keep doing has and is sill getting on my nerves.

Do you guys ever take a step back, to realize how bizarre that all sounds to an outsider?
 
Bull shit alert.

People conceal everything, especially their hygiene. My nose doesn't lie. You cant hide a house full of cat shit, either. Or their deranged kids.

People are used cars.
 
Bull shit alert.

People conceal everything, especially their hygiene. My nose doesn't lie. You cant hide a house full of cat shit, either. Or their deranged kids.

People are used cars.
Oh why do you have to take the romance out of it? :rolleyes::D

You Are having a blast in this forum by the looks of it; no wonder you set camp here lol...
 
Bull shit alert.

People conceal everything, especially their hygiene. My nose doesn't lie. You cant hide a house full of cat shit, either. Or their deranged kids.

People are used cars.

Oh why do you have to take the romance out of it? :rolleyes::D

You Are having a blast in this forum by the looks of it; no wonder you set camp here lol...



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NARF!
 
Oh why do you have to take the romance out of it? :rolleyes::D

You Are having a blast in this forum by the looks of it; no wonder you set camp here lol...

Post the following on your refrigerator.

THE 3 KINDS OF ONLINE ROMANCES. ALL ARE LIKE USED CARS.

1. DANGEROUS
2. UNRELIABLE, FLAWED, AND A PAIN IN THE ASS.
3. THEY'LL TAKE YOU WHERE YOU WANNA GO BUT IMPRESS NO ONE, AND THEY SMOKE.
 
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THE 3 KINDS OF ONLINE ROMANCES. ALL ARE LIKE USED CARS.

1. DANGEROUS
2. UNRELIABLE, FLAWED, AND A PAIN IN THE ASS.
3. THEY'LL TAKE YOU WHERE YOU WANNA GO BUT IMPRESS NO ONE, AND THEY SMOKE.

I'll take door #3.
 
Met my fiancé on CL- but no the "Strictly Platonic." We were on there just looking for a kind listening ear, met up as friends, and build chemistry that way.

I've never successfully started a relationship with someone I met on a date... It feels like too much pressure. Talk to people to get to know them and I think if there's potential you'll both feel the chemistry. Makes things less awkward, I think.

Good luck!
 
Don't date online. Go out to IRL and meet IRL people. Go places where IRL people do things you (would) like to do. Get active. Join social groups. Give or take classes, especially those involving touching. Carry a musical instrument or big book or weird device that attracts attention. Walk a pet. Volunteer for something. Get into local theatre -- theatre folks fuck like crazy. Kill your TV.
 
Don't date online. Go out to IRL and meet IRL people. Go places where IRL people do things you (would) like to do. Get active. Join social groups. Give or take classes, especially those involving touching. Carry a musical instrument or big book or weird device that attracts attention. Walk a pet. Volunteer for something. Get into local theatre -- theatre folks fuck like crazy. Kill your TV.
Excellent point.

Or public and university libraries, or some University courses on topics that interest you, that are open for the public. Or a sport that you're passionate about.
That's how I met a lot of people who showed a bit more depth, as atari seems to be looking for.(not referring necessarily to the romantic side).

Or Toastmasters.
I went to a few sessions upon the reccomendation of one of my supervisors many years ago, because I had this performance anxiety problem whenever I has to talk in front of a large audience.
After each session, a lot of the attendees went together at the local bar. They also met informally from time to time on weekends.

I just loved the people who were attending there. Not the "nerdy type" (the way some use it, in a derrogatory manner) at all. I didn't have the self-discipline to go through with it, unfortunately.
 
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I met my FWB at one of those places. She had already canceled her membership because of the insane number of guys bullshitting her, hitting on her and scams.
Things did not go well at first. My track record is enough to frighten most sane women looking for honest relationship with a guy.

So she basically told me to fuck off...However, I really like her profile and looks and did what she did not expect.

Instead of answering in kind, I took the time and went into honest as possible detail as to why I was married and divorced so much.

Something must have worked...:D:cool::)
 
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