Shameless plug

[starrkers]

If I may steal my thread back for a tic
New poem
erotic this time
Ascent, A scent, Assent - three haiku

 

[sr71plt]

Your three haiku.
Went there.
Loved them.
Thanks.

Whether or not they follow the haiku form, they had a nice rhythm. So much these days in poetry is free form, which I consider mostly lazy prose.

And thanks for the lend of the thread for a while.

 

[drksideofthemoon]

If I may steal my thread back for a tic
New poem
erotic this time
Ascent, A scent, Assent - three haiku

Well done! RVC'd it.

 

[SavannahMann]

I like your work.

I liked doing it her way, and the kneading relief.

 

[starrkers]

I liked doing it her way, and the kneading relief.

Thank you so much. I'm glad you enjoyed them.

 

[starrkers]

Another new poem
My Mother's Sister

Hopefully this poetic dickering will inspire me to finish some of the semi-formed story ideas floating in noteform on my computer.

 

[drksideofthemoon]

Another new poem
My Mother's Sister

Hopefully this poetic dickering will inspire me to finish some of the semi-formed story ideas floating in noteform on my computer.

You're becoming quite the poet. I've RVC'd your latest offering.

 

[starrkers]

Thank you dark. It is a bit sad.
Backstory: Mum rang yesterday to tell me her sister had died. She was mum's only sibling and lived in England. Mum emigrated to Australia after WW2 (yep, she was a war bride). It's about 60 years since they saw each other.
The green fields of England are worlds away from where I live.

 

[drksideofthemoon]

Thank you dark. It is a bit sad.
Backstory: Mum rang yesterday to tell me her sister had died. She was mum's only sibling and lived in England. Mum emigrated to Australia after WW2 (yep, she was a war bride). It's about 60 years since they saw each other.
The green fields of England are worlds away from where I live.

Yes, it is sad. And that's the kind of sadness I felt when I read your poem.

 

[starrkers]

Damn. It is a long time since I've had anything new!

I've got a last minute entry to the winter holidays contest. It's an exhibitionist/voyeur piece.

Across the Way

It desperately needs votes to stand any chance of qualifying for the contest (and has absolutely no chance of winning, but that's not the point - I just wanna be there )

 

[Varian P]

Damn. It is a long time since I've had anything new!

I've got a last minute entry to the winter holidays contest. It's an exhibitionist/voyeur piece.

Across the Way

It desperately needs votes to stand any chance of qualifying for the contest (and has absolutely no chance of winning, but that's not the point - I just wanna be there )

I gave it a read, and left my vote and comment.
A quickie, with a dash of humor, and simple, innocent eroticism. Great job on the little bit of dialog that's in there.
And a hot tip on where to hide one's sex toys. As if I could get away with a teddy bear. People who know me would be all like, "Um, what's with the teddy bear? You hiding your sex toys in there?"

 

[starrkers]

I gave it a read, and left my vote and comment.
A quickie, with a dash of humor, and simple, innocent eroticism. Great job on the little bit of dialog that's in there.
And a hot tip on where to hide one's sex toys. As if I could get away with a teddy bear. People who know me would be all like, "Um, what's with the teddy bear? You hiding your sex toys in there?"

Glad you liked it, Varian.
It was indeed a quickie - submitted without editing, I have time to even read it in its entirety think I made contest deadline by less than an hour, it was well into the next afternoon my time that I submitted it!

 

[ninefe2dg]

Damn. It is a long time since I've had anything new!

I've got a last minute entry to the winter holidays contest. It's an exhibitionist/voyeur piece.

Across the Way

It desperately needs votes to stand any chance of qualifying for the contest (and has absolutely no chance of winning, but that's not the point - I just wanna be there )

Good luck getting your votes...I enjoyed the read !

 

[Varian P]

Hey, Starrkers, did you see this in Darkniciad's contest review thread?



Across the Way by starrkers ( Exhibitionist & Voyeur ) -- 1 page.

Technical:

Nothing jumps out at me as off.

Plot&Characters:

I get a good sense of her, and the other characters through her.

Stroke:

The sex is compressed but quite hot in context with the length of the tale and the subtle buildup.

Theme:

On theme for the contest.

Final thoughts:

The theme may be common and the ending predictable, but this one works. First off, it's believable, which is a rarity in the E&V cat. That's automatic points in my book. It's not an easy cat to write a fully believable story in. Put in that heat with a touch of danger, and this one is a 5 in my book.


Nice review! Congratulations!

 

[starrkers]

No, I didn't.
*blush*
wow, I'd better go find that thread.

 

[mjl2010]

Just read "Across the Way". The E&V category isn't where I usually go looking for stories to read, but this was exceptionally well done from start to finish. Nice job.

Voted & Commented.

MJL

 

[starrkers]

Thank you!
It has joined the growing list of my stuff that hovers just below an H. Just can seem to get over the hump!

 

[WhiteWave48]

Good luck

*****

 

[BradBigBrain]

I read and voted. It's a cute, fun piece with the most suprising way of saying 'happy Christmas' at the end.

Good luck in the contest.

Hello WhiteWave!

 

[WhiteWave48]

*****

 

[BradBigBrain]

Hello Brad.

I'm reading your story now. You should have entered in the contest like starrkers - this is her thread, don't forget, so now you must go and read her story.

Thanks! If her story is as hot as she is, then it is hot one for sure! I will deffo read her story!

 

[starrkers]

Anonymous feedback of the interesting variety:

After I noticed one of your poems and your plea for votes I've voted all your stories a 5 lately, and I think I pushed one over the line a few weeks back. Helen I think. You always write a neat little story, but sometimes they could do with more heat, more sweat, more grit, more reactions and thought, more real type sex instead of named actions. Also your story descriptions are very remote, almost passive. They make no mention of the people concerned, and maybe only an oblique reference to their sex or age whatever might attract a reader. Your story tags are very limited and don't link to enough genres or fetishes or interests. The lit how to section has lots of info on how to vamp up these things and fill in more boxes so you attract more reads even after your story is off the new list. Certain topics can kill sexual interest in some people, like including a mother in a context that is not in the taboo category. The contest story had quite a lot of 'child' about it with the bear and the mother. The use of the sex toys did not seem real to me. No lube, no mess, nothing.

Placed here to remind me, and so I don't lose it.

 

[starrkers]

I'm on a roll - here's another new story.
A Last Thought
It's very short. It's a letter. It's a totally new concept for me and I'd really like some feedback on whether or not it works.

Pleeeeze

 

[Jenny_Jackson]

Starrkers,

i don't need to see a shameless plug from you, girl. I read your stories anyway.

 

[Varian P]

Hi starrkers,

The piece works really well on a couple of levels. Obviously, you took care not to reveal the situation the letter writer is in, and you did have me trying hard to guess until the very end.

When the conclusions comes, it's very poignant, realizing the letter writer is in prison and is in for life, and that her lover is now really beyond her reach, and the self-sacrificing, loving sentiment of her never wanting the lover to return.

Once we get to the end, too, all the details that came before take on richer meaning--why the lover had been crying that first night in the 'room,' and the image of the others being nice to the narrator at lunch.

A couple of things troubled me about the letter itself. The opening line doesn't sound like something one would write in a letter--it feels like exposition for the reader, to me. And the tone doesn't quite work, IMO. It's sort of...flat? And perhaps it's an Aussie/American thing, but lines like this sound almost prissy--not how I'd expect a lifer to express herself:

"I really must find out."

You can defy the hard con stereotype, but I don't feel like there's enough here to break the mold.

I gather the writer is putting on a brave face, and we get the clue that she doesn't wear her heart on her sleeve when we learn that while they were together she never told her lover that she loved her. But I want something more from her--neediness and fear, or else more hardness, maybe?

I think I spotted a couple typos:

I owe them big-time for that – it really made my.

I want you to screw this letter up and throw it away and forget all about me.

Overall, though, you achieved an impressive effect with a very concise piece. Well done.

-Varian