Realistic D/s relationships

[catalina_francisco]

Well I suppose you are allowed....hehehe

but remember I have My eyes on you...

Hope we don't shock you too much then!!

 

[Ebonyfire]

Hope we don't shock you too much then!!

On the contrary, I am being motivated....

 

[catalina_francisco]

On the contrary, I am being motivated....

Seems we have done that for a few people now. Our pleasure.

C

 

[Ebonyfire]

Seems we have done that for a few people now. Our pleasure.

C

Not about marriage though, lol. I have My standards.

 

[catalina_francisco]

I do not think that romantic involvement should be high on the list of demands. It is a very nice bonus and I am madly in love with Catalina. But love alone will not fulfil our needs, we could be madly in love with each other but without the complete set of compatible attributes we would be doomed to fail.

I do also not think that love has to be destructive in a BDSM relationship that depends on the persons involved. Important is to remember what drew the partners to each other and keep being the persons that have fallen in love with each other.

I have seen D/s relationship fail when emotions take over and people forget what the needs are that need to be answered. It is like saying to Catalina I love you so much I will become vanilla for you. I would try but it would fail and in the end we would grow apart and the love we have would be destroyed and we would end up with nothing but grief.

Francisco.

 

[Ebonyfire]

It is a very nice bonus and I am madly in love with Catalina.

Not that I could tell or anything...

 

[Ebonyfire]

I do not think that romantic involvement should be high on the list of demands. It is a very nice bonus and I am madly in love with Catalina. But love alone will not fulfil our needs, we could be madly in love with each other but without the complete set of compatible attributes we would be doomed to fail.

I do also not think that love has to be destructive in a BDSM relationship that depends on the persons involved. Important is to remember what drew the partners to each other and keep being the persons that have fallen in love with each other.

I have seen D/s relationship fail when emotions take over and people forget what the needs are that need to be answered. It is like saying to Catalina I love you so much I will become vanilla for you. I would try but it would fail and in the end we would grow apart and the love we have would be destroyed and we would end up with nothing but grief.

Francisco.

Yep, I see it time and time again. People forget what brought them together. In this, there is not much difference than vanilla relationships.

 

[Netzach]

I can't fathom demanding or deciding on romantic attachment in advance. The whole nature of the beast is that it rears it's ugly head when it damn well pleases and there's not a lot the most large and in charge of us can do about it.

The trick is to keep a sane head, stay reasonably in touch with reality, but also enjoy your flights of fancy. It's ok to have one, and it's nice to have dreams.

I don't talk to prospective bottoms with the hope that they might be the love of my life.

However, I do know that the love of my life has got to be a bottom. Or very into my having bottoms, but even that's not as ideal.

 

[NYCgirl26]

Wow opened up a can of worms her didn't I. The conversation that came out of it has been very interesting.

Eb: I may have oversimplified the situation by asking about D/s as a sole commonality. I was trying to isolate a variable, but it was not realalistic.

Fransisco: I have to agree that when I started looking for a D/s relationship I was not looking for love. But then it happened, and for me it has given me a confidence in my own abilities to Dominate him. Now maybe that is not how it is suppoed to happen, but it what happened to me...and more importantly it works for U/us.

 

[catalina_francisco]

I think the thing for me which some fail to understand is I had had my share of vanilla type so called love relationships, all of which failed in the end because they did not fulfil....and I knew I wanted a D/s relationship and needed it, but also knew that alone would fail. I did not see I had to choose one or the other and decided to take my own advice and believe enough in my dreams based on my knowledge of self to make it happen.

That did not mean finding the first Dom who would accept me and expecting love....it meant knowing the qualities a person required for me to have a possibility of a romantic AND D/s relationship in one, and then searching for that uniqueness in one. I met some who came close, but the feelings were not there to even hint at the possibility of a love match...so I passed and kept many as good friends.

From the first email of Master's there was something I could not positively name, but told me this had real possibilities in all areas and it scared me enough I emailed a friend in fear and anticipation....smiled with bemusement when I came across that email to my friend a few weeks ago. It still meant exploring each other, and a lot of self denial due to the difficulties our being together would cause, but in the end it was undeniable and all I had hoped for and then some.

The essence is though, I never accepted I had to make a choice between love and BDSM and hope it happened together, all the while setting myself up to accept less than the bliss I sought. For once I got greeedy and said I would have it all or continue in play only for the rest of my days. I am blessed I admit.

C

 

[aerofreak]

Let Me try to answer this question from My own angle....In My own life choice arena.

D/s must be the dynamic and the mass of My relationship. Without it there will never be a relationship. Even trying to pull off a small dose of D/s will never lead to a relationship for Me.

BUT D/s is not enough to form a long term relationship with this Domme....the submissive that wants to catch My eye will have to be intellectual, curious and have a well rounded sense of humour.

Without D/s there is no beginning..without intellect, curiousity and humour there is no future. Love is simply the icing on the cake but totally unnecessary for Me.

That's pretty much how we feel as well, but as we are looking for pets to be cherished, loved & cared for as they serve us, so we insist that we at least have enough things in common outside of d/s that we can be friends, and hopefully eventually reach the arena of love with them.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Realistic

Thanks for all the perspectives on this subject.

The whole purpose of this thread is to show how realisitic D/s relationships work with the different philosophies of how things should be for the individuals involved.

It is hopeful that the new people who read this will understand that there is no "one true way". What is true for one may be untrue for another.

Eb