Oral Sex & Submissiveness

[intothewoods]

a blow job is NEVER just a blow job.


dang...maybe now i'm over-analyzing.

Oy vey. Yes you are!

I actually meant to weigh in earlier because I have experienced good oral sex from men who were not good kissers. Although to be fair, I am a fussy kisser, and not all that into receiving oral sex. Hmm.

 

[JMohegan]

wow, i have to say that in my experiences in and outside of the lifestyle over the years, i just haven't found the above to be true. i haven't seen any connection between a man's need for power and control and his like or dislike for receiving oral sex. true, in the case of some women, perhaps even many, giving oral to a man can be a heady power rush because it is they who are in control of the action and reaction, and they may also use the pleasure they a bring a man during this act to manipulate him in other areas of the relationship (as you mentioned in your example of a sub doing this to get back in a Dom's good graces).

however this will not be the case with a truly controlling and dominant man, because he will only allow fellatio on his terms...only when he wants it, and always precisely how he wants it. a woman giving oral to such a man has no more power and control over him than humankind has over the rising and setting of the sun.

now my Master has told me many times that i am the best cocksucker he has ever encountered, however there is never so much as a single fleeting moment when i am serving him this way that i feel any sense of power or ego. and that is all because of him...he is controlling my mouth, tongue, throat, as much as he is controlling his own physical arousal. i may do only what he demands and must do it exactly as he demands it, or there are consequences to pay. kiss the head. suck the pre-cum. swallow the full length in one smooth motion, without any licking. suck on the head while it's deep in my throat. pull back, flicking out my tongue along the way. wrap my lips. don't dare place a finger on the cock. rub my face in the balls, kiss them. swallow the length again. slower. faster. harder. gentler. deeper...the instructions are endless and obeying them requires constant focus and adjustment. and then when he is ready to cum....and ONLY when he is ready, he will empty himself in my throat. fellatio is by far his most beloved erotic activity, and he demands it frequently. never have i sensed any lack of control on his part.

for those Dominants who view a full enjoyment and release during oral sex as giving up power or control, perhaps it's an issue of confidence or just plain over-analyzing. if you are in control while stringing her up from the rafters and whipping her bloody, you can be in control while getting head.

This is a great post. I'm not always into micromanagement of the deed, but I agree with your conclusion nevertheless.

 

[Homburg]

for those Dominants who view a full enjoyment and release during oral sex as giving up power or control, perhaps it's an issue of confidence or just plain over-analyzing. if you are in control while stringing her up from the rafters and whipping her bloody, you can be in control while getting head.

Does anyone here really believe that someone is more or less dominant because they cum from oral?

I've explained this in a previous thread.

I don't feel like I am not in-control on the rare occassions when when I orgasm from fellatio. I simply do not feel as in-control as I like to. Do I feel submissive? Hell no. Not in the slightest. I'm in control, and she knows it. That said, it is not as in-control as an orgasm from various other means.

I don't care about anyone else in this equation. I'm not saying that anyone is more or less dominant because they enjoy oral. Whatever. I'm saying that I don't enjoy it because I don't feel as in-control as I do in other situations. It's a preference, not a declaration of worth.

 

[intothewoods]

Let's say you like hot fudge sundae as a dessert. The ice cream, on its' own, is good, but not as good as when it has the hot fudge.

I don't feel like I am not in control on the rare occassions when when I orgasm from fellatio. I simply do not feel as in control as I like to. Do I feel submissive? Hell no. Not in the slightest. I'm in control, and she knows it. That said, it is not as in-control as an orgasm from various other means.

I don't care about anyone else in this equation. I'm not saying that anyone is more or less dominant because they enjoy oral. Whatever. I'm saying that I don't enjoy it because I don't feel as in-control as I do in other situations. It's a preference, not a declaration of worth.

In short, an orgasm from fellatio is just the ice cream. And orgasm from the methods I prefer is the full-blown sundae.

I've never really considered the level of control in my orgasms. I don't like receiving oral because it's too much direct stimulation usually. It also feels weird to have all of that attention focused on me, but I also feel kind of funny about attention paid to me when he's already cum.

ETA: sorry, I thought it just didn't work for you, which I've heard from other men.

 

[ownedsubgal]

This is a great post. I'm not always into micromanagement of the deed, but I agree with your conclusion nevertheless.

wow....thanks muchly, coming from you i take that as a high compliment.

 

[Homburg]

I've never really considered the level of control in my orgasms. I don't like receiving oral because it's too much direct stimulation usually. It also feels weird to have all of that attention focused on me, but I also feel kind of funny about attention paid to me when he's already cum.

ETA: sorry, I thought it just didn't work for you, which I've heard from other men.

It frequently doesn't work, but that gets back into other issues. It's complex, and outside the purview of this thread.

 

[Caitlynne]

I wasn't just referring to you, fwiw, but I don't think Doms who get off with a blow job are believe control comes in second for themselves. I think they just see oral and their orgasms differently. But on the flip side, I don't think osg's comment that those who don't want to get off by oral are just over-analyzing the whole thing. I really think it's just a blow job/oral.

Well I can agree with this to a degree. I think they do see their orgasms differently. I think we all do to a degree though.

 

[Caitlynne]

however this will not be the case with a truly controlling and dominant man, because he will only allow fellatio on his terms...only when he wants it, and always precisely how he wants it. a woman giving oral to such a man has no more power and control over him than humankind has over the rising and setting of the sun.

On this we can agree. But I to be honest, I was describing Dominants who use self-control to teach this. Believe me, it is a fast lesson too.

 

[Marquis]

Since when did "suck me off" become a non-delegable duty?

There is a pleasure in giving precise orders (and certainly a pleasure in reading about them, OSG), but I do like a good surprise just as well.

Honestly, sometimes the more detached I feel from the act, the better. lo has taken a habit of making a certain expression when she kneels before me to suck my cock. It's sort of.... affectedly generic. Eyes bright, mouth open, tongue out.

I want to take a picture of her in this position and photoshop a coinslot onto her forehead.

 

[Netzach]

Since when did "suck me off" become a non-delegable duty?

There is a pleasure in giving precise orders (and certainly a pleasure in reading about them, OSG), but I do like a good surprise just as well.

Honestly, sometimes the more detached I feel from the act, the better. lo has taken a habit of making a certain expression when she kneels before me to suck my cock. It's sort of.... affectedly generic. Eyes bright, mouth open, tongue out.

I want to take a picture of her in this position and photoshop a coinslot onto her forehead.

I don't think there's even so much of a "Dominant attitude" thing in any of this, beyond "is this your idea to do this and are you enjoying it?"

I have issues with the unerring facade notion though. I know I caught more flies today wholesale shopping with demure honey and low cut blouse - if I have to take my "Dominant attitude" all over the world with me constantly that's an onus I'll lead to people even more introspective and self-contained than I am. Lying back and being blissfully massaged by some expert head is not something I'll be turning down.

 

[twysted73]

Oral? submission? *laffs*

For some oral sex is the end-all, be-all of submission.

Perception being what it is, my version isn't (thankfully) along those lines.
Atleast....not entirely.

There's oral and then there's.....oral.

Never was much into receiving. Blame it on poor skills of partners past.
But giving......
*shudders for real*
I love....giving. And it has SO MANY dynamics for why I find it so damn appealing.
Submissive? Funny....I feel very dominant when I'm there.
I feel that I am in control.
But it's my passion for it that really fuels me. My love of the senses. Sight, sound, scent, taste, touch......
Placing my face into the intimate of intimates.
If I lose myself, I get this...haze that settles into my thoughts. I rut and lick and lap and indulge. Delve my tongue...inhale her deeply and delve in again.
A playground. A cornicopia of devilish delights.

And at that moment, I am never more selfish in my entire life.
Because I don't want her to stop me for anything. Not in that mode, that mindset.
No no no.
Let me taste everything, everywhere, however long I wish.
I savor it like a fine wine or delicacy. I want to discover how your body responds. What I can make it feel and enjoy.

No, not submissive.
Animalistic. Enraptured, Entranced. Blissfully oblivious to anything outside the room.

 

[madetotakeit]

On the receiving end, I've never felt particularly submissive with oral sex. Unless you count the times when I was tied up and couldn't and felt absolutely tortured because I couldn't guide it forward to the penetration that I really wanted. I've only recently had my first orgasm from oral sex and well, too be honest that was more due to the sensitivity of previous activities than the oral attention.

However preforming is another story. It's not something I have done with all of my lovers. I have to think pretty highly of you before I take you into my mouth. It is a very intimate act. It's kind of like the look reflected in the eyes. If I am in love, I can convey that with how I do it, a hunger to please. I can worship the man, or even the cock by a change in intensity, a greediness to take as much as I can and get the wonderful reward of my efforts. It's all in the nuances. I can feel submissive in either mode. For me the act itself is subordinate, but I can see how for others the opposite would be true. It's the role you bring to the table that will influence it. In position, I am physically lower than him. My ultimate goal is his pleasure (the fact that I love it is just a bonus.) To know that he is looking down at me enjoying the view or closing his eyes simply enjoying the sensations and warmth. That is part of the thrill for me. I'm able to do something that is all about him and conveying the lust, emotions, respect, and sometimes love that he inspires.

*sigh, I'm going to stop thinking about this now. My hormones are starting on the upswing cycle and I would like to keep my sanity. *

 

[Bill3250]

I love being bound spread eagle on the bed with a Mistress straddling my head, smothering me with her unshaven pussy as she grinds it against my mouth. She would have covered my groin with a something, a pillow perhaps, to rest her head on when relaxing between orgasms, and to enable her to enjoy herself without the unsightly vision of my hard cock.

 

[Marquis]

For some oral sex is the end-all, be-all of submission.

Perception being what it is, my version isn't (thankfully) along those lines.
Atleast....not entirely.

There's oral and then there's.....oral.

Never was much into receiving. Blame it on poor skills of partners past.
But giving......
*shudders for real*
I love....giving. And it has SO MANY dynamics for why I find it so damn appealing.
Submissive? Funny....I feel very dominant when I'm there.
I feel that I am in control.
But it's my passion for it that really fuels me. My love of the senses. Sight, sound, scent, taste, touch......
Placing my face into the intimate of intimates.
If I lose myself, I get this...haze that settles into my thoughts. I rut and lick and lap and indulge. Delve my tongue...inhale her deeply and delve in again.
A playground. A cornicopia of devilish delights.

And at that moment, I am never more selfish in my entire life.
Because I don't want her to stop me for anything. Not in that mode, that mindset.
No no no.
Let me taste everything, everywhere, however long I wish.
I savor it like a fine wine or delicacy. I want to discover how your body responds. What I can make it feel and enjoy.

No, not submissive.
Animalistic. Enraptured, Entranced. Blissfully oblivious to anything outside the room.

This might be the best description I've read.

I admit that what occasionally appeals to me about cunnilingus is what I've put into bold there. It's one thing to be ambivalent about it, but when a girl has major pussy issues and would rather me not go anywhere near there, it's pretty tempting to get down there for a full oral inspection.

Now, the patience and gumption to actually take it somewhere from there is something I've never developed.

 

[ownedsubgal]

This might be the best description I've read.

I admit that what occasionally appeals to me about cunnilingus is what I've put into bold there. It's one thing to be ambivalent about it, but when a girl has major pussy issues and would rather me not go anywhere near there, it's pretty tempting to get down there for a full oral inspection.

eek!! moreso than anything else...the whackos, the violent sadists, the switches...it's a man like THAT...who knows and understands my pussy issues and wants to have his face all up in there for precisely that reason....that i most wish, hope and beg to avoid serving.

 

[TeachMeSir]

eek!! moreso than anything else...the whackos, the violent sadists, the switches...it's a man like THAT...who knows and understands my pussy issues and wants to have his face all up in there for precisely that reason....that i most wish, hope and beg to avoid serving.

Doesn't begging just make it worse in the long run?
Or is that the idea? Not that you would enjoy it if it's not your thing, but it is a sort of ecstatic rush when you finally have to obey and you realize just how submissive you are.

 

[intothewoods]

eek!! moreso than anything else...the whackos, the violent sadists, the switches...it's a man like THAT...who knows and understands my pussy issues and wants to have his face all up in there for precisely that reason....that i most wish, hope and beg to avoid serving.

Is it wrong that I smiled at this?

 

[ltnsfr007]

Is it wrong that I smiled at this?

Me like too (LOL)

 

[Homburg]

eek!! moreso than anything else...the whackos, the violent sadists, the switches...it's a man like THAT...who knows and understands my pussy issues and wants to have his face all up in there for precisely that reason....that i most wish, hope and beg to avoid serving.

Fuck me runnin'.

This is the single hottest thing you've ever posted, osg (and that is saying something). Damn.

 

[Caitlynne]

Is it wrong that I smiled at this?

err, Nope!

 

[ownedsubgal]

dang, how come i never knew you folks were just a bunch of twisted sado-meanies?!

(*mental note to never again share sexual fears on lit)

 

[ownedsubgal]

Doesn't begging just make it worse in the long run?
Or is that the idea? Not that you would enjoy it if it's not your thing, but it is a sort of ecstatic rush when you finally have to obey and you realize just how submissive you are.

actually i'm not much of a begger. if i'm really, really REALLY brought to the height of terror or despair at the idea of something i know my Master is planning, i might plead softly and subtly, once. beyond that and it gets to be selfish and that's something that as a slave i strive hard not to be. there's no "rush" involved in obedience for me, it's just what's expected of me and what comes naturally.

 

[Netzach]

eek!! moreso than anything else...the whackos, the violent sadists, the switches...it's a man like THAT...who knows and understands my pussy issues and wants to have his face all up in there for precisely that reason....that i most wish, hope and beg to avoid serving.

I'm not even going to say what I think I would do in this case. Suffice it to say I rarely do my own dirty work. Damn, I'm mean.

 

[intothewoods]

I'm not even going to say what I think I would do in this case. Suffice it to say I rarely do my own dirty work. Damn, I'm mean.

heh heh heh. She's gooood.

 

[shy slave]

i have to admit, although the event described in the OP was interesting and well-written, the actions/motivations/emotions are wayyyyy outside the range of my own experiences and feelings, to the point where i just have to scratch my head and say, "um, i don't get it?"

...but that's my own lil hang-up. i'm one of those weirdos who views the giving of oral sex (in general, not universally) to be a submissive or subservient act, and as a sub and slave it's not something i ever have a desire to experience. fortunately i have a Master who doesn't find the activity particularly interesting so performs it very rarely (and usually on another woman, thank goodness!)...but when he does it, it's always for his own pleasure solely, and he's not trying to evoke a positive response in the female.

some Dominants enjoy and will even demand control over a submissive's physical arousal and pleasure, and for many women receiving oral sex is a very pleasureable act. then again, for some women it's dull and for others like me it's downright horrifying lol. it all depends on the individuals involved and what dominance and submissiveness really mean to them.

I am of the same mind as OSG.

In my head it is a submissive act.

I love crave and adore giving, always have and can get quite carried away when my mind is immersed in pleasing a cock, any cock; as long as it enjoys being served.

For years before I had ever heard of BDSM I hated it, hated receiving it with a passion.
To the point it made me feel physically sick. I developed coping strategies to enable to cope with having it done, the most effective one being a deep meditation.

Once I discovered BDSM, in my head, it made sense to allocate it to a box marked 'submissive act'

A previous PYL was convinced he was the one to make me at least tolerate it (after having around 70-100 men I think I knew I didn't like it). After 45 mins he gave up and said it was like licking a dead chicken.

I now have it as a hard limit, such is my dislike of it.

I could not be with a PYL who saw his giving it as an integral part of any relationship. Nor could I be with a PYL who does not at least attempt to see my point of view.

If a PYL wanted me to be in a non-submissive state, upset, angry and bad tempered giving me oral, gentle stroking or a massage is a really effective way of achieving that.

My PYL knows that and does at times push some of those buttons to get a reaction.

I can understand a PYL being uninterested in a pyl's pleasure, but a PYL who deliberately wanted a bad tempered pyl baffles me.