Poetry in Progress ~ construction zone

[echoes_s]

Re: Re: Re: still building..........

....thank you, darling. -- your title is much better -- and the word 'rear' IS awful (tried to match sounds with 'weary' -- didn't work!) -- and yes, his life was in vain, as everyone's are in one form or another and in differing degree!

with weary care he dwells the bench, inhabits. I know your image is that he is with cane and struggling to keep going, but as he is old and with cane, to bend over is painful and he must be careful not to topple to the ground again...

 

[tarablackwood22]

Re: No Help...suggestions?

ringlets of rebels push back
then race to trap your fingers
embellished tangled warps of whorl
twisted after spontaneous sex
sweat kissing steam, vaporizing

silver-grays and russet browns
in jungle slaked thistle of hair
tangy sharp taste, faintly seasoned
the forest glows in bonfire deep
long past a set sun in sauntered drink

teasing tides now heavy with sighs
wind-tossed limbs churn leisurely
moon weeps with smoldered release
a jagged silhouette against starry peaks
lulled to dreams curled into you
gibbously

Echoes -- i didn't read anyone's else's comments, but I think it works just fine except for the words slaked and gibbously ---- "not quite complete" works better for me than gibbously, and I'm not sure what you were aiming at with "slaked" -- whatever word you put there changes everything!

 

[echoes_s]

Re: Re: Re: Re: still building..........

with weary care he dwells the bench, inhabits. I know your image is that he is with cane and struggling to keep going, but as he is old and with cane, to bend over is painful and he must be careful not to topple to the ground again...

I got it!!!

with derriere he smacks the bench I am teasing with this one Tara

 

[tarablackwood22]

Re: Re: Re: Re: still building..........

with weary care he dwells the bench, inhabits. I know your image is that he is with cane and struggling to keep going, but as he is old and with cane, to bend over is painful and he must be careful not to topple to the ground again...

E....that is exactly what I was getting at, that he falls and lets gravity take him into the bench rather than sits with control, because he can't -- I think the word "smacks" accomplishes that!

 

[JCSTREET]

TARA BLACKWOOD

thank you, darling. -- your title is much better -- and the word 'rear' IS awful (tried to match sounds with 'weary' -- didn't work!) -- and yes, his life was in vain, as everyone's are in one form or another and in differing degree!

beery
bleary
clearly
dearly
leery
Mary
Neary (Irish surname)
seary "the seary touch of her hot fingers"
teary
yearling??


even though you know all these there might be one in there that just didn't pop into your mind at the requisite moment

 

[echoes_s]

Re: Re: No Help...suggestions?

Echoes -- i didn't read anyone's else's comments, but I think it works just fine except for the words slaked and gibbously ---- "not quite complete" works better for me than gibbously, and I'm not sure what you were aiming at with "slaked" -- whatever word you put there changes everything!

Yeah, I wasnt sure about the first stanza, took out the second stanza, didnt care for gibbously at all, but its one of those poems that i am where you are at, looking for the right words to say, or the right feeling...not quite sure. The jungle line was in there because of the second stanza which i am now making into another poem...not finished again...doh!

pulsing laughter painted and dripped
swaths of meadows green
cloud-shadows rippled the surface
sifting patterns of olive to darkest leaf
so like a boundless sea of trees

and i danced gypsy free
rebel child of antiquity
gathering bouquets of rootless breeze
roving like dandelion seeds
tumbling with acquiesced relief

not happy with last line and needing more to finish this one...

 

[JCSTREET]

TARA BLACKWOOD

thank you, darling. -- your title is much better -- and the word 'rear' IS awful (tried to match sounds with 'weary' -- didn't work!) -- and yes, his life was in vain, as everyone's are in one form or another and in differing degree!

beery
bleary
clearly
dearly
leery
Mary
Neary (Irish surname)
seary "the seary touch of her hot fingers"
teary
yearling??


even though you know all these there might be one in there that just didn't pop into your mind at the requisite moment

 

[echoes_s]

LOL....just want you to know that you are very easy to love!

talking to pirates - new poem......please read.

not sure exactly what i did or said ....but thanks

and, and so are you!

 

[tarablackwood22]

Re: Re: Re: No Help...suggestions?

-

 

[echoes_s]

Re: Re: Re: Re: No Help...suggestions?

....this one's working for me so far!.....and "i danced gypsy free" is not only gorgeous but it is YOU !!


talking to pirates - new poem......please read>

It's true though, Irish descent, moved to France...called gypsies. My grandmother and great aunt still talk of the days....you should hear the horror stories. Then we came to Canada.

 

[tarablackwood22]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: No Help...suggestions?

It's true though, Irish descent, moved to France...called gypsies. My grandmother and great aunt still talk of the days....you should hear the horror stories. Then we came to Canada.

I've never seen a spot, not one corner or inch, in Canada that I didn't love! It is so rich with everything -- including its people.

 

[echoes_s]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: still building..........

E....that is exactly what I was getting at, that he falls and lets gravity take him into the bench rather than sits with control, because he can't -- I think the word "smacks" accomplishes that!

sohow about weary teared smacked the bench...adding impact for the impact and also for whats inside his head. Then you have the fathers voice following that stanza saying this is a day for living....

 

[echoes_s]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: No Help...suggestions?

I've never seen a spot, not one corner or inch, in Canada that I didn't love! It is so rich with everything -- including its people.

betcha haven't been to this inch yet

My home is Cape Breton, but I settled here. Maybe when the kids have flown, I will sell the house and move back there...a faint dream

 

[tarablackwood22]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: still building..........

sohow about weary teared smacked the bench...adding impact for the impact and also for whats inside his head. Then you have the fathers voice following that stanza saying this is a day for living....

....i like this one!! -- I'm going to crawl back into that poem again for a while -- so don't think I ran out on you here!!


talking to pirates - new poem......please read.

 

[echoes_s]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: still building..........

....i like this one!! -- I'm going to crawl back into that poem again for a while -- so don't think I ran out on you here!!

lol, I have to go too. Work inside and out, plus picked up paint for the kitchen and sandpaper and stain for an old pick o furniture, a Round Robin to do...***** calls and I don't want to go right now.
Hugs
Thank you JC for your help


edit...and I haven't even read the new poems yet *sighs*

 

[echoes_s]

Had to finish one...

sprawling sunbeams

pulsing laughter painted and dripped
blustery swaths of meadows green
cloud-shadows rippled the surface
sifting patterns of olive to darkest leaf
so like a boundless sea of trees

and i danced temptress gypsy free
daring rebeled child of antiquity
gathering bouquets of rootless breeze
windswept wanderer with dandelion seeds
blithesome barefoot tag with sprawling sunbeams

 

[fawnie]

~they will not stop,
those timeless rages
that reach the street
in tears and curses
as poignant as a crooked rose,
eternal as the sea~


I LOVE that


man.......
that's nice stuff





morning fawnie

sorry tath hun, i missed your greeting...HELLOOOOO!
AND GOOD MORNING!!

 

[tarablackwood22]

done....

-

 

[fawnie]

 

[fawnie]

2nd edition

 

[tarablackwood22]

How's Minnesota, beautiful?

 

[fawnie]

How's Minnesota, beautiful?

talking to pirates - new poem......please read.

hello tara hun..are we allowed to chatter in this thread..? i don't want the posse after me if were not!

minnesota is fine..i'm really getting an itch to get to florida though, get settled..close another chapter is this lovely book life's writing me.

 

[tarablackwood22]

hello tara hun..are we allowed to chatter in this thread..? i don't want the posse after me if were not!

minnesota is fine..i'm really getting an itch to get to florida though, get settled..close another chapter is this lovely book life's writing me.

We both just threw poems up.....that oughta be good for some sort of parole!!

........and you be the one who's writing that book from now on!!

 

[fawnie]

We both just threw poems up.....that oughta be good for some sort of parole!!

........and you be the one who's writing that book from now on!!


talking to pirates - new poem......please read.

oh, i know tara..i keep saying i'm the author, but i'm never pleased with what i write

i'm taking back control..it's what this move is all about..doing what pleases my senses..not anyone elses..well breezy too..but disney world theme parks was a perfect lure

but yes, you're right..its my book to write!

ty for setting me straight..well not straight but for making the point..i had a feeling u'd point it out after i hit send..go figure!!

 

[tarablackwood22]

oh, i know tara..i keep saying i'm the author, but i'm never pleased with what i write

i'm taking back control..it's what this move is all about..doing what pleases my senses..not anyone elses..well breezy too..but disney world theme parks was a perfect lure

but yes, you're right..its my book to write!

ty for setting me straight..well not straight but for making the point..i had a feeling u'd point it out after i hit send..go figure!!

PM me with the details....that way we won't get jail time.