Same Title Challenge - Wasted

[wildsweetone]

Wasted

Wine fills the void
between bad and unknown
smothers life
leaving her alone.

Dulled emotions
leave memory untrue
her soul broken,
snapped in two.

Three years passed
she now understood
the purpose of life
the meaning of selfhood.

Love came so close,
roses she’d tasted,
pity the pendulum swung,
wine, time, and life, wasted?

 

[annaswirls]

Wasted

these whispers, silenced
by obsidian perceptions
thick, slick, reflecting foriegn concepts
too large for your pores
to absorb

it sinks
it sinks
it sinks
through wasted magma
flash cooled
unable to break from
the crystal lattice jail


sorry this was a quicky waiting for the bus to come

Great title challenge, I look forward to reading more entries!

 

[BooMerengue]

I was makin stew today and thought of my neglect of this challenge and began humming in my best imitation of Ella Fitzgerald (which ain't great! lol) and these words just sort of came out.

Low voice it and sway as you read and pretend you're on a lonely street near a piano bar, and maybe you can hear it.

Flowers On The Grave

You wasted me
drug me down
I did the tracks
you played 'em

You waylaid me
drug me down
I spent the nights
listening for you

I gave it all
you took it
you showed me how
to cook it

I'd run it up
you'd run me down
I heard your words
all over town

Baby I'm done now
the tracks are gone
I'm here to tell it;
to lay these down

I see your face
in the neighbors kid
I shut my eyes
I said I did

You drug me down
you drug me down
I'm here to tell it
I laid you down
all the way down


I wasted you
I wasted you
my lovey boy
I wasted you


.

 

[The_Fool]

******

 

[annaswirls]

Dayum! This was a TRIP and a half!

I like the repeated sounds, especially in the first stanza, they were spaced great in that one. Too much alliteration takes me back to the tricky tongue twisters... the second verse made me wince a little bit, but I recovered very quickly.

Overall, I loved the pace and the edge.

~as

Wasted

Tokin' female -
boilermaker bitch trippin'
over salty tongues of tequila
basted breath; the worm
squirmin' as kamikaze kisses
rock the cash bar.

Liquor, lick 'er,
never been sicker
of trash talkin' bicker
in a cold cunt's daquiri dreams

The elder bury whine
'neath the burning blunts,
and a slower gin fizzles
through the crushed ice tease.

In toxic, hated prisons
the bong blows peyote prisms
across fade dead to black
and blue bawled reign bows.

Can a bliss haze
blanket mimosa memories
until tomorrow is burned
out and blasted back
to fresh fleshed free fall
fucking?

Want not the wasted knot
of a weed whirled whore -
strung out hash gash
drifting through a long lost life.

 

[annaswirls]

oooh I am working my way backwards through this thread....so I am unsure if I am supposed to even be commenting. eek!

I love the apparent simplicity of this poem, of the light image... so light it can disappear just like that.... but tied to a heavier theme. This works!


although I hate walmart, it works here.
Target would not have the same effect.

Wasted...


Discarded emotions
Flutter in the wind
Like empty plastic bags
From Walmart
Once full of things
Now set free to wander
Freely across my back yard
Until snagged in my neighbor’s tree
For weeks
Then suddenly it’s gone

 

[annaswirls]

Damn! There is a Jo in everyone's life, and I have been her on many occasions.

I love this part:

Soft sand is a sponge,
the brews disappeared.
Just two clear skeletons
and imprisoned limes.

and wonder why you used rhyme for the others? This part had a more natural feel to it, but you know, I enjoyed this read.

Two cold coronas
with limes down each neck.
Jo knocked them over
when the surf rod bent.

Soft sand is a sponge,
the brews disappeared.
Just two clear skeletons
and imprisoned limes.

Two beers were wasted,
small price to pay.
Life had been tasted,
another great day.

 

[Belegon]

ok. not my best and far below some of these other efforts, but...

Wasted
a year’s hopes and dreams dashed
against confusion’s cliffs
unsure of tomorrow’s want
and unable to resist it
afraid of everything
most of all
of admitting that you’re afraid
false confidence
so convincing
you even fool yourself
sure that you’re free
because you can see the stars
you ignore the pit
and the escape from it you’re offered
retreat into your crazy life
and throw the rope away
as too hard to climb
I’m past the point
of casting it again…

 

[wildsweetone]

i have noticed that there are a few more poems to be posted but would just like to say

T H A N K-----Y O U!!!

to everyone who participated in this Challenge. it's neat to be able to read everyone's perspective on 'Wasted' and to remind ourselves that writing can be an enjoyable experience, if we let it. we have a large number of poets in this forum and it's nice to be able to come together and share our joy of words.

come on you late comers, please post your writing if you are comfortable.



Keep watch for the next Same Title Challenge.





if anyone would like to discuss the poems that are posted here, (yes annaswirls i noticed you were in like flynn ) it would be a good idea to shoot off a quick pm to the poet first. this thread was not originally intended for discussion, but i know i, for one, am itching to chat about what's here.


~~~~~

now, taking the bull by the horns because annaswirls has commented, i'm going to assume she won't mind me asking... annaswirls, can you tell me in one sentence in plain english that i (the dimwit) can understand, what is your poem about, please? it's obviously at a level exceeding my brain matter and i really do want to know.

 

[impressive]

if anyone would like to discuss the poems that are posted here, (yes annaswirls i noticed you were in like flynn ) it would be a good idea to shoot off a quick pm to the poet first. this thread was not originally intended for discussion, but i know i, for one, am itching to chat about what's here.

I've no objection to dissection/discussion. Have at it, if you're so moved.

 

[Lauren Hynde]

As far as I'm concerned, if it's posted, it's Open Season. It's out of my hands.

 

[The_Fool]

What poem?


Do as you please....


And don't ask me what that poem is about 'cause I don't know. Only the reader knows.....

 

[wildsweetone]

The_Fool - Wasted...


Discarded emotions
Flutter in the wind
Like empty plastic bags
From Walmart
Once full of things
Now set free to wander
Freely across my back yard
Until snagged in my neighbor’s tree
For weeks
Then suddenly it’s gone

why do you keep the word 'Like' ? might sound like a dumb question, but i want to learn. to me, the image seems a little more concrete if 'like' is not there.

 

[Liar]

As far as I'm concerned, if it's posted, it's Open Season. It's out of my hands.

Good title for another STC.

 

[Lauren Hynde]

Good title for another STC.

Oh no. First in line is Tzara's "Do poets dream of iambic feet?"

Or maybe that should be a Fetish short story...

 

[Rybka]

why do you keep the word 'Like' ? might sound like a dumb question, but i want to learn. to me, the image seems a little more concrete if 'like' is not there.

WSO, I know you don't like "like". You suggested I get rid of the word also.
Really there is nothing wrong with similes or the "like" that starts most of them. (IMO) it is the repetitive use of the word that begins to detract from a poem. "Like" and "as" are perfectly good words when used in moderation. It is often necessary to start a chain of similes with either word, but using them continually is like over-salting a dish [simile]; too much of a good thing becomes a bad thing, and the taste sticks in your mouth overpowering the more delicate flavors [metaphor].

 

[annaswirls]

Sorry if I jumped the gun! I just assumed... many challenges have comments encouraged (not really in dept critiques, just comments ) but to each his own.



I will think about that sentence, WSO.... thanks for the challenge!

i have noticed that there are a few more poems to be posted but would just like to say

T H A N K-----Y O U!!!

to everyone who participated in this Challenge. it's neat to be able to read everyone's perspective on 'Wasted' and to remind ourselves that writing can be an enjoyable experience, if we let it. we have a large number of poets in this forum and it's nice to be able to come together and share our joy of words.

come on you late comers, please post your writing if you are comfortable.



Keep watch for the next Same Title Challenge.





if anyone would like to discuss the poems that are posted here, (yes annaswirls i noticed you were in like flynn ) it would be a good idea to shoot off a quick pm to the poet first. this thread was not originally intended for discussion, but i know i, for one, am itching to chat about what's here.


~~~~~

now, taking the bull by the horns because annaswirls has commented, i'm going to assume she won't mind me asking... annaswirls, can you tell me in one sentence in plain english that i (the dimwit) can understand, what is your poem about, please? it's obviously at a level exceeding my brain matter and i really do want to know.

 

[Miss Oatlash]

Time got away from me...and inspiration failed.

I love everything that's been posted, especially:

"Discarded emotions
Flutter in the wind
Like empty plastic bags
From Walmart"

 

[The_Fool]

why do you keep the word 'Like' ? might sound like a dumb question, but i want to learn. to me, the image seems a little more concrete if 'like' is not there.

Good question...I don't usually do similes. I usually go for metaphors. Unfortunately time got out of hand for me as well. This was a write, read and post. Almost a simultaneous event. Given time to let it sit for a week and revisit I might have pulled it out. Then again, I might not have. I can be capricious at times.....

but fooolish always....

Thanks....

 

[The_Fool]

Time got away from me...and inspiration failed.

I love everything that's been posted, especially:

"Discarded emotions
Flutter in the wind
Like empty plastic bags
From Walmart"

Thanks.....

 

[wildsweetone]

WSO, I know you don't like "like". You suggested I get rid of the word also.
Really there is nothing wrong with similes or the "like" that starts most of them. (IMO) it is the repetitive use of the word that begins to detract from a poem. "Like" and "as" are perfectly good words when used in moderation. It is often necessary to start a chain of similes with either word, but using them continually is like over-salting a dish [simile]; too much of a good thing becomes a bad thing, and the taste sticks in your mouth overpowering the more delicate flavors [metaphor].

thank you for the explanation. much appreciated.

lauren hynde - Wasted


It was a slow yellow that crawled from within the filter.

I imagined myself in the eloquent city of colours.


I was stood on a road without paths,
May the impossible live,
May the impossible die at a myriapod's feet
To reread silence.

It's this hand the miracle of time.

And if I can I will write your name
To shout your design across the city
That I burnt down

The burnt city

The stamens.

why did he/she burn the city down?

 

[BooMerengue]

My stuff is always open season. I have no problem w/ comments. I just suck at giving them. I'm one of the "Oh, wow!" folks. I still don't understand emjambment. lol

 

[CharleyH]

My stuff is always open season. I have no problem w/ comments. I just suck at giving them. I'm one of the "Oh, wow!" folks. I still don't understand emjambment. lol

I am a fan and an obsessively stalking one. :|

 

[BooMerengue]

I am a fan and an obsessively stalking one. :|

A fan of me?

Dang. I thought you were a smart girl.

Thank you LoveyGirl!

 

[Tzara]

I have to give a nod to BrinkOfDoom, who has the audacity to riff on Shakespeare's Merchant of Venice. Pretty ballsy, that, and to my ear not bad.

Well done, sir.

Wasted

Did Portia cry sweet tears o'er Aragon
To see him lose his hoped for destiny
And choose instead the brutish portrait drawn,
The poem, and blinking idiot that he
Himself became; forbidden to marry,
Or love, or dream of other hearts to woo?
They say this prince was but one of many
Men left lonely, when Portia bid adieu.
It was a lovely game they did pursue.