Personal Info, Meeting and Safety?

[KarenDee]

I think it's easier, or at least safer, for a guy than for a woman. Not that there aren't a few pyscho-gals out there.

You talkin' to me baby??

 

[M's girl]

I should have mentioned in my previous post that I met my hubby online through Yahoo! Personals back when everything was completely free. I was the one who made the first move, which I wouldn't have had the nerve to do IRL.

At first we exchanged messages through our Yahoo Personals accounts, then we moved on to our personal email accounts. He gave me his phone number long before I gave him mine. He even gave me his work number in case I wanted to call his coworkers for "references."

We exchanged emails for about three weeks before we decided to meet in person. We met at my workplace, because at the time it was a good halfway point for us. It was a brief meeting, because I had to give a final exam, but we got along really well.

Things progressed quickly, which was a little scary for me at first, but it just "felt" right.

Wow, you can almost copy-paste this and make it our story. M and I met online also. I had never done anything like that before. I had an MSN account but never wanted to be traceable for people I did not know, nor was I looking for new contacts. I only chatted with people online (through MSN at that time) I knew in real life already.

Then I decided to place sort of an add. Triggered by my ex boyfriend at the time, who was scanning personals on that site, I decided I could do a better job (haha, that's me). To my own surprise I actually also placed the add I had written just for fun. I made sure I had created a whole new Yahoo account for the responses, just in case. Had no idea what would happen. My account profile (the Yahoo one that was not even public.... but just in case....) stated I was a man and all sorts of untrue information. M was the first one to respond and it just felt right. He, on the other hand, thought he was fooled when he got a response from 'a man'! Of course I explaned in that e-mail about the false data and we continued to e-mail. After a few days I asked him if he was on MSN but he was not. He suggested I installed IM (the Yahoo MSN version) and I did. We started chatting online and after a few days of very intense conversations one night we decided to call each other in the middle of the night. We continued to have long conversations over the phone and IM sessions every day for somewhat over three weeks and then we had our first date... in a park, followed by dinner and later on drinks at my place...

It was scary as hell, but I trusted my instinct and see where we are now.

There are certainly a few people from Lit I would love (!) to meet in person. I have e-mail contact with two of them. A few others are on my wish-list to chat with in person through e-mail and/or IM. I decided from the start that I would turn off PM, because within two days after registering at Lit I received PM's from several men wanting to have erotic chats. That's not what I came to Lit for.

I have given out a lot of information about myself. Maybe it's different for me because Lit is US based and I'm in The Netherlands. The things I have told about my personal- and sexlife are true. I realize that people can tell anything they want and create an identity that is not their own at all. I'm not like that.

Although Lit is a sex-based site/forum I think it's also much more than that. I would only meet with people from Lit in RL if and when it's clear to all parties concerned that sex is something I like to discuss but is not something I'm looking for outside my relationship with M. When I'm charmed by people on Lit it's mostly because of what they show of their personalities (and life skills) beside the sex issues.

 

[SweetErika]

I think it's easier, or at least safer, for a guy than for a woman. Not that there aren't a few pyscho-gals out there.

Yeah, and I think I've met a good portion the Greater Seattle Psycho Chick Clique. At least I HOPE I've gotten through most of them, and there are only sane ones to come.

 

[TBKahuna123]

You talkin' to me baby??

Nahh.... You're too sweet to be psycho.

Yeah, and I think I've met a good portion the Greater Seattle Psycho Chick Clique.

HA! Been there, done that! I have a really good friend who I watched go through the Seattle Psycho Chick Clique. I still remember asking him one day if there were any NORMAL women in Seattle. He said he was sure there were, but he hadn't met any of em in the two years he'd been there.

 

[WaitingTesting]

On the plus side:

My husband and I met a really awesome couple in Scotland through a friend of mine that I've had for years. I used to chat on ICQ w/my friend and she started putting the other lady online in a threesome chat and we got on really good. Last year my husband and I were in Europe and decided before we went that we'd arrange to meet this couple. Plans were made and we had the most awesome time. We stayed at their house and they took us to a lot of sites we may not have otherwise seen (abandoned castles, awesome local restaurants, and the sort). We are all very good friends now and us three couples are planning to meet up again very soon.

I also met my huband online, although he is the only man I've met that way. We were/are both in a football forum and met up at a football bash organized by the board. We hit it off totally, dated a couple of years, and were married not too long ago. The thing is, we didn't really post much to each other on the football board, but once we met, we both just knew we were going to end up marrying each other, although that fact wasn't even brought up for quite some time. My friends all thought I was crazy, and hubs and I have a few issues (who doesn't) but for the most part we are very, very happy, regardless of how me met.


On the down side:

On the same football board mentioned above, I was becoming, what I thought was, decent friends with one of the girls on the board. She seemed really smart, nice, funny, etc. She turned out to be something way other than anything she portrayed (can anyone say borderline psycho), and I was so glad we had never exchanged anything but cell phone numbers. I think you have to really, really be careful of who you are giving information too, both in the online community and off.

 

[SweetErika]

Okay, some have already mentioned this, but there was a good thread on the GB about it yesterday, and my hubby and I were debating it tonight.

What about showing your face in your AV, profile, or elsewhere here? Do you think people in RL are likely to identify you from it, or would you be concerned about someone here finding you because of it?

Or, is it not much of a concern/risk (not enough to keep you from doing so if you wanted to) in your opinion?

Slight hijack: Apart from safety, do you have other reasons for not revealing your face somewhere like this? Do/would you prefer to see members' faces, or do you like the air of anonymity?

 

[Guest]

 

[Bandit58]

Okay, some have already mentioned this, but there was a good thread on the GB about it yesterday, and my hubby and I were debating it tonight.

What about showing your face in your AV, profile, or elsewhere here? Do you think people in RL are likely to identify you from it, or would you be concerned about someone here finding you because of it?

Or, is it not much of a concern/risk (not enough to keep you from doing so if you wanted to) in your opinion?

Slight hijack: Apart from safety, do you have other reasons for not revealing your face somewhere like this? Do/would you prefer to see members' faces, or do you like the air of anonymity?

I have had my face up in my av, and also posted several pics showing my face. I also have a profile on collarme.com with a pic that shows my face albeit from a distance, and a profile on adultmatchmaker with a private gallery with several face pics, that I give access to members (read females) that I am hoping to meet up with.

I have no worries about anyone recognising me, as I can always come back with "What were you doing on that site anyway" I used to be shy of showing face pics but not anymore. Gil has always had face pics in some of his avs. Admittedly I think ladies have to be a little careful with what they put up (there are some creepy guys out there) but I have no worries

 

[Bandit58]

I thought I better answer the original topic of this thread

I am trying to meet other ladies for "friends with benefits". I have a profile on adultmatchmaker. Initial contact is made through email or msn chat. If I feel comfortable with a person I will give them my mobile number and my first name. First meetings Gil always goes with me for safety reasons, we meet during the day in a public place (cafe or hotel bar) and hopefully things proceed from there.

When I first met Gil he gave me his real name, phone number and address. I spoke to him on Yahoo chat and the phone before I flew over to meet him 5 months after we began to get closer than friends. I gave all his info to my best friend in New Zealand and I sent her a text message every day I was there to let her know I was ok. If she didn't hear from me, she was to contact the authorities and give them all the info.

 

[M's girl]

I'm not sure if I would ever put a picture of my face up here. On the one hand Lit is a far away place for me since I'm in Europe... on the other hand I have directed someone who I consider a good friend to Lit already. Well... she knows what I look like of course, but what if she tells more people about Lit? People that I know? I only realized after I had told her about Lit that I have put a lot of personal information about my sexlife on here.... and she would be able to read that stuff too!! Well, she is one person I don't care knowing about all this but what if she makes other people we both know aware of Lit? Sounds strange maybe, but I really fully realized that only afterwards.

I have been very open about my sexlife because it was safe; because no one knows me here... I don't think I would have disclosed many of the things I did otherwise...

I think part of the strength of Lit is the anonimity. I think most of us dare to ask and tell more because no one really knows who you are. The people I have shared my picture with thus far are people I trust for some reason. I may be wrong...

I saw someone starting a thread today, confessing that he or she had another identity on Lit already, but apperently he or she did not want to ask this question under that name... I think that tells a lot about how people use Lit and even feel others 'know' them when, maybe, it's just from what they have told 'us' thus far...

I think most people will never show their face on here, at least not in public; not through their Av...

 

[BXGemini20]

You can't really trust nobody on the internet. I have I would say about 5-10 online friends. We all met because we all have a common interest which was we were big video game fans. Never gave my real name except to two people and thats because we all were working on the story. I think it is best to keep RL and internet life seperate though I have met some nice people on Lit though topics.

 

[TBKahuna123]

This is a toughie. First off I have a friend who I could see hanging out here without my knowledge and that concerns me a bit. I mean, I'm pretty open aobut my wife and my sex life, and while she has no problem discussing it here, I think she might feel a little wierd with our friends knowing all the details. Not that she's embarassed, just that most of our friends aren't on that level of openess. Which is really too bad for them.

So I don't think I'd show my face in my AV, though I would to a few Litsters here. I think anyone I was comfortable to give my info to I'd give a picture to as well.

Now as to would I like to see member's faces, I'm not sure. On one hand there is that air of anonymity, but on the other hand I'll admit to curiosity.

One more note, I seriosu ly thoguht of replacing my current AV with a picture of me in a speedo and Hawaiian shirt. Lucky for you all my wife convinced me that might not be my best idea thus far.

 

[Guest]

 

[silverwhisper]

OTOH, it would get eilan one step closer to that elusive forum-streaking... :>

ed

 

[TBKahuna123]

OTOH, it would get eilan one step closer to that elusive forum-streaking... :>

ed

So are you suggesting I take one for the team?

 

[Guest]

 

[silverwhisper]

yes i am, but only on eilan's behalf, mind. :>

ed

 

[Eilan]

yes i am, but only on eilan's behalf, mind. :>

Someone's gotta look out for me!

What about showing your face in your AV, profile, or elsewhere here? Do you think people in RL are likely to identify you from it, or would you be concerned about someone here finding you because of it?

I have a blurred-up face pic that I've used as an av on occasion, but I don't know if I'd have the nerve to show the actual pic or not.

I probably won't use a really clear face pic. I don't worry about my ex or anyone else I know seeing that I'm here. However, I am concerned because I'm a school-board approved volunteer at my kids' school. Some busybody who knows me might see my pic and complain to the school board. Yeah, it's unlikely that it would happen, but I live on the fringes of the Bible Belt. I wouldn't want to create problems for my kids.

 

[TBKahuna123]

If you're gonna do it, why bother with the speedo?

Because it's more aluring to conceal, baby.

 

[Eilan]

Because it's more aluring to conceal, baby.

Yeah, but speedos leave little to the imagination. You might as well not wear anything.

 

[silverwhisper]

by hook or by crook, she's getting her streaking, man. hell hath no fury like a woman's streaking obsession scorned!

ed

 

[Guest]

 

[TBKahuna123]

I agree.

I used to wear a speedo when I swam at the Y every day, like 17 or 18 years ago. I'd rather go naked than wear one of those.

Sounds kind of like when my friend and I were at the gym and I put on a pair of spandex compression shorts. His response was "I am NOT going out there with you wearing those!" I was of course putting on another pair of shorts over them, but I was amused by his response, and he was quite fussed when I asked him why he was noticing how tight my shorts were in the first place.

I think he was just feeling inferior because how well they framed my mammoth package. Sorry Eilan, yes I had to go there.

 

[Eilan]

I think he was just feeling inferior because how well they framed my mammoth package. Sorry Eilan, yes I had to go there.

Well, yeah, but is it woolly?

 

[Guest]