Punishment

[Trinique_Fire]

I read the first post then skimmed through the rest so if im off base i will reread again.
It sounded to me like that wasnt intended as punishment but as a lesson to be learned. If you were expected to be naked then you should have took the extra thirty seconds to get yourself together from being nervous and remove your clothes before turning the cam back on. If you know that next time you will not forget, lesson learned...no?

I think you're missing the point here. Perhaps you're missing the point of a dom/sub relationship completely. The fact that he had no concern for her state of mind and only her state of dress implies to me that he's no good dom. The fact that he never asked if she was okay is a lack of competance on his part. This man is not a dom, simply a control freak.

 

[AngelicAssassin]

I think you're missing the point here. Perhaps you're missing the point of a dom/sub relationship completely. The fact that he had no concern for her state of mind and only her state of dress implies to me that he's no good dom. The fact that he never asked if she was okay is a lack of competance on his part. This man is not a dom, simply a control freak.

Whom are you to say what or what wasn't in his mind, his concerns, or anything else. In addition, everyone doesn't subscribe to your particular brand of D/s, nor do they to mine. Making such generalized statements smacks of the same insolence and superiority you branded shy slave's partner.

 

[Luna_Wolf72]

I felt I needed his care and concern last night not punishment.
Am i being reasonable or if someone wishes to be MAster of you does that override other aspects. I should not have forgot even though I had been scared, the being scared was over.

I would like to know the thoughts of those Dom/Mes who take a hard line with their pyls as to whether they think this man is an idiot control freak or someone making their point that they are paramount at all times.

I have been involved on both sides of the equation (and as of now I am still involved on both sides with a Sir and a submissive in training) and my grrl can tell you that I have never punished her for her fear, or for her need to NOT be of service...at those times when it is just about her.

Not saying that there are not those who take the hard road but (to me) what he should have done was made sure you were ok before pointing out to you that he was disappointed by your not being undressed when you returned to the cam. I can not honestly say that I (as a Dominant) would have even wanted to continue after that. It would have been more important to me to help you focus and calm down rather than bitch and moan about your lack of undress.

Of course, everyone's definition of BDSM is different. The truth of the matter is that if his particular brand of dominance does not suit you (and if you are feeling a bit put off then tis possible that you don't need nor require what he is giving) than you need to decide that yourself and NOTHING any of us can say will make that choice for you.


Luna

 

[AngelicAssassin]

Of course, everyone's definition of BDSM is different. The truth of the matter is that if his particular brand of dominance does not suit you (and if you are feeling a bit put off then tis possible that you don't need nor require what he is giving) than you need to decide that yourself and NOTHING any of us can say will make that choice for you.


Luna

Thanks for stating what should have been said from the start darlin'. A lot of us chime in readily with an opinion, myself included, on what is and not acceptable in our particular niche. We all tend to forget that no "one size fits all" method exists. If it did, we'd all still be fucking vanilla, pun intended.

 

[Luna_Wolf72]

Thanks AA

Thanks for stating what should have been said from the start darlin'. A lot of us chime in readily with an opinion, myself included, on what is and not acceptable in our particular niche. We all tend to forget that no "one size fits all" method exists. If it did, we'd all still be fucking vanilla, pun intended.

It just seemed pertinent...

 

[AngelicAssassin]

It just seemed pertinent...

Oh hush, wench. Don't go getting all sensitive on me, or i'll regret the Hallmark moment.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

I read the first post then skimmed through the rest so if im off base i will reread again.
It sounded to me like that wasnt intended as punishment but as a lesson to be learned. If you were expected to be naked then you should have took the extra thirty seconds to get yourself together from being nervous and remove your clothes before turning the cam back on. If you know that next time you will not forget, lesson learned...no?

I think you're missing the point here. Perhaps you're missing the point of a dom/sub relationship completely. The fact that he had no concern for her state of mind and only her state of dress implies to me that he's no good dom. The fact that he never asked if she was okay is a lack of competance on his part. This man is not a dom, simply a control freak.

(Bold added for emphasis.)

Whom are you to say what or what wasn't in his mind, his concerns, or anything else. In addition, everyone doesn't subscribe to your particular brand of D/s, nor do they to mine. Making such generalized statements smacks of the same insolence and superiority you branded shy slave's partner.

Trinique_Fire: The arrogance, disrespect and lack of knowledge of the person to whom you responded shown in the second sentence of your response to Kajira Callista has, for me, undone the respect you may have earned through prior posts in this forum.

KC made an observation, from her viewpoint, and stated that if she was "off base," she would re-read the thread for a better understanding of the issue. Your gratuitous attack completely ignored that. Her observation simply stated her point of view - that of one who lived in a 24/7 strict Master/slave relationship for a number of years - of the situation. If you disagreed with her observation, or felt that she had missed important information, you could (should?) have suggested that she go back and re-read the thread, perhaps even with pointers to the messages you felt important that she may have missed.

Yes, Shy Slave has perhaps gotten herself into a deeper relationship than is strictly good for her at this point, given her history and her experience (or lack of it) in BDSM. However, she is, presumably, a competent adult with the right to make her own decisions and enter into a relationship if she so chooses. If she did so without substantial understanding of the duties, expectations and consequences of that relationship, her decision was not, then, well-informed, and perhaps was not the correct decision for her at this time. That is for her to decide. What she chooses to do, and with whom, is her decision, and only she can ultimately determine if she should do it, for how long, and if she should remove herself from that relationship or stay in it and learn to behave in a manner acceptable to her partner.

As AA said, not everyone subscribes to the same brand of D/s or M/s, and for an outside someone to judge another's "brand," particularly with knowledge gained only through a few posts on a message board, does strongly imply a perhaps-undeserved insolence and sense of superiority.

That said, from what I have observed and learned from her posts the past eight months or so, my personal feeling about this relationship is that it is likely not one that will ultimately be of benefit to Shy Slave. It appears to me that she needs a substantially more "hands-on" relationship with a great deal of attention required to ensure that the scars of her previous relationship heal properly, and that she is comfortable (emotionally) with her development in a new partnership. From what I know of the person with whom she is now involved (all derived from her posts, which thus show only one side of possibly many-faceted issues), that person may well not be patient enough or sensitive enough to her needs to be able to give her the degree and pace of training she needs to become fulfilled in this lifestyle... and that, in the end, is what we all need, isn't it? To be fulfilled in our needs, wants and desires, no matter which side of the PYL/pyl relationship we are on?

 

[catalina_francisco]

Thanks for stating what should have been said from the start darlin'. A lot of us chime in readily with an opinion, myself included, on what is and not acceptable in our particular niche. We all tend to forget that no "one size fits all" method exists. If it did, we'd all still be fucking vanilla, pun intended.

OK, so now you are trying to induce nightmares for all of us tonight?!!

Catalina

 

[graceanne]

I think you're missing the point here. Perhaps you're missing the point of a dom/sub relationship completely. The fact that he had no concern for her state of mind and only her state of dress implies to me that he's no good dom. The fact that he never asked if she was okay is a lack of competance on his part. This man is not a dom, simply a control freak.

Well, well, aren't we feeling intolerant and rude.

 

[A Desert Rose]

I never cease to be stunned by some people's insolence.

I guess that's a good thing. Rather be stunned than jaded.

 

[AngelicAssassin]

(Bold added for emphasis.)

About time you dragged your lazy blue ass back in here ...

OK, so now you are trying to induce nightmares for all of us tonight?!!

Catalina

You better hush, or i'll neener your silly subbie butt. That would probably induce fits of laughter leading to serious physical consequences graver than any nightmare vanilla dream. Wait ... i'm a sadist ... wtf was i thinking?

Time for the BDSM as vanilla's wave ...

 

[Kajira Callista]

I think you're missing the point here. Perhaps you're missing the point of a dom/sub relationship completely. The fact that he had no concern for her state of mind and only her state of dress implies to me that he's no good dom. The fact that he never asked if she was okay is a lack of competance on his part. This man is not a dom, simply a control freak.

I dont think i miss the point of a D/s relationship at all. You do not know what level of concern he had for her at the moment, as far as i know you were not there with him viewing the cam. How do you know that from viewing it he didnt get a sense of her being ok or not. And uhmmm. .... i dont think ive ever met a Dom who wasnt a control freak I felt that Shy wanted a rounded view when she started this thread, and i gave her a side that was not seen. I'm pretty sure (from knowing her and her posts here) that she had no intention of making this another Dom-bashing thread.

 

[Nyte_BlackRose]

Ok, my turn

To me, this incident described sets off a lot of warning bells in my head. Shy Slave has told us that this guy is into mind fucks and head games, which she has had problems with in the past. She experienced a rightfully frightening experience, and she was well within her right and reason to get dressed to deal with this. She came back to a person who began as a friend, confidant, and consoling figure, and instead of showing concern for her well being, and needs, he attacked her for her fears and emotional state.

It seems to me that this person is interested more in control than any sort of a functional relationship, though admitedly, I have only this little bit of information to go on. It does sound as though she has severe concerns about his style and attitude towards her, and needs to step out of the D/s situation for a discussion with him on this. Then she needs to evaluate if this is best for her to be in at this time, or with this person.

Only she can garner the response that best suits her, but something needs to be addressed, in my opinion, before the situation gets out of hand and she ends up deeply harmed emotionally by this.

N

 

[graceanne]

I'm pretty sure (from knowing her and her posts here) that she had no intention of making this another Dom-bashing thread.

She didn't? Ah, man! No one ever lets me have fun.

 

[dolf]

I'm pretty sure (from knowing her and her posts here) that she had no intention of making this another Dom-bashing thread.

i have that angle covered
she needs other peoples honest opinions...that and a really cool Dom with a passion for buying his subs handbags

 

[Luna_Wolf72]

As AA said, not everyone subscribes to the same brand of D/s or M/s, and for an outside someone to judge another's "brand," particularly with knowledge gained only through a few posts on a message board, does strongly imply a perhaps-undeserved insolence and sense of superiority.

While I do agree with the majority of your post Sir Winston, I would like to point out just one small thing. Trinque did not realize how her post could be misconstrued, especially since she and Shy had pm'ed after this thread's start. I know this because Trinique is my submisive in training and she did not think her tone was that insolent.

I tried to make the point that not all BDSM is cut out for everyone and our brand may not be what others like or even require but for you to ASSUME that she has NO knowledge is downright arrogant.

Luna

 

[Nyte_BlackRose]

(Bold added for emphasis.)

Trinique_Fire: The arrogance, disrespect and lack of knowledge of the person to whom you responded shown in the second sentence of your response to Kajira Callista has, for me, undone the respect you may have earned through prior posts in this forum.

Well, you speak here of alledging arrogance, dissrespect and a lack of knowledge on her part, yet I find that this entire statement is arrogant, dissrespectful, and condescending. You are presuming to judge her based on her opinion and comment on a situation, where her opinion, as was the rest of the posters' opnions were solicited, and that shows a severe tendency to uninformed quick judgements.

Also, if you base your respect for a person on thier opinion given trying to help out a person who is obviously seeking advice for a troubling, confusing situation, then you sir, truly are closed minded.

What she was in fact doing was posting based on knowledge that by that point had gone beyond what was posted here, and was in fact in reaction to someone who blatantly posted that they were ignoring all but the first post. Perhaps you should contemplate being more open minded to other's opinions and base your level of respect for people on thier integrity, and ability to come up with thier own opinion as opposed to simply following the common opinion.

N

 

[Kajira Callista]

What she was in fact doing was posting based on knowledge that by that point had gone beyond what was posted here, and was in fact in reaction to someone who blatantly posted that they were ignoring all but the first post.

Hmmm since when does skimming mean blatantly posting that they were ignoring?
I have been posting back and forth with most of the ppl in this forum for a while now and honestly i dont need to memorize each of their posts to know what their opinions on certain subjects will be. Please do not read anything but the words i type, because what i type is what i mean.

 

[dolf]

don't make me start getting fluffy in here *raisy brow look*
group hug and back to shy's problem?

 

[A Desert Rose]

Like KC said, many of us "know" each other on one level or another. Most of us understand some of the behind-the-scenes situations that others do not. (In this case however, I know very little behind the scenes stuff, short of what I've read posted here. I do know shy to a small degree, though.)

Most of the time, we can read under what someone has said here and know what the other is meaning. New posters don't have that advantage.

And most of us will always temper our posts with "this is just what I think" or "this is my opinion on what you've said." Not many of us post as though we have all the answers and most of us know that we don't. We just know what fits for us, as individuals.

 

[shy slave]

You get some sleep and look what happens...

Goodness, I blame dolf she suggested i garnered opinion!!!

KC is right Dom bashing was not point of my post, I was and am looking for several viewpoints to help me bitch, whine, learn, discover and think.
You all contributed to that and I appreciated it. It has given me much to think about both for the immediate time and potential future.
Sir W you are not alone in your belief this is probably not the right relationship for me.
Dolf agrees with you as does just about everybody who has read my posts and understood just how my last master suddenly abandoning me made me feel.
That said........
A while back Esclava had a thread about moths to a flame. This is how I am about him. I have been talking to him for over a year online and he intrigues me. His level of micr-management, his level of control is something I want to experience.
Funny enough I know it will end in tears (apart from when he flogs me!), I know it not the right time for this but I have also read AA's and Cailtlynnes views and a big part of me needs to swim in these dangerous waters.
I want to push my limits and boundries both physical and mental. I want to understand that level of control.
So against better judgement i will go there.
I emailed him and explained I had felt let down by his response and reaction.
He rang me today, he explained he ahd not realised the depth of my fear and there would be no futher comment on my state of dress.
That is enough for me, i do want apology.

Just to put in my two pence worth...
I did not read Trinque post as anything other than another opinion and we spoke in pm about it (she thinks its bad idea too).
Sadly i don't think he is interested in shopping for handbags either, well not unless he can attach a leash to it lol

 

[dolf]

Goodness, I blame dolf she suggested i garnered opinion!!!

oi!

So against better judgement i will go there.

and i'll be waiting with the choc, ice cream and tissues...promise to only say "i told you so" once

love you hon

 

[shy slave]

oi!

and i'll be waiting with the choc, ice cream and tissues...promise to only say "i told you so" once

love you hon

Is that once a day or once a minute lol

 

[AngelicAssassin]

Ok ...

i've quoted below where i had issue with Trinique's opinion.

Perhaps you're missing the point of a dom/sub relationship completely.

The other material makes sense knowing PMs went back and forth between the pair, but the quote (regardless of context), plainly says "my brand is better than yours." If the kinder, gentler approach works for you and yours, more power to you. Realize two things, however. First, those of us that subscribe to another point of view sure as hell wouldn't hang out here where perfection exists as the exception rather than the rule. Second, your lifestyle ain't the end all be all, or we'd all (including the non-BDSMers) do the same thing.

i may not agree with others' advice for a gentler approach. i may not have the omniscient gift of others that can read between the lines while not told jackshit of the other side of the story. i certainly didn't PM shy for gritty details. Based on the follow up from shy, however, all of us got it wrong, yet right for our brand. If you don't agree, insert anelizedarkeyes' sig line here.

 

[shy slave]

i've quoted below where i had issue with Trinique's opinion.The other material makes sense knowing PMs went back and forth between the pair, but the quote (regardless of context), plainly says "my brand is better than yours." If the kinder, gentler approach works for you and yours, more power to you. Realize two things, however. First, those of us that subscribe to another point of view sure as hell wouldn't hang out here where perfection exists as the exception rather than the rule. Second, your lifestyle ain't the end all be all, or we'd all (including the non-BDSMers) do the same thing.

i may not agree with others' advice for a gentler approach. i may not have the omniscient gift of others that can read between the lines while not told jackshit of the other side of the story. i certainly didn't PM shy for gritty details. Based on the follow up from shy, however, all of us got it wrong, yet right for our brand. If you don't agree, insert anelizedarkeyes' sig line here.

Not sure there is a wrong and a right here, but I know I need to try this brand of D/s and I think he is person to take me to my limits and beyond.

It is difficult to put over in any post all aspects of another person. When any of us post here we only gave you a snap shot of an experience notthe whole shebang.