Serious Discussion: The Mental Health of Dominants

[Chiara_searches]

CS, try to imagine what would happen if Ted Kaszinski (the Unabomber, and author of a deliriously long and misguided anti-establishment screed) had done a load of acid-laced pot one night in his cabin and came to the conclusion that he had discovered how a particular conception of bdsm—his conception of it, of course—was the only avenue to Nirvana. And then imagine that he got wind of the Literotica BDSM Forum and started to post here with the sole intent of saving the world by saving us from our poorly-conceived ideas about how to practice BDSM.

That, my friend, will give you a hint of what Bloved was like.

I'll apologize in advance if I offend anyone, but this description made me flash on what little I know of Carlos Castaneda after he dropped from sight and started living with three women who renamed themselves. I'm not sure the correlation actually exists, it's just the tangent my brain went on.

We were being too casual. Casual was an evil thing he tried to correct in us.

Dang, I've gotten more "casual" about work, more relaxed and realize, to paraphrase a smart man I know, that on my death bed I don't want to think I should have worked longer hours. Is that what he meant? Should I be afraid I'm now going to burn in hell? From the link Stella provided, gasp, I am casual. Shame on me.

Then imagine a frenzied and prolific 'essay writer' extolling his own virtues, damning whole swathes of people (not himself). Remember how casual relationships (ie. everyone) are abusive?

I likened it to a man driving up the offramp of a busy highway and screaming how everyone ELSE is going the wrong way. I still fucking love the comparison.

Also his own brand of brandwashing was a lot like abuse (imo) and he had a weasel face (I am a proficient orator, as proven here) and would happily type thousands of words reiterating his point and ignoring the body of all questions incoming his way. To top it off, to disagree with his rhetoric meant that YOU were a filthy casual. Yes, I really mean YOU.

I must be forgetting more things.

EDIT: quote dvs by mistake, supposed to be chiara.

This also reinforced the flash to Castaneda. And then I started thinking about other "gurus" in the world. Oi Vay.

Then I realized you all were describing a bunch of people currently existing on the GB. Now I know why I so dislike the GB.

Not to forget the rather unique way of quoting other people's posts so that he very conveniently ignored all the important parts, like context. And picking a quote to repeat over and over again. And flooding the forum. Ah, those were the good times. And really, really bad.

And he looked like Santa. No kidding. Too bad he couldn't even spank the naughty, as it would have been too casual.

When you say things over it makes them more true. When you say things over it makes them more true.

Because I have NO LIFE today, i actually tracked this down;
http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=703401

Somewhere around page 88 I found the link to this;

Bloved's early interactions as Wulf, on usenet

Lest we beat dead horses...

Stella - thanks for digging that up; I should have used my pea brain to do the same!

I got as far as half way into his first post and got offended that he'd imply CM has no ethics, as IMHO, she strongly, consistently adheres to her ethics. He just didn't like hers or anyone else's here. He's entitled to his opinion, but clearly he never respected anyone else's right to the same.

And then I got to the end of his first post and got really pissed off. How dare he devalue the trauma of victims of "date rape, assault, forcible confinement, abuse and other forms of predatory behaviour" by comparing it to people who exercise choice in their sexual activities. I think I just decided I'm glad I'm a newbie.

Thank you everyone for sharing. I'm sorry if I called up bad memories, but it sounds like it was more that you all suffered a lot of eye rolling.

And as I read on in the thread, I was glad to see all the rational voices speaking up; but sad to realize he sounds like he was burned, really bad, by someone or he's lonely or he unconsciously saw defects in his primary relationship and thought he could fix the world by forcing his world view. IDK, but I kind of started feeling sorry for him. Dang...I hate having dual responses to things. As I tried to keep reading, I got a headache and gave up. But now I feel completely educated. Thank you for sharing and for surviving his spewing.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Castaneda, haha!

I knew a man who mentored him, a brilliant anthropologist who never forgave Castaneda for his crap field work and all-around bad science.

You do have to understand about Bloved; IF he was burned, and of course it's possible, it happened in the eighties, or possibly the seventies.

Grownups move forward. But the usenet history shows that he never did, he was singing the same song ten years later. In the same key, even. Accompanied by the same cheap ukulele.

 

[neci]

i liked BLoved.

it was sad to see him chased out of here.

Then I realized you all were describing a bunch of people currently existing on the GB. Now I know why I so dislike the GB.

 

[Stella_Omega]

i liked BLoved.

it was sad to see him chased out of here.

Take this vibrating plug and go sit in that corner.

No, not that one, the other corner.

 

[neci]

Take this vibrating plug and go sit in that corner.

No, not that one, the other corner.

wooooo hooooooo!

will you read me casual BDSM bashing stories while you administer my punishment!?!?!?!

 

[Stella_Omega]

wooooo hooooooo!

will you read me casual BDSM bashing stories while you administer my punishment!?!?!?!

As written by whom?
Nuh-uh, baby. I like being a service top, but I know my limits.

 

[Keroin]

And as I read on in the thread, I was glad to see all the rational voices speaking up; but sad to realize he sounds like he was burned, really bad, by someone or he's lonely or he unconsciously saw defects in his primary relationship and thought he could fix the world by forcing his world view. IDK, but I kind of started feeling sorry for him. Dang...I hate having dual responses to things. As I tried to keep reading, I got a headache and gave up. But now I feel completely educated. Thank you for sharing and for surviving his spewing.

It got ugly and weird and funny...all at the same time. I think many folks here had a moment where they felt bad for this person and then, inevitably, he would attack them and insult them and that would be an end to all sympathy.

When he was run out of town, it kind of felt like when Bush left office. You know, you were happy to see the nutcase gone but at the same time it was a shame to lose such a source of comedic fodder.

And he actually had a "beloved" for awhile. Some messed up young, naive thing, he knew online for all of four or five weeks before she moved in with him to become his one true forever love, and who we all believed was imaginary until she jumped on and started ranting semi-illiterately and defending him.

Turns out she was not THAT naive or messed up, though, and she left him.
True Love = 0
Sanity = 1

 

[neci]

As written by whom?
Nuh-uh, baby. I like being a service top, but I know my limits.

it was worth a try.
*sigh*

back to rereading old smiley threads by myself, to get my kicks and giggles.

 

[Chiara_searches]

When he was run out of town, it kind of felt like when Bush left office. You know, you were happy to see the nutcase gone but at the same time it was a shame to lose such a source of comedic fodder.

Dang, am I THAT transparent that you would know EXACTLY how I felt when baby Bush left us? Now one of my favorite songs is Lily Allen's Fuck You. (Of course, I also sing that song in my head to the ex...but what can I say, he deserves it on a lot of fronts.)

And he actually had a "beloved" for awhile. Some messed up young, naive thing, he knew online for all of four or five weeks before she moved in with him to become his one true forever love, and who we all believed was imaginary until she jumped on and started ranting semi-illiterately and defending him.

Turns out she was not THAT naive or messed up, though, and she left him.
True Love = 0
Sanity = 1

Thank god sanity won in the end. I hope she keeps herself safe and aware.

 

[Chiara_searches]

But the usenet history shows that he never did, he was singing the same song ten years later. In the same key, even. Accompanied by the same cheap ukulele.

With the same broken string.

 

[CutieMouse]

And he actually had a "beloved" for awhile. Some messed up young, naive thing, he knew online for all of four or five weeks before she moved in with him to become his one true forever love, and who we all believed was imaginary until she jumped on and started ranting semi-illiterately and defending him.

Turns out she was not THAT naive or messed up, though, and she left him.
True Love = 0
Sanity = 1

You mean he *claimed* to have a beloved for a few weeks, until she left him.

 

[Keroin]

Dang, am I THAT transparent that you would know EXACTLY how I felt when baby Bush left us?

Um, you're a fellow Canuck...kind of a no brainer, eh?

Now one of my favorite songs is Lily Allen's Fuck You.

Nice! Have you heard "Hey Clown" by Firewater? My personal favourite anti-Dubya anthem.

/Bush rant

Thank god sanity won in the end. I hope she keeps herself safe and aware.

Ditto. I'm sure I wasn't the only one on this board who breathed a sigh of relief when she fled.

 

[Keroin]

You mean he *claimed* to have a beloved for a few weeks, until she left him.

I stand corrected.

*bows*

 

[neci]

didn't BLoved's wife die?

if i remember correctly, he had very different views from most every poster here, but he didn't start the attacks. he stated his opinion, as he had come to know it, and people became very upset by it. he didn't back down. he stood up, and held his ground. intellectually, he wasn't the brightest cookie in the jar, but he wasn't dull. emotionally, he acted like a caged dog when he was cornered. why not? he hurt. he tried to share his version of love, and he didn't understand why people couldn't see it. then there was the whole controlling, Dommish behavior, of needing to be the only correct person in the room.

the more people made fun of him, and i will include my own sarcastic comments in that, the more upset he became. he refused to leave, and decided to test his limits. people banned together, and decided to make an example of every thread he started. they all looked the same to me, but who knows how they read them. people started saying he was a threat to possible unsuspecting subbies. then there was ridicule, when he tried to find someone who could possibly replace the love of his life whom had passed away. shit. when it didn't work, we cheered and booted him out.

maybe if BLoved received more blowjobs, he would still be here.

 

[Chiara_searches]

Um, you're a fellow Canuck...kind of a no brainer, eh?

Sorry, my location is a reference to a special guy; I'm actually in the US, but still hold the same opinion. May I have honorary citizenship though?

Nice! Have you heard "Hey Clown" by Firewater? My personal favourite anti-Dubya anthem.

/Bush rant

GREAT ONE!!!! Thanks for expanding my horizons. Someday I'll learn to stop laughing at Dubya...I know, I know, I should learn to let more things go in life.

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

BLoved's problem was not that he had a different view, or that he was eccentric. It was that he consistently said that his view was true for all people in all situations. He was a fundamentalist, in that.

I did love having him around, though, for the entertainment value, and the first amendment reminders. I think I remember etoile saying that in the end there was a division between those who wanted him banned and those who found him amusing.

He still broke my fucking heart in Memphis, as he held my submission in his manly hands amidst the pizza crusts and bourbon bottle squalor of that fleabag hotel.

 

[Stella_Omega]

didn't BLoved's wife die?

if i remember correctly, he had very different views from most every poster here, but he didn't start the attacks. he stated his opinion, as he had come to know it, and people became very upset by it. he didn't back down. he stood up, and held his ground. intellectually, he wasn't the brightest cookie in the jar, but he wasn't dull. emotionally, he acted like a caged dog when he was cornered. why not? he hurt. he tried to share his version of love, and he didn't understand why people couldn't see it. then there was the whole controlling, Dommish behavior, of needing to be the only correct person in the room.

the more people made fun of him, and i will include my own sarcastic comments in that, the more upset he became. he refused to leave, and decided to test his limits. people banned together, and decided to make an example of every thread he started. they all looked the same to me, but who knows how they read them. people started saying he was a threat to possible unsuspecting subbies. then there was ridicule, when he tried to find someone who could possibly replace the love of his life whom had passed away. shit. when it didn't work, we cheered and booted him out.

maybe if BLoved received more blowjobs, he would still be here.

Good times, good times.

But seriously, this is classic primate behavior. Every once in a while the tribe will gang up on someone-- a newcomer or established member-- and by excluding the individual, define the tribe.

Bloved came along just at the right time for this forum-- or maybe he created the need for definition when he showed up, seems like the dude has served in that function more than once.

 

[Keroin]

Sorry, my location is a reference to a special guy; I'm actually in the US, but still hold the same opinion. May I have honorary citizenship though?

You need to visit the Canada thread, in the cafe, where honourary citizenship is bestowed on a fairly regular basis. (We consider it impolite not to grant it.)

GREAT ONE!!!! Thanks for expanding my horizons. Someday I'll learn to stop laughing at Dubya...I know, I know, I should learn to let more things go in life.

No, I don't think you ever need to let that one go.

 

[neci]

Good times, good times.

But seriously, this is classic primate behavior. Every once in a while the tribe will gang up on someone-- a newcomer or established member-- and by excluding the individual, define the tribe.

Bloved came along just at the right time for this forum-- or maybe he created the need for definition when he showed up, seems like the dude has served in that function more than once.

some thought BLoved looked like Santa, to others Jesus, and to the true believers, he was simply the dude.

there is a slight resemblance.

it was interesting to watch. i iggied it for a while, then wanted to play with it, then wanted to iggy it. are there no other masochists who would have given him a blow job, just for the kicks and giggles?

 

[Keroin]

BLoved's problem was not that he had a different view, or that he was eccentric. It was that he consistently said that his view was true for all people in all situations. He was a fundamentalist, in that.

I did love having him around, though, for the entertainment value, and the first amendment reminders. I think I remember etoile saying that in the end there was a division between those who wanted him banned and those who found him amusing.

I think the problem was, basically, too many people couldn't ignore him, either through the creative use of the "ignore" function or through the difficult process of just, um, not reading or commenting on the wacko babble he spewed. I think Etoile made the wise choice in booting him - I didn't really care one way or the other but he seemed to make a lot of people very and .

I was amused, then I was angry, then amused again, then bored. Then ambivalent. Then you posted a few things that amused me again. And in the end I was ambivalent once more, either because his version of crazy was getting old or you just weren't funny enough anymore...hmmm, hard to recall.

He still broke my fucking heart in Memphis, as he held my submission in his manly hands amidst the pizza crusts and bourbon bottle squalor of that fleabag hotel.

Yes, that would be the part that amused me.

 

[eastern sun]

are there no other masochists who would have given him a blow job?

I would have.

 

[Stella_Omega]

I would have.

I would have watched you do it...

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

And in the end I was ambivalent once more, either because his version of crazy was getting old or you just weren't funny enough anymore...hmmm, hard to recall.

I think it was the former.

 

[Kojote]

i liked BLoved.

it was sad to see him chased out of here.

Sure he is out?
What I have read for now reminds me of someone in the german subsection.
He appears not to be into BDSM, but there are certain similiarties ...
Really much ...

didn't BLoved's wife die?

if i remember correctly, he had very different views from most every poster here, but he didn't start the attacks. he stated his opinion, as he had come to know it, and people became very upset by it. he didn't back down. he stood up, and held his ground. intellectually, he wasn't the brightest cookie in the jar, but he wasn't dull. emotionally, he acted like a caged dog when he was cornered. why not? he hurt. he tried to share his version of love, and he didn't understand why people couldn't see it. then there was the whole controlling, Dommish behavior, of needing to be the only correct person in the room.

the more people made fun of him, and i will include my own sarcastic comments in that, the more upset he became. he refused to leave, and decided to test his limits. people banned together, and decided to make an example of every thread he started. they all looked the same to me, but who knows how they read them. people started saying he was a threat to possible unsuspecting subbies. then there was ridicule, when he tried to find someone who could possibly replace the love of his life whom had passed away. shit. when it didn't work, we cheered and booted him out.

maybe if BLoved received more blowjobs, he would still be here.

Whew!
For this one I’m gonna bow to you.
Really!

As far as I can see I know someone like this BLoved in another context (as stated above) and after trying to understand him over and over again I can absolutely understand what happened here.
That you can actually see behind this kind of facade and find a pretty likely explanation for such behavior is a testament to your empathy and patience.
You have my deepest respect for that.

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

I would have.

You know he wouldn't have let you.