Purely sexual or more than that?

[Kailey_86]

IMO, equality in this sort of a relationship is about having each other's needs met. i am equal to J because W/we both give each other what W/we need.

 

[lil_slave_rose]

IMO, equality in this sort of a relationship is about having each other's needs met. i am equal to J because W/we both give each other what W/we need.

thank you kailey as that is kind of what i was trying to get across with the two halves of a whole thing, and though my point is still not completely brought out..you did bring out ALOT Of what i meant....

 

[BeachGurl2]

I chose outside as well. Most of you here know that about me - I am submissive, it's not just sexual. And even though I'm not in a relationship right now, that doesn't change the fact that I am what I am. Sex is just one aspect of it.

 

[Etoile]

My therapist and I had an interesting chat about this last night. She seems to think that all BDSM relationships have distinct "play" time. She said she thought I mostly enjoyed it for the play, and not the sex. I told her that wasn't the case at all. Yes, I enjoy being whipped. Yes, I enjoy the sex. But it's more than that...it's the whole package. What I'm there for is my Daddy's dominance. The whole package, which sometimes includes sex. She seemed to get it, and said "so if there was a way to achieve the exact same intimacy without sex, you wouldn't mind going without sex." And you know what? She was right. It's not about sex at all. It's about the dominance, the intimacy, and the interaction. Sometimes we interact through sex, because being bent over the bed or forced to my knees has a powerful intimate impact. But it's not about the sex, really, at all.

 

[liberatedslave]

I think that with us, Sir's dominance is most complete and most overt in the bedroom. Outside it though, I wouldn't make an important decision without him and although we can converse as equals, everything is underwritten by the our emotional power exchange. I always know when I've teased or pushed my luck because he only has to throw me a look. On a couple of occasions he's spanked me there and then and it hasn't been sexual at all, simply Sir asserting exactly what he will and won't tolerate from his submissive.



... Mmmm well... not very sexual anyway

 

[MasterPhoenix]

Well, rose pretty well summed up our relationship.

I do liken it a lot to the traditional marriage where the husband is in charge, but taken to a bit higher degree.

as for a power exchange, it is an exchange.... I have the power because she has willingly given it to Me.

 

[catalina_francisco]

My therapist and I had an interesting chat about this last night. She seems to think that all BDSM relationships have distinct "play" time. She said she thought I mostly enjoyed it for the play, and not the sex. I told her that wasn't the case at all. Yes, I enjoy being whipped. Yes, I enjoy the sex. But it's more than that...it's the whole package. What I'm there for is my Daddy's dominance. The whole package, which sometimes includes sex. She seemed to get it, and said "so if there was a way to achieve the exact same intimacy without sex, you wouldn't mind going without sex." And you know what? She was right. It's not about sex at all. It's about the dominance, the intimacy, and the interaction. Sometimes we interact through sex, because being bent over the bed or forced to my knees has a powerful intimate impact. But it's not about the sex, really, at all.

At least your therapist asks interesting questions..or poses interesting concepts!! I think if I had been in your position I would have had to say I am a person for whom sex is high up on the list of things I must have on a remotely compatible level in a relationship...have tried to be with someone with little libido and it doesn't work for me. That being said, for me to enjoy sex to the utmost, there has to be D/s involved, preferrably with a good dash of SM. There are actually times when I crave the SM more if made to choose, but from having that indulged comes the follow on need for sex...not always, but often for both of us. As to finding a way to achieve the same level of intimacy without the SM or D/s, I have tried a lot of ways over the decades and it hasn't worked out in any other type relationship. I look at it now as a 'if it ain't broke, why fix it?' situation.

Catalina

 

[FurryFury]

IMO you would fit into the more than just sex category. What other category should i have added? i don't really think there are more than 2 categories in this case. That's just my opinion though.

Reading the original poll question again, I see what you mean. So it's more than just the bedroom for me.

Reading your original post though, I'm certainly not submissive in all areas of my life. I think that's where I got confused. Sorry. I will now go vote.

Fury

 

[Inconsequential]

It goes way beyond the bedroom, it nearly covers all aspects of My lifestyle. Inside home, outside home, social gatherings, events. I am one of the few I know that is even lucky enough to let the Dom/me side of Me carry into work. I'm in a job where I'm in charge of several people, just because they don't submit to Me sexually doesn't make Me any less dominant to them, or them any less submissive to Me.

 

[Inconsequential]

The idea of being a "slave" or in total power exchange or what have you is a turn-on... for about thirty seconds, until I think of what being less than an equal partner in the relationship would actually entail.

I dont see My sub as less than Me because they submit. They are just as equal in the relationship as I am, if I didn't have a submissive how could I say I'm Domme? I don't feel there is an inequality in a TPE relationship. Submissives who are strong enough in their desires to realize they ~want~ to be submissive. This should not be considered less, but just the other half of the relationship. It has always taken ~two~ to tango.

 

[lil_slave_rose]

I dont see My sub as less than Me because they submit. They are just as equal in the relationship as I am, if I didn't have a submissive how could I say I'm Domme? I don't feel there is an inequality in a TPE relationship. Submissives who are strong enough in their desires to realize they ~want~ to be submissive. This should not be considered less, but just the other half of the relationship. It has always taken ~two~ to tango.

*smiles* someone else who can say what i meant to say in my earlier post...well said and i agree 100%

 

[AvaAdore]

I chose option A. I don't think I have the right temperment to do 24/7. Maybe I could with a different person, but just because of our personalities, I don't think my partner and I could keep it up. Of course, I love my partner very much and I wouldn't trade him for the world, but I don't think he's the best dominant (part of it is that he is more of a sadist than a Dom!).

So we have our fun, mostly in the bedroom. It's not role-playing as such - it feels perfectly natural to me to be submissive.

I can't really decide if I have a submissive personality. I have taken leadership roles in the past. I also do martial arts, and there is some satisfaction of having someone superior to you who you have to call "Sir" pushing you to your limits.

 

[SpectreT]

Choice B, here.

Which may surprise people, coming from a self-described B&D Switch.

There's more to it than just sex - just like life. But, to appropriate Etoile's therapist's question and answer it from my perspective, I wouldn't be as interested in B&D without sex - just like life, oddly enough..

So, like everything else, it feels like I fall in the middle.

 

[amadaun]

I dont see My sub as less than Me because they submit. They are just as equal in the relationship as I am, if I didn't have a submissive how could I say I'm Domme? I don't feel there is an inequality in a TPE relationship. Submissives who are strong enough in their desires to realize they ~want~ to be submissive. This should not be considered less, but just the other half of the relationship. It has always taken ~two~ to tango.

Meh, when I say "less than an equal partner" I mean quite literally not having full decision-making parity, which is pretty integral to the definition of a TPE relationship from what I've seen. I'm not saying "less valuable" or that submissives are weak and sucky or there's not a nice happy yin and yang dynamic in D/s that makes it work. I mean explicitly not having equal control over the mundane relationshippy aspects of the relationship, which, for me personally, doesn't fly, hence my answer to the question. If other subs like it, more power to them (or, um... less), but personally I feel that I want to keep all that stuff on a nice, level, vanilla playing field.