polyamory.......do's don'ts and opinions

[Ebonyfire]

Just an add on

Personally I would not take 2 female subs but easily consider 3 male subs.
I have discovered that fem subs have a different emotional makeup that makes it more difficult once the fun has disappeared to remain focused.
Jealousy is more difficult for them to over come as is competition. They are not as much out in the open about their unhappiness and tend to let issues fester until it is unfixable.
Many Dom/mes would disagree and have wonderful successful Poly relationships with more than one fem sub.

I would have to agree cause I have known several Doms who have had to release more than one beta sub cause the alpha could not get along with her.

 

[dragonlace]

When I first enter a relationship with a submissive I am 110% honest about the fact that they will never be the only one. Not because they aren't good enough to satisfy Me nor that I don't love or desire them. I simply enjoy the diverstity of humanity. I search for their differences.
I do not allow jealousy and know without a shadow of a doubt it is up to Me to treat them equally ( no alpha sub) as in My eyes they are equal. I also will not tolerate competition but encourage them to become friends and will even send them out to play together so that they get to know each other socially without My controlling hand.

Funny this thread would greet Me this morning as I have just accepted a second male sub as Mine. One I have been training for a year. Now that I have made the decision to remain in Sweden it is time to get back into My poly life in more ways than just training.
My slave is happy and not threatened by this new toy I have taken and he will be happy when I accept the right fem sub as well. he is happy because he feeds on My happiness and I of course adore him for it.
I think this has been a ramble but it is the best I cam do being surprised by this thread this morning before I am even fully awake.

*The Dom/me must be 100% secure or the Poly thing will never work..if She/He is not secure they cannot keep the subs secure.*

Yes i too was told from the very begining i would not be the only one and its has been complete honesty from the begining...so there have been no surprizes because the guidelines are there and i felt totally accepted as soon as i entered the relationship

btw congratuations on Your new sub

 

[dragonlace]

One thing I have to say. Total honesty about expectations are necessary.

Things I have found out:

The primary relationship has to be stable. Otherwise any dysfunctions will be magnified when you add others.

You must have mutually agreed upon ground rules.

Each person has to know about the "others." No secrets.

No lies or cover ups.

Be prepared to have jealous pangs, and have a game plan to deal with the green-eyed monster when it rears it's ugly head.

And decide in advance what you will do if the situation is not to your liking. That means this...

communicate, communicate, communicate, the good, the bad, and the ugly.

Eb

thank you Eb for this valuable insite......W/we all communicate with each other and as a group which is i think the most important thing for without knowing what each other is thinking and what each of U/us wants out of the relationship i don't think it would work

 

[Shadowsdream]

Yes i too was told from the very begining i would not be the only one and its has been complete honesty from the begining...so there have been no surprizes because the guidelines are there and i felt totally accepted as soon as i entered the relationship

btw congratuations on Your new sub

~~smile~~ thank you and good luck on this magical journey you are embarking upon..it truly can add unbelievable dimensions not only in play but in support.

 

[Ebonyfire]

There might be a time when some will not be able to handle it and you have to be able to one of two things:

Walk away from the poly lifestyle or

Release the sub.

I have discontinued talks with quite a few subs cause they could not or would not accept the fact that they would not be my one and only.

Eb

 

[dragonlace]

I hope all this rambling gave you some insight.

thanks so much for the information and insight.....every little bit helps

 

[dragonlace]

Just an add on

Many Dom/mes would disagree and have wonderful successful Poly relationships with more than one fem sub.

So far its been wonderful and i can only hope for it to continue as it has and i hope noone wants or needs to be released ever....He does take the time and has so much love that i believe(or at least hope) that it will never come to that

 

[AvaAdore]

this doesnt have much to do with D/s, but if a couple in a serious relationship is to bring someone else in (not necessarily into the relationship, but for sex purposes every so often), they have to be very comfortable with each other and very trusting. the last thing anyone wants is their relationship/marriage getting torn apart.

my SO and i talked about the possibility of a threesome and decided that perhaps we may try in the future, but for now neither of us are ready and our relationship is not strong enough to handle it at the moment.

 

[P. B. Walker]

I find this thread super enlightening. A poly relationship has always fancinated me. Of course, I would be more interested in a totally equal relationship all around... and of course, with two women .

I love hearing everyone's stories

PBW

 

[Hexiegirl]

My poly relationships have not been associated with BDSM at all. They have been totally "vanilla." And to be honest, I don't think they were totally poly (as in living together, etc.). It was more like close friends (couples) that liked to "play." Friends with benefits, if you will. But we were definately friends first. Then came the horney part And I have found that you can remain friends even after the sex part seems to have stopped. Not always, but it is possible. I have a girlfriend like that right now. We've played together. After the last time, some other friends who weren't even involved got all bent out of shape. So, we haven't done anything in awhile. But we're still close friends and flirty. And we're going to be taking some intro. BDSM classes together this spring. That should be fun!

 

[Ebonyfire]

My poly relationships have not been associated with BDSM at all. They have been totally "vanilla." And to be honest, I don't think they were totally poly (as in living together, etc.).

Poly relationships do not have to be living together.

 

[aerofreak]

I find this thread super enlightening. A poly relationship has always fancinated me. Of course, I would be more interested in a totally equal relationship all around... and of course, with two women .

PBW

uh huh PB... we know that you are just praying for holly to get a job over there

 

[Ebonyfire]

uh huh PB... we know that you are just praying for holly to get a job over there

He is probably wishin', and hopin' and thinkin' and prayin'...

 

[Hexiegirl]

yes, that's true Eb. But they were more like occasional playmates rather than long term relationships. If that makes any sense at all~

 

[aerofreak]

He is probably wishin', and hopin' and thinkin' and prayin'...

probably...

maybe he could start trying to find her a job over there... lol

 

[Ebonyfire]

yes, that's true Eb. But they were more like occasional playmates rather than long term relationships. If that makes any sense at all~

It makes plenty of sense. I think there are many of us who have been there.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Two good points

Originally posted by AvaAdore

this doesnt have much to do with D/s, but if a couple in a serious relationship is to bring someone else in (not necessarily into the relationship, but for sex purposes every so often), they have to be very comfortable with each other and very trusting. the last thing anyone wants is their relationship/marriage getting torn apart.

I have seen this happen. A couple brings a third person into their relationship. And the third person finds a way to go behind one of the partners backs.

Yes, that third person (male or female), will try to see you behind your partner's back.

That is the beginning of the end.

my SO and i talked about the possibility of a threesome and decided that perhaps we may try in the future, but for now neither of us are ready and our relationship is not strong enough to handle it at the moment.

If the relationship is not extremely strong, a seed of doubt can be sown by the parties involved to the point that one or both of the couple gets jealous and possessive.

So it is a very real threat.

 

[dragonlace]

Thanks to E/everyone for all the great information...i really appreciate it

 

[P. B. Walker]

uh huh PB... we know that you are just praying for holly to get a job over there

LOL... I've been figured out... eeks.

but ya'll have multiple boys... so I'd need my own room... LMAO

PBW

 

[aerofreak]

LOL... I've been figured out... eeks.

but ya'll have multiple boys... so I'd need my own room... LMAO

PBW

hehehe... you'll sleep where you're told

 

[Ebonyfire]

hehehe... you'll sleep where you're told

You tell him, your house is not Burger King, and he will not get it his way!

 

[P. B. Walker]

You tell him, your house is not Burger King, and he will not get it his way!

LMAO...

but but but

I can't sleep with other guys... I'll toss and turn all night.

lol

PBW

 

[aerofreak]

LMAO...

but but but

I can't sleep with other guys... I'll toss and turn all night.

lol

PBW

hehehe... and i'm talking to a nice big guy for you right now... you'll have to cuddle up close to fit in the bed with him
(holly told me to say that... she's feeling very evil tonight... lol)

 

[P. B. Walker]

hehehe... and i'm talking to a nice big guy for you right now... you'll have to cuddle up close to fit in the bed with him
(holly told me to say that... she's feeling very evil tonight... lol)

ACCKKKKKK

But I wanna sleep with one of ya'll... heh heh

PBW

 

[aerofreak]

ACCKKKKKK

But I wanna sleep with one of ya'll... heh heh

PBW

heeheehee... only if you are a VERY good boy PB...