Post your naughty limericks here!

[drown]

indeed, there's a line never crossed...
all shreds of propriety lost

won't view snuff or scat
or sex with a cat

but....

that's about it.

 

[Boxlicker101]

This isn't really a limerick, but I think it's cute anyhow:

We can't write of sex between humans and dogs,
Or humans with wombats, giraffes or with frogs.

But we can write plenty of cats fucking cats,
Or couplings of horses or kangaroo rats.

I never have done it for nobody cares
To read of the mating of Kodiak bears.

But if someone wanted to write about beasties
That went about breeding with different species.

Then Laurel and Manu would probably say
"You can write it but no one will read anyway."

 

[UnderYourSpell]

on checking my web-browser history
there appeared, at first glance, a small mystery:
foot and shoe fetish sites
accessed morn, noon and night -
"teenage son, my pc, delete history!"

two histories?

 

[UnderYourSpell]

aghhhhhhh server went down mid limerick!

 

[Boxlicker101]

This isn't a limerick either, but it was fun to write:

My desk holds my computer and I sit there every day
I try to think of what to write, what smutty thing to say.
I write about some people and the way they sixty-nine
Or how a pussy tastes or of the way it smells so fine.

I write of men who suck on cocks or take one in the ass,
I write of women who eschew a man and fuck a lass.
I write of those who masturbate with dildo or by hand,
Or those who like a midnight swim and fucking in the sand.

I’ll never write a classic tale of mystery or intrigue.
Or history of China or the Hanseatic League.
Or how Jack Johnson saved his ass and threw a title fight.
Cuz though my smut will never sell, it’s lotsa fun to write.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

This isn't really a limerick, but I think it's cute anyhow:

We can't write of sex between humans and dogs,
Or humans with wombats, giraffes or with frogs.

But we can write plenty of cats fucking cats,
Or couplings of horses or kangaroo rats.

I never have done it for nobody cares
To read of the mating of Kodiak bears.

But if someone wanted to write about beasties
That went about breeding with different species.

Then Laurel and Manu would probably say
"You can write it but no one will read anyway."

you lost the meter a bit there at the end

 

[drown]

she lost track of a place to call home
in a psychically sexual...
foam

titillation
reigned queen;
t'was the crack in her scene.

time expands
in that...

post-coital ohhhhmmmmmmmmm.....

 

[Tio_Narratore]

A woman we knew, name of Pat
Had three children - Tat, Matt, and Nat.
They were fun in the breeding,
But hell in the feeding,
When she found there was no tit for Tat.

 

[butters]

she lost track of a place to call home
in a psychically sexual...
foam

titillation
reigned queen;
t'was the crack in her scene.

time expands
in that...

post-coital ohhhhmmmmmmmmm.....

this is way too acid-smart for a limerick.

 

[drown]

this is way too acid-smart for a limerick.

thank you

 

[UnderYourSpell]

A woman we knew, name of Pat
Had three children - Tat, Matt, and Nat.
They were fun in the breeding,
But hell in the feeding,
When she found there was no tit for Tat.

LOL good one!

 

[drown]

you know,
there's no av that compares
with what you can conjure upstairs

do not fret, mon petit
...still a secret with me...

you're stirring the wolves,
not the bears.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Some guys burble,waffle and fret
when they're really just stupid and wet,
can't see that their natter
it really don't matter
they derserve everything that they get

 

[caringcad]

more stanzas of a growing limerick saga

even more stanzas now posted on june 23

skip down to post #222

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Only the last stanza is a limerick

 

[bronzeage]

Only the last stanza is a limerick

It is the exceedingly difficult deca-couplelimerick. Few poets attempt it, except to win poetry challenges.

 

[caringcad]

if I split the 3rd and 4th lines of all the stanzas, would you be happier about the limerick form then ?

 

[UnderYourSpell]

if I split the 3rd and 4th lines of all the stanzas, would you be happier about the limerick form then ?

lol very good and I noticed the reason for edit too

 

[Boxlicker101]

It is the exceedingly difficult deca-couplelimerick. Few poets attempt it, except to win poetry challenges.

How are they any different from the one about the old man from Nantucket? The third and fourth lines are combined into a single third line, but outside that, I don't see any real difference. I have many written limericks with a similar meter scheme.

ETA: Some of them appear on this thread.

 

[bronzeage]

How are they any different from the one about the old man from Nantucket? The third and fourth lines are combined into a single third line, but outside that, I don't see any real difference. I have many written limericks with a similar meter scheme.

ETA: Some of them appear on this thread.

They are not different. That is why deca-couplelimericks are so difficult.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

stop teasing you're bad you are

 

[caringcad]

even more stanzas of a still growing limerick saga

yet more stanza's found at #229

 

[Boxlicker101]

I woke up and had morning wood.
I squeezed it and it felt so good.
“Too bad,” I said “this
Goes soft when I piss,
And doesn’t get hard when it should.”

 

[Corpse_rider]

old mother hubbort went to the cubbort to give old rover a bone
but when she bent over old rover took over
and gave her a bone of his own

Simlar version:

Old mother Hubbard, went to the cupboard
To fetch poor old Rover a bone,
But when she bent over
Along came old Rover
And gave her a bone of his own.

 

[horizontalbop]

I possess the meat and it has the motion of a hurricaned ocean,
No need for a cajun potion or any warming gel lotion.
So don't you be misguided and get that notion,
I will rock any honey's ocean,
And in the process, create a huge commotion,
Through it all, I may even win her neverending devotion,
She now moans for my bone,
She begs for my peg,
She screams for my beam,
And alas, she pleads for my seed.
As an Alpha male, I now have performed my deed!