Punishment

[SweetDommes]

I am glad you agree with shyguy and think he was being childish on the other hand AA has a point if I want my life micro managed to that extent can I make a fuss if it does not suit me on one occassion?

There is a difference between micromanagement and being insensitive - you were obviously distraught.. as it turns out, there wasn't really a reason for it, but you didn't know that at the time, so it doesn't really matter. Easing you back from the mental distress back to sub-mode is something that needs to be done carefully, especially if, as serijules pointed out, this is a new rule that you haven't been doing for years (it had occurred to me, just didn't bring it up - but yes, my thoughts would be a bit different if this was a longstanding -i.e. 6+ months - rule).

 

[shy slave]

There is a difference between micromanagement and being insensitive - you were obviously distraught.. as it turns out, there wasn't really a reason for it, but you didn't know that at the time, so it doesn't really matter. Easing you back from the mental distress back to sub-mode is something that needs to be done carefully, especially if, as serijules pointed out, this is a new rule that you haven't been doing for years (it had occurred to me, just didn't bring it up - but yes, my thoughts would be a bit different if this was a longstanding -i.e. 6+ months - rule).

Thank you its a very new rule, we have been talking for long time but not in a relationship sense but friendship. This change is recent

 

[SweetDommes]

Thank you its a very new rule, we have been talking for long time but not in a relationship sense but friendship. This change is recent

So basically, what we have here is a new rule - less than a month old, I would assume, possibly less than 1/2 month old? - and you in mental distress ... I'm totally not surprised that you forgot to re-disrobe before going back to the computer. And he shouldn't have been either.

Now, had it been a long standing rule - like our rule that our boys have to check in daily when they are not with us - that you forgot, you'd be in a bit more trouble. Our boys get 1 day of leniency (cell phones aren't perfect, and we no longer have a house line) but after that, they are in trouble if they don't contact us in some way - and forgetting isn't an excuse for a rule that has been in place for well over 6 months. We were quite a bit more lenient during the first month or so - if we didn't hear from them for a few days, we'd call them, remind them of the rule, and move on. Eventually, they remembered and we haven't had to remind ghosst in ages ... sylvan required more reminding, and the reasons for that are beyond delving into but yes, he did get into trouble for it.

 

[catalina_francisco]

All due respect to AA, I can vouch for F also being a scary Dom, and manages to scare me even after all this time.....yes, there are things with him I live in fear (real, not imagined). It is easy to talk scary, it is easy to come on with the described behaviour of how one would handle a situation, but it is a lot harder to be able to know when it is required and when it is perhaps more responsible to acknowledge humanity and imperfection and work with it, all the time maintaining and nurrturing a relationship. See the way I see it, you can come off being superDom all the time, but it doesn't work too well if it is all aloneand keeps you solitary in your assumed perfection which it sounds this guy may be experiencing...after all, unless there is something you have't said, he is alone, right?...could it perhaps be because he can't see past the superDom roleplay to be real with a real sub?

Catalina

 

[AngelicAssassin]

Theres a thought you as my Master AA, now that would really mess with my mind. I have read too many scary posts of yours !!!

Not really. i'm a kind-hearted soul to the core. i just happen to be methodical, and in a nod to serijules, practice positive and negative habit transfer. i've done many things in my life that didn't give much of a chance to fuck up by forgetting something. Uncle taught me to use checklists. Instructors i trusted taught me to have them memorized, when no time existed to use them. The edge, in at least one profession, taught me to pause while i had time to find the damned checklist, or at the least, think things through thoroughly.

Now that i'm older, a relationship means more than any previous job/profession. Regardless of the sharpness of the edge in said profession, it might as well be a 2x4 compared to the cuts received by the heart. Name one job/profession as difficult, mind-fucking, and deadly serious as starting/maintaining a relationship with another human.

I was at home waiting for him to come online.

i meant where were you while waiting for your son to bring the spare key.

 

[shy slave]

So basically, what we have here is a new rule - less than a month old, I would assume, possibly less than 1/2 month old? - and you in mental distress ... I'm totally not surprised that you forgot to re-disrobe before going back to the computer. And he shouldn't have been either.

Now, had it been a long standing rule - like our rule that our boys have to check in daily when they are not with us - that you forgot, you'd be in a bit more trouble. Our boys get 1 day of leniency (cell phones aren't perfect, and we no longer have a house line) but after that, they are in trouble if they don't contact us in some way - and forgetting isn't an excuse for a rule that has been in place for well over 6 months. We were quite a bit more lenient during the first month or so - if we didn't hear from them for a few days, we'd call them, remind them of the rule, and move on. Eventually, they remembered and we haven't had to remind ghosst in ages ... sylvan required more reminding, and the reasons for that are beyond delving into but yes, he did get into trouble for it.

Thank you for explaining. It sounds as if you allow errors of judgement.
I will have to wait to find out if he does.

He has punished me before: he asked me if I thought of my ex, my answer was not what he wanted.
I had to ring him every hour on the hour for two days and nights. With no agreement that at the end of the punishment he would still talk to me.
He really is getting hold of my mind

 

[Trinique_Fire]

Maybe it's just me but a dom/sub relationship needs to be about so much more than just caring about you being naked for him in front of the cam. Frankly I don't care if you're a sub, a slave, whatever...your wellbeing needs to come first. You could have been in serious danger, and although you weren't, your "dom" needs to realize that in such a case, the first thing he should be worried about is YOU, not your state of dress. Should you choose to carry on this relationship with him, you need to initiate a serious talk. Hopefully you know your limits...at least some of them. Talk to him. If he won't talk or hear you out, then he's not worth it. You're worth more than that.

 

[shy slave]

Not really. i'm a kind-hearted soul to the core. i just happen to be methodical, and in a nod to serijules, practice positive and negative habit transfer. i've done many things in my life that didn't give much of a chance to fuck up by forgetting something. Uncle taught me to use checklists. Instructors i trusted taught me to have them memorized, when no time existed to use them. The edge, in at least one profession, taught me to pause while i had time to find the damned checklist, or at the least, think things through thoroughly.

Now that i'm older, a relationship means more than any previous job/profession. Regardless of the sharpness of the edge in said profession, it might as well be a 2x4 compared to the cuts received by the heart. Name one job/profession as difficult, mind-fucking, and deadly serious as starting/maintaining a relationship with another human.i meant where were you while waiting for your son to bring the spare key.

Sorry i was being dense.
I was in a friends car, who then drove me home. So that was ok

I am finding the whole maze of D/s relatuiionships difficlut. I think I am too naive and too eager.
Such is life.

 

[dolf]

Talk to him. If he won't talk or hear you out, then he's not worth it. You're worth more than that.

yes, she is.

 

[Trinique_Fire]

yes, she is.

That was apparant to me from the moment I read her post. SS deserves a hell of a lot more than an immature "dom" who likes to mindfuck. If I'm interpreting this correctly, I'd say her ex mindfucked her a bit too...?

SS I barely know you but believe me I'm worried about your well being. I hate seeing situations like this.

 

[shy slave]

That was apparant to me from the moment I read her post. SS deserves a hell of a lot more than an immature "dom" who likes to mindfuck. If I'm interpreting this correctly, I'd say her ex mindfucked her a bit too...?

SS I barely know you but believe me I'm worried about your well being. I hate seeing situations like this.

How did you guess lol

 

[shy slave]

yes, she is.

 

[serijules]

I am finding the whole maze of D/s relatuiionships difficlut. I think I am too naive and too eager.
Such is life.

The thing is, it isn't that confusing or difficult if you are in a healthy d/s relationship. Being naive is ok. Being eager is ok. But you need to find someone who will handle your newness and naivity with care and take the time to train you, appreciate you, respect you as well as expecting those things from you. (well, maybe not the training part lol) The level of submission that comes from that kind of relationship is truly amazing. I went through 4 unhealthy relationships before I found myself where I am now, and the level of submission I feel now, naturally, is beyound anything I've experienced before. And I thought I had plenty of experience! It is worth slowing down and saving yourself for someone who will help you become comfortable in your own brand of submission before training you into his. Something to think about. Kind of like the whole infatuation versus love thing. One will take you far...the other will leave you scarred.

 

[Trinique_Fire]

How did you guess lol

Because I did the same thing as you. My first Very Serious girlfriend mindfucked from the earth to the sun more times than I can count, and my very next woman did the same thing.

I sympathize, babydoll.

 

[AngelicAssassin]

I was in a friends car, who then drove me home.

You and dolf went shoe window shopping at that time of night?

I am finding the whole maze of D/s relatuiionships difficlut. Such is life.

Any time you put two working minds in the same room, they won't walk lockstep. But then, who wants a doormat without a brain and an opinion? You can buy that at Walmart for $5.99, and it doesn't require food, care, nor maintenance. Spray it with a hose when it gets mucky and it performs its intended purpose once more.

Then again, you can't fuck a doormat (unless you're into kinky autoerotica), nor make it scream in agony while cumming its brains out either.

 

[shy slave]

You and dolf went shoe window shopping at that time of night?

Any time you put two working minds in the same room, they won't walk lockstep. But then, who wants a doormat without a brain and an opinion? You can buy that at Walmart for $5.99, and it doesn't require food, care, nor maintenance. Spray it with a hose when it gets mucky and it performs its intended purpose once more.

Then again, you can't fuck a doormat (unless you're into kinky autoerotica), nor make it scream in agony while cumming its brains out either.

Not shopping a munch!!!

Problem is AA that I think my mind does not work once a real Dom walks in the room.

Maybe i will have to opt for the doormat option

 

[amasterfound]

I agree that you forgot to do something that you should not have, But he should have been a little more understanding of your fright, then punished you in a less harsh way. But that is my opinion.

 

[dolf]

You and dolf went shoe window shopping at that time of night?

perfect night out *sigh*

Then again, you can't fuck a doormat (unless you're into kinky autoerotica), nor make it scream in agony while cumming its brains out either.

ew! i have a vivid imagination and that wasn't pretty.

 

[Trinique_Fire]

ew! i have a vivid imagination and that wasn't pretty.

I'll second that one!

 

[AngelicAssassin]

perfect night out *sigh*

Hush, and you don't get any Godiva either ...

ew! i have a vivid imagination and that wasn't pretty.

Which part, the fucking , or the screaming in agony while cumming your brains out?

 

[dolf]

Which part, the fucking , or the screaming in agony while cumming your brains out?

"screaming in agony while cumming your brains out" well that has a certain appeal.

romantic liaisons with rugs? hmmmm...is this why they are sold in rolls?

 

[AngelicAssassin]

"screaming in agony while cumming your brains out" well that has a certain appeal.

said either side of a sadist/masochist combination.

romantic liaisons with rugs? hmmmm...is this why they are sold in rolls?

Only for football teams whacked out on steroids. Why do you think it took so long to develop Astroturf?

 

[Caitlynne]

*snip*

For the record, i'd have sent you back to work to retrieve the keys, report back on cam (fully dressed), and sent you to bed (fully dressed) to remember i consider your nakedness in front of that camera a privilege bestowed upon you, by me, as well.

Most here know my definition of punishment. You don't get time with me. And before anyone starts bawking the Hardass Harangue, i pay the price as well. i feel it more important, however, to underline my limits. i don't need a submissive that thinks with her cunt, or not at all. If i pursued you (general), you can bet i think you (general) have a good head on your shoulders. The moment you start showing me otherwise, you can expect discipline to remind you, and punishment when you FUBAR. If you construe that as insensitive, or hallmark of a control freak, i'll bear the title proudly. If you (general) want to call me Master, you better understand what that entails. If i choose to micromanage details in your life, especially at the start, at least you know what you have.

I know this is somewhat of a hijack. Add to that, I don't usually flirt outrageously and you might get how much the above impacted me.

This is Dominance in my book. At least it represents everything I need it to be. I actually became aroused reading this, it was just that delicious.

**I now return you to your regularly scheduled punishment....**

 

[SubbieHubbie2]

Hmmm... I can't help but feel that the problem here isn't that he was "wrong" (outright had no right to instruct you, determine a punishment etc) but rather that he has no sense of timing.

It sounds like when you were back at the computer you were still emotionally distraught (and hence forgot about clothes etc). Now ok, you made mistakes. Ok, if you want a Dom who expects you NOT to make mistakes or you get punished, then you need a dom who will punish you for your mistakes. I would suggest that, the time when someone is still emotionally distraught, however, is not the time they will most benefit from that punishment - whether that benefit is the learning a dom expects them to do, or the fulfilment of the subs desire for micromanagement. Rather, as I believe SD indicated, when you are distraught it's time for working you back to safety, THEN bringing in any appropriate punishment.

This is all my opinion, and therefore open to being based on misassumption, error or other problems. However, I'm left with two questions:

1) If you can't control your own emotions and rationality, how can you possibly hope to successfully control someone else?

2) If you act in a way that's likely to break your toys (metaphor applied to the emotional sphere), should you be allowed to keep them?

 

[Kajira Callista]

I read the first post then skimmed through the rest so if im off base i will reread again.
It sounded to me like that wasnt intended as punishment but as a lesson to be learned. If you were expected to be naked then you should have took the extra thirty seconds to get yourself together from being nervous and remove your clothes before turning the cam back on. If you know that next time you will not forget, lesson learned...no?