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Sexless marriage

10169kek said:
About 10 years ago my wife said that she had no interest, no desire, and that I should handle it myself, and that she'd cut if off if I cheated.

I was of course hurt and angry with her, especially because I had NO input to the situation and there was no discussion afterword except for her to say that "it was all her".

I decided to stay for my son (who was 10 at the time) and hoped that someday she might initiate sex again or at least show interest. We retired and moved south about 3 years ago and I hope that perhaps getting away from her stressful job and a change of scenery might help. Needless to say I was wrong on all counts. I made a few attempts to initiate so me sexual touching but that was struck down over the course of the 10 years with something like "No" or "Go away".

There is little intimacy and no touching at all. Its become a business relationship at best in my mind. I am unable to allow myself to be intimate or vulnerable to her any more (since the proclamation) so I do own some of it.

I have had several discrete encounters over the years, some one off and some ongoing but they are not the same.

Here I sit at 65 wondering why the hell I tolerated it but I can offer up that you should do the right thing for yourself and you can live with.

-K
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She said "she'd cut it off"? WTF that's threating !! Tell her you'll cut her clit off
 
Let this be a lesson.

A professor shared a rubic with our class about relationships. I don't remember all of it, but I do remember the jist of it. You are responsible for your own sexual fulfillment. If you are entering a lifelong legal contract with another (marriage), you better have clear delineated fulfillment requirements. 1988.

I shared the rubric with my wife prior to our first date. 32 years later, we both love sex, solo and assisted.

We both put out for the other when we might not be in the mood. There is no shame in solo time. It's encouraged and occasionally shared as foreplay.

If you're the rare young person here; heed my advice: discuss sex as you will age. Do not enter marriage expecting she'll "come around to oral" if that's what you crave. You will not get it if it's not discussed clearly. DO NOT ENTER MARRIAGE WITHOUT DISCUSSING YOUR NEEDS IN BED!

We have all heard the horror here in this thread and personally.
 
thanks for your honest answers - totally agree about good communication . and taking personal responsibiility for sexual fulfillment. I'm 100% on board with that and fully intend to.
 
Shi_One81 said:
Hubs and I haven’t had sex in a month...I’m dying here! Granted, I did have Covid and was in the hospital, but I’ve been home two weeks and nothing. I’m about to create a Tinder account! Lol 😂
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Us....four times in the past two years. Last time 4 months ago. Sad ain't it?
 
I think a married man in a sexless marriage would make for an ideal lover for my wife. First off, being married he’d most likely be only interested in my wife for the pussy. Second, their sex would be happening at our house. Hopefully giving me the opportunity to watch. Or at least listening from the hallway.
 
Marriage vows work both ways. Yes, one partner has the right to say No to sexual activity because they have lost interest or whatever but they have no right to impose that regime on the other partner. That's not loving, that's not honouring, it's abuse. In my opinion, any married person being denied sexual contact by their spouse is well within their rights to seek satisfacton elsewhere.
 
Same here.

I recommend pornography and masturbation. Sex chat can be nice if you can find a woman you can 'vibe' with. I don't know if you should tell your wife, "Hey, just so you know, I jerk off every day looking at porn of sexy women being sexy with men. I have a need you don't care to address that is very important to me. You should know." I have never told my wife, but she knows I am horny and that she doesn't provide me with what I need, so I assume she has connected the dots. Although, as little as she thinks about sex, she may not have.

Some women just have no interest in sex. No shame. No hate. Just a fact.
 
metro573 said:
Wife completely off sex.

I have a very high sex drive.

Need advice on coping.
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Not married but we should be because we are going on 12 years. We used to fuck A LOT but in the last 2 years not so much. So I feel for you. I been bringing it up more and more and telling her let's just try to get into it again. Let's not wait till we are horny, let's just shower, stay naked, and just start doing stuff and see where it goes. I know she likes her nipples played with so I figure I start there and then go down on her but work my way slowly.

Well that is my plan. Good luck to you.

I have to ask, did you ever think about getting some on the side? I have. But can't do that to her.
 
10169kek said:
Going on 10 years

About 10 years ago my wife said that she had no interest, no desire, and that I should handle it myself, and that she'd cut if off if I cheated.

I was of course hurt and angry with her, especially because I had NO input to the situation and there was no discussion afterword except for her to say that "it was all her".

I decided to stay for my son (who was 10 at the time) and hoped that someday she might initiate sex again or at least show interest. We retired and moved south about 3 years ago and I hope that perhaps getting away from her stressful job and a change of scenery might help. Needless to say I was wrong on all counts. I made a few attempts to initiate so me sexual touching but that was struck down over the course of the 10 years with something like "No" or "Go away".

There is little intimacy and no touching at all. Its become a business relationship at best in my mind. I am unable to allow myself to be intimate or vulnerable to her any more (since the proclamation) so I do own some of it.

I have had several discrete encounters over the years, some one off and some ongoing but they are not the same.

Here I sit at 65 wondering why the hell I tolerated it but I can offer up that you should do the right thing for yourself and you can live with.

-K
Click to expand...
I feel for you. I sometimes think back to the days where I was on constant dates with horny mothers that were nymphos in the sack. But I love her; that is why I stay.
 
Not sexless yet but down to maybe once a week & the same routine every time. Try to deviate from the script & hear “what are you doing” or “don’t do that!!” It’s sad but anymore it is what it is. At last I get to see a real naked woman every now and then.
 
Had a very healthy sex life with my wife until she developed a medical condition concerning her endocrine system. Meds she took to treat it killed her sexual desire completely. I resorted to masturbation and porn. That led to incest porn (daddy-daughter). Ended up in an incestuous relationship with 2 daughters and an adult granddaughter. Still having sex with my granddaughter on weekends.
 
Given that i am 69+So is there a way here in the forums to find an Age appropriate female in the same boat. Sexless marriage. in Eastern Time zone for camera play? And mild erotic chat? Message me
 
Good Luck Happy!! I’d love to find someone too. Time zone isn’t an issue just someone to playfully chat with!!
 
So many people are in sexless marriages. I never had a very plentiful drive and it would cause many fights between my husband and I. We raised four daughters, yes, four hormonal monsters. Top it off with the oldest having autism. It was tough to be in any mood but tired.

After our daughters grew up and all but one moved out, my husband and I found ourselves in a new stage. A nearly empty nest. By this time, we perfected the art of our communication, no longer had irrational and emotional fights but sat down and talked out things on our mind.

Because our sex life was quite stale, after having kids , it is common, my husband wanted to explore a more creative and liberal approach. He thought I would want to leave him when he asked how I felt about exploring an open marriage or swinging. At this time (5 years ago) my drive was even worse. I was open to spicing things up so we had some serious conversations about trust, how we imagined it to be, what we were looking for, what we were afraid of. We put our hearts and souls out on the table for one another, exposing feelings, fears, and desires. We planned this methodically with many rules as we were very naive. to shorten this response, we learned what worked for us, what we did not like, what we were okay with and so on. My drive improved here and there, doing something taboo helped me feel sexy, seeing one another in a different light also helped. But I am nearly 48 and my drive just isn't where it used to be. I like to write about my experiences and make ones up, it helps put me in a mood but I can go without sex for a good period of time. My husband has a regular girlfriend that takes care of his needs when I am just not in the mood. I adore her- and she and I are good friends. Perhaps this is an avenue that could be explored for those in similar situations.
 
LadyAdonia17 said:
So many people are in sexless marriages. I never had a very plentiful drive and it would cause many fights between my husband and I. We raised four daughters, yes, four hormonal monsters. Top it off with the oldest having autism. It was tough to be in any mood but tired.

After our daughters grew up and all but one moved out, my husband and I found ourselves in a new stage. A nearly empty nest. By this time, we perfected the art of our communication, no longer had irrational and emotional fights but sat down and talked out things on our mind.

Because our sex life was quite stale, after having kids , it is common, my husband wanted to explore a more creative and liberal approach. He thought I would want to leave him when he asked how I felt about exploring an open marriage or swinging. At this time (5 years ago) my drive was even worse. I was open to spicing things up so we had some serious conversations about trust, how we imagined it to be, what we were looking for, what we were afraid of. We put our hearts and souls out on the table for one another, exposing feelings, fears, and desires. We planned this methodically with many rules as we were very naive. to shorten this response, we learned what worked for us, what we did not like, what we were okay with and so on. My drive improved here and there, doing something taboo helped me feel sexy, seeing one another in a different light also helped. But I am nearly 48 and my drive just isn't where it used to be. I like to write about my experiences and make ones up, it helps put me in a mood but I can go without sex for a good period of time. My husband has a regular girlfriend that takes care of his needs when I am just not in the mood. I adore her- and she and I are good friends. Perhaps this is an avenue that could be explored for those in similar situations.
Click to expand...
Very interesting dialogue. My spouse has never had a sexy drive. Lately it has been Non existent. She would threaten to leave if I ever suggested an open relation ship. I have sought out porn to masturbate with. I am 80 going on 60 according to others comments. I am at a loss how to help her libido. I would prefer to not cheat and get laid some where else. I love her but I need some good sexual release. Pete55912
 
Think about what she likes and get kinky, bring that passion back to save your dead marriage
 
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