Post your naughty limericks here!

quite the jackass.
it's plain.
all can see.

but you've managed
to dribble on
me.

tis a crime in my books.

you'll get no second looks.

to the ash heep you go;
tout d'swee
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Corpse_rider
Simlar version:

Old mother Hubbard, went to the cupboard
To fetch poor old Rover a bone,
But when she bent over
Along came old Rover
And gave her a bone of his own.


that's been around since the year dot

Yeah, I remember it from about sixty years ago. :eek:
 
still yet even more stanzas to a growing limerick saga

do you know of sweet marilyn jean
she's a treat for my old man routine
so ready to kiss,
she'll fuck me to bliss
she's so hot that its nearly obscene

some cold cold loves make bodies shiver
some warm loves do almost deliver
your love is real hot,
in deed and in thought
of ectasy deep in your quiver

we each met one winter at church
but circumstance kept us un-smirched
now moved to new places,
we've begun to suck faces
and make love on her upholstered perch

one wonders if it is smart or wise
to tell of her beautiful brown eyes
as she unbuttons her shirt,
and takes off her skirt
she'll cause even the young cocks to rise

i'm quite nearer to sixty then fifty
she's even a bit older, that's nifty
she's got gorgeous tits,
and such fine naughty bits
i'll need to be orgasmically thrifty

being patient is difficult to bear
for marilyn jean is so wantonly rare
a woman of age,
who's on a sex rage
should I die in mid-fuck, who'd really care?

it almost makes jeffrey dean raving mad
for to leave marilyn jean is very sad
as the sex was so wild,
you've exhausted this child
i'll look forward to next time and be glad

so be safe and have fun is my plea
you've got so much to share and with glee
you'll find the love from inside,
that you deserve and won't hide
as you'll always share abundantly.

you're so far away in carolina at camp
with music, talented ladies and a few tramps,
but i will not wear a frown,
i dream of you coming down
over my hard cock as your quiver won't unclamp

on my vstar i was run from behind
hit a truck, got beat up, now must unwind,
yet as slowly hours pass,
i desire your fine ass,
now laid up, laying you is on my mind

we have found each other in places quite prophetic
of erotic adventures both still and athletic
not southwest, but midwest
best soon to be northwest
i pray that we'll always find love peripatetic

i still marvel at her who has taken a chance
always quite fantabulous when we make romance
spreading her legs like the bloom of a lily
on the tree leaves we fuck each other silly
heart-strings play low, making love after the moondance. (ala van morrison)

when i tongue way down below her fantastic tits -
i delight to savor such yummy naughty bits -
neatly trimmed and not too bushy -
her moist, juicy, saucy pussy -
adds fine tasty flavor when I slurp on her clit

a great dream last night aroused me so
you were quite sexy and wet, you know -
with me in a shower
you loved me with power
via hot and skilled fellatio

way much too long it seems we've been apart
for on the plane you'll come, again we'll start
hugging, kissing, loving terribly well
fucking like crazy, high water or hell
can't wait for tomorrow, bless your sweet heart.

she's a real vixen yet never haughty
he's wondering if its now time, ought he
entice her with his morning wood
for sometimes she's been very good
but its much much better when she's naughty.

in her sexy new button up moondance dress
she'll sway, and shimmy, and wantonly express
a strong desire to bare
her pantie free derriere
and beg to be fucked hard from behind, i guess.

not very far south of the wild river fraser
her bush she cut clean with gel and venus razor,
watching her made me hot and provoked
licking and kissing till i evoked,
"shaved pussy's great", says this consummate appraiser.

we wonder, as I slurp from your vagina like a demon,
are we too aged for such effort; i'm no sexual he-man.
then we smiled as we reasoned
we're not old, just so seasoned,
you need no salt nor pepper as you swallow squirting semen.


sweet marilyn jean has put aside all quaint inhibitions,
my allegiance is clear - to fail her would be rank sedition,
she's earned my love and complete trust,
now flexibility's a must;
she's challenged me to sex in 101 positions.


our affair is considerate; caring not cheap.
we enjoy our time in bed, both fucking and sleep.
so lets get naked, all right,
making hot love through the night,
til sated with pleasure we collapse in a heap.


again i'll be with you in ol' fossilville
fucking one other with erotic skills.
our story is epic;
desire shared as graphic -
for a novel by the next herman melville


i liked how you showed off in a beige negligee,
beautiful and feminine in silk lingerie.
your fantasy i'll fulfill
when you beg loudly until
i'll fuck you with passion in our next love soiree.


i'm foremost concerned with health and orgasmic welfare,
from your head to your toes, and especially 'down there' -
your lips are fine i won't quibble,
your tits are tasty to nibble,
yet its your pussy i'll tend, like a stud to the mare.
 
Last edited:
The woman who ran the train station
Reveled in a twin penetration.
A cock in her pink
And one in her stink
Would bring her to loud jubilation.
 
Last edited:
posted for an admiring friend

the hot lad was jeffery macmartin
his clothing was oh, oh, so spartan
holy toledo!
check his libido!
a scottish male's hard on sans tartan





the fine lass was marilyn mcsinger
the object of desire for each swinger
she abides by the creedo
never limit libido
she's an exquiste orgasm bringer
 
Last edited:
t'was lit my dear friends that set mary
on a course that became quite precari...
us here in the trenches
admire such wenches
but look at her pictures... it's scary
 
I once had a sweety named Susie.
A friend told me she was a floozy.
I told him I knew
The things she would do,
And that's what made her such a doozy.
 
t'was lit my dear friends that set mary
on a course that became quite precari...
us here in the trenches
admire such wenches
but look at her pictures... it's scary
sharp write, drown, especially the enjambment and the pause you created. reads well aloud.

the hot lad was jeffery macmartin
his clothing was oh, oh, so spartan
holy toledo!
check his libido!
a scottish male's hard on sans tartan
*wry smile*
 
in the hot tub the captain would drench
a comely and lusty naked wench,
for no parrot could rock
like this pirate's stiff cock,
as me timber bare booty did clench
 
july though november

early tomorrow when sleep makes you hazy
i'll keep you awake, not calm and not lazy
we'll rub skin to skin
my cock will plunge in
you and your pussy do drive me plum crazy


though you seem to be quivering in anticipation
its me who is thrilled to offer you due adulation
your request warms my heart
fucking deep at the start
but later you"ll blow me to oral insemination


i'll be driving to your bed in the midst of the night
for your mind soul and hot body all boldly incite
to new levels of passion,
acts lusty, of a fashion,
til in orgasmic nirvana you'll moan with delight.

 

its sweet, its just right, that to all others' exclusion
we're naked together in sexual seclusion
with your ass above cock
as the key to unlock
you fucking me good in a position named fusion (ala sex 101)


she says "my desire is viscerally
founded," less thinking but vigorously
a love and yet more;
heart ! soul ! sex ! - as for
without you i'd ache miserably


you were concerned that you had not seen an inspector
for your lovely self, naked, of beauty a specter
to our gracious bountiful love.
so i'll look below and above
the source of your saucy, tasty, juicy sex nectar.


you were wanton and sexy; just my type.
last night we were lewd and crazy - so ripe.
we both got naked and handy,
with cock and cunt we we were randy
despite the miles - fucking hot - via skype.


The nation is focused on hurricane irene
But as for me, my thoughts are not at all serene
Instead I very much miss
The fucking wonderful bliss
We'll share when our passion storms well past obscene.



i'm exceedingly glad that your day seems brighter,
and hope we'll soon be in a sex-filled all-nighter.
i'll kiss your lips and fondle your breast,
slurp your quiver then fuck without rest:
we're hot as an august forest fire fighter.



nearly a week has past, and still there's deep aching
i miss you at night - and each day when awaking.
the desires you fill
i'll long for until
again our love will be body and soul shaking



We weren't that all sure who saw what did pass
As I kissed and fingered you on the grass
At the edge of lake macbride
Maybe one or more espied
My cock- your cunt - and a fine piece of ass.



the miles force our love making to stick to a ration
but skype lets us hear and see - and touch, in a fashion
its okay, but to be blunt
i want my cock in your cunt
and i wish to smell the sweet sex scents of our passion.


it's the first weekend of the autumn
Your too far away and I want some
Of your saucy sex whiles
Fucking you makes me smile
And your blowjobs; damn they're just awesome!



in the dark i reached for you in the night
my desire was strong, my cock at full height.
i needed to kiss your lips
and into your pussy slip -
thrusting deep until we both find delight



Awake in the depth of night well before five
I miss - I want - I need it bad to survive
Lust is real, passion hot and true
Yet sweet respectful love's there too
Marilyn- you make me crazy and alive


I was dreaming before I sat up in this strange bed
Erotic bliss - wild wonderful sex - still in my head
Fucking each other with joy and fine skills
Heart and soul also add deep to the thrills
Of this place in our lives where we've been cosmicly led



So greet the new day confident in my devotion
And desire to be near you - like lighthouse to ocean -
in bodies entwined, naked and free
And in love for all you wish to be
As you've given me new richly pleasured emotion.



You fill my heart and loins with a need that's real
I want to thrill you again - and make you feel
A toe curling climax shiver
- From cock thrust in your sex quiver -
And wet sticky cum as it starts to congeal


Last night you got to watch inspector lewis
Its a treat to have such shared interests - through us
We learn of music and sails
And great hot sex which prevails
I'm glad that's it you and me that get to "do" us.


so you want to lay naked and hear me try singing?
do you want me to dance and then watch my cock swinging?
I"ll warble and croon as while I strip
till to your pussy my tongue'll dip
and we fuck with delight until sated we're clinging



I can't abide skype failed us completely last night
your red teddy - great cleavage - "come do me" smile bright
We could of e-fucked
Instead out of luck
jerked off to redtube but thought of doing you right.



I love you and need you and desire you so much
to kiss and lick your neck down past your tits and such
At your sex slit I tongue your clit
Hear you moan "shit, oh god, that's it!"
you swallow my cum as it erupts from your touch.



Now we head this week towards the day of thanksgiving
I'm so grateful you've made my life more worth living
The sex has exquiste soul
But its you that makes me whole
I pray that you too rejoice from my love giving



excited about what we'll do soon ? I am thus
its much too long til then, a full week and just plus
together we belong
naked, then we'll prolong
fucking hot fellatio and cunnilingus
 
november through march

i already miss sweet marilyn jean
who acts like a vixen merely sixteen
she is such a wild thrill
now I must wait until
when in december our love'll reconvene




the picture you sent was quite steamy
hot springs bring back thoughts very dreamy
of your naked fine form
so my mind is much torn
which recent sex fest was most screamy



it might have been the first one, with shoes
but there were others worth in full dues
semen on body and face
multiple O's at fireplace
or last quick sixtynine which enthused



so I miss you with my heart and my cock
wants you so near we could lustily rock
with hot wax and sweet love
fucked below and above
wanton: then sated: then listening to Bach



meet me soon at the eastern iowa airport
if you dare, you'll find a spot where we can cavort
it might be cold that night
so think of crotchless tights
if you want your pussy and my cock to consort



i'd kiss you hard yet not mark you with a hickey
and hug you and hold you, that wouldn't be too tricky
there in such a public place
can you find enough space
that we could fuck hello right then with a quickie ?



so if you are crazy in love as I, then think
how you could have my hard shaft drive deep in your pink
I could pump from behind
wantonly watch your kind,
sex hungry face mirrored as I take you over a sink


or maybe a dark empty edge of baggage claim
would have a bench, and on my lap you'd - without shame
with your arms embrace me,
quiver full, make whoopee
until your lovely cunt squeezed my cock til we came



such thoughts are exciting, but not easy to make
a reality, still i am longing and ache
to toss all that is mild
and be bold, hot and wild
flaunting our passion til you, my lover, do quake


keep silk stockings and shoes on, you're so sexy dear
you're wearing no panties, i'll remove your brassiere
your beauty's un-surpassed
lets finish our wineglass
I want you to know it's all of you I revere


aroused by your play plug to extend our wild cheer
i love kissing your rim and with lubed fingers smear
into your dark crevasse
you're such a squirming lass
we'll both moan with delight as the toy disappears


in your quiver I'll moisten my rockhard flesh spear
then tug out the butt plug till it all re-appears
I'll plunge deep and trespass
sensations will amass
I'll pillage your sweet booty without undo fears


do you get wet as I want to fuck your fine rear
its a hot shared adventure of love most sincere
pumping cock in your ass
its erotic, not crass
we've found crazy hot joy in your anal frontier



'Tis said there is found a delight
Makes Marilyn's heart strings take flight
Whence comes this sensation
for surging duration?
She cries out and holds her leg tight



Why, it's Jeff causes this stir
Manly attentions do make her purr
fondling and fucking
sampling and sucking
Do you think he would like her in fur?




sharing love is wonderful delight
enjoying great sex both day and night
with sweet marilyn
i'll thrust my cock in
her pussy so perfect, moist and tight



i got your sweet card from the mailman yesterday.
now thoughts of your kisses please me in a big way
but there in old coralville
you will shovel snow until
you'll get sweaty -- a waste of your hotness, I'd say



this sunday afternoon i find it quite curious
how much i miss being with you, it's injurious
that we can't now make love
as the sun shines above
snow clouds, near crackling fire, in bliss fucking furious !



we've formed a wild sexually sacred affair
a meld of body and mind, an answer to prayer.
pleasure great we can employ
caring tryst of lusty joy,
a love beyond all - that till now - we've been aware



so let's not settle for slow moving inertia
we'll haul asses to bask in warm california
there with cock i'll impale
you, and next i'll inhale
the scent at your quiver of musky ambrosia




i think of you naked, saucy, willing and prime,
that you're so far away is a first degree crime.
your sweet yoni i'd thrill,
my cock you'd kiss until
orgasms cover us both: delicious sex slime



and when after such delight we both recover
to walk on the beach, we'll see what we'll discover.
then dinner with surfing motif
where with smile you'll slip me your briefs
and invite "take me now, my excellent lover"



you unbutton your dress as sun sinks in the sea
we'll be mostly hidden behind waving palm trees.
you'll pull my cock from my shorts
it'll be rock hard as if quartz
with it in your pussy you'll ride like a banshee.



that you might be heard and seen is a racy thrill
you kiss, fuck me, love me with unsurpassed skill
draped by your black sundress
it'll be fine, I confess
for its' your fantasy that we'll strive to fulfill



when great sex has prevailed and hot ardor's curtailed
on to sea we'll set sail to migrating gray whales
still its your pussy i'll please
pump your tail on bended knees
till you moan a loud wail drinking deep from love's grail



its been a full week now - as i do reminisce
since being together, making love was sweet bliss
aroused by sharing each soulful kiss
thrusting hard cock in warm wet abyss
now you're far away - my heart and head's all amiss



within fortyeight hours you'll be here expeditiously
we'll be making love and tasting each other deliciously
you'll moan and cry "my dear god"
thus it won't at all seem odd
to say a prayer of thanks and resume fucking religiously



in the middle of the night, when all was very lazy
my dream of you was lurid, hot, sexy, if still hazy
naked, sweaty, loving bliss
tongue in pussy, cock well kissed
fucking wonderful dream, you excel to make me crazy




there's much to be said of caring and sweet turtle-doving
but i'm so ecstatic that there's much more to our loving
in hot positions daring
leather chaps, panties tearing
even outside by the lake, my cock in quiver shoving



its now been a week since you left, my spirit is slumping
for only in my dreams do you increase my heart thumping
but tonight with any luck
you'll encourage a skype fuck
and together we'll get the blood and love pressure pumping



hello my love on this wild day of mardi gras
skype sex, please each other, in turns like a seesaw
though i have deep need
you must take the lead
till we both climax sated, thrilled to fucking awe.



with you so far away i fear i will stagnate
like a bear in distress, too long does hibernate
so out past the snow
from den i will go
till i find you and we resume to copulate



i love that you can be so wanton and bawdy
you - beautiful, lithe, sexy - and never doudy
a naked hot tub text
makes me wonder when next
you'll make my spirit race - like a TT audi



I slept so soundly that it was quite late
When finally woke up twas already eight
Thinking of you
Meant I had to
Take my stiff cock in hand and masturbate.



i have the computer on to listen to hockey
but if you were here - and i don't mean to be cocky
i'd stick it in deep
you'd scream and then weep
with joy as you rode me up and down like a jockey


the grapefruit league open was a win by the twins
the second best games with balls, i say with a grin
do you wonder whats first ?
it's hearing your outburst
of pleasure galore while fucking bare skin to skin



just to balance things out from the verse sent before
my lust for you runs from the high peaks to seashore
I'll kiss you and suck you
caress you and fuck you
and passionately love you til i'm ninety-four.
 
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