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Reading this thread helps to understand how a relationship can end up here and know others are going thru it too.
I'm glad it helps someone. I think it's really important when one can see from the other side.
I'd give almost anything for him to recognize it as a problem so I'd say you are doing a really good thing by recognizing it. Good luck.![]()
Oh believe me, once a week sounds great! I appreciate you sharing your story, I still have hope that one day, just maybe, my husband will be willing to go on that same journey with me.
It's couple night, at my insistence tonight. That means dinner and if there are cocktails I'll lose my battle with myself and try to get him to sleep with me and it won't happen and tomorrow I'll be back here pissed off and ready to throw caution to the wind (Pessimist)
Or, maybe I'm wrong and tonight will be the night he realizes that he's missing something and I'll come back and write something sappy like "and we lived happily ever after" (Optimist)
Or most likely we'll have dinner, it will be perfectly pleasant, I'll try to flirt with him, he'll not recognize the flirting for flirting, I'll try to seduce him after some wine and instead we'll be home by 9, watching netflix on the couch until I give up trying to get him to go to bed with me and tomorrow I'll feel like a failure and want to cry.
(realist)
It's couple night, at my insistence tonight
Or most likely we'll have dinner, it will be perfectly pleasant, I'll try to flirt with him, he'll not recognize the flirting for flirting
I'll try to seduce him after some wine and instead we'll be home by 9, watching netflix on the couch
tomorrow I'll feel like a failure and want to cry.
My dear ...
There's a very deep tangle of dysfunction goin' on in your man's mind and heart, I would venture to say. That he needed to do the diversionary thing of trying to persuade himself that you were tired - ... are you sure he is not keeping some huge secret from you, such as that he has another life and perhaps another woman and his guilt about cheating on you has 'frozen' him from any possibility of intimacy with you? I know I am off on a crazy tangent here, but there has to be some big thing which as yet you have not been able to identify, surely?
Is there some really fine guy somewhere near you who would very calmly and affectionately give his body to you for a couple of hours? I so would like that for you!
Have the donuts darling. You're an attractive woman before eating them, and after too.![]()
Thanks.I skipped the donuts. I ate granola and yogurt
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I did consider putting vodka in my orange juice though.
I don't stay cranky for long luckily, it's a beautiful day, there's a whole world of things to do right?
Sex isn't everything?
Quick someone agree with me.![]()
I hate when I type a long post and I hit the wrong button and it disappears.
I told him a bit ago that if things didn't change, I was going to be forced to do something about it. Nothing has changed and I'm sad, hurt, frustrated and pissed off that I'm even in this situation.
Now I'm at the point where I feel like I am likely going to have to look elsewhere for physical intimacy if I ever expect to have any again and I'm lost. I don't even know how to start. Lit is great for chatting with like minded people, but I want actual physical contact and I have no idea how to go about that. I haven't "dated" in ages, I barely remember how to flirt, I want to be honest with someone and tell them "Oh I need to be sure we get close enough that we feel comfortable for intimacy, and to feel a level of trust, but we can't get really close because I'm staying married" and yet, I'm sure that anyone in the age range I'm looking at has to be looking for more than that right?
I'm not looking for a one night stand, I'd want it to be longer term, because doing this once is overwhelming I can't imagine having to do it repeatedly. A real friends with benefits situation I guess, but how does one actually find that?
Last night I browsed my local personals, how impersonal is all I can say. Ugh.
And it would be just my lucky day that if I were to go that route, I'd get caught up in some sex sting where they think I'm a hooker or something.
Someone from work is out.
I don't have anyone appropriate in my social circle.
I am fairly high profile in my community so a dating app could/would be awkward, plus the idea that my children find out is daunting.
I'm just venting I think. I have no where else to discuss this, no one I can talk to about this because the judgement would be astounding. It's reasonable that I'm pissed off about this right?
If you're still reading, thanks.![]()
If you ever need to chat I'm always open. I'm going threw the same thing right now.
I told him a bit ago that if things didn't change, I was going to be forced to do something about it. Nothing has changed
So if your closest friend came to you expressing a situation as you have divulged here in this thread, what would your advice be to her?
Show him this thread.
How are you dealing with it? Do you have a plan or are you just winging it?