Prayer

[Jennifer C]

Saldne

I cannot believe I have missed this thread, I am so sorry you and your daughter are going through this. I wish you all the love and strength in the world to get through this.

I do not pray but you are in my thoughts and my heart aches for you, I know the power of a mothers love and can only imagine how helpless you must feel. Keep your strength up hun.

Again I just wish you hope and love in your battle...

 

[Guest]

Saldne

I do not pray but you are in my thoughts and my heart aches for you, I know the power of a mothers love and can only imagine how helpless you must feel. Keep your strength up hun.

Again I just wish you hope and love in your battle...

Thank you. That means a lot to me.

 

[WickedEve]

Saldne, as far as chemo goes, she may not get sick. They can give her meds now to help with that. At least I know both of my uncles didn't sick.
And the RM House could be a downer, then again you may find some support there and make a few friends. Though, I have a feeling you'll stay by her bedside most of the time. By what I've read on this thread and the PMs, I know you're a good mommy and you'll get your girl through this.

 

[Angeline]

Saldne, as far as chemo goes, she may not get sick. They can give her meds now to help with that. At least I know both of my uncles didn't sick.
And the RM House could be a downer, then again you may find some support there and make a few friends. Though, I have a feeling you'll stay by her bedside most of the time. By what I've read on this thread and the PMs, I know you're a good mommy and you'll get your girl through this.

Saldne, I fully concur. May you all weather this storm. Yes, it will be hard, but with her mother's love and support your daughter is already ahead of the game. I took care of my father through two years of cancer--his was too advanced when it was discovered to do much more than hospice-type care, but I remember that good nutrition, prayer and as upbeat an attitude as possible got us through some very tough times.

eagleyez and I both send you hope and our wishes to get through this nightmare. The best you can do is take it a day at a time. We'll put your daughter (and you) in our prayers. Prayer is a good thing, imo.


Ange

 

[sack]

my condolences.....

I will have a new poem soon dedicated to you and your daughter. Don't be afraid of the anger, etc. it's part of the whole crazy health system process. I could tell you some crazy stories about my own health issues, but I want you to think positively. You and your daughter are in my thoughts.
'

Sack

 

[Luv2PleasureF]

He's lucky he didn't get the sneaker. And damn, I'm begging him to change his AV, but he says he wants to be my hero. I just think that guy looks queer.

It occurs to me that you may not have even seen "The Incredibles", and therefore can't imagine how completely removed from 'queer' Mr. Incredible really is.

His little pet peeves and reactions to certain situations hit so close to home with me that I really identify with him. Plus, he embodies the quintessential good guy inside us, fallable only because of his great, heartfelt love for his family, willing to sacrifice anything for them.

In the 'old days' I probably would have sheepishly said "okay" and changed my AV back, but nah... not no more. I like it, it stays.

As for the sneaker, let's get real, babe... you were too damned tired to even lift your feet!

PS - I'm so glad you're home... I love you.

 

[BooMerengue]

*running in, late, as usual... all out of breath and shit. Saldne, you don't know me, but here's how it would be if I were still in PA and could get to where you are.

clears throat...

"Hi Saldne! Hey, Sam! cool name btw. I've always wished I was a guy named Gideon. Don't ask me why. But you'll just have to do with calling me Beth. Or Grammy. Or Tia B. Or whatever.

I hear you guys are going through some bad shit. I'm not going through all the stuff about God has a plan, etc. You've probably already heard enough of that to make you sick. The only thing I'll say about God is that it's ok to be pissed off at Him. Healthy, actually, so let it rip!

One of the things I do best is take care of people when they need it, for whatever reason. The other thing I do best is kids.

Sam? You are the one ~ the only one ~ who is in control of your own healing. You're in a great hospital, and the Dr's know their stuff. So relax on that score. The rest is up to you. Do you believe in Angels? Spirit Guides? Guardians? Cuz you have one, and he/she is right there with you. Just waiting for you to ask for help. At night, when all is quiet, is the best time to talk. And then listen. You'll be amazed at what you will hear. (Besides the Hospital's plumbing) This takes a little practice but you'll get it. Sit quiet. Picture the insides of your body. Take your time. Start at your feet, and work up slowly and visualize all the unhealthy crap coming out of your body, flowing up up up and down your arms and out your hands. Shake them off and throw away all the bad stuff. Do the same from your head down to your hands. (If I were there I would use a light fingertip touch to help you; maybe Mom can help.) Then start over but this time pull into your body all the white light you can. Allow it to flow as a mist, filling all the parts of your body. Fill yourself with this healthy light til you feel you're gonna bust wide open with it. And then smile and relax. Do this over and over ~ whenever you get a chance. This little meditation has been tested many times and shown to cause huge improvements in folks who are really sick. It does wonders for your heart.

And you know what?? Fuck is one of my favorite words, too. So shout it out if you have to. Just not too loud around the nurses with grey hair. They're old and not used to hearing it. lol

Saldne? If you need prayer, don't worry. People all over the South will be praying for you before the week is over. I have a lot of connections to some powerful prayer chains, both Christian and Pagan. One of them is bound to work! LOL If you need money, let me know. I don't have any, but I'm good at finding it sometimes. If you need food- how far are you from Harrisburg? My sister is there and she's the best cook I know.

I wish I had seen this sooner. I am sick that you have to go through this. If there is anything I can do, just let me know. I promise I'll try my best.

Beth/Boo

 

[Guest]

Another update:

I'm temporarily staying at my mothers house because it's close to the hosp. I'm on dial up. Er..

And damn, my grandmother had a heart attack today. I was up at 6:45 and it seems I'm never out of hospitals! She did survive at 95 years old! Amazing!

Anyway,

They're putting Sam to sleep on Monday (what a wait!) to remove 1/4 of the tumor to study it and we'll find out in 10 minutes what type of cancer it is. I cannot believe this hosp works that fast. I think it's fantastic! We might have a miracle coming our way because the Minn doctors screwed up some tests. (long story) We do know there's abnormal cells, but the new doctors want to see for themselves. They're also doing a biopsy on her hip bones for Limphoma and Leukema, which I probably spelled wrong. I can't stand the wait! They will start Chemo immediately on Monday afternoon if everything matches up to the Minnesota's tests - in other words, cancer. If I sound confusing, it's because I'm exhausted. I'm gonna write this story eventually, let me tell ya!

~

Saldne, as far as chemo goes, she may not get sick. They can give her meds now to help with that. At least I know both of my uncles didn't sick.
And the RM House could be a downer, then again you may find some support there and make a few friends. Though, I have a feeling you'll stay by her bedside most of the time. By what I've read on this thread and the PMs, I know you're a good mommy and you'll get your girl through this.

You're right, Eve, she may not get sick. I just remember how her father was and well, it's not easy to forget. I have decided not to stay at the RM House. I will have my own bed next to hers and The American Cancer Society will pay for everything - the room, meals, ect.

There's still hope left - well, there always is. Like I said, Minn made some mistakes but her cells are abnormal and she has all the signs - night sweats and more pain when she tries to sleep. And this damn thing is growing! Let's hope for a miracle! And thanks for the "good mommy" compliment. It gave me a nice big smile!

Saldne, I fully concur. May you all weather this storm. Yes, it will be hard, but with her mother's love and support your daughter is already ahead of the game. I took care of my father through two years of cancer--his was too advanced when it was discovered to do much more than hospice-type care, but I remember that good nutrition, prayer and as upbeat an attitude as possible got us through some very tough times.

eagleyez and I both send you hope and our wishes to get through this nightmare. The best you can do is take it a day at a time. We'll put your daughter (and you) in our prayers. Prayer is a good thing, imo.


Ange

I'm sorry to hear about your father, Ange. That must have been very diffucult for you. *sigh* My father has a very bad case of skin cancer and he wont change his ways - still goes out in the sun without protection and he's constantly in surgery getting lumps removed. (I forget the name of the cancer) I know it's much different, but in all cases, though, it's painful to go through.

I agree. Good nutrition and prayer are very important, but keeping a positive attitude can be hard at times. I'm not a patient person. Erm. Her appetite is wonderful - Luv2 will tell you (LOL). She hogs everything in the fridge and cabinets. I'm sure she's going to have her ups and downs during therapy. Hey, if and when and may not. I'm still hoping for a miracle. 6 more days!

Thank you for keeping her in your prayers - the both of you.

I will have a new poem soon dedicated to you and your daughter. Don't be afraid of the anger, etc. it's part of the whole crazy health system process. I could tell you some crazy stories about my own health issues, but I want you to think positively. You and your daughter are in my thoughts.
'

Sack

Thanks Sack for the thoughts! I also want to thank you for the nice feedback you gave on my poem "Breaking". I look forward to reading the one you mentioned. And I totally understand about the anger. Believe me, I SO understand!

((hugs)))

~

I'd write more details, but it's late and I'm exhausted. If I spelled something wrong or didn't make much sense, oh boy, what can I say? There's so much going on. I can't wait for things to be back to normal again. One minute I'm filled with hope and the next, I'm in tears saying "It's just your luck!" And everytime she cries in pain, that's when I'm the most negative. I just do my best to hide it from her. I have to give her hope. I have to.

Oh yeah! BooMerengue, I have copied and pastied what you said here, and I'm going to show Sam tomorrow. Of course, I'd never let her see this crazy ass site, and I'll figure out some way to explain how I know you. Yup, you're my 'new' pen pal. Good one?

She's going to crack up at this -> "And you know what?? Fuck is one of my favorite words, too."

Thank you for the smile and the time you took to comment here. You guys are wonderful!

Ack! One more thing: I will get to my PM's as soon as I can. I need sleep. God, I need sleep! I just wanted to give a quick update. It seems long, but it's nothing, really. You wouldn't believe the shit we're going through. I've GOT to write this story!

Goodnight all, now morning.
xox saldne

 

[BooMerengue]

Oh yeah! BooMerengue, I have copied and pastied what you said here, and I'm going to show Sam tomorrow. Of course, I'd never let her see this crazy ass site, and I'll figure out some way to explain how I know you. Yup, you're my 'new' pen pal. Good one?

She's going to crack up at this -> "And you know what?? Fuck is one of my favorite words, too."

Thank you for the smile and the time you took to comment here. You guys are wonderful!

xox saldne

Do you ever play Literati? (like you have time... duh!) It's a game at Yahoo very much like Scrabble. We met there. I play a lot. For real.

I thought of another very deep technique you can use. Since the "F" word is a fav, she'll love this.

Om seems to be the word of choice for meditations. When she's sitting up and they're sticking her or whatever, tell her to sit in a yoga (Indian style) position and close her eyes and breathe deep. Then say "Ommmmm." It seems to center you- from what I've heard. Then she says "Ommmmm gonna throw up on you." or "Ommmm gonna kick some asssssss if y'all don't leave me alone." It works best with a phony Southern accent.

I don't understand the efficacy in using the Om word; I do understand humor is the best way to deal. With anyone. Or anything.

We can be real Pen Pals if you like. If you like getting a letter once a month. I suck at responding like I should. And Sam and I can be PenPals. Yessss, I know how to behave around nearly 15 yr olds. LOL I'm surrounded by them all the time. (Explanation at a later date.) I'll PM my aol address since we can't put them here.

Hang in there, girl. Sounds like better stuff may already be happening. More is on the way, I assure you.

 

[champagne1982]

What a beautiful community this is!

Saldne, I have been keeping your family in my good thoughts since you first started this thread, I just haven't had anything to say until now.

This is where our strength lies as poets.
Not in fighting off each other's opinions,
but in lifting someone who needs a raise up,
feeding a hungry soul, warming a cold heart
and cheering a desolate mind.

And pfft to those who say,
Cliché .

Sam and Saldne and loved ones of you both,

You are stronger than you know. Have courage and hope, these are the two weapons that will help you battle. Have love and faith, these are the helm and sheild that will protect you. I'm keeping you forward in my thoughts and prayers.​

 

[cward2]

My thoughts and prayers go out with you and your daughter, Saldne.

 

[Guest]

Lately I've been computerless and visits have been short and limited to reading poems and commenting on Tuesdays so I come to this news for the first time, saldne.

I sincerely hope your daughter recovers completely with as little disruption to her life and well-being as possible, I send very best wishes to you all.

Reading this thread makes me realise what a great community this forum is. I hope the out-pouring of support gives you a little extra strength to cope through this trying time.

 

[Guest]

What a beautiful community this is!

Saldne, I have been keeping your family in my good thoughts since you first started this thread, I just haven't had anything to say until now.

This is where our strength lies as poets.
Not in fighting off each other's opinions,
but in lifting someone who needs a raise up,
feeding a hungry soul, warming a cold heart
and cheering a desolate mind.

And pfft to those who say,
Cliché .

Sam and Saldne and loved ones of you both,

You are stronger than you know. Have courage and hope, these are the two weapons that will help you battle. Have love and faith, these are the helm and sheild that will protect you. I'm keeping you forward in my thoughts and prayers.​

That was beautiful, champagne, and I thank you. You're right, this is a wonderful community. With 'some' of the arguments going on here, I didn't think I'd be offered so much loving support. Now that I've asked for it, I'm a little overwhelmed in what to say or do. I've been a loner most of my life, and if any of you have read my poetry, you would know how hard it is for me to accept love - even friendship. I've gotten much better, but right now, it seems all I want to do is sleep. I guess I'm a little depressed. Well, who wouldn't be, right?

~

Monday's the big day - the second opinion from the number one hospital in the nation. I'm scared. I can't stand the fucking wait. Sam is punching her clavicle in anger and she was warned to be very careful because if it breaks, we're screwed. Either way, if these tests match up with Minnesota's tests, she'll lose her right clavicle, and only have the left. I was shocked when the doctor told me. I said, "Huh? You're kidding me!" He said, "Well, cats don't have clavicles. They look like this" and put himself into a cats position. It angered me. I thought this is no time for joking, asshole. Come closer so I can punch you in the face!

Reading this thread makes me realise what a great community this forum is. I hope the out-pouring of support gives you a little extra strength to cope through this trying time.

It's nice to know people care. Thank you, Tristesse for stopping in with such short amount of words, but just enough to warm my heart. It means more to me than you know.

~

I'm probably going to take a break from all this and let everyone know on Monday what the plans are going to be. If I'm stuck without a comp., I'm sure Luv2 will come in to give everyone an update. I'm not thinking positive right now, and that's probably why I just want to sleep. If only I'd wake without these horrible thoughts. I keep seeing her father in my mind; dying of cancer, no hair, and just fighting to raise his head to give a kiss goodbye. I'm sure Sam is thinking the same. Hell, I know she is. She keeps talking about him. Oh man, I don't know if this is healthy to keep talking about it. I can't stop crying.

I'm sorry I haven't answered my pm's. Some have asked for an address to send poems and gifts to Sam. I wonder if there's a way to do this without giving my full name. I don't know. Maybe I'll check in tomorrow. I'm a mess now that I've started writing this. Please know I appreciate the emails and pms. Please believe me. The private messages are what really get me. I ball like a baby. I'm sorry. All I can say is to read some of my poetry to understand me. Oh fuck, I don't even understand me.

Luv2 wrote my sig line, and I thank him for it. It's my only excuse.

Hugs and love to all, saldne

 

[eagleyez]

Dear Saldne,

Words fail to express my hopes and prayerful thoughts and emotions that rise like steam from a teacup and lift off to you and your daughter and your loved ones and then land like a feather from a larger wing, from under which we find ourselves warmed and nurtured.

May the precious and obvious power of love reach you and yours from a friend and fellow parent, who wipes tears of empathy and hopefulness to fill that cup and your heart with all goodness to be found in this mystery.

Keep them close to your heart and know that we all bow our heads silently and with love for you and yours.

 

[Du Lac]

Saldne
My deepest prayers are with you on this journey. As I read through this thread I kept getting what strength the two of you have! I have learned if you ask for help it comes. If you don't of course it does not! In asking you have grown emotionally and it will support Sam through this trying time.

You are a wonderful mother who demonstrates what being a mother is all about. Not just the good but also being strong and loving during the bad.

Rest and remember we are here with your spirit.

blessings
Du~

 

[Guest]

Happy fucking Halloween, all!

It's a shame Sam is laying in the hospital right now and couldn't go trick or treating, but there's good news, folks!

Minnesota had MISDIAGNOSED her. I sat in this small waiting room for 2 hours to have them come out and say it's was just a major infection in her clavicle - a lot better than bone cancer, eh? They removed the entire thing and she's on some heavy duty antibiotics. They're still running some studies on the mass they took out, but they're 99.9 percent sure it's not cancer. There are a lot of questions how this could've happened. They keep asking what kind of animals we've been around. When we were out in Minn, we used to always hang out at the Humane Societies. I don't know. I'm just so damn happy right now!

She'll be coming home tomorrow and I'll be giving her antibiotics through IV for six weeks. We're going to get a tutur for her since she missed so much school and won't be returning for 7 weeks.

This is the most wonderful news a mother could get. I couldn't help thinking I'm going to lose my little girl. My jaw dropped completely when the doctor told me. I was totally speechless.

And to think all my paperwork at home says she has cancer - Osteosarcoma. Our entire family went through hell, and I hate to say this but those Minnesota doctors are gonna buy me a new fucking home. My daughter was convinced she's was going to lose all her hair from Chemo - the Minn. social worker at the hospital tried to prepare her while she freaked out and panicked hysterically. They looked us straight in the eye and said, "It's cancer." They're screwed!

She's doing great right now. She's just completely wasted! Ha! I can't wait to bring my baby home tomorrow!

What a miracle! What a fucking miracle! The power of prayer to make it disappear or Minnesota doctors being so damn stupid?

Hey all! Thank you for listening and for the wonderful support. I can't wait to write this story!!

saldne

 

[sack]

What a relief, Saldne!

I do believe in the power of prayer, as corny as that may sound to some. And I had been praying all along that it wasn't cancer. Your story really illustrates how important it is to get a second opinion on possible life or death issues!!

Sack (dancing with joy!)

 

[champagne1982]

My tears are expressing the joy I feel at your good news. I'm so glad there's such a brilliant hope in your day! Take care of that infection! Imagine! You're even back where you belong. I'm sorry the road was so difficult, but the journey makes the rest even better.

 

[BooMerengue]

Woohooooo!!!

I'm dancin with Sack!!



Wooohooooo!!!

I'm shiverin with glee!!



Wooohoooooo

cool beans shuffle

Woohooooo!!!​

 

[Guest]

Woo-fucking-hoo I'm dancing too!

It's 6am and I'm wide awake and ready to pick up my sassy little teen. She didn't want me to sleep over last night; the wasted little thing! LOL! She said, "Oh, just go and let me sleep!" Woo-hoo! Life is good!

Thanks Sack and Boo. Group dance Anyone else?

And hey, eagleyez. Your comment was beautiful! I wanted to say something earlier but I felt like I was drowning in tears. You have a wonderful heart. What you said to me will never be forgotten.

I'm outtie and smiley happy!

Dear Saldne,

Words fail to express my hopes and prayerful thoughts and emotions that rise like steam from a teacup and lift off to you and your daughter and your loved ones and then land like a feather from a larger wing, from under which we find ourselves warmed and nurtured.

May the precious and obvious power of love reach you and yours from a friend and fellow parent, who wipes tears of empathy and hopefulness to fill that cup and your heart with all goodness to be found in this mystery.

Keep them close to your heart and know that we all bow our heads silently and with love for you and yours.

 

[WickedEve]

That's unbelievable. I think if I had been you, the shock would have killed me, and they would have had to bring me back. lol I'm thrilled for both of you.

 

[Du Lac]

So many blessings.....

Saldne

I am overjoyed with your news and once again I am amazed in the power of prayer! There are always lessons in our paths and maybe right now you may not understand why the Minn. doctors were so fucked lol... but in the end gratitude in your heart will live and breathe the power of love within both of you and yours.

Congrats and great blessings
du~

 

[eagleyez]

Im happy to the point of tears-

Im a softie that way.

Such good news and I bow my head in thanks for you and yours.

 

[sperling]

Wow, good news, makes me happy for you all!
Take a bunch of es!

 

[Liar]

Holy flippin cannoli, that's great news. So happy for you.

I got a silly grin on that just won't go away. It's beginning to ache a little.