Romanticism and BDSM

[laurel-marie]

Accents? Yes, please!! Big strong hands and a sexy accent just do so much for me.

BTW I think we've forgotten to add John Travolta to the list-not Pulp or any of his early stuff but in Face Off and..what was that movie with Halle Berry??

Swordfish

 

[madetobeme]

That's the one..now I can sleep tonight! Thanks laurel-marie

 

[laurel-marie]

No problem...glad to help put you to sleep.

 

[arctic-stranger]

ok, now it is time for the top female list; They may be bad girls, they may be good girls with a bad exterior, or they just be girls who tickle my trigger in terms of some kind of Dom/sub thing. Others who I like but who dont tickle any dom/sub triggers (Ok i admit it, i am a Paltrow fan) dont make the list. For the sake of brevity, i think we should also leave out any hard core porn stars.

Oh and it goes with out saying that the French Girl tops my list. But on to others:

Number one with a bullet: Kathleen Turner in Body Heat
Linda Fiorentino
Denise Richards in Wild Things
Janis Joplin
Chrissie Hynde (the Pretenders)
Patti Smith
Billie Holiday
Scarlet O'Hara
Cate Blanchett (would love to take a paddle to that white ass)
Teresa Russell
Nurse Mildred Ratched (Fictional character, One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest)
Madonna
Pussy Galore


well this should get us started...i know there are more...

 

[SilkVelvet]

That's the one..now I can sleep tonight! Thanks laurel-marie

In order to avoid sleepless nights.. worrying about that film title/star/director etc

www.imdb.com

 

[jdmct]

BDSM and romance

If trust and romance are not the foundations,all you have is scheduled abuse.

 

[Pure]

returning to the marquis

hi marquis,

you said in part,

On the other side of the coin, my sub is relieved to take her lumps and have it over with. She'd rather deal with the physical ramifications of her mistake than be treated like I love her less over something that probably isn't that big of a deal. She feels comforted that I am not content to ignore our problems and she relishes the opportunity to surrender to my dark desire, to show me that she really is sorry and willing to deal with the repurcussions of her mistake.

Now it get's more complicated if she doesn't think she made a mistake. I think a good sub will recognize the importance of not upsetting her Dominant regardless, even if he "shouldn't" have been upset by her action. D/s is a constantly growing and changing relationship and I think the best Doms and subs are those that become the Doms and subs that their partners need, and not just generic Doms and subs with a preset guideline of what is fair or right. Even (maybe especially) the subbiest sub has the right not to be abused however, and thus it is EXTREMELY important to check yourself as a Dominant, because your sub may not do it for you. If you are anything like me, you won't want her to, even when you know you're wrong. However, she will have all the more respect for you and be all the more willing to follow you if you apologize when you realize you are wrong whether you think you can get away with it or not. If you want to be the one handling the relationship, you better handle it.

Without denying that living with someone implies certain accomodations, occasional apologies, etc., I'd want to say that the above makes it seem you're trying to align yourself, as Dom, to Cosmic Justice. You are discussing pain as punishment to be administered *fairly* for *real mistakes.*

I may be misreading Netzach, but I think her posting may represent the other pole and my view: The essence of sadism is to inflict something--pain, suffering, abasement--cosmically injust (UNfair, as it were).

 

[Marquis]

hi marquis,

you said in part,

On the other side of the coin, my sub is relieved to take her lumps and have it over with. She'd rather deal with the physical ramifications of her mistake than be treated like I love her less over something that probably isn't that big of a deal. She feels comforted that I am not content to ignore our problems and she relishes the opportunity to surrender to my dark desire, to show me that she really is sorry and willing to deal with the repurcussions of her mistake.

Now it get's more complicated if she doesn't think she made a mistake. I think a good sub will recognize the importance of not upsetting her Dominant regardless, even if he "shouldn't" have been upset by her action. D/s is a constantly growing and changing relationship and I think the best Doms and subs are those that become the Doms and subs that their partners need, and not just generic Doms and subs with a preset guideline of what is fair or right. Even (maybe especially) the subbiest sub has the right not to be abused however, and thus it is EXTREMELY important to check yourself as a Dominant, because your sub may not do it for you. If you are anything like me, you won't want her to, even when you know you're wrong. However, she will have all the more respect for you and be all the more willing to follow you if you apologize when you realize you are wrong whether you think you can get away with it or not. If you want to be the one handling the relationship, you better handle it.

Without denying that living with someone implies certain accomodations, occasional apologies, etc., I'd want to say that the above makes it seem you're trying to align yourself, as Dom, to Cosmic Justice. You are discussing pain as punishment to be administered *fairly* for *real mistakes.*

I may be misreading Netzach, but I think her posting may represent the other pole and my view: The essence of sadism is to inflict something--pain, suffering, abasement--cosmically injust (UNfair, as it were).

I completely agree. I'm not talking about S&M, but rather D/s in the paragraphs you've quoted.

 

[madetobeme]

romance so essential?

If trust and romance are not the foundations,all you have is scheduled abuse.

I agree with the need for trust but is romance so essential?

Can't you also have a relationship that is based solely on satisfying the needs/wants/desires of each other without a "romantic" emotional connection?

 

[Pure]

hi marquis,

well, i was remembering you called yourself sadistic; domination and sadism overlap, unless your just talking of the old fashioned father-headed family ('domination' in a traditional marriage--benevolent patriarchy).

perhaps i'm just obtuse, but how can you dominate if you're trying so hard to be fair? (scrupulous, properly regretful, apologizing etc.).

i believe roscoe was correct about 'romance' but I'd add that it would be 'twisted romance' that accompanies any of the activites in his other threads, not 'we are equals', 'hand in hand forever', 'modern' romance.

 

[TaintedB]

Heh. I am going to speak for the Marquis. We'll see later, when he's not so busy, what he thinks about that! What he means by fairness is not equal-partners fairness, but rather the fair and just rulership of a benevolent dictator, I think. The dictator, however benevolent, is always the one in charge, which is something trangressors taking advantage of his kindness tend to learn the hard way, and the extremes of power can be quite extreme while he goes about his quiet business of doing things _his_ way, which, in a benvolency, often involve concepts of fairness.

About the difference between sadomasochism and dominance/submission. In real-life experience (at least in mine) the former is episodic and unsustainable over the long term without tremendous energy on the part of everyone involved, which pretty much negates the fun of it. The second is very sustainable over a lifetime, plus you can introduce the S&M into it whenever you please (assuming you are the one running things).

 

[Pure]

taking one of your lines to its own thread, tainted!

 

[Marquis]

Heh. I am going to speak for the Marquis. We'll see later, when he's not so busy, what he thinks about that! What he means by fairness is not equal-partners fairness, but rather the fair and just rulership of a benevolent dictator, I think. The dictator, however benevolent, is always the one in charge, which is something trangressors taking advantage of his kindness tend to learn the hard way, and the extremes of power can be quite extreme while he goes about his quiet business of doing things _his_ way, which, in a benvolency, often involve concepts of fairness.

About the difference between sadomasochism and dominance/submission. In real-life experience (at least in mine) the former is episodic and unsustainable over the long term without tremendous energy on the part of everyone involved, which pretty much negates the fun of it. The second is very sustainable over a lifetime, plus you can introduce the S&M into it whenever you please (assuming you are the one running things).

Good job Tainted, 10 points.

 

[h_i_s]

About the difference between sadomasochism and dominance/submission. In real-life experience (at least in mine) the former is episodic and unsustainable over the long term without tremendous energy on the part of everyone involved, which pretty much negates the fun of it. The second is very sustainable over a lifetime, plus you can introduce the S&M into it whenever you please (assuming you are the one running things).

While i can't speak on the former, with it being alone and by itself ... the second is something i can identify with in this D/s relationship. It's quite sustainable for us, and it does include S&m whenever it pleases Him, as He IS the one running things. When S&m is included it certainly DOES require a great deal of energy. The D/s is always included, & while i do not see the S&m as ever being a constant & daily part of it for us, it is certainly a regular thing for us. i think i can speak for my Master in saying so, as it is evidently something we both want and need. It's not unsustainable, it's just not something we have the energy to apply in order to actively enjoy that part of it on 24/7 basis.

 

[TaintedB]

Good job Tainted, 10 points.

Horay for 10 points! But I really wanted a gold star. :/

 

[Pure]

hi marquis,

i thought the 'benevolent dictator' idea, which you now endorse, was worth its own thread.

i've corrected the inaccuracy of attributing the idea to 'tainted' and noted he was attempting to represent you. I hope he views that as satisfactory.

i hope you'll agree that the idea is the issue, and i for one still wonder how much domination is occurring if the dom trims his/her sails to the sub's views of fairness and justice. it might be simpler in another thread, but either way is fine.

Added: it appear the 'benevolent dictator' concept and discussion is moving to
https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=337682

sorry if this was a hijack. back to romance, leading men and women, etc.

 

[Little Bird]

Hm, I am thinking about it for some time now and mybe it would fit in here:

I've posted here a bit and red much, the last weeks and maybe months, and I'm still not sure if we have something in common or I just thing there are some connections.
I never cared for any labels, and no two people are the same, not even in their believes of such a simple topic as sexual fantasies (Okay, there's probably no topic that deserves this atribute less. ), but I just want to share it.
Maybe, it makes me understand you better, maybe less!

Okay, here we go: First I want to say, that I really don't want to offend anyone. I don't share many of the opinions stated here and some things I think outright disgusting. It sounds harsh and rude but though I would hate to participate in some activities I neither think they are sick or pervere, nor that you should not enjoy it. If everyone enjoys it, why don't do it?

I really don't like domination and submission. To me it appears that the doms enjoy causing fear and pain and... well "dominate" other, the subs like to be treated as slaves with no will of their own or even less. I don't want to say everone IS this way, but to me most appear to be.
I don't understand why in other way peacefull, kind and intelligent people (as most here apear to be to me) would like to act that way, or for those who are a bit more into it, actually be that way?
On the one side it is being cruel and brutal, on the other side it's... let's describe it as "throwing oneself in the dust" in lack for a better word, and playing devotion where there is none, or at least not of that kind.

But I'm not totaly different I think, or lets say: there are some similaritys between this and the things I like: I totaly love the Idea of ultimate trust. Binding and being bound, and even giving oneself totaly to someone else without any resistance are signs of true love and very deep trusting.
To me bonds are two things: First, the act of binding shows of the trust, that one does fear nothing in the hand of the other, that one feels save in the others presence, even when totaly helpless. Second, I think the bonds are actually helping the bound, not the binding one. They don't hold the bound (bounded?) in place to await punishment, but to help him/her not to lose patience and giving the other all time he needs to give the plesures he wants to give.
In most scenarios I heard of the subs get bound to be held in place while they get punished, and that's confusing to me. Is not the concept of domination to "enslave" the mind and not just the body? When the sub is submissive, why the bonds? He/she would hold still without bonds!
Or is it just acting? Does the sub only pretend to be strugling but would in fact follow every command of his master. Or does he really not want to get punished, but that would mean that he's NOT submissiv at that moment. Probably avery easy question, but it confuses me deeply...

The other thing I wonder about is pain: I like pain! For me it is a pleasuring sensation. Being spanked is simmilar to me as being kissed or stroked or cuddling.
As far as I know some subs think the same way, some don't.
What confuses me is "punishment": When the punished likes to be spanked, than it would be no punishment. In fact I don't understand why a sub needs go get punished at all: If domination/submission is about love and trust, the sub will most likely do everything his masters tells him and then the master will be pleased with him and there is no need for punishment.
Punishment and torture would make sense, if everything is about domineering and resisting,but that would not fit together with trust and submission, at least to me.

Some things I read here are even very close to rape, or at least, appear to me that way. There is nothing that would not be enjoyed by anyone, but is this related to bdsm?

To make a very long question short: How does punishment fit together with submission?

I would also like to know,if there are other ones here that share my opinions on bondage and pain.

 

[nusubgurl]

Have you been reading my mind?

Novice poster: please be kind.

I am new here, just now finding myself and am stunned to find both Dom and sub, Marquis in particular, putting into words the feelings that I have just recently discovered in myself.

To be submissive is the most freeing thing I can imagine. To serve by pleasuring, but submitting to punishment (whether deserved, or just a whim of His), or by being controlled is ecstasy.

I loved the description of being held close after an intense punishment and having Him whisper tender words of love to me...I'm sliding off the chair I'm so wet!!!

How could a Dom not love a sub who would give Him her all? Why would He not want to cherish her and shower her with romance and affection? Do you know the depths that a contented woman would go to serve a Man who loved her so deeply and so well? I can only imagine..and it even makes me shiver to look inside my own heart and soul and see what I would be willing to do!

Nu

 

[AngelicAssassin]

I don't understand why in other way peacefull, kind and intelligent people (as most here apear to be to me) would like to act that way, or for those who are a bit more into it, actually be that way? ... Some things I read here are even very close to rape, or at least, appear to me that way. There is nothing that would not be enjoyed by anyone, but is this related to bdsm?

To make a very long question short: How does punishment fit together with submission?

I would also like to know,if there are other ones here that share my opinions on bondage and pain.

Look up the definition of sadism. Now, look at the abbreviation BDSM and remember what one of the letters replaces. Quit confusing punishment with a consensual act enjoyed between two people. Part of the spice involved between a dominant sadist and a submissive masochist involves deep, passionate soul kisses punctuated by nipples twisted to the point of screams. If all else fails, look up the sig line of Anelizedarkeyes and stay in the kiddie pool. You're not ready to swim in the deep end.

 

[catalina_francisco]

What confuses me is "punishment": When the punished likes to be spanked, than it would be no punishment. In fact I don't understand why a sub needs go get punished at all: If domination/submission is about love and trust, the sub will most likely do everything his masters tells him and then the master will be pleased with him and there is no need for punishment.

It is about trust, and for some but not all, love....but as many here will tell you, there is no such thing as perfect so mistakes will be made....when that happens it damages the trust on both sides to let it go unnoticed and/or unpunished.

To make a very long question short: How does punishment fit together with submission?

For me submission means I submit to his power and control in all things. To then feel he has no right to punish me if I do something which displeases or goes against his orders is not submitting but just playing a role play of D/s until it gets too hard. Once again, no-one is perfect, no-one does the right thing 100% of the time no matter how good their intentions may be, and IMHO submission is questionable if it entails submitting to only those things which are always possible and easy...but then I thrive on challenges.

Catalina

 

[sweetsoul]

I had an online Dom. It was much more than Dom/sub. We had a wonderful, warm, loving, and emotional sharing relationship, as well as doing things that Don/subs do together.

I put my heart and soul into loving someone I thought loved me in return. Apparently he was still fixated on an old online partner he once had. She broke his heart, and he did the same to me.

Sorry for wafting on.

I think that Romanticism and BDSM can go hand in hand. Me personally, I cant do all the stuff required of me as a sub, if I didn't love my Dom, and there wasn't romance in there as well.

 

[O'Mac]

Just my thoughts...

I find I'm a fairly romantic (read: honey-dripper) sorta guy, but now with my girlfriend and I starting to get into the whole sub-dom routine, I think there is easily room for both in our relationship. As far as I'm concerned, outside the bedroom I'll still open doors for her, take her out or stay in for a candlit meal, I'll even (*gasp*) go along shopping with her because it makes her feel good. In the bedroom, however, there will be little debate as to who is calling the shots.

For us, the experience is less about punishment, humiliation, or anything too severe. I would have to agree with Little Bird on a few points. Personally, I know that I enjoy having my sub do what I want her to. Conversely, she knows that she can trust me and experiences her own unique sense of pleasure by following my commands. If she does it right, I reward her. If not, I have to make sure she understands what to do.

I have to admit, we're both relatively new to this whole thing, but so far we both seem to enjoy it immensely.

 

[Cherrysweetdeal]

from an uncollared sub...

I was just thinking of something....

Is it undomly to be romantic? I'm a really romantic guy, and it just seems to be a weird thought combined with S&M.

I believe that if a submissive enjoys being around his/her Dom/me(s) that it should not matter how romantic a person is. If you are treating the person in good behavior that is good for you, if it is just because you would like to the see the person smile go ahead. It is not undomly in my opinion.

It is a Dom/me's job to treat a submissive properly and if making them feel more loved then they already do then romantic gestures is nothing but a petty worry. Sometimes a little romanticism can go a long way in my opinion and help a sub(myself in particular) to want to please any Dom/me so much more and the idea that someone would spend so much time on me would put a smile on I could not resist forgetting.

cherry

 

[catalina_francisco]

Bump?

 

[rgraham666]

Not into the lifestyle, yet. But I write about it.

I regard BDSM as utterly romantic. To take control of someone? Play with them? Punish them? Push them to the very edge of their mind and soul, then shove them over?

Romanticism is the very heart of BDSM, in my opinion.