Ritual in BDSM

[HottieMama]

i personally love ritual, even those small little things that certain Doms have asked me to do.(For example, tell them what clothes i am wearing every day in an email, or make sure my nails are always polished.) i find that in long-distance relationships they help focus me and are a reminder of who i belong to. Also, like Lamont said above me, it is about putting my other roles away and concentrating on being of service and pleasing my PYL.

 

[BiBunny]

Like anything else that involves rules and regulations and order, I abhor "rituals." I don't have to reminded that I belong to someone. It's on my mind all the time. I'm not bloody likely to forget somewhere between classes and supper. On the flip side, I don't require any sort of ritual from subs I play with. (I can't say subs I own here because I've never owned one, though if I ever do, I know I'll feel the same way.) I'm a laid-back kind of girl who thrives on spontaneity from my partners, so I don't feel the need for time-wasters when I could be doing something truly productive.

 

[Andraste]

they work for some but i think they're dumb.

like play acting a relationship.

makes no sense to me. just makes me laugh.

 

[the captians wench]

Jounar and I have never been very ritualistic. We have a couple of things, and those things are very important to him because he is usually a very free form type of person.

For example, every time I submit to a new situation I have to write him an email stating what it is I am submiting to. When I first submitted myself as his sub, I sent an email to him stating that very thing. When we added play with tacks, I sent an email. When we added orgasm contol, I sent an email. and so on and so forth. The email is a big part of the "cerimony" each time I agree to go a little further.

There are little things like stripping as soon as I get home, and always being on cam when we're on yahoo, but those don't seem ritualistic to me.

On the other hand, my play mate is very pomp and circumstance. The thing that comes to mind most is our goodbye ritual. He leads me to the door by my hair, stops me in a place by the door, leads me to my knees, I turn towards him and he lets go of my hair. I then kiss each foot, and then his croctch, all very tender and lovingly. I then scoot back so he can open the door, and bow very low. He usually gives me one final praise at this time. Then as he walks out the door, I thank him and he says you're welcome.

I thought the whole thing was silly at first, but with as intence as things get some times with him, it really does help me to get a since of completion and get my head back to where it needs to be to continue the day.

 

[eastern sun]

Thank you for bringing this thread back. It goes to the heart of my own thinking and experience.

Rituals in both religious observation and BDSM can easily become false and stale when they become disconnected from the original impulse. But they can also be gateways into a powerful alternative perception of reality and intense physical sensation.

I believe that rituals rule most of our social behavior, (i.e. in determining dress codes, appropriate behaviors for work/play/group identification, etc.) - but that's a pretty broad definition of ritual.

People talk of more formal rituals most frequently around religion, sex and drug use. In these cases, I believe we're using these rituals to frame a loosening of formal behavior, in order to allow unimpeded action and a change of consciousness to take place. Like the orgasm. We might be able to fake an orgasm for the sake of a Performance, but when it's real it takes us on a ride beyond our pre-conceived ideas of behavior.

And then there's this. . .

Masochism also creates rituals for spiritual change. In Elaine Scarry's The Body in Pain, the psychologist explores the capacity for pain to eliminate or literally erase language. A body in pain is a body without meaningful speech. As such a body, she argues that one is no longer a clearly defined individual, that individual identity is a product of speech and thought in language. With pain, this is erased or pushed to the margins of consciousness. What occupies the center of awareness, then, is the sensation itself, and its connection to the one who inflicts it. In that moment, during those acts, the definition of self is tied to the sadist. This is what we refer to as sub-space, isn't it? Interestingly, the sadist can also get "blissed out," entering into what we might call Dom/me space--also losing their capacity for speech.

In this sense, then, sadomasochistic enactment carries in it the possibility of transcending ego, of spiritual change through annihlation of the self in the short term in favor of growth and emotional connection to another in the long view.

And because of the loss of language and the capacity, even the need, for both parties to lose their language abilities, the ritualized acts carry another pair of significant meanings as well. First, they make sacred the acts themselves by connecting them with our powerful visual signifiers of spiritual growth--the markers of religion and power. And second, they give us a path to follow. By staging an interrogation (Inquisition), a confession (church), a flogging (rites of initiation), and other scenes, we plan in advance for what's going to happen and what to expect of each other in the moments to follow. Then, when the capacity for speech is transcended, the emotional and spiritual connection between the participants can flow even without the words to discuss it, and the actions themselves can follow a ritualized, preplanned course, freeing the selfhood of the Dominant for the same kind of temporary annihlation sought by the submissive who craves the ecstatic release of sub-space.

As Dennis Miller would say...
Of course, that's just my opinion. I could be wrong.

I think it's brilliant. BDSM scenes, framed by rituals, allow me to take that orgasmic experience and ride it for what feels like eternity. Whereas I'm frequently conscious of my sexual behavior during "vanilla" sex - shaping my gestures, expressions, sounds and etc., when I am lost in that "sub-space" described above, my body spontaneously bucks, begs, cries, screams, evaporates, pants, stills, etc. and I am just along for the ride.

In these cases for me, the rituals initially offer safety and structure. They separate these periods of ego-loss from the rest of my life in which I need to remember to feed my children and pay my bills.

In time however, the rituals trigger memories. That's when I have to be careful. Craving sets in. I want to repeat that intense experience, and hope the ritual/habit itself will take me there. That's when I have to remember the true original source of the experience. That's when I have to remember the genuine connection of two people, or of soul to God, is the reason behind these formal behavior patterns, we call rituals.

 

[eastern sun]

oh, and then there's one other thing. . .

I have only ever offered "perfect" service to another human being when the actions were clearly delineated and proscribed. All other attempts to serve are muddied by my ideas of what I think the other wants mixed up with what I want.

My voyages in TPE have led me to understand that there is an art in service - an art that will take me years to fully develop - in the meantime, ritual offers me the opportunity to do "it" - whatever it is - perfectly.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Not everyone uses rituals within the contect of "scenes".

Rituals can be used to provide a benchmark and structure to a D/s relationship.

 

[Netzach]

I can appreciate their place and use - they would have helped me a lot after being sick and throughout that time, they would have helped H.

That doesn't make me like them or suck any less at trying to implement them. Not really for me.

 

[Hummingbyrd]

Hmm ritualized flogging... a spiritual experience.

Definitely a spiritual experience. I purchased my scourge at first because I'd read of a ritual that involved flogging yourself while in meditation. I only tried it once and I was too distracted by all the new sensations and the euphoria to get much work done, but it definitely was a spiritual experience. I've been interested in bdsm ever since, having had a taste of the sensations that come with it. I just wonder what took me so long...

The book was The Witches' Bible (hate that title) by Stuart and Janet Farrar. They were Gardinarian/Alexandrian tradition -- a mix of two very ritualistic traditions in Witchcraft.