Prayers and thoughts needed.

[wicked woman]

If you've got a few please send them Possys way, her Dad has taken a fairly bad turn in the last few months, alzheimers and dementia being the least of his problems. He now has pneumonia.
We are heading off to see him tonight as he is in a bad way, some prayers or thoughts as is your wont, to make this as easy as possible for all concerned would be greatly appreciated.

Sorry to hear that Quoll. My thoughts are with you and your family.

 

[bailadora]

If you've got a few please send them Possys way, her Dad has taken a fairly bad turn in the last few months, alzheimers and dementia being the least of his problems. He now has pneumonia.
We are heading off to see him tonight as he is in a bad way, some prayers or thoughts as is your wont, to make this as easy as possible for all concerned would be greatly appreciated.

Candle lit and prayers sent. Keep us posted as time allows, please.

 

[Saucyminx]

If you've got a few please send them Possys way, her Dad has taken a fairly bad turn in the last few months, alzheimers and dementia being the least of his problems. He now has pneumonia.
We are heading off to see him tonight as he is in a bad way, some prayers or thoughts as is your wont, to make this as easy as possible for all concerned would be greatly appreciated.

You got it my friend.

 

[Quoll]

Consider it done.

Sorry to hear that Quoll. My thoughts are with you and your family.

Candle lit and prayers sent. Keep us posted as time allows, please.

You got it my friend.

Thanks muchly my friends. He's in palliative care at the moment so it's a bit of a waiting game. If he gets over this infection, well, I'm not sure how much of an improvement that is considering his other issues.
Anyway the kids got to see him even though he was not aware of our being there. Poss is holding up okay despite the usual barrage of emotional grenades (from outside the family) these sort of situations always throw up.
Her and her brother and sister are communicating well with each other and are all in agreeance as far as his treatment and any future actions are concerned, that at least takes some of the pressure off the situation.

Thank you all so much for thinking of us.

 

[bobsgirl]

If you've got a few please send them Possys way, her Dad has taken a fairly bad turn in the last few months, alzheimers and dementia being the least of his problems. He now has pneumonia.
We are heading off to see him tonight as he is in a bad way, some prayers or thoughts as is your wont, to make this as easy as possible for all concerned would be greatly appreciated.

Done.

I'm so sorry to hear this...

 

[Quoll]

Its Possy here, l don't normally post here, but l just wanted to say thanks for all the candles lit, the well wishes, prayers and everything else people have done, l really appreciate it, it touched my heart, brought tears to my eyes that people who don't know me, can be so kind. A BIG THANK YOU.

 

[Farrah]

My prayers for your family during this difficult time. May God hold you in His warm embrace.

 

[bailadora]

Her and her brother and sister are communicating well with each other and are all in agreeance as far as his treatment and any future actions are concerned, that at least takes some of the pressure off the situation.

Thank you all so much for thinking of us.

I'm so glad they are all on the same page. Unfortunately, I've had a front row seat on a situation where the sibs were NOT in agreement. *shudders* It makes an already tough situation that much more agonizing.

Thanks for the update, my friend.

Its Possy here, l don't normally post here, but l just wanted to say thanks for all the candles lit, the well wishes, prayers and everything else people have done, l really appreciate it, it touched my heart, brought tears to my eyes that people who don't know me, can be so kind. A BIG THANK YOU.

Hello, Possy. Nice to "meet" you. And really.....no thanks needed. Just glad to have been able to help - however remotely.

 

[Saucyminx]

Hopefully won't end up in the slammer for promoting truency

My son has missed 64 days of school for his chronic migraines. We have been to 4 different specialists, a new pcp, tried different meds, additional meds, diet changes, sleep pattern changes, pretty much run the gamut.

I finally got his school to agree to their cyber academy so he can possibly not flunk, so things are looking up but any positive energy in our direction would sure be appreciated to keep the trend going.

 

[bailadora]

My son has missed 64 days of school for his chronic migraines. We have been to 4 different specialists, a new pcp, tried different meds, additional meds, diet changes, sleep pattern changes, pretty much run the gamut.

I finally got his school to agree to their cyber academy so he can possibly not flunk, so things are looking up but any positive energy in our direction would sure be appreciated to keep the trend going.

Gah! What a tough situation. Prayers winging your way, Saucy.

 

[Quoll]

Done.

I'm so sorry to hear this...

My prayers for your family during this difficult time. May God hold you in His warm embrace.

I'm so glad they are all on the same page. Unfortunately, I've had a front row seat on a situation where the sibs were NOT in agreement. *shudders* It makes an already tough situation that much more agonizing.

Thanks for the update, my friend.



Hello, Possy. Nice to "meet" you. And really.....no thanks needed. Just glad to have been able to help - however remotely.

Poss and the QQQs have gone down to see her Dad, (apparently it is a long weekend, I, at least get to knock off early, Yay!) for the weekend, he's still in palliative care, he's had a few bad moments with blockage of his airways (he has had a trachy for many years) from the muck in his lungs, but he is being difficult to treat because of some fairly aggressive behaviour at times, they were hoping to do some tests during the week to try and find out if there were any other reasons for his behaviour, hopefully we will know something this weekend.

 

[Quoll]

My son has missed 64 days of school for his chronic migraines. We have been to 4 different specialists, a new pcp, tried different meds, additional meds, diet changes, sleep pattern changes, pretty much run the gamut.

I finally got his school to agree to their cyber academy so he can possibly not flunk, so things are looking up but any positive energy in our direction would sure be appreciated to keep the trend going.

Big hugs O Saucy one, positive thinks wending your way.

 

[unregistered]

 

[bailadora]

Poss and the QQQs have gone down to see her Dad, (apparently it is a long weekend, I, at least get to knock off early, Yay!) for the weekend, he's still in palliative care, he's had a few bad moments with blockage of his airways (he has had a trachy for many years) from the muck in his lungs, but he is being difficult to treat because of some fairly aggressive behaviour at times, they were hoping to do some tests during the week to try and find out if there were any other reasons for his behaviour, hopefully we will know something this weekend.

Thanks for the update, Q. Good thought still being sent that way.

 

[bailadora]

So, now, lots of guilt and internal conflict is raging inside.
1. I feel sad, but not as sad as when my other grandma died. I know that relationships are different, and that you can't be close to everyone. But, I'm actually feeling sad and guilty about my level of sadness.
2. I didn't answer the phone the last few times she called. I wasn't too busy, just didn't want to talk. I have voice mails on my cell that are hers. I haven't listened to them. I'm sure she's going to be asking me why I don't call...
3. What if my dad comes to the funeral. I do not want any sort of relationship with him. I don't want to feel like I have to talk to him. I am very worried about this.
4. Now, at this point, I'm also upset with myself for not taking the best care of myself. I lost my mom and 3 out of 4 grandparents to cancer. Why have I let myself carry an extra 15 pounds, why don't I exercise enough, why am I okay with this?

J - I know you aren't necessarily looking for sympathy or validation but I'm going to offer it anyway.

There's no shame in limiting contact with people who make your life difficult. It takes two people to form a healthy relationship and if, for whatever reason, the other person can't/isn't willing to do their part then that's on them. Not on you. You can only beat your head against the wall so many times before self preservation kicks in. I suspect that logically, you know this. And yeah, I know - emotions aren't always logical but try not to let it tear you down with guilt. Acknowledge and regret what might have been, but then remember it takes two to tango.

Regarding item number four - you can't change the past but you CAN redirect that upset you are feeling to change your future. See your doc, start an exercise regime and slowly make positive lifestyle changes that benefit your health. When the temptation to give in to old excuses rears it's ugly head ('cause you know it will), remember your family stats. Remember how you are feeling in this moment and channel it to break through.

I'm sorry you're going through such a tough time right now. Be gentle with yourself and know I'm thinking of you.

 

[bobsgirl]

I've opened this thread a few times now, typed out a post, and then backed away. I'm really going to write it this time, but not for attention, not for pity, but because I desperately need to get this out somehow.

The TL;DR version: Grandma died, feeling overwhelming and multi-faceted guilt, ashamed.

So, my father left when I was little; many have assured me this was for the best for us. When my mom died, he came around again, was going to do the right thing and take custody of his kids; my family convinced him to do otherwise (it had been 10 years since I'd even seen him). I'm very thankful for this. Well, my paternal grandmother tried very hard to stay in our lives even though our father had not. Still, our relationship was never great. As an adult, I found her to be the master of the guilt trip. Also, she was rude to people without even realizing it. I stopped going to restaurants with her several years ago because she was horrible to servers. Unintentional, it was just the way she is, but I was always so embarrased. A couple times, she tried to put me on the phone with my dad; it was awkward and let to resentment. These sound small, but nearly every conversation we ever had led to what felt like her laying a deliberate guilt trip on me.

In the last year, she got really sick. Cancer. As did my maternal grandparents who raised me. First, I lost my maternal grandma. This was devastating...losing my mom twice, really. I sorta checked out a bit at this point. It didn't feel deliberate at first, I was just "busy." And I was. But, I could have tried harder. I just didn't.

So, now, lots of guilt and internal conflict is raging inside.
1. I feel sad, but not as sad as when my other grandma died. I know that relationships are different, and that you can't be close to everyone. But, I'm actually feeling sad and guilty about my level of sadness.
2. I didn't answer the phone the last few times she called. I wasn't too busy, just didn't want to talk. I have voice mails on my cell that are hers. I haven't listened to them. I'm sure she's going to be asking me why I don't call...
3. What if my dad comes to the funeral. I do not want any sort of relationship with him. I don't want to feel like I have to talk to him. I am very worried about this.
4. Now, at this point, I'm also upset with myself for not taking the best care of myself. I lost my mom and 3 out of 4 grandparents to cancer. Why have I let myself carry an extra 15 pounds, why don't I exercise enough, why am I okay with this?

First of all, and most importantly, I'm sorry for your loss, and for the pain you're experiencing.

I can relate to much of what you said. I had a very similar relationship with my dad in his last years as you did with your dad and your grandmother. My dad had a difficult life, with a lot of sadness, still, there were choices he could have made differently. He was a miserable, unpleasant man to be around, and many times I avoided his calls simply because I didn't want to hear yet again about how life had given him a raw deal. By the time he died last year I had pretty much come to terms with the kind of man he was, and the kind of relationship I had with him. I believe he loved his children but he was a weak, self-centered man who drank too much. No changing that.

Anyway, all that to say, do not feel guilty. It's wrong and unfair when a child has to deal with adult issues and I have no doubt that you did the best you could. There is no wrong way to grieve, and we all do it differently. Be kind to yourself, J. You deserve it.

 

[unregistered]

 

[Eilan]

Sorry for your loss, J.

If you'll go back a few pages on this thread, you'll see where I dealt with losing both of my grandmothers within a day of each other. At first I felt a little guilty because it seemed to me that I didn't properly mourn one grandmother (paternal) because I was too busy mourning the other one (maternal). And because I could go on and on and still not get to the point, I'll just quote the lovely and talented BeeGee:

Anyway, all that to say, do not feel guilty. It's wrong and unfair when a child has to deal with adult issues and I have no doubt that you did the best you could. There is no wrong way to grieve, and we all do it differently. Be kind to yourself, J. You deserve it.

So, yeah. What she said.

 

[satindesire]

Thanks, BG and Bailadora. I appreciate your kindness and thoughtful replies. Today was already better (although the time change added to my general grumpiness). Forgiving myself, making some changes, and moving on seems like it may prove easier than interacting with my bio-father. That's scary as hell.

I'm incredibly grateful for the support I find here, so much more than "a porn site," although we all also come here for some of that, too.

Jelly. Baby girl. Listen to me.

You are a -good person-. You and I are pals, yeah? And we might not be IRL sisters or BFFs but we really understand each other and "get" each other.

You are not a bad person for cutting out people who made your life more difficult. And it's okay for you to be not-so-sad when they get sick or pass away. It doesn't make you evil, you're not "wrong" or "bad". You did what you needed to do to be happy, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Life is the most precious thing God ever gave us, and we can't waste that letting someone guilt us into talking to them when they do nothing but make us miserable.

You're going to be okay, sugar. I promise. Love you.

 

[unregistered]

 

[bailadora]

In the grand scheme of things, this is probably very minor. But it's sort of a big deal to me, so if you believe in some sort of higher power, I'd appreciate prayers, positive thoughts, good juju, what have you.

In the midst of all the female problems I've been having recently, and trying to decide what course of action is right for me, I just found out that my husband's company is switching insurance companies, and it doesn't appear that my OB/Gyn is in the new network. I've spoken with her to see if she'd consider joining the new company, but since she doesn't own the practice, it's not up to her. The encouraging news is that the hospital and the imaging center that fall within the same health organization that owns her practice IS in network, so I'm hoping it's just a simple matter of getting her name added.

I'll seek a new physician, if I absolutely have to, but damn! I really, really don't relish the idea of starting over with someone new.
Thanks.

 

[imemkay]

Positive thoughts and prayers headed your way!

 

[Red_Kiss]

In the grand scheme of things, this is probably very minor. But it's sort of a big deal to me, so if you believe in some sort of higher power, I'd appreciate prayers, positive thoughts, good juju, what have you.

In the midst of all the female problems I've been having recently, and trying to decide what course of action is right for me, I just found out that my husband's company is switching insurance companies, and it doesn't appear that my OB/Gyn is in the new network. I've spoken with her to see if she'd consider joining the new company, but since she doesn't own the practice, it's not up to her. The encouraging news is that the hospital and the imaging center that fall within the same health organization that owns her practice IS in network, so I'm hoping it's just a simple matter of getting her name added.

I'll seek a new physician, if I absolutely have to, but damn! I really, really don't relish the idea of starting over with someone new.
Thanks.

Hi Bailadora,

It's hard to start over with a new provider, especially when you have a good relationship. Is it possible for your doc to make a recommendation or 'referral' to a provider in your new network?

 

[bobsgirl]

In the grand scheme of things, this is probably very minor. But it's sort of a big deal to me, so if you believe in some sort of higher power, I'd appreciate prayers, positive thoughts, good juju, what have you.

In the midst of all the female problems I've been having recently, and trying to decide what course of action is right for me, I just found out that my husband's company is switching insurance companies, and it doesn't appear that my OB/Gyn is in the new network. I've spoken with her to see if she'd consider joining the new company, but since she doesn't own the practice, it's not up to her. The encouraging news is that the hospital and the imaging center that fall within the same health organization that owns her practice IS in network, so I'm hoping it's just a simple matter of getting her name added.

I'll seek a new physician, if I absolutely have to, but damn! I really, really don't relish the idea of starting over with someone new.
Thanks.

It's tough to start over with a new doc, especially when you're in the middle of an ongoing problem. Sending good healing energy your way and the patience and fortitude it takes to make any switches you have to. This in-and-out of network policy is sometimes confusing and always a pain in the backside.

 

[unregistered]