PoBo Form Master Class Series - The Ghazal

[champagne1982]

These are excellent poems. I think we need to clarify the scheme a bit more, though...

........A, refrain
........A, refrain

.......................
........A, refrain

.......................
........A, refrain

.......................
........A, refrain

.......radif.........
........A, refrain

The radif usually includes a reference to the writer and some kind of drug (alcohol generally, but heck this is porn, jazz it up with spanish fly or viagra or something) assisted activity. Experiment is good!

 

[Safe_Bet]

These are excellent poems. I think we need to clarify the scheme a bit more, though...

........A, refrain
........A, refrain

.......................
........A, refrain

.......................
........A, refrain

.......................
........A, refrain

.......radif.........
........A, refrain

The radif usually includes a reference to the writer and some kind of drug (alcohol generally, but heck this is porn, jazz it up with spanish fly or viagra or something) assisted activity. Experiment is good!

Okay, got it! And each line needs to have the same number of syllables / same meter, right?

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Well I glad you got it cos I haven't I thought I had but now this refrain thing has confused me completely

 

[Safe_Bet]

Updated on #34

 

[LadynStFreknBed]

Well I glad you got it cos I haven't I thought I had but now this refrain thing has confused me completely

Let me see if I can help. I'll use my 2nd attempt as an example:

PF&D Forum Nightmare

Poets play at form, an antic nightmare
failed my first attempt, a frantic nightmare

Prof. champagne with ruler in hand strikes me
Lustful, eager dreams, romantic nightmare

Leaving comfort, cautious, error smudges
foreign rhyme, new form, semantic nightmare

Culture old, all born abroad allusive
grasp of Yankees, long Atlantic nightmare

Tricky maze of rhyme within line puzzle
Writing ghazal, one gigantic nightmare

Refrain= "nightmare"
The refrain is the repeated ending of the 1st, 2nd, and last line of each stanza.

The words before each of the refrains rhyme.
In this example, I used antic, frantic, romantic, semantic, Atlantic, and gigantic.

Does that make sense?

 

[LadynStFreknBed]

In Sweetness

Broken heart with pain avoided, scorn in sweetness
Tears unanswered, lonely soul forlorn in sweetness

Dark-skinned man from country far with lightning smileshine
Here today, then gone tomorrow, thorn in sweetness

Sticky cling of layer, thinly sugar-coated
Void of solid substance, self adorn in sweetness

Love of souls connected grows beyond an image
All-accepting love, ideal born in sweetness

Gentle nature masks aggressive, sexy prowess
Freak within this Lady models porn in sweetness

 

[champagne1982]

LadynS, you're really burning this form up. Congrats, I'm liking your work, .

 

[normal jean]

LadynS, you're really burning this form up. Congrats, I'm liking your work, .

she really is good. I sit here in adoration of you all.

 

[Safe_Bet]

Okay, lets try this again with rhymes!

Ghazal for My Amy

Happily, I loudly praise and shout our togetherness.
I would feel nothing at all without our togetherness.

Hot, sweaty sheets we make; joyously pleasuring each other.
Our love is what has brought about our togetherness.

Darling daughters are not from your true blood, but of your true heart.
Family? From when’st did it sprout? Our togetherness.

Each a strong person; melded into a new stronger alloy.
You and I can verily tout our togetherness.

So I offer to drink an endless toast of adoration.
We’re one together and none can doubt our togetherness.

 

[Angeline]

Isn't this interesting? It's a webzine devoted to the ghazal. Lots of good info there.

 

[LadynStFreknBed]

LadynS, you're really burning this form up. Congrats, I'm liking your work, .

she really is good. I sit here in adoration of you all.

Ya'll are making me blush.
champ, does this mean you're gonna stop whacking me with your ruler?

 

[sassynyc]

You're the first person who got it without me having to explain.

I'd dare not wear this AV otherwise.

Sassy you are SUCH a teacher's pet!

SHOW OFF!!!

Don't hate.

 

[sassynyc]

Round 2

Ok, I've a question about the last couplet. Does it have to be the verse that includes drug/alcohol? The first version here is what I originally wrote. It's written in order/stages. The alcohol appears in the middle of the poem. In the second version, I moved that verse to the end of the poem, to satisfy the form, but it feels out of sequence to me. Just curious whether this is an absolute of the form or not.


In Meditation

Healing light brings elation, in meditation.
Steadfast; course of gestation, in meditation.

Release your sorrows to the earth, buried from sight.
Relish joy of creation, in meditation.

Spill the wine; bathe freely in juniper essence.
Seek God’s face through libation, in meditation.

The pallid face of the moon ushers in the night.
There lies Hydra’s temptation, in meditation.

Engage purity of youth, and speak as a child.
Rediscover foundation, in meditation.


2nd try

Healing light brings elation, in meditation.
Steadfast; course of gestation, in meditation.

Release your sorrows to the earth, buried from sight.
Relish joy of creation, in meditation.

The pallid face of the moon ushers in the night.
There lies Hydra’s temptation, in meditation.

Engage purity of youth, and speak as a child.
Rediscover foundation, in meditation.

Spill the wine; bathe freely in juniper essence.
Seek God’s face through libation, in meditation.

 

[normal jean]

Ya'll are making me blush.
champ, does this mean you're gonna stop whacking me with your ruler?

uh oh! Champ is a ruler-whacker?

Maybe I will just give this thing a try

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Let me see if I can help. I'll use my 2nd attempt as an example:





Refrain= "nightmare"
The refrain is the repeated ending of the 1st, 2nd, and last line of each stanza.

The words before each of the refrains rhyme.
In this example, I used antic, frantic, romantic, semantic, Atlantic, and gigantic.

Does that make sense?

Oh I seeeeee penny drops lol thankyou!

 

[Angeline]

I'd dare not wear this AV otherwise.


Don't hate.

I've only had a couple of alts since I came here. I was using Eleanora when my divorce was really ugly and my ex and his pals were reading me here and threatening me. I was surprised that more people here didn't get the Billie connection right off though--it they did, they would've known it was me right away.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

The only word that comes to mind is magic
walked into my life and just created magic

I wasn't looking didn't see you come my way
had no way of knowing that you equated magic

Sparks that flew and stars began to shine
I looked at you and suddenly translated magic

No longer lost scared and waiting all alone
were you waiting was this fated magic?

Now I lay forever in your arms to stay
Under your spell completely sated magic

 

[LadynStFreknBed]

If I were to submit my "In Sweetness" ghazal, would it be considered erotic?

 

[Safe_Bet]

If I were to submit my "In Sweetness" ghazal, would it be considered erotic?

It IS erotic, but there is no blatant erotic/porn in it. I think you could put it in which ever catagory you choose.

 

[Angeline]

If I were to submit my "In Sweetness" ghazal, would it be considered erotic?

Good question and I basically agree with S_B. Erotic poems don't have to be graphic; in fact, the best ones usually aren't. When I submit poems here, I go by what I think it is. If I think I've written an erotic poem, that's how I classify it regardless of what words I've used or what others might think.

 

[GoddessNyx SwtCheeks]

AHA! I found the thread!

Wow, a lot has happened already. I just got onto the Lit site and found the new sticky thread. I think I understand how it works -- now I have to go read what's been posted, then write something myself.

Thanks for starting this Master Class Series -- The Goddess is impressed and eager to learn new techniques . . .

 

[JakobMariaMierscheid]

Ghazal: On Imagined Love
for Arowhena

I realize my nature in her arms.
Made bold, a driven creature in her arms.

My world’s reduced, my vision irised in
Some silent movie, obscure, in her arms.

I suffer. I’m not a fool. Well, maybe.
And my age makes me unsure in her arms.

But love’s so purified: I’m made divine—
Desire without feature in her arms.

My personality’s erased, left void
And blank of all but leisure in her arms.

No reel of tape, my love’s now all erased.
All that’s left is me. Mature in her arms.

Here “Mierscheid” splits true being from false name,
But part cannot from pleasure in her arms.

 

[champagne1982]

Hi sassy chickadee, I went off googling ghazals guzzlin' booze and I apologize, you can reference drink and drunkeness as often and whereever you like. It's just that I noticed in translations of Rumi's ghazals that instead of a personal signature radif, he often added his wine to that stanza.

The drinking part of the ghazal is actually a very specific sub-genre, from what I gather and the Hindi music is sprinkled quite liberally with booziness. Thanks for letting me clarify that.

I think you guys have brought a real positive experience to our first Master Class Series formula discussion. Keep polishing, we've got about 5 more days to work through 'em.

These are terrific!

 

[UnderYourSpell]

If I were to submit my "In Sweetness" ghazal, would it be considered erotic?

When I submitted Thr Reverend I didn't put it in erotic because although it mentioned sex I didnt't think it was in an erotic way

 

[Remec]

Our Love

It seems we must talk about our love,
and what would happen without our love.

Again and again, at least, to me; it's
a constant refrain throughout our love.

But communication has never been
easy. Can it be we have worn out our love?

I would never imagine that we could
do that. Not would I sell out our love.

They say that Remec can be fickle, but
I honestly could not flout our love.
----