Show and Tell Exercise

[KillerMuffin]

Buzzwords? *shrugs* If you wanna look at them that way, that's up to you. It's a concept and the words that happen to be chosen to illustrate it are "show" and "tell". You can call them asparagus and butter if you want.

It doesn't matter what I think. You can asparagus all you like, you'll find out that readers don't paricularly get turned on by asparagus. They prefer it if you butter them.

 

[openthighs_sarah]

"He was five feet eleven and had muscles like a film star with dark brown eyes and darker brown longish hair. Then he saw her and she was like an angel with a body to match. Her hair was golden and she was exactly the same height as he was. He could tell that she was hot for him because her nipples were poking out beneath her green top."

"Hey, check out movie-star guy over at the bar. He's got his eye on you."

"The little one?"

She sighed. "Your standards are questionable. He ain't that little, Sarah. Nice muscles, too."

"He's probably my height. And he needs a haircut." I yawned and looked away.

"You're like, what, five-eleven? You're a freak of nature."

"I'm statuesque. I can't be looking down at a guy unless he's, you know, licking my--"

"Yeah, I know. You've told me. Anyway, your little friends say otherwise. You could cut diamonds with those things."

"This is a medical condition, Daria. I've explained it to you before." I finished my drink and quietly told my nipples to shut up.

"Besides," Daria pointed out, "you didn't even mention your blond hair. So you ruined everything, Sarah. Gauche will think it's pathetic. And you're way over the maximum word count. Just because it was almost all dialogue doesn't mean you get to ignore all the rules."

"Fuck off, Daria. You're not even real. You're not even a goddamn story character. This is just an exercise, for God's sake."

She sobbed quietly.

"Oh, god, I'm sorry. I said I'm sorry." I took her in my arms and gave her a hug.

She smiled up at me. "Wanna make out?" she asked.

I shrugged. "Sure."

 

[Alex756]

Buzzwords? *shrugs* If you wanna look at them that way, that's up to you. It's a concept and the words that happen to be chosen to illustrate it are "show" and "tell". You can call them asparagus and butter if you want.

It doesn't matter what I think. You can asparagus all you like, you'll find out that readers don't paricularly get turned on by asparagus. They prefer it if you butter them.

What I mean by Buzzwords is something everyone says, they aren't -rea;;y- the right words, but its just accepted in a Dilbert kinda way.

Like Act and Don't react to a problem.

At first it seems to make perfect sense .... but do you ever just spontaniously act? Especially to a problem?

It isn't really saying to 'act' not 'react' it means something more subtle, but its buzzwrorded into this PowerPoint style title for some reason that I might know had I taken business or marketting classes.

I can't think of other Blank don't blank phrases right now,
Alex756

 

[gauchecritic]

Sarah,

Brilliant. I larfed and larfed. I hadn't set any rules for pure dialogue so you is ok in my book.

My brother and I rarely tell each other jokes, we singly, doing both voices, 'act out' a scene we see as funny and almost every time one character has to mention the fact that he is a character or in a 'sketch'. You're not my brother are you?

And a good example of dialogue showing rather than telling.

Gauche

 

[Quasimodem]

Using Other Buzzwords:

OT_Sarah’s humourous little example told us all the facts that were to be part of the STORY.

Her character Daria demonstrated (showed) that she was self-involved and shallow, in the SUBTEXT.

Tell = factual information = STORY
Show = reader’s impression = SUBTEXT.

One of the reasons that showing is so difficult, is you can never be certain that your impressions are demonstrated clearly enough, nor that your reader is reading closely enough, or even intelligently enough to pick up the details from the subtext.

The more your story depends upon that sort of communication - whether bad writing, or bad reading - the more likely your story is going to be misunderstood, or deemed ‘pointless.’

When you DO pull it off, and it meets a thoughtful reader, the story is much improved from stories that do not attempt this effect.

 

[openthighs_sarah]

Good points, Quasi...

I think there are two separate issues, here.

Describing physical or other objective attributes in a clever way might be preferable simply because it makes a story more interesting. That's a matter of style and taste, not showing vs. telling.

Describing subjective attributes is more complicated. "Showing" that a character is funny, clever, intelligent, boring, vain, silly or sexy is very different from telling the reader such a thing. These attributes aren't apparent in real life -- they have to be discovered, through dialogue or actions. Same with a character in a story. The narrator provides the reader's eyes, not her brain or her judgement.

 

[Guest]

Sarah, I can only repeat Gauche's brilliant. What a fine brief read. And now I must put you on my short list of Lit. authors to explore.

Brava, mujer!

Perdita

p.s. to others:
I prefer reading something like Sarah's piece to all the paraphernalia being trotted out above on the conceptual, theoretical, ideological, etc., what's what re. show'n'tell.

I so hope Gauche puts this all together w/his brief intro and posts it as a 'how to' bit.

 

[Alex756]

I get the hint. I am officially dropping it.

Alex756

 

[TheEarl]

I get your point Alex and I think it's a good one. They are just buzzwords and it isn't the most precise way of making the point. I think it's just a concise way of saying an abstract concept that everybody gets but nobody really has the concise description for.

Except for maybe Weird Harold.

OTS: Thanks. Made I larf.

The Earl

 

[wildsweetone]

just a thought to drop into the hat...


When I read something that sounds flat or excludes me as a reader, I know it has more 'tell' than 'show'.

 

[Guest]

I get the hint. I am officially dropping it.

Hey Alex, as your post is under mine, am I the reason? I only said my bit to exclude myself from the literary-type discussion, certainly not you or anyone else; also to underscore how brilliantly the thigh-lady expressed how I see it. Nothing more, really.

with regards, Perdita

 

[gauchecritic]

I get the hint. I am officially dropping it.

Alex756

You don't have to drop it.

Personally I can see exactly where you are coming from with your thoughts. I've argued about similar things in the past and been unable to convince anyone.

We are all entrenched.

I know exactly what you mean by telling is showing and vice versa. I totally agree that a story, written or spoken can only be telling.

I can also see the difference in application of the words (not necessarily the definitions) as I'm sure you can. I know for a fact that you can demonstrate this 'difference'.

Give up on flogging the dead horse by all means but you don't have to drop it.

Gauche

 

[Alex756]

Hey Alex, as your post is under mine, am I the reason? I only said my bit to exclude myself from the literary-type discussion, certainly not you or anyone else; also to underscore how brilliantly the thigh-lady expressed how I see it. Nothing more, really.

with regards, Perdita

It wasn't any one particular person, just everything all together.

Alex756

 

[Alex756]

You don't have to drop it.

Personally I can see exactly where you are coming from with your thoughts. I've argued about similar things in the past and been unable to convince anyone.

We are all entrenched.

I know exactly what you mean by telling is showing and vice versa. I totally agree that a story, written or spoken can only be telling.

I can also see the difference in application of the words (not necessarily the definitions) as I'm sure you can. I know for a fact that you can demonstrate this 'difference'.

Give up on flogging the dead horse by all means but you don't have to drop it.

Gauche

Consider the call to dead livestock removal placed.
I'm serious about dropping it.
Alex756

 

[TheEarl]

Give up on flogging the dead horse by all means but you don't have to drop it.

There's no need call her a bestialist, necrophiliac S&M enthusiast.

The Earl

 

[Alex756]

There's no need call her a bestialist, necrophiliac S&M enthusiast.

The Earl

Does that mean I have to put away the crop, the boots, and tha halter?

Alex756

 

[Pure]

Looking over the examples, one sees a couple near successes--Wicked and KM-- and one clear one--Open TS. The non-successes stumble with such obvious tricks as "she saw herself in the mirror, a medium-height woman with stringy blonde hair and a dark haired handsome man of 5 11 standing behind her, his hands on her waist."

What made the difference. The LESS the author observed the rule of inserting the raft of initially specified details, the better the outcome.

Which raises the question: WHY are the heights and other exact figures supposed to be there in the first place. Unless the man's at a death camp which kills of those 5' 10'' and under, who cares about the 5' 11''.

So I'd say before this 'show or tell' issue, the question of the relevance of any given detail be looked at. Are there not fine stories, where you get to the end and don't know one character's hair color? I'd further suggest, though it's just a theory, that the best 'shows' don't try to pack everything into a para. Details--except a few key initial descriptors-- dribble out out over the course of the story.

J.

 

[Alex756]

Looking over the examples, one sees a couple near successes--Wicked and KM-- and one clear one--Open TS. The non-successes stumble with such obvious tricks as "she saw herself in the mirror, a medium-height woman with stringy blonde hair and a dark haired handsome man of 5 11 standing behind her, his hands on her waist."

What made the difference. The LESS the author observed the rule of inserting the raft of initially specified details, the better the outcome.

Which raises the question: WHY are the heights and other exact figures supposed to be there in the first place. Unless the man's at a death camp which kills of those 5' 10'' and under, who cares about the 5' 11''.

So I'd say before this 'show or tell' issue, the question of the relevance of any given detail be looked at. Are there not fine stories, where you get to the end and don't know one character's hair color? I'd further suggest, though it's just a theory, that the best 'shows' don't try to pack everything into a para. Details--except a few key initial descriptors-- dribble out out over the course of the story.

J.

I thought the point was to convey the same information as the original paragraph. Which is interesting that the less the author tried to do what was suposed to be done that the bigger of a success it was? no more than 2 paragraphs, no more than 130 words. As much of the orgiginal information that you can convey.

Alex756

 

[gauchecritic]

Cheers Alex.

Pure, go start your own thread.

A very very good point was made and echoed by Quite Cool OTSarah and Quasi. Showing emotions and/or states of mind is perhaps a purer application of showing not telling. Therefore:

Same rules as before.

"He admitted he'd fucked her friend "for a laugh" and that got her really mad. She thought he wanted to go out with (date) her, not her best friend. Now she was worried about her friend because she thought she was in love with him, but now he says he doesn't care. She began to cry and he shrugged and walked away."

64 words there (not in key stroke terms) target is 120/170.

Gauche

 

[Quasimodem]

Plot pruned slightly to make WordPerfect Word Count: 55.

“Hey, don’t tear my head off,” Carson objected. “Jake bet me ten bucks. I can’t refuse a bet!”

“So, you slept with Jan for a bet,” Nancy stated, in a choked voice.

Jan’s cheerful countenance, searching for a perfect dress for the Senior Prom, passed through Nancy’s memory before she turned, sobbing, to run away.

 

[gauchecritic]

Ah gots ta know

De-prune it Quazi the target is 120/170.

Gauche

 

[Guest]

She hates both of us now. After forty years of friendship this experience was new; I never expected to meet Casanova at my age.

Lily knew I wanted him yet she couldn’t resist his sexual manipulation and promise. He studied us, I learned too late. Not going out of our circle to learn more about a man was unlike me. I’m angrier at myself than at him.

He caught her through me, dispassionately using my love to seduce my best friend. More cruelly, he used her and tossed her aside like ordinary waste, laughing about it to my face. I could only weep as he shrugged inhumanly and walked away as if from a hit-and-run; only I wasn’t dead and managed to walk away myself.

But for Lily, my friend with a heart as fragile as moth wings, I must forego my now petty injury to bring her back to herself and to me, to love and life and the possibilities that remain for the mature ladies of our world.

MS Wordcount: 170

 

[Alex756]

“Shhhh, it’s gonna be OK.”

Sarah looked up at me, “Y-you’ll talk to him?”

I nodded and gently kissed her forehead. “I’ll be back, just stay here. OK?”

When she nodded, I got up from the couch and walked out the dorm room door. As I closed the door I heard her sluff back down to lying on the couch, soft sobs racking her body.

I walked down to the TV room at the end of the hall, idiot boy and his friends would be there wasting their day. Sure enough, one of those stupid ‘Girls Gone Wild’ tapes was playing.

“Hey sexy!” His moronic shout caused his friends to look over.

I stormed over to him, “What the fuck did you do to Sarah you asshole!”

He walked over to me, “Ahh, sexy, it was just some fun. A guy’s gotta get some laughs yah know. She ain’t half as good as you.”

I walked out as he shrugged, the fuckhead didn’t deserve to see me cry.


MS Word count - 168

 

[Alex756]

Re: Ah gots ta know

De-prune it Quazi the target is 120/170.

Gauche

Can I just say the removal of the paragraph lmitation makes it alot more flexable not sure if thats good from an exercise standpoint or not.

Alex756

 

[Guest]

exercise limits

Can I just say the removal of the paragraph lmitation makes it alot more flexable not sure if thats good from an exercise standpoint or not.

I get this, but as I worked on mine which kept at over 190 words for some time, I found it interesting and ultimately satisfying to meet the mark. I cut words and phrases, moved sentences, left out a whole new bit, etc. It was a good exercise in itself, though when I finally got to 170 words I wasn't as concerned with the 'theme' and simply didn't want to spend more time on it.

Perdita