PoBo Form Master Class Series - The Ghazal

[sassynyc]

Is this right


When the Wind Blows

Rain falls at a furious slant, when the wind blows.
Survival on the high seas, scant, when the wind blows.

Sleep ruptured; insomniac fret tossed to and fro.
Banshees pierce nocturnal velvet, when the wind blows.

His cries speak my name in the still darkness of night.
Wetness, my whispers do return, when the wind blows.

I speak low when I speak of love and you, combined.
For you are all I hear inside, when the wind blows.

My heart is a cavern of amorous delight.
In chambers, closely you reside, when the wind blows.

Revised

Rain falls at a furious slant, when the wind blows.
Survival on the high seas, scant, when the wind blows.

Sleep ruptured; insomniac fret tossed to and fro.
Banshees shriek, in nocturnal rant, when the wind blows.

Your cries speak my name in the still darkness of night.
Wetness, feverish kisses plant, when the wind blows.

Speak low when you speak of love; join body and soul.
Steady breath, heightening to pant, when the wind blows.

Sweet refuge from the storm, in amorous delight.
Haven, an open heart does grant, when the wind blows.

 

[sassynyc]

Fine and Mellow

Lady wore satin dignified, fine and mellow
True elegance personified, fine and mellow

Crystalline voice, fraternal twin to Lester’s horn.
Swing brother, swing, jazz amplified, fine and mellow

Gardenia on the left, the right, left to envy
Lady in waiting; scandal’s bride, fine and mellow

Gin-soaked heartache crooned the blues, for the world to hear
Sheathed tracks of tears exemplified, fine and mellow

Chanteuse: Eleanora by Day, Lady by night
Sassy songbird, pain beautified, fine and mellow

 

[loststar]

first attempt

shattered legs cant be mended, shoot the broken horse
spirit driven away by unbearable pain, shoot the broken horse

dont expect the natural runner to be a good jumper
deliberately ignoring nature has disastrous results, shoot the broken horse

she was swift, beautiful overconfident rider marveled at the pace
dont take it where it wont go, shoot the broken horse

feed her well, rub her down, must keep her happy
dont you dare leave her alone, shoot the broken horse

barn soured bitch does not even want to run anymore
snap the whip force the pace, shoot the broken horse

bucked off enraged, beautiful ride ruined by ego and attitude
potential ruined by expectations and promises, shoot the broken horse

the fence looked fun, better to jump than to sit
knew the risks doubted the skill, shoot the broken horse

laying in pain broken bleeding, sheer agony rips apart life
soul shattered eyes begging for mercy, shoot the broken horse

 

[sassynyc]

#4

In The Meantime

If friends think lovers thoughts, does the relationship change pace, in the meantime?
The platonic mindset shifts into an unchartered space, in the meantime.

If your hand has held mine through good and bad, yet seeks much more, are we just friends?
I carry the possibility of ‘could be’ with grace, in the meantime.

I am drawn to furtive imaginings, of belonging to no other.
My name is safe on your lips, a whispered erotic trace, in the meantime.

If one plus one is two, and you plus me is we, what equals forever?
We are a delicate pattern of interwoven lace, in the meantime.

Things are now, as they must be; you with her and I with he, in between time.
If destiny is to abide, love mustn’t stride apace, in the meantime.

 

[champagne1982]

I am truly impressed with the speed and ease with which you poets have embraced this form. I hope with continued practice and encouragements to each other, we can all continue to develop our guzzling ... ermm I mean ghazal skills beyond writing to fit the form.

Meaning that if we have this tool added to our kit, we can always pull it out when we have a subject that screams to be a ghazal. (Maybe Eve will even recognize it ).

 

[Safe_Bet]

I am truly impressed with the speed and ease with which you poets have embraced this form. I hope with continued practice and encouragements to each other, we can all continue to develop our guzzling ... ermm I mean ghazal skills beyond writing to fit the form.

Meaning that if we have this tool added to our kit, we can always pull it out when we have a subject that screams to be a ghazal. (Maybe Eve will even recognize it ).

Speed?... EASE???... *Looking around to see who the F**K she is talking to*

Ah, THEM!... *Seeing LadynS and Sassy smirking over in the corner!*

 

[LadynStFreknBed]

(Maybe Eve will even recognize it ).

snerk! Love ya, Eve!

Speed?... EASE???... *Looking around to see who the F**K she is talking to*

Ah, THEM!... *Seeing LadynS and Sassy smirking over in the corner!*

Don't be hatin.'
Remember, my 1st attempt was a fundamental fail.

 

[sassynyc]

Speed?... EASE???... *Looking around to see who the F**K she is talking to*

Ah, THEM!... *Seeing LadynS and Sassy smirking over in the corner!*

snerk! Love ya, Eve!




Don't be hatin.'
Remember, my 1st attempt was a fundamental fail.

Ditto.
My first was a monumental dud, and the rest are crawling and learning to walk.
"Sides, MC FreknBed, with her innate rhyme skillz, is running circles around us.

 

[Equinoxe]

It is perhaps not so much characterised by longing as being consigned to loss, but here is my attempt at a ghazal:

Prayer to the Sun and Moon

'At the end' seems a black and white eternally,
though sun may shine and moon may light eternally.

The sun may rise and rule the morning sky;
day still wanes and fades into night eternally.

The moon may glow and pierce the darkest hour,
a hope merest and pale in right eternally.

'At the end' comes near in closed emotion—
the thoughts never far what we might eternally.

Equal nights and days take, consume, and obfuscate,
and what we desire fades from sight eternally.

 

[LadynStFreknBed]

Ditto.
My first was a monumental dud, and the rest are crawling and learning to walk.
"Sides, MC FreknBed, with her innate rhyme skillz, is running circles around us.

Ya'll flatter me way too much. Be careful or I'll have to join the group of snarky poets in the corner.

Hate to disappoint, my "rhyme skillz" are hardly innate. Whenever I write a poem, I'm likely to refer to at least two references throughout the process.

stepping out of the red cape and leotards,
Sheila

 

[WickedEve]

Good start, Miz Champ! I thought I'd post a few Lit ghazals. Not mine; I only have one and I don't think it's very good. I need to practice the form more. But Cordelia is one of Lit's poetic wonders who, sadly, is rarely around anymore. She's excels at form poetry. Here are two of her ghazals.

Ghazal in ¾ Time
by Cordelia©

Rendering my words into songs may, from the dance
Kiss damp orange music pulled away from the dance.

We touch as though we knew the absence of roses.
Touching again, we move in disarray from the dance.

I wipe a tear from the page where you are drawing,
Stringing lines to remove the bouquet from the dance.

Though you spoke to me of afters, not of nevers,
We move through green laughter as if we’d pray from the dance.

Overwhelmed by the frost on your kiln-fired brow,
I discern the porcelain sobriquet from the dance.

Reaching into the marigolds between us, think:
How the weather takes a holiday from the dance.

Loosen your frown, unbutton your anxieties;
Let this lover remove all dismay from the dance.


Hyaline Ghazal
by Cordelia©

Untangle for me, the ocean; shore-combed by the tide in waves,
Until it mesmerizes, as your hair, undignified in waves.

We settle in like mortar, comfortable between sullen bricks.
Letting time contemplate restful minutes, unsatisfied in waves.

Pluck stems of fevered anxiety from your oft-bargained smile,
Quasi-contraband, and only briefly qualified in waves.

I needed reassurance, coated with temporary hope.
You needn’t have soaked it in the brine of lies, beautified in waves.

I marvel at your characteristic silence, phosphorescent,
Tide-stoked, plankton-bright, obvious; nothing personified by waves.

So I style elaborate tapestry, woven from reticence.
Let me be the seamstress who encloses us, side by side, in waves.

These are lovely. I haven't read anything about the ghazal in a year or two and had even forgotten the form! It is a form that can be boring, though. I've read some boring ones. Cordelia, of course, shows us how it's done.
I know there are other good ones, too. I'll have to read some more.

 

[WickedEve]

I am truly impressed with the speed and ease with which you poets have embraced this form. I hope with continued practice and encouragements to each other, we can all continue to develop our guzzling ... ermm I mean ghazal skills beyond writing to fit the form.

Meaning that if we have this tool added to our kit, we can always pull it out when we have a subject that screams to be a ghazal. (Maybe Eve will even recognize it ).

Ms. Silly Pants.

I admit that I'm very bad with remembering forms. I know a group of forms, love the terzanelle and a couple others, but I really haven't tried that many. Never had any interest in this form, but will give it a try.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

It is perhaps not so much characterised by longing as being consigned to loss, but here is my attempt at a ghazal:

Prayer to the Sun and Moon

'At the end' seems a black and white eternally,
though sun may shine and moon may light eternally.

The sun may rise and rule the morning sky;
day still wanes and fades into night eternally.

The moon may glow and pierce the darkest hour,
a hope merest and pale in right eternally.

'At the end' comes near in closed emotion—
the thoughts never far what we might eternally.

Equal nights and days take, consume, and obfuscate,
and what we desire fades from sight eternally.

See when you do the rhymes blend perfectly into the rest of the poem .. on mine they stuck out like sore thumbs ouch! I had a rhyming website up searching for what rhymed with what!

 

[Safe_Bet]

See when you do the rhymes blend perfectly into the rest of the poem .. on mine they stuck out like sore thumbs ouch! I had a rhyming website up searching for what rhymed with what!

Twat! (This is a porn story site, for gawds sake!)

 

[UnderYourSpell]

I know you have a funny accent over there and even weirder pronunciations but in my book twat has never rhymed with what!!

 

[Remec]

See when you do the rhymes blend perfectly into the rest of the poem .. on mine they stuck out like sore thumbs ouch! I had a rhyming website up searching for what rhymed with what!

Let's see...*breaking out the consonants*
but, cut, gut, hut, jut, mutt, nut, putt, rut

*blends*
glut, slut, strut

And, naturally, anything that might incorporate those endings.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

butt?

 

[GoddessNyx SwtCheeks]

The Heart That Always Wonders Why

This is my very first attempt at this form. I've repeated the second line in each couplet, so I don't know if I'm on track, or wrote some other kind of poem! It's Très Kindergarten, I know, but -- comments please. Thanks!


The Heart That Always Wonders Why

How does love fix a tangled
heart that always wonders why?

Break the careful, silent walled
heart that always wonders why?

Where does trust come from for the
heart that always wonders why?

Can Spirit fully answer the
heart that always wonders why?

Goddess Nyx

OOPS! I didn't include a "why?" at the end of first line ... back to my writer's garret.

 

[Remec]

butt?

what? hehehe *wink*

Yeah, I know, I know...that vowel is shifty. But, to me, 'what' sounds like it should rhyme with 'but' most of the time. I know that's a touch of lazy speech since 'what' really has a more open sound to it--a check of my daughter's Webster's says that 'what' has two pronounciations, either like 'but' or like the 'a' in 'car'.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

I think you have to have different words that rhyme before the same one at the end of the line but don't take my word for it I am learning too!

 

[UnderYourSpell]

what? hehehe *wink*

Yeah, I know, I know...that vowel is shifty. But, to me, 'what' sounds like it should rhyme with 'but' most of the time. I know that's a touch of lazy speech since 'what' really has a more open sound to it--a check of my daughter's Webster's says that 'what' has two pronounciations, either like 'but' or like the 'a' in 'car'.

The English 'what' is definitely 'wot'

 

[Remec]

The English 'what' is definitely 'wot'

That's true. The English(British) vowel 'a' is probably the most consistently different sounding one compared to English(American), in my experience--which, is limited, true, to some classes for my theatre degree and some workshops I went through during productions where I had to do an English or Irish accent.

 

[Safe_Bet]

The English 'what' is definitely 'wot'

Okay! FINE! then, TWauT!

One day, a Rabbit, a turtle and a Buzzard were planning on starting a farm. The Turtle and Buzzard were digging holes, and they sent the Rabbit out to find horse manure, to fertilize the land. While the rabbit is out finding manure, the turtle and buzzard strike oil. They become instantly rich. When the rabbit returns, he sees a mansion. He rings the doorbell, and an ENGLISH butler answers. The rabbit says "where is the buzzard and the turtle?". The butler replies "Mr. BuzzARD is out by the yard, and Mr. TurtEL is out by the well." the rabbit says, " Tell Mr TurtEL who is out by the well, and Mr BuzzARD, whos out by the yard, that Mr. RabBIT is here with the shit!"

 

[sassynyc]

This is my very first attempt at this form. I've repeated the second line in each couplet, so I don't know if I'm on track, or wrote some other kind of poem! It's Très Kindergarten, I know, but -- comments please. Thanks!


The Heart That Always Wonders Why

How does love fix a tangled
heart that always wonders why?

Break the careful, silent walled
heart that always wonders why?

Where does trust come from for the
heart that always wonders why?

Can Spirit fully answer the
heart that always wonders why?

Goddess Nyx

OOPS! I didn't include a "why?" at the end of first line ... back to my writer's garret.

Hi GN.
The following posts helped me understand the scheme of the ghazal better.
If the link in the first page confuses you at all, these examples simplify it somewhat. There is a minimum of five couplets and a maximum of fifteen. Each couplet needs the same meter. You can meaure it by syllables. Each line should have the same syllable count. (I'm not sure if a difference of one or two syllables breaks the rule, so I just stick with the same amount in each line. Champ, clarify?)

These are excellent poems. I think we need to clarify the scheme a bit more, though...

........A, refrain
........A, refrain

.......................
........A, refrain

.......................
........A, refrain

.......................
........A, refrain

.......radif.........
........A, refrain

The radif usually includes a reference to the writer and some kind of drug (alcohol generally, but heck this is porn, jazz it up with spanish fly or viagra or something) assisted activity. Experiment is good!

PF&D Forum Nightmare

Poets play at form, an antic nightmare
failed my first attempt, a frantic nightmare

Prof. champagne with ruler in hand strikes me
Lustful, eager dreams, romantic nightmare

Leaving comfort, cautious, error smudges
foreign rhyme, new form, semantic nightmare

Culture old, all born abroad allusive
grasp of Yankees, long Atlantic nightmare

Tricky maze of rhyme within line puzzle
Writing ghazal, one gigantic nightmare

Refrain= "nightmare"
The refrain is the repeated ending of the 1st, 2nd, and last line of each stanza.

The words before each of the refrains rhyme.
In this example, I used antic, frantic, romantic, semantic, Atlantic, and gigantic.

Does that make sense?

 

[GoddessNyx SwtCheeks]

Hi GN.
The following posts helped me understand the scheme of the ghazal better.
If the link in the first page confuses you at all, these examples simplify it somewhat. Remember that each couplet needs the same meter. You can meaure it by syllables. Each line should have the same syllable count. (I'm not sure if a difference of one or two syllables breaks the rule, so I just stick with the same amount in each line. Champ, clarify?)

Thanks for the clarification, Sassy!

If I understand this correctly:

1. the end phrase of my first line is repeated as the second line in each couplet, including the first couplet.*

*[Actually, this is still a tiny bit confusing. Is it the final WORD that's repeated, and the word preceding that final word rhymes? Or, is it ok to repeat the final phrase? I've seen both formats.]

2. each line has the same meter and syllable count, but there's no formula for the number of syllables (like in Haiku).

3. each couplet stands alone as a complete sentence or thought; no dangling into the next couplet.

4. the final couplet has fun with stimulants ... like traditional Haiku refers to seasons or nature in some fashion.

5. the poem has as many stanzas/couplets as it needs; no minimum or maximum.

Now I'll go try it again.

Goddess Nyx