Ritual in BDSM

[cellis]

I received this particular link today, in preparation for an upcoming Dom/me meeting.

I thought that it belonged here.

It has an interesting persective on rituals and why people use them.

http://www.sexuality.org/l/religion/wilarp.html

 

[lark sparrow]

The recent threads on religion and bdsm have gotten me wondering about the part that rituals play in what we do. In a religious context, ritual performs the functions of creating a sense of community, continuity, and comfort. In short, trust.
And in bdsm, it seems that so much of what we do is a ritualization of sensuality. Don't most of our scenes take on at least some aspect of ritual? Isn't this the source of much of the formalization of language and protocol that is so important to many practitioners?
I'd really like to hear think on this subject, particularly what one magnificent lady has to say.

 

[UCE]

To malapprop Sir Stephen, "I am verrrrry UNfond of ritual."

I've seen a lot of people in the bdsm world use ritual to distance themselves from a sexuality which their puritan selves just cannot accept without some grand philosophizing or intellectual connections. So I'm very suspicious of any kind of sex that isn't natural or spontaneous.

I'm talking about the "doms should always do this" and "subs should always do that" rules that some groups foster as well as all these weird connections people try to make between bdsm sexuality and whatever one's favorite religion is. I'm also talking about nearly religious formulae like "safe sane and consensual." All of these things serve to take the sting out of the whip, to desexualize, tame, or otherwise nullfy what is actually an often powerfully vicious aspect of sexuality, in its natural state.

 

[RisiaSkye]

I hear what you're saying, UCE, and I'll agree that ritual (and quasi-religious overtones like the hushed silence around SSC lore) can be used to crush the passion and pure sexual expression out of scenes. I don't think it has to be that way, though. It's all in what you make of it, and how you use it.

IMO, of course.

RS

 

[pierced_boy]

Uce I am with Risia here

We don,t practise any disassociation type rituals but the form of our play is ritualised in that it (ritual)is used to set tone and atmosphere, to enhance mood and arousal, to bring as many dimensions together to create the most fulfilling and intense experience possible. It is about focus (for us) No matter how we play it is not vicious in any state. It is consensual in all respects.

Those who play other wise are at the edge of what is legal and reasonable, no matter if they play with ritual or not. BDSM or anything else.

H

 

[RisiaSkye]

*bump de bump de bump*

Cuz I'd like to see this conversation picked up, especially by some of the many new voices that have joined since its first time around.

Now that I've done my job, Eb, can I get a cookie?

RS

 

[jon.hayworth]

There exists a simplistic temptation to make the link between BDSM Ritual and Religious Rituals, especially the rituals used within the Catholic Church. Others have made the same links to the rituals of Black Majic and Satanism. The root both groups use in making this link is the same.

The reason for this common link, to belief systems that to the casual observer are sets of beliefs diametrically opposed to one another lies in the source of the religion's ritual.

De Sade in the 18th century, was not alone in satyrising religion and incorporating the priesthood into his stories. The Catholic Cgurch and the State in Pre-Revolutionary France were inextricably linked, an attack upon the church was an effective attack upon the state. Pornography using images of the church was a political weapon. De Sade was a complex mixture of pornographer, liberal thinker, philosopher, and one should not forget his greatest ambition was to be a Playwright. The Tridentine (Latin) Catholic liturgy is nothing if not dramatic.

The so called Neo Pagans at the end of the 19th century and 1st half of the 20thc Growley, Gardener, Graves. Were the people who practice and formalised the practice of Black Majic. Many of them were also into a variety of sexual practices. They tended to perform rituals which have been devised by inverting Catholic Rites - The Black Mass - saying the "Our Father" backwards - inverting or breaking a crucifix - using a purloined host.

However I would suggest that the real reason for most of us using rituals can be found in RS's and Desert Rose's signatures - we are all a bunch of Drama Fans. We are playing out roles we have cast ourselves into.

Ignoring the minority of psychopaths who inevitably, on occassion will try to infiltrate our ranks, how many Doms by nature go around beating people, outside the bedroom / torture chamber rituals of BDSM. I don't think many Subs are also battered partners.

The truth is that we play games. The Sub has the "Safe Word" the ultimate control over this game, the Dom is only empowered with the Subs consent. We need rituals to make the transition between the reality of what is and the fantasy "reality" that we are playing out.

I hope that I have not caused offense to anyone.

jon

 

[Justina123]

A few of my favorites....

I opened my mouth, and panted, for I longed for Thy commandments. (Psa. 119:131, KJV)

Present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service. (Rom. 12:1, KJV)

He will not allow you to be tested above what you are able, and at the time that you are put to the test, He will give you the strength to endure it. (1 Co.10:13, NKJV)

Servants, be obedient to them that are your masters according to the flesh, with fear and trembling, in singleness of heart, as unto Christ, doing the will of your Master from the heart. (Eph. 6:6, KJV)

Just a few of literally hundreds!

-justina

 

[Ebonyfire]

*bump de bump de bump*

Cuz I'd like to see this conversation picked up, especially by some of the many new voices that have joined since its first time around.

Now that I've done my job, Eb, can I get a cookie?

RS

Take two, please, and pass the milk.

 

[RisiaSkye]

The so called Neo Pagans at the end of the 19th century and 1st half of the 20thc Growley, Gardener, Graves. Were the people who practice and formalised the practice of Black Majic. Many of them were also into a variety of sexual practices. They tended to perform rituals which have been devised by inverting Catholic Rites - The Black Mass - saying the "Our Father" backwards - inverting or breaking a crucifix - using a purloined host.

On this point, I totally disagree.
While a minority of Magick practitioners, primarily those associated with Anton LaVey's Church of Satan, use inversion of the Eucharist and Liturgy, the vast majority of neo-pagan religions, including those of Crowley and Gardener, have nothing to do with Catholic inspired ritual. It's a common misconception, but a falsehood nonetheless.

The reason is quite simple: in order to see an inversion of Christian dogma as having power, one must believe the original version has power. In other words, to be a Satanist, one must first be a Christian. Most pagans do not believe in Christ, God, Satan or any other the other divine figures of Christianity. Thus, such icons hold no power for them and play no role in their rituals.

However I would suggest that the real reason for most of us using rituals can be found in RS's and Desert Rose's signatures - we are all a bunch of Drama Fans. We are playing out roles we have cast ourselves into.

The truth is that we play games. The Sub has the "Safe Word" the ultimate control over this game, the Dom is only empowered with the Subs consent. We need rituals to make the transition between the reality of what is and the fantasy "reality" that we are playing out.

On this point we're in complete agreement, as I stated at some length in my post on the first page. Ritual in BDSM, like ritual elsewhere, is all about acting out a role and thus sanctifying one's participation in the machinery of social order.

And thanks for the cookies, Eb. Yumyumyum.

RS

 

[entitled]

The so called Neo Pagans at the end of the 19th century and 1st half of the 20thc Growley, Gardener, Graves. Were the people who practice and formalised the practice of Black Majic. Many of them were also into a variety of sexual practices. They tended to perform rituals which have been devised by inverting Catholic Rites - The Black Mass - saying the "Our Father" backwards - inverting or breaking a crucifix - using a purloined host.

i have to agree with RisiaSkye on this little snippet and have a couple more cents to add. These 'so called Neo Pagans' as it was put are the ones that have come to light simply because of the extreme anti-Christianity flavor of their practices. There are many more groups of pagans or solitary practitioners that simply don't choose to speak as loudly as those that have done the extremes. There are also many of us that simply don't believe the same things they did (which is why there are so many groups/solitaries out there). If you were to dig a little deeper into the old beliefs and whatnot you might be surprised to find that Catholicism is actually a form of paganism that was twisted to fit the Christian beliefs - but that's off topic.

Getting back to the topic at hand: it might interest people to know that many of the tortures applied during the inquisition were of sexual nature. They were highly ritualized and often performed in front of a group of priests (if not by the priests themselves) as a form of painful humiliation. Just another link between BDSM and religion.

However I would suggest that the real reason for most of us using rituals can be found in RS's and Desert Rose's signatures - we are all a bunch of Drama Fans. We are playing out roles we have cast ourselves into.

*snip snip*

The truth is that we play games. The Sub has the "Safe Word" the ultimate control over this game, the Dom is only empowered with the Subs consent. We need rituals to make the transition between the reality of what is and the fantasy "reality" that we are playing out.

And there it is. i personally have to agree with all of that. Like everything else, we more or less fool ourselves into the roles. If we happen to fit into them, the better for us. Like the actors in a play we do go through the rituals of preparing ourselves - both physically and mentally - to play our parts. If any of you honestly think it's NOT a ritualistic thing, pay attention to what you say and do before your next scene, and the one after, and the one after. You might be amazed at the rut you fall into in preparing for it - even if the scene is never the same twice. Nobody that i know of ever claimed the lifestyle is like a Shakespearean play. More like a night at the improv with a twist.

 

[calypso_21]

The recent threads on religion and bdsm have gotten me wondering about the part that rituals play in what we do. In a religious context, ritual performs the functions of creating a sense of community, continuity, and comfort. In short, trust.
And in bdsm, it seems that so much of what we do is a ritualization of sensuality. Don't most of our scenes take on at least some aspect of ritual? Isn't this the source of much of the formalization of language and protocol that is so important to many practitioners?
I'd really like to hear think on this subject, particularly what one magnificent lady has to say.

I decided not to look at this as a religious/BDSM, as RisiaSkye stated what I would have rather eloquently, but more as a spirital act.

I have found that rituals help us to get in touch with a deeper part of ourselves, connecting to a higher power and releasing energies we shouldn't hold in. I am very spiritual and use rituals continuously in my chosen path (I'm eclectic and couldn't begin to describe all that I believe and follow). Some of my rituals have become more elaborate and their goals more complex over time.

In the context of BDSM, I think a scene can be viewed as highly ritualized. The preparing (people are entering into this act for a specific desired outcome and have worked out details for obtaining it), the people (assuming we are discussing two people it makes for a powerful ritual to have strong focused participants), the tools (whatever it is that will help you reach your goal), an altar (can be a bed, table, suspension, counter, car, etc.), meditation (could be viewed as anticipation, worship, arousal, concentration, control), then one leads and another follows (control and submission), movement (the act itself), imagination and visualization is important in rituals as it is in a scene, energy is raised (and boy is it ever!) and one or more enter an altered state (if one is lucky they even fly...like what pierced_boy stated it takes us to an alternate reality). I can begin to see why some would like this 24/7.

If more people knew how intensely powerful and spiritual BDSM really is...well...lets just say they are missing out.

 

[zipman]

Great Posts

Thanks entitled and calypso_21!!

Thanks for stopping by and sharing!


Having been involved in BDSM for quite a few years, I never really incorporated, or at least formally incorporated rituals into my scenes. The reasons for excluding this aspect was that it did make me feel as though I was playing a role as opposed to just enjoying "the scene."

Recently, I have begun to explore this aspect of BDSM and find it to be very beneficial in getting into the Dom headspace much more quickly. In addition, I find it helps my sub to get into the scene much more quickly as well.

I am a fan of taking things slowly with regard to BDSM, and one of the benefits of this are that it keeps things exciting as you add them to your scenes.

 

[calypso_21]

Re: Great Posts

Thanks entitled and calypso_21!!

Thanks for stopping by and sharing!


Having been involved in BDSM for quite a few years, I never really incorporated, or at least formally incorporated rituals into my scenes. The reasons for excluding this aspect was that it did make me feel as though I was playing a role as opposed to just enjoying "the scene."

Recently, I have begun to explore this aspect of BDSM and find it to be very beneficial in getting into the Dom headspace much more quickly. In addition, I find it helps my sub to get into the scene much more quickly as well.

I am a fan of taking things slowly with regard to BDSM, and one of the benefits of this are that it keeps things exciting as you add them to your scenes.

Always a pleasure.

This is one of the benefits of a ritual is that it can be adapted and modified and enhanced as time goes on. What worked once may not again or may need to be tweaked a bit. The interesting aspect I noted is that without even trying people are already doing a ritual within BDSM. I find that it goes beyond BDSM too if one really works at it.

As stated before I am very spiritual and find BDSM to be a sensual realm in which there are numerous untapped possiblitities for one with my interests and abilities. To reach within to the depths of one's self to tap into the fountain of unforseen pleasure that we all have within us is highly intoxicating to me...and one that will happen best in this format. But could be just me.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Bump..yet another interesting topic which has been visited a couple of times, but not in a long while.

Catalina

 

[fallon2]

Never boring

I think rituals are important . . . it adds to the emotional as well as the physical aspects of what will happen. I think that the subs actually enjoy a ritual rather than just the pain and punishment . It is the anticipation that the ritual brings.
Risia, I love what you have to say on ANY topic! You are never boring!

 

[shy slave]

Thanks for resurrecting such an interesting thread catalina.

For me there is a ritualistic part of preparing to see him and during our time together whether it is part of a scene or showing an outwardly vanilla appearance.

I have found that bondage& aspects of silence after an intense time; or a first experience of something can take me to a meditative state. I hesitate to say that this is sub-space as its a bit like an orgasm ~ every person has an individual experience of it.
However being left tied and bound, affects me deeply leaving me in a place that feels safe and without restiction.
Like meditation it takes a particular set of circumstances to take me there, rituals by any other name.
To meditate I need to sit on a hard back chair in silence with eyes closed and 'think' myself through a series of steps.

With bondage it has to be done with love and care, tightly bound with the ropes carefully wrapped around me. I have to be able to see His eyes. His voice needs to be barely audible so I have to concentrate to hear Him, explain what He is doing and how it will make me feel. Once tied, any actions need to be without warning ~clamps etc but simply and purposefully put in place. The silence that follows once He moves away from me is without a doubt the final step towards that beautiful and serene place were I am loved, cared for, never alone and safe.

As Fallon says rituals add to the emotional and physical aspects of what we do.

Are the rituals we perform so different from vanilla relationships when people pamper themselves before they meet?

 

[Phoenix Stone]

With bondage it has to be done with love and care, tightly bound with the ropes carefully wrapped around me. I have to be able to see His eyes. His voice needs to be barely audible so I have to concentrate to hear Him, explain what He is doing and how it will make me feel. Once tied, any actions need to be without warning ~clamps etc but simply and purposefully put in place. The silence that follows once He moves away from me is without a doubt the final step towards that beautiful and serene place were I am loved, cared for, never alone and safe.

What if he did it sloppy and yelled? Would it still work? I'm being serious here.

 

[shy slave]

Hi Phoenix

What if he did it sloppy and yelled? Would it still work? I'm being serious here.

Sadly I know from experience it wouldn't work

I guess i need the whole ritual thing, Its still great but it doesn't take me to that meditative state that I love so much.

Not that thats a bad thing, it just makes me appreciate it all the more when he takes me there.
Its alot of pressure on Him if His aim is to take me into that state.

BTW Yelling at me can make me rebel and I have discovered that if my voice is even slightly mutinous then it comes back to 'my pain, His pleasure' and no mercy

Its a hard life being a Dom or at least being my Dom

I love the whole ritual of preparing both mentally and physically to be with Him, when I know we will have the time to explore our D/s side in and out of the bedroom.

The more I think about it the more my life seems full of rituals, although they don't rule it. Do others see rituals in all parts of their lives?? I hope so!!

 

[catalina_francisco]

Have to say I am very ritualistic in everyday life given the opportunity and motivation. Miss the many I had in Oz, but hope to find a way to replace them or experience them again here.

Catalina

 

[FungiUg]

I enjoy a certain amount of ritual. Sort of like an every day reminder of submission, or something that just makes the submissive think about her submission, brings it to the concious fore.

On the other hand, I also like spontenaity, being able to do what comes to mind at the time, and the submissive never really sure what will happen next.

So, a balance.

 

[Joe Wordsworth]

My girl and I don't actually have much ritual... it makes it feel less organic, in my opinion. Its really never quite the same, each time--highly circumstantial. Takes some of the "rigidity" out of it, for me.

 

[WriterDom]

Lets revisit this why don't we?

 

[denalirayne]

I would be happy to join this discussion from the opposing perspective.

I am an anti-ritual-lover. While I agree that there may be internal rituals one may establish before entering the scene of play (perhaps this may be related to the private prayer or meditation one relates to the church?) such as attending to one's ablutions, I find that requiring a specific ritual of performance EVERY time one enters into the session a bit monotonous and, god-forbid, boring.

I have seen an erotic ritual performance of collaring and negotiating between a Mistress and her Sub, but to attempt to create that moment prior to every coupling would lose the essence of its own ritualism.

Does that make me a heretic?

 

[Lamont Cranston]

Lets revisit this why don't we?

I find this a great subject to revisit or continue visiting. One of the things I really enjoy about it is how it shows the wisdom of the 'generations' of this board -- I guess that would have to generations done in 'net speed' but so many people have come and gone and there is so much to learn from all of them.

I grew up as protestant, one of those with the fewest ritual holdovers from the Catholic church, and still rebelled at things like original sin -- we were bad because we were born??? So I while I have definitely considered how ritual is used in religion and my view of BDSM I haven't acknowledged that one comes from the other.

I find rituals / defined actions in my BDSM relationships very useful for getting both of us focused on who / what we are. Even in my 24/7 she leaves the house, goes to work, has a different role out in that world. Rituals / requirements when she comes home help seperate the outside roles from her submission. (Ready for flames here...) My agreement with her includes the realization that there are things I want that she doesn't -- like pain -- and that I can have a second woman if I find one that fills those other needs as long as it she always comes first. She has for 21 years and always will.. Enough distraction / justification -- what I have learned is that rituals are at least as important with that second girl.

While I'm totally aware that kneeling happens in church I don't associate that with having my sub (or the second one when I'm lucky enough to have one) naked and kneeling in front of me. I just find that a useful way of helping her go from one role to another so that she can be open and available for what we've discovered she wants -- to be of service. (I'm sure that works for some; not for others -- whatever -- works for me/us.)

To me it is about putting roles we play in our 'outside' life away so that we can focus on our intimate relationship. That means me focused on keeping her happy and healthy in her submission to me -- and yeah, getting what I want from her -- and her where she wants to be -- open, available and controlled.

denalirayne, I don't really like labels -- and from my POV heretic ain't all bad -- all I can say is that we all have to find out what works for us as individuals to create relationships that work. Then we need to work at the relationship.

WD, thanks for bringing this one back showing -- at least from my POV -- that golden oldies can make use think about important things.
LC