Requesting Feedback/Bigrig Ch. 17

[spiritwalker]

It's the way of the world, honey and you can only change it by continuing your journey of discovery, at least for you and those of us who love you. You Go Boy!

Profoundly spoken, my friend and spirit mate. Your thoughts are most encouraging, I'm sure.

 

[spiritwalker]

I really appreciate it, guys. But it seems I missed the mark with this chapter. I think it's time I bow out, maybe. I don't know what to do. I worked so hard on that chapter trying to develope Mr. Bowman's character and make him seem so real. The fight scene you guys liked so much, I had to slow down in my head to actually put it into words. And I did want it to be as real as I could make it. But maybe it just wasn't good enough, you know? *sigh*

This place seems to be like everywhere else, anyway. You gotta know somebody important to get anywhere.

hmmm... I groan with complete displeasure, Billy....

 

[spiritwalker]

Billy, come on, now. You know better, love. Chapter 17 was very good. It was better than good, it was marvelous. It's one of your best works, babe.

The problem is, that you got hit by three bible thumpers. It's not the work, or what you did wrong, ok. They ruined your score a little, yes. But you know that we have never lied to you, and will not begin to do so. You can recover from it. It will go up. Just keep the your head about you. Don't take it so personal. And just as Msboy8 keeps telling you, write for yourself.

Even Athena will tell you when she doesn't think it's right, and you know it. So, you stop this pity party you're having and just go on. Shake the dust off your feet and move on, buddy. You're better than this, I and the rest of us know it. And I will not stand by and watch you do this to yourself. You will not continue this path you're on. Take a chill pill, dude, as you always tell us. It's not the end of the world. Geeesssssssss.

And yes, I'm being strong with you, because I think you need it right now. We all are supporting you, like it or not. And that means in the bad times too. With tough love, if it takes it. And I am certain that many of these authors in this forum will agree that your work is as good as anyone elses. It's unfortunate that these three decided to pick on you now at a moment when you felt you had done your best work. But it's still not the end of the world, kid. Get with the program, finish your conclusion chapter, submit it, and think of something else to start. And I mean, NOW, trooper......... lol

And I most definately agree, Dr. Michaels. You have a very profound way with words, sir. You had me locking my heals at the last. I salute you, sir. Not many can do that with me. lol

 

[spiritwalker]

Discussion Point 1.

Despite his inherent evilness, Mr. Bowman has certainly had an impact on all of us. I'd want to crawl inside his mind as well to see how he ticks.

Yes, despite the fact that I know Mr. James Bowman, personally, and know what a fricking snake he is, a disceitful lowlife of a man, not even worthy of being call such, yes. I found his character in this chapter to be very alluring and bewitching. But I must also add that I hate his guts. And someday, he will get his.......

 

[spiritwalker]

Discussion Point 2.

Bruce showed his character in this chapter, standing up to Mr. Bowman as he did.

For my part, I found Bruce to be the pivotal center of the entire novel. He showed so much respect, not only for himself, but for his friends and colleagues. I admired his strength, courage and fortituded. He was a very strong character in this novel that made me truly think about much of my own characteristics. How strong am I? Do I have the same kind of respect and fortitude this man showed in this book? And would I be able to stand up to such a groveling worm as Mr. James Bowman?

Personally, I'd like to meet such a man, as Bruce Crawford. There aren't that many around these days. He would quickly have become my idol. What an admirable, chivalrous man he was. And such are just not found anymore.

 

[spiritwalker]

Discussion Point 3.

Does anyone else think that Ben should have had his men maybe a little closer in the beginning? Okay, what am I thinking, like a girl probably.... that would have defeated the whole plot line and I do understand plot lines.

To be completely blunt and honest, I thought the same thing myself. And I'm certain that at this point in the chapter, so much was going on inside Billy's mind in putting this all down on paper, or what have you, that he completely overlooked that small detail.

However, It could have been, like Athena had said, that possibly, Ben was working outside the proper means of his authority. Which would be his reasons for being so perplexed by Tony's actions. He could have lost a good trooper in the battle.

But then again, Tony is a hothead and will do as he pleases, no matter the situation. He is a strong character that leaves his heart open to those he loves, giving his all to them. And when he fails, he continuously goes over his mistakes, mentally, to ensure they won't be made again. In my eyes, he's an excellent soldier. Or whatever you want to call him.

 

[spiritwalker]

Yes, most assuredly. It would be interesting to see what was lurking behind his face and façade. I'm very certain we would find quite a few skeletons hiding in his closet, perhaps even a rattlesnake or two. lol

Dr. Michaels, he is a rattlesnake. Omg... lol... I'm sorry, I just have this underlying current of disgust for the man. Even though this is about a novel that Billy wrote, he used a character that is factually one of the most contemptible men I have ever known. I guess I need to get off my soapbox. lol. I don't truly want to spoil Billy's story or the ratings he has had that are very impressive, by the way.

I commend you, Billy. You took so many situations and made a very good fictional story with them. You have grown as a writer, that's certain. I remember your very first, and I must say, this is outstanding work. To me, it is worthy of print, regardless of anyone else's opinions.

 

[athena_by_night]

Commendable feedback throughout your posts Jules.... did you notice you are labeled as a virgin? I do so love to point that out......

 

[dcraig]

And I most definately agree, Dr. Michaels. You have a very profound way with words, sir. You had me locking my heals at the last. I salute you, sir. Not many can do that with me. lol

Well, soldier... If that be the case... You had better salute me. And get that chin up! No one told you that you could relax! Get at attention! Now! Fix that uniform! Better yet, drop and give me twenty. And I don't mean yesterday! Push that ground away, boy! 1...5...8...14...20...

Now, get up! And don't you dare move! I'm just going to see if that worked those muscles of yours at all. Hmm... feels nice...

Who told you to move, boy! You flinched! Drop down and give me twenty more!

 

[dcraig]

For my part, I found Bruce to be the pivotal center of the entire novel. He showed so much respect, not only for himself, but for his friends and colleagues. I admired his strength, courage and fortituded. He was a very strong character in this novel that made me truly think about much of my own characteristics. How strong am I? Do I have the same kind of respect and fortitude this man showed in this book? And would I be able to stand up to such a groveling worm as Mr. James Bowman?

Personally, I'd like to meet such a man, as Bruce Crawford. There aren't that many around these days. He would quickly have become my idol. What an admirable, chivalrous man he was. And such are just not found anymore.

Jules, my dearest friend, you ARE such a man. I have not known many in my life either, as you say. But I know that in the heat of conflict you are one of the strongest and most encouraging forces I have ever had the privilege of knowing.

I also believe that this character developed from the very depths of Billy's heart and soul. Perhaps, Bruce Crawford is the very pinnacle of the fatherhood he wished he had had. And perhaps, he is the very stronghold upon which he builds his own life. I don't know. But I do know, that this came from Billy's heart and soul. Which tells me that it is also lurking in the very depths of him this very moment. Maybe all he needs is someone like you to draw this out of him and help him develope it for himself.

I love you both......... Craig....

 

[dcraig]

To be completely blunt and honest, I thought the same thing myself. And I'm certain that at this point in the chapter, so much was going on inside Billy's mind in putting this all down on paper, or what have you, that he completely overlooked that small detail.

However, It could have been, like Athena had said, that possibly, Ben was working outside the proper means of his authority. Which would be his reasons for being so perplexed by Tony's actions. He could have lost a good trooper in the battle.

But then again, Tony is a hothead and will do as he pleases, no matter the situation. He is a strong character that leaves his heart open to those he loves, giving his all to them. And when he fails, he continuously goes over his mistakes, mentally, to ensure they won't be made again. In my eyes, he's an excellent soldier. Or whatever you want to call him.

Jules, I believe that Billy based this character upon you and Gary. If I am not mistaken, the character 'Tony' is you. Which says a lot about you.

 

[windstormy]

Yes, despite the fact that I know Mr. James Bowman, personally, and know what a fricking snake he is, a disceitful lowlife of a man, not even worthy of being call such, yes. I found his character in this chapter to be very alluring and bewitching. But I must also add that I hate his guts. And someday, he will get his.......

Yeah, Jules, as you said, (he got his).​

 

[windstormy]

For my part, I found Bruce to be the pivotal center of the entire novel. He showed so much respect, not only for himself, but for his friends and colleagues. I admired his strength, courage and fortituded. He was a very strong character in this novel that made me truly think about much of my own characteristics. How strong am I? Do I have the same kind of respect and fortitude this man showed in this book? And would I be able to stand up to such a groveling worm as Mr. James Bowman?

Personally, I'd like to meet such a man, as Bruce Crawford. There aren't that many around these days. He would quickly have become my idol. What an admirable, chivalrous man he was. And such are just not found anymore.

Jules, I really appreciate this comment so very much. I built his character upon a couple very strong, courageous men. Namely, you, Craig and Tim. The three of you have always been my strength and help. If I even needed direction, I only needed to look to one of you. Even if I didn't like the advise, I could always know and trust in it's worth. So, you can count yourself as a Bruce in my book, Jules. Because you are one.

 

[athena_by_night]

What a lovely compliment, Billy. You truly have amazing, gifted and adorable men in your life. And I am honored that you all consider me a friend. Thank you for all that you are and all that you do that makes you who you are. You are all terrific in my book. And you work in conjunction with each other. How rare is that?

Love, Marie

 

[windstormy]

It's Finally Out, Guy...

Sorry it took so long, but it's finally out. The first chapter in my sequel to Bigrig has finally made approval. It's in the novel/novella cat this time. And it does not contain any sexual content. Not in this chapter anyway. Lol. I encourage everyone to take a look at it and cratique my work. Please? I am learning to write better and I know there are some awesome experienced writers in this forum. I did see some of my mistakes already. And I will correct them in my folder, just in case. I like to be thorough, but I am human. So, please give me your comments and advise.

I did start this chapter out reintroducing my main characters. My thoughts were that if this had been a seperate book and a reader was reading it first, (before Bigrig), I might want to tell them a little about each one. Was I right to do this? Or should I have let them figure it out? Lol. A little humor in my stress. Lol. Ok, I'll let you go read and see what you experts think. I'm so excited and am waiting with my breath caught in my throat. So, please hurry, before I die of suffication. Lol........

A Timeless Place

I posted this thread seperately in the forum. And I can't see where to add any comments at the end. I have it turned on, but it doesn't seem to be working. What did I do wrong now? Or is it just this way in the novel/novella's cat? Weird that they wouldn't want to turn on the comments for this? *Shrugs* Oh, well. Maybe I should ask the experts that q. Lol....​

 

[dcraig]

I posted this thread seperately in the forum. And I can't see where to add any comments at the end. I have it turned on, but it doesn't seem to be working. What did I do wrong now? Or is it just this way in the novel/novella's cat? Weird that they wouldn't want to turn on the comments for this? *Shrugs* Oh, well. Maybe I should ask the experts that q. Lol....​

I did notice that Billy. But I put my comment in your seperate thread for you. Hope you can get it resolved soon.

 

[Doug Lewis]

I posted this thread seperately in the forum. And I can't see where to add any comments at the end. I have it turned on, but it doesn't seem to be working. What did I do wrong now? Or is it just this way in the novel/novella's cat? Weird that they wouldn't want to turn on the comments for this? *Shrugs* Oh, well. Maybe I should ask the experts that q. Lol....​

Sorry you're having so much trouble with it, Billy. Maybe it'll be fixed soon.

 

[Doug Lewis]

Jules, I really appreciate this comment so very much. I built his character upon a couple very strong, courageous men. Namely, you, Craig and Tim. The three of you have always been my strength and help. If I even needed direction, I only needed to look to one of you. Even if I didn't like the advise, I could always know and trust in it's worth. So, you can count yourself as a Bruce in my book, Jules. Because you are one.

Billy, having known all three of these men, I understand perfectly where Bruce has evolved from. They are very good men. All three of them. It stands to reason you would base Bruce after them.

 

[Doug Lewis]

Yes, despite the fact that I know Mr. James Bowman, personally, and know what a fricking snake he is, a disceitful lowlife of a man, not even worthy of being call such, yes. I found his character in this chapter to be very alluring and bewitching. But I must also add that I hate his guts. And someday, he will get his.......

I know how hard that must have been to admit, knowing the man so well.

 

[Doug Lewis]

I commend you, Billy. You took so many situations and made a very good fictional story with them. You have grown as a writer, that's certain. I remember your very first, and I must say, this is outstanding work. To me, it is worthy of print, regardless of anyone else's opinions.

Some very good words, Dr. spears. And yes, he has grown as a writer since his very first work. I am completely enjoying his writing.

 

[spiritwalker]

I posted this thread seperately in the forum. And I can't see where to add any comments at the end. I have it turned on, but it doesn't seem to be working. What did I do wrong now? Or is it just this way in the novel/novella's cat? Weird that they wouldn't want to turn on the comments for this? *Shrugs* Oh, well. Maybe I should ask the experts that q. Lol....​

I do so hope you can work it would, Billy. I know how much you love your comments from your readers.

 

[spiritwalker]

Some very good words, Dr. spears. And yes, he has grown as a writer since his very first work. I am completely enjoying his writing.

Well, thank you, kind sir.... ​

 

[spiritwalker]

I know how hard that must have been to admit, knowing the man so well.

No comment... ​

 

[sweeteric2u2]

I posted this thread seperately in the forum. And I can't see where to add any comments at the end. I have it turned on, but it doesn't seem to be working. What did I do wrong now? Or is it just this way in the novel/novella's cat? Weird that they wouldn't want to turn on the comments for this? *Shrugs* Oh, well. Maybe I should ask the experts that q. Lol....​

I hope your get it fixed too, Billy. We will not be able to live with you, not having any comments to your chapter. Lol..... hehehe ​

 

[moffettasweet]

I hope your get it fixed too, Billy. We will not be able to live with you, not having any comments to your chapter. Lol..... hehehe ​

Oh, huney....... I'm so sorry about that. I do hope you can get that fixed soon.